John Lothrop Motley - "The Life of John of Barneveld, 1617"

Ethel D. Puffer - "The Psychology of Beauty"

Rabindranath Tagore (trans.) - "The King of the Dark Chamber"

Lydia Miller Middleton - "The Happy Adventurers"

New Philadelphia Book Publisher Highlights Local Talent
Book and Publishing News from Publishers Newswire(tm)

Looking for Child to be on Cover of a New Book, 'The Model Child'
PHILADELPHIA, Pa. -- The Philadelphia literary world will celebrate the launch of two new players today, April 10th: Kay Square Press, a new publishing company focused on Philadelphia-area artists, their stories, and their art; and Kay Square's first release, 'With the Rich and Mighty: Emlen Etting of Philadelphia' (ISBN: 978-0-9815129-0-7), a critical biography by Kenneth C. Kaleta.

FlatSigned Press Alleges Don Imus Remarks Damage Legacy of President Gerald R. Ford
NEW YORK, N.Y. -- Nathan Yungerberg, an accomplished model scout and professional child photographer is launching a nation-wide casting call to find the cover model for his highly anticipated book release, 'The Model Child: A Parents Guide to the Child Modeling Industry' (ISBN: 978-0-9817018-0-6).

Books: Nature and Human Nature

T >> Thomas Chandler Haliburton >> Nature and Human Nature




"Well, we didn't sleep much dat night, you may depend, but we prayed a
great deal, and we talked a great deal, and I was so cussed scared I
did not know what to do. Well, morning came and still no land, and I
began to get diablement feared again. Every two or tree minutes I run
up de riggin' and look out, but couldn't see notin'. At last I went
down to my trunk, for I had bottle there for my rheumatics too, only
no nasty stuff in it, that the boys didn't know of, and I took very
long draught, I was so scared; and then I went on deck and up de
riggin' again.

"'Boys,' sais I, 'there's the barn. That's 63° 40' west. I tole you
so.' Well, when I came down I went on my knees, and I vowed as long as
I lived I would hug as tight and close as ever I could."

"Your wife?" sais I.

"Pooh, no," said he, turning round contemptuously towards her; "hug
her, eh! why, she has got the rheumatiz, and her tongue is in mourning
for her teeth. No, hug the shore, man, hug it so close as posseeble,
and nevare lose sight of land for fear of being lost at sea."

The old woman perceiving that Jerry had been making some joke at her
expense, asked the girl the meaning of it, when she rose, and seizing
his cap and boxing his ears with it, right and left, asked what he
meant by wearing it before gentlemen, and then poured out a torrent of
abuse on him, with such volubility I was unable to follow it.

Jerry sneaked off, and set in the corner near his daughter, afraid to
speak, and the old woman took her chair again, unable to do so. There
was a truce and a calm, so to change the conversation, sais I:

"Sorrow, take the rifle and go and see if there is a Jesuit-priest
about here, and if there is shoot him, and take him on board and cook
him."

"Oh, Massa Sam," said he, and he opened his eyes and goggled like an
owl awfully frightened. "Goody gracious me, now you is joking, isn't
you? I is sure you is. You wouldn't now, Massa, you wouldn't make dis
child do murder, would you? Oh, Massa!! kill de poor priest who nebber
did no harm in all his born days, and him hab no wife and child to
follow him to--"

"The pot," sais I, "oh, yes, if they ask me arter him I will say he is
gone to pot."

"Oh, Massa, now you is funnin, ain't you?" and he tried to force a
laugh. "How in de world under de canopy ob hebbin must de priest be
cooked?"

"Cut his head and feet off," sais I, "break his thighs short, close up
to the stumps, bend 'em up his side, ram him into the pot and stew him
with ham and vegetables. Lick! a Jesuit-priest is delicious done that
way."

The girl dropped her cards on her knees and looked at me with intense
anxiety. She seemed quite handsome, I do actilly believe if she was
put into a tub and washed, laid out on the grass a few nights with her
face up to bleach it, her great yarn petticoats hauled off and proper
ones put on, and her head and feet dressed right, she'd beat the
Blue-nose galls for beauty out and out; but that is neither here nor
there, those that want white faces must wash them, and those that want
white floors must scrub them, it's enough for me that they are white,
without my making them so. Well, she looked all eyes and ears. Jerry's
under-jaw dropped, Cutler was flabbergasted, and the doctor looked as
if he thought, "Well, what are you at now?" while the old woman
appeared anxious enough to give her whole barrel of eggs to know what
was going on.

