Books: Mr. World and Miss Church Member

W >> W. S. Harris >> Mr. World and Miss Church Member

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The Observatory is owned and controlled by careful agents of Satan who
will allow only certain persons to get the benefit of so extensive a
view.

Mr. World and Miss Church-Member left the ground of the Temperance
College and proceeded to get permission to rise to the glorious heights
of the Observatory. Mr. World secured permission, but his companion,
not having had sufficient experience in the service of Satan, was
refused a pass. The difficulty was settled by a happy thought. Miss
Church-Member suggested that while he should improve the opportunity
and rise to see the sights, she would visit the College of Fashions,
for which privilege she had been yearning.

I saw that Mr. World spent a long time in viewing the endless
proportions of the noted Observatory, and finally stood on the lofty
viewpoint with an interpreter at his side.

He was then directed to a seat on a mechanical device that moved in
a circle; and as he sat there he looked through the powerful glasses
of the immense telescope.

He first beheld the Schools of the Fine Arts, with their myriad students
who swarmed through a group of buildings so large that it covered the
first sweep of the telescope.

At the next turn of the magic device Mr. World saw the Special Schools
of Mathematics whose prevalent tendency was to destroy faith. Here the
mind of each student was taught to submit everything to the tests of
proof, so that by the time one's training was finished he would believe
only what could be scientifically demonstrated. In this way Satan
induced many a student to disregard the Bible because he could not
reduce all its teachings to the cold and rigid rules of human reasoning.

Thus does Satan manipulate affairs so that many of the Christian schools
of the earth have imbibed a similar course:--first exalting Reason,
and doing nothing to correspondingly develop in the student the
functions of Faith.

When the telescope again turned Mr. World saw the Schools of Metaphysics
where Satan operated in harmony with the limitless scheme of the whole
University.

Next the College of Theology came within the range of vision. Here the
clergymen of the Broad Highway are prepared to teach the doctrines of
Hell under the guise of "Broad-Minded Theology." I envied not Mr.
World's position, for I could also see what his wondering eyes beheld.
As I took a transient view of this vast group of Theological Halls,
and saw how many human beings resorted hither for information, I could
the better understand why the world is kept so full of perverted truth.
There is a daily inflow of ecclesiastics into this College, even such
as become dissatisfied with the Theology as taught on the Highway of
the King.

At the next turn of the telescope Mr. World saw the extensive Business
College whither so large a number of merchants go to learn how to
advertise, and also how to get rich quickly. One hall alone is set
apart for the purpose of teaching a merchant how to practice fraud
without injuring his good standing in the church; another hall teaches
how far a business man may venture into prevarication without lying;
while a still larger hall is devoted to the wholesale trade, and is
intended to teach the best methods of adulterating foods while yet
allowing them to be sold for genuine goods.

Mr. World was deeply interested in the view afforded by the next turn
of the telescope, for the magnificent groups of buildings comprising
the College of Fashions now lay before his admiring vision. He knew
that his beloved friend was somewhere amongst the moving throngs that
ever kept the College astir.

I looked in wonderment upon the far-reaching operations of this Satanic
center. The teachings of this College were so far-reaching that the
seeds of endless follies were planted in the generations yet unborn.

In one of the larger halls of this imposing group I saw an endless and
popular variety of the gods of Fashion. They were worshiped by the
slavish legions who were willing to sacrifice their all rather than
forsake their chosen idols.

Mr. World plainly saw the connection between this College of Fashions
and the Devil's Pawn Shop. The next item in the weird program was the
Devil's Optical College which Mr. World and Miss Church-Member had
visited in the earlier days of their companionship. Satan's Medical
Schools also lay in the same line of vision, and were intimately
connected with the Devil's Hospital which had numberless branches in
all parts of the world.

And next the vast College of Literature flashed before the admiring
eyes of Mr. World. As seen through the telescope this section presented
a most beautiful picture.

The surface Schools of Law next attracted the attention of the spectator
who was surprised to get so large a view of these operations.

