Books: Mr. World and Miss Church Member
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W. S. Harris >> Mr. World and Miss Church Member
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Miss Church-Member was slightly confused, and evidenced by her manner
that she was ready to depart.
"May I ask before you go," continued the minister, "whether you are
willing to join our church?"
"I have been thinking," she replied, "that I could do more good in my
own church, not by fighting it, but by using _my_ influence quietly
in trying to get some of its members to be more like I am. I have
always had a missionary spirit. In that way I might satisfy my earlier
ambitions and lead some one out of the mist into a better light."
"A very bright idea," testified Mr. World, advancing with Miss
Church-Member toward the door.
"And may you succeed in your plans," added the minister as they were
stepping from the room. "There are millions who belong to my church
in spirit, but who hold visible connection with some radical church
of the King's Highway. They are doing great service in eradicating
old-time methods and planting the banners of a new liberty such as we
three enjoy."
CHAPTER XXI.
FROM THE VALLEY OF CONVICTION TO THE DEVIL'S AUCTION.
1. Depression of Miss Church-Member
2. The Merry Village.
3. The Famous Cross Roads.
4. The Devil's Auction.
As Mr. World and Miss Church-Member proceeded on their journey they
were frightened by a man who, with his hands uplifted and agony pictured
on his face, came running toward them, shouting: "Let good sense control
you and go no farther! Enchantment, spirits, witches, and unnamed
hobgoblins dwell in every part of this hideous valley!"
"Oh, terror! What can this mean?" nervously asked Mr. World, as the
stranger stood panting for breath.
"All a mystery! Even the air is filled with poison and weird music.
I am thankful that I have escaped with my life."
"Come, come, Mr. Sin-Sick, tell us more about it. We may thereby profit
greatly," said Mr. World with more composure.
[Illustration: As Mr. World and his companion were entering the valley
of Conviction a terrified man came running towards them. He ran away
from the preaching of the gospel.]
"I had just been traveling farther down the valley of Thoughtfulness
and Conviction when I heard multitudes shouting praises to One whom
they called their Redeemer, each waving aloft a banner bearing the
imprint of a cross. On the cross I saw these words: 'For God so loved
the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth
in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.' When I came
nearer to the confusion I was suddenly seized with a peculiar conviction
which brought grief to my soul; and, had I not made this timely retreat,
I might have been brought under the power of those strange creatures.
Oh, take heed and go with me some other way."
Mr. World readily consented, but Miss Church-Member was inclined to
continue, confessing that she had once been a singer in such a valley,
and surely no harm could befall them there. Mr. World thought it was
the part of wisdom not to oppose her at this time, although he feared
that she might be induced to leave him. He consented to go, pretending
that it made no difference to him which way he traveled; but, as they
walked on, the wary fellow was very careful not to step from the Broad
Path.
When they came in sight of the valley Miss Church-Member lifted her
glasses to test the strength of her eyes. Memory brought stinging grief
to her heart. She commenced sighing for the old paths and also wept
that she had for so long a time abetted her former enemies.
Her companion became alarmed at the new turn. "Be not so fool-hardy,"
he warned. "Your eyes are being needlessly ruined. Quickly replace
those glasses lest you become totally blind."
She obeyed promptly and thus the intensity of conviction passed. Had
her spiritual ears been open, she might have heard an angel sadly
singing:
"Oh, hear the song of love that fills the air!
Oh, heed the voice that pleads in touching prayer!
Both fall upon your conscience now in vain,
Through vile deceit your nobler self is slain."
In this vale she heard the word of God preached powerfully, and the
calling of the Holy Spirit in unmistakable sweetness, but how could
it affect one who wore such treacherous glasses and who considered her
condition so favorable?
She passed through the valley with her faithful friend without being
lured from the Broad Highway.
On the verge of the valley I saw a curiously shaped building and read
these words over it:
TONS OF LAUGHTER: CHEAP ADMISSION.
A man with a strong voice stood along the path and cried out: "Whoa!
Whoa! Ye travelers of this way! Come hither and drive away your cruel
cares. Here is the greatest exhibition in the world. Smile and walk
lightly, laugh and grow fat!"