"Oh, Massa," said Sorrow, "dis here child can't have no hand in it. De
priest will pyson you, to a dead sartainty. If he was baked he mout
do. In Africa dey is hannibals and eat dere prisoners, but den dey
bake or roast 'em, but stew him, Massa! by golly he will pyson you, as
sure as 'postles. My dear ole missus died from only eaten hogs wid
dere heads on."

"Hogs!" said I.

"Yes, Massa, in course, hogs wid dere heads on. Oh, she was a most a
beautiful cook, but she was fizzled out by bad cookery at de last."

"You black villain," said I, "do you mean to say your mistress ever
eat whole hogs?"

"Yes, Massa, in course I do, but it was abbin' dere heads on fixed her
flint for her."

"What an awful liar you are, Sorrow!"

"'Pon my sacred word and honour, Massa," he said, "I stake my
testament oat on it; does you tink dis here child now would swear to a
lie? true as preachin', Sar."

"Go on," said I, "I like to see a fellow go the whole animal while he
is about it. How many did it take to kill her?"

"Well, Massa, she told me herself, on her def bed, she didn't eat no
more nor ten or a dozen hogs, but she didn't blame dem, it was havin'
dere heads on did all the mischief. I was away when dey was cooked, or
it wouldn't a happened. I was down to Charleston Bank to draw six
hundred dollars for her, and when I came back she sent for me.
'Sorrow,' sais she, 'Plutarch has poisoned me.'

"'Oh, de black villain', sais I, 'Missus, I will tye him to a tree and
burn him.'

"'No, no,' she said, 'I will return good for ebil. Send for Rev. Mr
Hominy, and Mr Succatash, de Yankee oberseer, and tell my poor granny
Chloe her ole missus is dyin', and to come back, hot foot, and bring
Plutarch, for my disgestion is all gone.' Well, when Plutarch came she
said, 'Plue, my child, you have killed your missus by cooking de hogs
wid dere heads on, but I won't punish you, I is intendin' to
extinguish you by kindness among de plantation niggers. I will heap
coals of fire on your head.'

"'Dat's right, Missus,' sais I, 'burn the villain up, but burn him
with green wood so as to make slow fire, dat's de ticket, Missus, it
sarves him right.'

"Oh, if you eber heard yellin', Massa, you'd a heard it den. Plue he
trowed himself down on de ground, and he rolled and he kicked and he
screamed like mad.

"'Don't make a noise, Plutarch,' said she, 'I can't stand it. I isn't
a goin' to put you to def. You shall lib. I will gib you a wife.'

"'Oh, tankee, Missus,' said he, 'oh, I will pray for you night and
day, when I ain't at work or asleep, for eber and eber. Amen.'

"'You shall ab Cloe for a wife.'

"Cloe, Massa, was seventy-five, if she was one blessed second old. She
was crippled with rheumatis, and walked on crutches, and hadn't a
tooth in her head. She was just doubled up like a tall nigger in a
short bed.

"'Oh, Lord, Missus,' said Plutarch, 'hab mercy on dis sinner, O dear
Missus, O lubly Missus, oh hab mercy on dis child.'

"'Tankee, Missus,' said Cloe. 'God bless you, Missus, I is quite appy
now. I is a leetle too young for dat spark, for I is cuttin' a new set
o' teeth now, and ab suffered from teethin' most amazin', but I will
make him a lubin' wife. Don't be shy, Mr Plue,' said she, and she up
wid one ob her crutches and gub him a poke in de ribs dat made him
grunt like a pig. 'Come, tand up,' said she, 'till de parson tie de
knot round your neck.'

"'Oh! Lord, Missus,' said he, 'ab massy!' But de parson married 'em,
and said, 'Slute your bride!' but he didn't move.

"'He is so bashful,' said Cloe, takin' him round de neck and kissin'
ob him. 'Oh, Missus!' she said, 'I is so proud ob my bridegroom--he do
look so genteel wid ole massa's frill shirt on, don't he?'

"When dey went out o' de room into de entry, Cloe fotched him a crack
ober his pate with her crutch that sounded like a cocoa-nut, it was so
hollow.

"'Take dat,' said she, 'for not slutin' ob your bride, you
good-for-nottin' onmanerly scallawag you.'

"Poor dear missus! she died dat identical night."

"Come here, Sorrow," said I; "come and look me in the face."