Mr. World still moved in the magic circle, and saw the whole program
as revealed at the angle at which the telescope was inclined. When the
first circle was completed, the telescope dropped to a new angle and
started on its second revolution, disclosing to the observer a new
world of schools, all of which were also comprehended in the University
of the World.

The Missionary College proved to be an interesting sight, as did also
the Devil's Temperance College.

One of the most surprising sights that greeted Mr. World in this second
revolution was Satan's Modern College of Narcotics which is a series
of schools built and operated with great care, intended to counteract
the special efforts ever being put forth by the devotees of the King's
Highway to teach the relations of narcotics to the nervous system.
Formerly Satan did this branch of work in one of the wings of the
Temperance College, but on account of the great stress put on this
subject by the Surpassing Schools of the Christ, Satan has built this
modern institution, and now the church is in confusion because _so
many of its members have such an indistinct vision that they cannot
discern between the wool of the sheep and the hair of the wolf, even
when each animal is wearing its own hide._

The most mysterious schools revealed by this second revolution were
called the Schools of Emergency. These required the skill of the
interpreters to give Mr. World an idea of their work.

This is also a modern idea of the Evil One, and since their erection
the schools have been patronized by an astonishingly large number of
disappointed church-members who receive instruction more readily from
the modern methods here in vogue than from the old-time system.

Then did Mr. World behold a new line of schools in course of erection,
but the interpreter refused to give him satisfaction when he asked the
purpose of these new schools.

When the great telescope had finished the second revolution, Mr. World
was surprised to see that it commenced on the third round as the outer
end of the telescope pointed more directly toward the base of the
Observatory.

Startling scenes were now laid bare. The underground schools of this
Great University seemed to be greater than the surface operations.

Mr. World first saw the Opium Schools, built in the form of large dens.
After this came the Schools of Iniquity, operated in darkness. Here
all forms of evil are taught and made to appear justifiable under
certain conditions. Many of these underground schools could not be
clearly seen by Mr. World, but ere the telescope completed its third
revolution he saw the Schools of Suicide more distinctly than during
his visit, and got a glimpse of the limitless Law Departments
Underground, and the terrible pictures of sadness and sin as seen
beneath the Devil's Hospital.

Mr. World raised his eyes from the telescope and looked towards the
interpreter. "What lies beyond those vast elevations?" he asked as he
pointed to a rugged mountain range farther down the Broad Highway.

"Back of those mountains lies the beautiful Wizard City, shut in from
all the world. Ask nothing more about it."

"But may I not enter it?"

"Not unless you are fortunate enough to discover one of the paths that
lead to the Summit. From thence one can see the City."

CHAPTER XVI.

EXPERT INVENTORS OF THE BROAD HIGHWAY.

1. Mr. World and Miss Church-Member fail to see the Ways and Means
Committee at work.

2. They are directed to the city where expert inventors are constantly
employed in devising weapons and all kinds of devices.

3. They see a few inventions which are just being perfected to
facilitate the services of the churches along the King's Highway.

After Mr. World's remarkable experiences on the Observatory, he gladly
called for his friend, Miss Church-Member, who accompanied him on
another branch of the Mountain Trolley.

They alighted at a station called Progress, and proceeded on the Broad
Highway. Neither of them became wearied in listening to the experiences
of the other during their brief separation.

Ere long they came to a large hall which was used by the Ways and Means
Committee of the Broad Highway.

They obtained permission to visit the interior of the hall, hoping
thereby to see the famous committee in session. But, after being
escorted from room to room by a guide, they were informed, upon reaching
the main auditorium, that the committee was holding a secret session,
and that no visitors would be allowed to enter during that day.

"How soon will visitors be admitted?' asked Mr. World, with a shade
of disappointment in his tone.

"Not until the matter now under consideration is settled. It may be
two hours, perhaps two days," was the indefinite reply.

"And where can we spend the interim with most profit and interest?"
further interrogated Mr. World.

The guide, looking through a window, described a path leading to a
lofty summit. "When you reach that elevation," explained he, "you will
see, in the busy vale beyond, the Wizard City.

"Most of the experiments performed in that wondrous vale are closed
forever from the view of mortal man; but so much of the work as you
are allowed to see will interest you for many days."