Mr. World and his associate, however, did not enter this place, but
passed on through the entire Merry Village. On each side of the way
they saw an endless variety of gaudy advertisements, each one setting
forth some leading feature of some frivolous, indecent, or gay
performance.
Miss Church-Member was not tempted as was her companion to spend time
at such places. So he, in order to hold her company, sacrificed his
desires and passed on without complaint.
I now turned and spoke to Blackana who still mutely sat at his appointed
post. "Tell me the meaning of the Merry Village being located so near
the Valley of Conviction."
Without the faintest murmur he replied: "Many of the millions who pass
through the valley are strangely affected with a sad countenance and
a heavy heart, which indeed drive them into a frenzy so that they go
toward the King's Highway. Satan intends by the attractions of the
Merry Village to divert the thought of all such travelers and hold
them in the bounds of the Broad Highway. You will soon come to the
path on which more people go to the narrow, rugged way than on all
other paths combined. Were it not for this happy village, and the
places beyond, many more would drop out of our ranks."
I doubted not the words of Blackana, and as I looked out again upon
the Broad Highway, I saw that the two companions had just left the
Merry Village and had come to the well beaten road leading to the
right.
Here stood a preacher who, in tearful earnestness, urged all travelers
to go the right way. I saw many heeding his words and go running on
the new way after throwing away many cumbrous things.
At this place I saw some parting with their friends. One, in particular,
I noticed who was pleading with another not to go, and ever clinging
to him in bodily strength. Many who desired to leave the Broad Highway
were similarly prevented.
In the fork of the road stood a number of large churches in each of
which services were held every hour of the day. These were the Devil's
churches, and were supplied by a courteous and shrewd class of
ministers. On the left side of the way was a large garden and a series
of groves, each filled with a merry throng of pleasure-seekers. Bands
of music made the air resonant, and every device known to the world
of sport could be found in full fling in these varied resorts where
intoxicating drink was the main beverage, and dancing and gambling
were the chief delights.
The Broad Highway was especially wide at this junction. It led onward
between the Devil's churches and the pleasure grounds.
The greatest confusion prevailed on this wide area. Many missionaries
from the King's Highway were busily engaged in speaking to the throngs
that had come through the Valley of Conviction.
There were also many friends of the Devil, in vulgar attire, persuading
the multitudes to rest in the joyful grove, while other agents of
Satan, in more saintly manner, urged attendance upon the church
services.
Thus I observed the heedless throng from the Valley of Conviction being
attracted by the music and passing through the pleasure grounds, while
an alarmingly large number attended the churches in the fork of the
roads. A few stoics, without pausing, passed on along the Broad Highway.
Only a few, comparatively, could be persuaded to turn their steps
toward the King's Highway.
Mr. World and Miss Church-Member stood for a long time watching the
ever-changing panorama of the surging crowds. He was desirous of
visiting the groves, but Miss Church-Member was too piously inclined.
So they were halting between these two desires when a saintly looking
person approached them.
"To what place are you journeying?" the beautiful stranger asked.
"We are journeying to a place called Heaven," promptly answered Miss
Church-Member.
"Congratulations, indeed," spoke the stranger as he smiled. "You belong
to the better class of travelers. Some, I fear, who go this way will
miss Heaven. They are too much attracted by the frivolities of life
and never have a desire to go to church."
"But we love the church," spoke up Mr. World. "However we have had
little time and no opportunity to enter one for some time."
"You are welcome to the services in one of yonder buildings," said the
stranger as he pointed toward the group of the Devil's churches. "There
you can listen with pleasure and profit to the latest style of
preaching, and the special music will prove entertaining. You should,
without fail, attend church, or you will never increase in spiritual
knowledge."
Without further hesitation the two pushed their way through the crowd
and entered one of the churches where they were greeted warmly and
ushered to a prominent seat.
The minister had already begun to speak and was growing eloquent as
he warmed to his theme. They listened with absorbing interest to every
word that fell from his lips.
"Into this church," the minister said, "come the wearied of heart,
troubled perchance with inward fears resulting from the weird
occurrences along the pathway through the Valley of Conviction. We bid
you cast aside your thoughts of trouble and be at peace. There is a
calmness you should covet untouched by such conviction.