"In my opinion such a privilege is greater than the one we are here
denied," smilingly spoke Miss Church-Member.

"True indeed, my friend, unless the climbing of the hill should prove
to be a more arduous task than you imagine," cautioned Mr. World.

"Each of you will be pleasantly surprised," promptly affirmed the
guide, "for they only can climb to that summit who do so willingly,
and by them it is easily accomplished."

"Is there no shorter way thither than by that winding path?" slowly
asked Mr. World.

"There is but one shorter route, and that is underground. No one is
permitted to go that way until he has passed the summit and has reached
the seventh degree in the secret service of our Master."

"Ah! so there is an underground connection between this place and the
Expert Inventors?" said Miss Church-Member in a low tone, and with a
look of suspicion.

"Be not in the least alarmed. The Ways and Means Committee and the
Expert Inventors work in harmony, each supplementing the work of the
other. It is therefore essential that between them there be as close
connection as possible, not only for convenience of travel, but for
insuring secrecy."

"Then why are the two places so far apart?" queried Miss Church-Member.

"Everything is perfectly arranged. If you could see the underground
world between the two sites you would readily observe the logical
relation of all parts. But the bell rings; I must go," continued the
guide. "If you wish further information you may obtain it at the
office," and with a courteous bow he withdrew.

That same day I saw the two travelers climb with ease to the summit
from whence they beheld the most curious sight that had yet met their
gaze since their fellowship had begun.

Down in the long and deep sloping vale before them, shut in from all
the world, lay a large city of fantastic structures.

The weird outlines of this marvelous city extended downward into the
darkness of the earth, while the height of its buildings varied from
the common even unto the amazing.

The form of the city, and the shape of its buildings, were the most
bizarre features of all. Only a few of the edifices bore resemblance
to any which the travelers had ever before seen.

Toward one end of the city they saw a cluster of buildings which, taken
as a whole, resembled a gigantic tree towering to a great height and
covered with strange foliage.

[Illustration: In the "Wizard City" Satan devises novelties, such as
"Angelette" for choir singing the "Service Regulator" for taking the
Holy Spirit's place in worship, etc.]

At the other end of the city the structures were divided into more
than a hundred groups, resembling somewhat variously-shaped balloons
of monstrous size.

The sides of the city were constructed somewhat after the manner of
immense Ferris wheels, of amazing diameter. The compartments therein
actually moved up or down according to the range of vision desired by
the Inventors in their experimenting.

The central part of the city was the most notable of all. Here, with
an average diameter of ten hundred feet, rose a circular structure
tapering irregularly until it settled to a point six thousand feet in
the air. Around this, as a center, ranged terraces, hanging gardens,
aerial boulevards, and spiral electric railways.

After viewing this wonderful valley for many hours, the companions
took one of the perfected automobiles and covered the long gradual
descent to a depth of ten thousand feet perpendicular.

As they neared the base, I looked at Blackana, and asked: "How long
have those Schools of Invention been in operation?"

"Since the creation of man."

"What is the real purpose of their existence?"

"To invent devices and weapons helpful to our cause in peace or war,
and more particularly to concoct new schemes for the use of the churches
along the King's Highway and the Way of the World."

"Oh! that the earth might see all this foul inwardness, and discern
aright the bland deception with which those subtle plots are executed!"

A Satanic smile covered the features of Blackana as he assured me that
the earth does know of these things, and has known of them for ages,
but is too well pleased with them to offer serious opposition.

In disgust I turned from Blackana and saw that Mr. World and Miss
Church-Member had reached the suburbs of the Wizard City where they
read this unexpected notice over a large brazen gate:

NONE ADMITTED EXCEPT THEY TO WHOM THE PORTER OPENETH.

"Ah! all our toil may be in vain," sighed Miss Church-Member.

They stood for a brief time in a quandary, discussing how one may know
whether or not the Porter will open the gate. Finally the stalwart
Porter approached them and spoke: "With what motive and for what purpose
would ye enter?"

Mr. World, with native tact, was ready with an answer: "I am in full
sympathy with the work done in this city and have with me my friend
who is still a member of a church standing along the King's Highway."

The Porter advanced with graceful bearing and bowed to Miss
Church-Member. "Perchance," said he, "you have come to receive some
new ideas for the benefit of the church?"

"You have surmised it," she blushingly replied. "The church to which
I belong is sadly behind the age in its methods of work. I am hoping
that the inventive genius of this city can give me some features new
and attractive, that I may, in my missionary work, help to introduce
them into antiquated churches."

"Yours is a worthy mission," politely said the Porter, "and I herewith
hand you a card which will admit both of you into the department of
the city, number seven hundred and seventy-seven."

Instantly the gate flew wide open, and the happy couple passed through
joyfully. They walked by the many fairy-like buildings, closing their
eyes to all the special scenes so that they might give their first
attention to the department indicated by the Porter.

With little difficulty they found the place desired, and handed the
card to a curator who conducted them to the general manager.

"I infer, by this card," said the manager, "that you are hoping to
find some new schemes to facilitate the work and service of the church."

"That is our aim," answered Miss Church-Member.

"I am glad that you are so ambitious to keep apace with the times. In
this marvelous age of mechanism all things are done by devices and
machinery, and the church that would keep step with the spirit of
progress must also be run by mechanism. The services of such a
congregation should be controlled by a rigid methodical law, so that
everything will move like clock-work. The church of to-day, in its
movement towards form and ceremony, is approaching the highest laws
of universal harmony. This hopeful tendency is most helpful to the
soul of man and most pleasing to God."

"Just my idea exactly," chimed in Mr. World. "The churches along the
King's Highway are stubbornly fighting these modern improvements. They
are very slow in catching up with the spirit of the age. Does that not
seem true, Miss Church-Member?"

"I must confess I see it more clearly now than ever. Nature is run by
unerring, unchangeable law; why should not all spiritual operations
come under the same principle? Formality, after all, is the highest
point to be reached."

"Your mind easily grasps the truth, I perceive," responded the manager.
"What can bring things into better form than to get as much machinery
as possible into church worship? In this building a thousand experts
are constantly employed in devising and perfecting mechanical
arrangements to facilitate the services of the church. Perhaps you
would be pleased to see some of the results of our work by passing
through some of the sub-departments?"

"For my part," replied Miss Church-Member, "I am more than passingly
interested in these things, and if Mr. World does not object to
accompany us, I will be grateful to improve this opportunity to look
upon your work."

After completing preliminary arrangements I saw the manager conduct
his two visitors on the easy running elevator to the floor which was
devoted especially to singing.

"As it is your wish," said the manager "to see the latest, we will not
tarry at these lesser rooms, but proceed immediately to the corner of
the chief experts where I will be pleased to show to you the best
novelty on the floor." They walked down the long room, passing on each
side of the aisle one set of busy workers after another. They stopped
at one of the far corners and beheld, in advance, the latest novelty
to be used for singing in church service.

It was an artificial woman, neatly attired and filled with a complicated
mechanism so constructed that when certain electric keys were touched
by the unseen operator, articulate sounds like unto a human voice
issued forth, while the expression of the whole face, and the
natural-like heaving of the breast, all moved in harmony with the
artificial sounds. The invention so much resembled a living creature
of beauty that Miss Church-Member at first thought it was really human.

Mr. World was so well pleased with the novelty that he unconsciously
seated himself upon a couch and looked on in amazement. The beauty of
the female form attracted his attention as much as the voice that
pealed forth bewitchingly from the lips.

"The greatest thing in the world!" he said after a period of ecstatic
silence. "The church that gets such a singer into its choir will have
a packed house at every service."

"I never so much as dreamed of such a thing before. Have any of the
churches yet tried the experiment?" wonderingly asked Miss
Church-Member.