"They who sing and preach in that valley are low subjects of ignorance
and folly, and happy for you if you succeed in totally forgetting all
you saw or heard while passing through. Why should you worry about
your condition? Are you not good enough? You have come hither from
respectable parents, perhaps received Christian baptism, and can easily
distinguish between right and wrong. Why should cruel daggers now
pierce your heart? What you have done or expect to do is surely pleasing
to your God. If you belong to the church, you are doubly safe. Let
time change, or worlds fall, the church will stand forever. If you
continue faithful here, you will have a glorious end; only be not
influenced by the contemptible advocates of the Narrow Way, who show
their vanity by their professions of superior sanctity. Be satisfied
with the good, old, staid principles of this church, and be not swept
away by every wind of doctrine that is blasting the earth with its
sulphurous breath. Rejoice in your pilgrimage and let conviction no
longer sadden your life."
After continuing at some length in this strain, the minister announced
that a quartette would render an appropriate selection just received
from the mountain-tops of Apathy.
[Illustration: The Devil's Auction Here many church members, and others,
pay their all for a few baubles of worldly pleasure.] The congregation
seemed to be greatly pleased as these words were sung with a show of
sentiment:
"Come, ye that struggle
With thoughts of conviction;
Continue no longer
Such burdens to bear.
Throw off forever
This needless affliction;
And taste of the pleasures
That wisdom would share.
"There's rest for the soul
In blissful forgetting;
'Tis bought by the prudent
At moderate cost.
Then cast to the winds
Thy worry and fretting,
And live in the sunshine
Where shadows are lost."
At the conclusion of the services Mr. World conducted his friend from
the church, and as they were moving again toward the surging crowds
they heard the voice of an auctioneer.
"Let us tarry a moment," he urged as he turned his footsteps to that
part of the Broad Highway known as the Devil's Auction.
A large company of men, women, and children were giving earnest heed
to the auction which had been in progress all day.
The auctioneer held in his hand a gaudy bauble of worldly pleasure.
He cried in the full strength of his voice that such beautiful specimens
of pleasure were very rare. At once the bidding for it grew lively.
It was soon thrown out to a reckless mortal who seized it with unusual
avidity.
Then a door was opened in the rear, and lo, I beheld a series of rooms
filled with baubles of every conceivable kind, enough to satisfy all
who came for such lightsome things. One of extraordinary beauty was
next offered. "What do I hear for it?" lustily shouted the auctioneer.
The whole host bent forward eagerly to get a nearer view of the new
attraction.
"I'll give one hour of time!" said an aged man.
"An hour of time is bid, an hour of time! Who'll give more?"
"I'll give one day!" joyously bid a thoughtless youth. He received it,
and walked off in high glee.
"Here is another! A novelty just out!" boldly cried the auctioneer.
How anxiously all stepped forward, each one wishing to scrutinize the
latest kind of pleasure offered.
The highest bidder was a restless youth who offered his all for the
coveted prize.
Miss Church-Member was but little interested in these proceedings and
urged her companion to the next auction-stand where certain rights and
privileges were sold.
On the stand stood a glib-tongued fellow who announced that he would
first offer for sale the _Right to Sell Intoxicating Drink_. "How much
do I hear?" shouted the auctioneer as the cosmopolitan crowd looked on.
"Hundred dollars per annum!" cried the people of one state.
"One hundred, one hundred, going at one hundred!"
"Two hundred dollars!" bid the representatives of another state.
"Three hundred dollars!" was another offer that immediately came in.
"That is far below the value!" shouted the auctioneer. "Remember, all
this money we get for licensing the saloon will go for charity or to
help educate and civilise the people!"
Thousands upon thousands cheered to the echo, while the wicked
auctioneer and his allies were highly pleased at the spectacle.
"Three hundred, three hundred! Altogether too low a sum for so great
a privilege!"
"Five hundred dollars!" cried the authorities of another state.
"Going at five hundred, five hundred, five hundred!" rapidly and
hilariously yelled the auctioneer, and the crowd cheered lustily.
"Still going at five hundred, five hundred! Who'll give six hundred?
First, second, and last warning, and sold at five hundred dollars to
the state represented by yonder group of delegates!"
Thus the program continued, and the right to sell liquor under
respectability was sold at varying prices. Mr. World and Miss
Church-Member left long before the auction was ended. They paused not
at the other centers where Satan's agents were selling their worthless
and death-dealing merchandize to the children of men.