"The time has not yet come," replied the manager. "Our experts have
been perfecting this fine piece of mechanism for many years, but it
is not yet quite satisfactory. We shall continue until it is well-nigh
perfect. In the meantime we are trying to prepare the way so that the
people will gladly receive such an addition to their church machinery.
It is our intention to be able to supply _angelettes_, (for that is
the name by which this invention will be known) of any size, and with
apparel suitable for any special or ordinary occasion of church worship.
The angelette is to be so perfected that it will render vocal music
without a break. That will be a happy day when people can worship God
without aging themselves hoarse or without being annoyed by the discords
so prevalent in congregational and choir singing and, moreover, have
none of the evil effects that come from choir quarrels."

"I can plainly see," commented Miss Church-Member as they moved toward
another floor, "that the church is only in the morning twilight of its
progress. The wonders of today will pale into insignificance at the
coming of the greater things." They dropped to a lower floor and stepped
from the elevator.

"This floor is devoted to the '_Order of Church Service_'" explained
the manager. "It is indeed surprising to see what a variety of devices
are here suggested to get the churches to pin themselves down to a
fixed law of service in such a way that all else must bend to it or
appear ridiculous. Some churches, claiming to be led by the Spirit,
are constantly out of order. One cannot even imagine what is coming
next. That is a foolish, haphazard way of conducting a religious
service. We are doing all we can to correct these errors. I will take
you at once to the expert's room and let you see the latest piece of
mechanism which we hope very soon to offer for public use."

Far out in one end of the building I saw the three enter a room where
men were busily engaged at work.

"Will you kindly show these two visitors the workings of your new
invention called the 'Service Regulator,'" requested the manager as
he looked at the chief inventor.

A large curtain was raised and there it hung. No larger than a family
clock. The inventor opened a door of the Regulator, and carefully
explained its works. He called their attention especially to a roil
of blackboard canvas that passed from an upper to a lower cylinder
when the Regulator was running.

I heard the inventor, in explaining, use these words: "The minister
arranges the program in advance and then marks the whole order of
service on the canvas roll, allowing as much time for each part of the
service as he thinks proper. The canvas is then replaced and the
Regulator hung on the wall. When the minute comes to commence services,
the Regulator is wound with a key and it starts to run. The canvas,
in passing down at a fixed rate, informs the congregation of every
change in the service, just as it had been previously planned."

"What think you of it?" asked the manager, after the partial
explanation.

"I do not believe that the church of the King's Highway to which I
belong could use it. It would tend only to confusion," said Miss
Church-Member.

"Only till they become accustomed to it," explained the inventor.
"After a few weeks of use its value would be demonstrated. Then the
congregation would not part with it under any consideration. You see,
Miss Church-Member," he continued as he offered them easy chairs,
"there would be a definite time to close the service. The Regulator
would move with the precision of a clock, and nobody would complain
about the preacher speaking too long, for he would stop at a fixed
time. It is so arranged that a little bell rings five minutes in advance
of the time to stop preaching. It is sometimes a great satisfaction
for the hearer to know when the sermon is nearly ended, and the
Regulator would be a blessed boon to some preachers who find it
difficult to stop talking after they get 'warmed up,' as they call it."

"How beautiful the thought that the bells of the Regulator would call
the congregation to prayer, and a bell bid the time to change the
devotion from prayer to song. You must not forget that this device is
intended to educate the minister, choir, and congregation to a fine
degree of accuracy in all their public devotions. See what opportunity
this device offers for the display of ingenuity and tact on the part
of a minister! He can, on the blank spaces, have a few pictures drawn.
These will be interesting to children who cannot comprehend his sermon,
or to an adult who loses the thread of the discourse. Does it not seem
like a good thing for the church?" he asked, as he turned his gaze
upon Miss Church-Member.

"It seems more and more that way, and no doubt it will prove helpful
if it gets a fair trial. How does it suit _your_ fancy?" she inquired
of Mr. World.

"It seems to me that all churches who know a good thing when they see
it will get it at any cost. It just meets my idea exactly. I like to
see things done decently and in order in the church. It always makes
me nervous to get into a church where enthusiasm runs away with the
meeting. It makes me feel somewhat as if I were in a trolley car that
is running down grade while the motor-man has lost control of the
brakes. It makes it uncomfortable to stay or to run."

"Have any of the churches introduced this novelty yet?" inquired Miss
Church-Member.

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