CHAPTER XXII.
THE DEVIL'S HOSPITAL.
1. Miss Church-Member, suddenly attacked with heart trouble, is hurried
away to the Hospital.
2. She receives the attention of Satan's fiendish surgical operators.
3. A visit through the various wings of the Hospital and sub-offices.
The horrifying work described.
The travelers of the Broad Highway pushed onward by millions, seemingly
unconscious of their end. Miss Church-Member had become so well
accustomed to the ways of the world that she could now adapt herself
with more ease to all the exigencies of the journey.
In the midst of her favorable circumstances she was nursing the germs
of an insidious disease which rendered her heart weaker and weaker.
At times short, but sharp pains were felt; and more than once her hand
flew to her breast in evidence of the inward struggle.
Her disease reached a climax after she had gone not far beyond the
Valley of Conviction. She was walking along in a happy mood, when she
suddenly felt a pang in her heart and mentioned the circumstance to
Mr. World who was still her faithful companion.
"What can it be that has been giving you this trouble for so long a
time?" he asked.
"I know not," she faintly replied as she stood still and pressed both
hands to her heart.
Thoroughly alarmed, Mr. World called for help while he supported her
with his arm.
"It seems strange," gasped Miss Church-Member in a brief interval of
relief, "that, with all the pure air along this way and the variety
of things to engage my attention, I should be seized, at shortening
intervals, with these cruel and unbearable heart-pangs. Oh, that I
might be free from this intruder's grasp! What shall I do? Where shall
I go? I feel again the edge of the invisible blade!"
At this she threw her arms upward and, shrieking in agony, was about
to fall as she was caught by Mr. World.
"Let us hurry her off to the nearest hospital," promptly suggested one
of the bystanders who had responded to the call for help. An ambulance
carried the fainting Miss Church-Member to one of Satan's hospitals
near by.
[Illustration: An ambulance carried the fainting Miss Church-Member to
one of Satan's hospitals near by.]
The chief physician ordered the apparently lifeless form to be taken
at once to an examination room, granting Mr. World the privilege of
remaining by the side of his suffering friend. A quick investigation
disclosed the fact that Miss Church-Member had been overcome by a
partial paralysis of the heart, induced by intense mental anxiety
dating from the time when she had passed through the Valley of
Conviction.
"Not a serious case," said the suave doctor in reply to a question
from the anxious Mr. World. "An operation will take away, almost
entirely, the cause of this trouble."
"Will you not explain to me the trouble, and the nature of the
operation?" nervously asked Mr. World.
"Certain nerves which ramify through the human heart have been affected
emotionally by the nonsensical teachings of the King's Highway. These
teachings are commonly known us `Narrow-Gauge Ideas.' If these nerves
are rendered insensible, there is scarcely any trouble of that kind
again. We can, by an intricate operation, paralyze the mother-nerve
leading to the heart, and thereafter you may expect to find the heart
of this woman almost dead to the foolish influences that needlessly
send conviction and remorse into so many lives."
While the physician was rapidly speaking these words, the surgeon had
arrived, and they forthwith proceeded to the operating room.
Mr. World watched the attendants as they carried Miss Church-Member
away. He saw her no more that day, but heard that the operation was
successful, and that the patient was resting quietly.
One of the managers of the institution, knowing that Mr. World was
companionless, offered to escort him through the various departments
of the Hospital. To this he gave his hearty consent.
They first went to the tower which proved to be a magnificent point
of view. Here he could see far and wide, for the building itself was
situated on elevated ground, and the tower rose far into the air.
On one side of the Hospital stretched away the Broad Highway more
pleasing at this point of the route than at many others, and far away
it seemed to lead into pleasant woodland realms.
On the other side of the building passed the King's Highway, which,
at this point, was exceedingly rough and uninviting to the view.
Thus I saw how the shrewdness of Hell was exercised in locating
hospitals at such places.
"Ignorance is the mother of all that folly," said Mr. World with a
feeling of self-satisfaction, "I see a long line of separate buildings
just below us--there along the King's Highway. What purpose do they
serve?"
"Those are medical offices under the supervision of this hospital-
staff. Any one traveling on the Narrow Path, and falling sick there,
may enter for help and restoration. If the case be difficult, or
requiring an operation, or even special nursing, the patient is brought
to the hospital."
"Are you successful in most of your operations, especially with those
patients who come from such a rugged path?"
"Fortunately we succeed in effecting a cure in almost every case. We
can only deal with those who voluntarily come to our medical staff.
Many, in sad need of our help, pass by all our special offices without
ever seeking advice."
"Are your patients foolish enough, after having been treated, to go
back to that jolting road, and thus again invite their ills?"
"Most of our patients go hence on the more delightful way which you
see, and on which you have come hither."
"What diseases most commonly affect those who come to your physicians
and hospitals for help?"
"Let me answer your question by taking you down to those offices. You may
there observe for yourself."
I saw Mr. World and his escort enter a physician's office which stood
as near the King's Highway as Satan could build it.
The doctor was examining a church deacon who, by reason of his disease,
found it hard to travel on a way so narrow and rugged. He was given
a vial of medicine with specific directions.
After the patient had left, the doctor smiled derisively and pocketed
his fee with ghoulish delight.
"What ailed that man asked?" Mr. World. "Can you tell me the cause of
his malady?" "He has been eating and eating sermons, exhortations, and
pious literature, and has done scarcely any work for his so-called
Master. Eating much and working little generally results in gout or
rheumatic diseases. There are large numbers in the church coming here
for treatment who are similarly affected. I suppose such Christians
enjoy eating better than they enjoy working."
"Do you prepare them for better service on the King's Highway?"
"Never! My business is to give them such medicine as will make all
kinds of spiritual food repulsive to them. Then, rather than starve,
they go to the fat lands on the Broad Highway for which my medicine
prepares them. There they eat of the fruit forbidden by their former
Master, for it is sweet-tasting withal. Some go on in the forbidden
kingdoms until death, and hold an honorable place in their first church.
Others are dealt with more summarily on account of the radical views
entertained by certain bigots who wage warfare against a man who finds
delight in gardens other than his own."
The electric bell summoned the doctor to the door. He opened it, and
there stood a pilgrim from the King's Highway.
She entered and, fully exhausted, sank into a chair.
"What is the difficulty?" asked the physician in a cool manner.
"Something terrible indeed, or else my comrades accuse me unjustly."
"With what do they charge you, Miss Goodly-Minded?" he questioned, as
he felt her pulse.
"I am accused of being out of order just because I do not run all the
time to prayer-meeting and to other services of the church. They say
I am not fit to travel this way, and therefore I have found it very
difficult to get over some of the obstacles. Weariness and fatigue
have almost dragged me to the earth. My persecution will prove to be
my death unless you can give me some medicine to relieve me."
"Let me see your tongue," the physician requested. This done, he
continued: "Ah! I can easily see, by your coated tongue, that you have
already eaten more good things than you could digest. If there is any
error, it is because you have already gone to church too much. I have
medicine to cure you."
At that he walked into another room and opened a secret door. I saw
him pour a liquid from a large bottle labeled, "Satan's Malaria Cure."
It contained a mixture of unbelief, ridicule, and self-righteousness.
He filled a small vial with sugar pellets and saturated them with the
mixture from the large bottle.
"Take four globules every hour," he directed, as he gave her the
medicine, "and I would further advise that you travel for your health."
"What climate would be most helpful to me?" she asked, for she was a
lady of considerable means and could go where she wished.
"A colder climate where you will be free from the noonday sun, and
breathe in a new atmosphere. This medicine will do the rest."
She passed out of the door just as a feeble man was entering. He was
an old pilgrim and evidently suffering much.
The doctor seized him by the hand with a strange vigor not even
understood by Mr. World.
"So you are under the power of 'La Grippe,'" saluted the doctor.
"Under the power of something, I am sure, for everything is wrong with
me, and everything seems wrong to me," was the slow answer.
The doctor soon diagnosed his case, and gave him powders with
directions.
"It did not take you very long to attend to him," said Mr. World, after
the aged man left the office.
"I deal with so many of that class that I keep the medicine ready. La
Grippe is a splendid thing for my trade. It is affecting more pilgrims
just now than any other disease. Some churches are more than decimated
by the ravages of this plague."
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