The moment he advanced, Jerry slipt across the room, and tried to hide
behind the tongues near his wife. He was terrified to death. "Do you
mean to say," said I, "she died of going the whole hog? Was it a
hog--tell me the truth?"

"Well, Massa," said he, "I don't know to a zact sartainty, for I was
not dere when she was tooked ill,--I was at de bank at de time,--but I
will take my davy it was hogs or dogs. I wont just zackly sartify
which, because she was 'mazin' fond of both; but I will swear it was
one or toder, and dat dey was cooked wid dere heads on--dat I will
stificate to till I die!"

"Hogs or dogs," said I, "whole, with their heads on--do you mean
that?"

"Yes, Massa, dis here child do, of a sartainty."

"Hogs like the pig, and dogs like the Newfoundlander at the door?"

"Oh, no, Massa, in course it don't stand to argument ob reason it was.
Oh, no, it was quadogs and quahogs--clams, you know. We calls 'em down
South, for shortness, hogs and dogs. Oh, Massa, in course you knows
dat--I is sure you does--you is only intendin' on puppose to make game
of dis here nigger, isn't you?"

"You villain," said I, "you took a rise out of me that time, at any
rate. It ain't often any feller does that, so I think you deserve a
glass of the old Jamaiky for it when we go on board. Now go and shoot
a Jesuit-priest if you see one."

The gall explained the order to her mother.

"Shoot the priest?" said she, in French.

"Shoot the priest," said Jerry; "shoot me!" And he popped down behind
his wife, as if he had no objection to her receiving the ball first.

She ran to her chest, and got out the little horn box with the nail of
St Francis, and looked determined to die at her post. Sorrow deposited
the gun in the corner, hung down his head, and said:

"Dis here child, Massa Slick, can't do no murder."

"Then I must do it myself," said I, rising and proceeding to get my
rifle.

"Slick," said the doctor, "what the devil do you mean?"

"Why," says I, a settin' down again, "I'll tell you. Jesuit-priests
were first seen in Spain and Portugal, where they are very fond of
them. I have often eaten them there."

"First seen in Spain and Portugal!" he replied. "You are out
there--but go on."

"There is a man," said I, "in Yorkshire, who says his ancestor brought
the first over from America, when he accompanied Cabot in his voyages,
and he has one as a crest. But that is all bunkum. Cabot never saw
one."

"What in the world do you call a Jesuit-priest?"

"Why a turkey to be sure," said I; "that's what they call them at
Madrid and Lisbon, after the Jesuits who first introduced them into
Europe."

"My goody gracious!" said Sorrow, "if that ain't fun alive it's a
pity, that's all."

"We'll," said Jerry, "I was lost at sea that time; I was out of sight
of land. It puzzled me like 44° north, and 63° 40' west."

"Hogs, dogs, and Jesuit-priests!" said the doctor, and off he set
again, with his hands on his sides, rushing round the room in
convulsions of laughter.

"The priest," said I to the old woman, "has given him a pain in his
stomach," when she ran to the dresser again, and got the cup of soot
for him which had not yet been emptied.

"Oh dear!" said he, "I can't stand that; oh, Slick, you will be the
death of me yet," and he bolted out of the house.

Having purchased a bushel of clams from the old lady, and bid her and
her daughter good-bye, we vamosed the ranche.1 At the door I saw a
noble gobbler.


1 One of the numerous corruptions of Spanish words introduced into the
States since the Mexican war, and signifies to quit the house or
shanty. Rancho designates a hut, covered with branches, where herdsmen
temporarily reside.


"What will you take for that Jesuit-priest," said I, "Jerry?"

"Seven and sixpence," said he.

"Done," said I, and his head was perforated with a ball in an instant.

The dog unused to such a sound from his master's house, and
recollecting the damage he received from the fall of the doctor, set
off with the most piteous howls that ever were heard, and fled for
safety--the pigs squealed as if they had each been wounded--and the
geese joined in the general uproar--while old Madam Boudrot and her
daughter rushed screaming to the door to ascertain what these dreadful
men were about, who talked of shooting priests, and eating hogs and
dogs entire with their heads on. It was some time before order was
restored, and when Jerry went into the house to light his pipe and
deposit his money, I called Cutler's attention to the action and style
of a horse in the pasture whom my gun had alarmed.

"That animal," said I, "must have dropped from the clouds. If he is
young and sound, and he moves as if he were both, he is worth six
hundred dollars. I must have him; can you give him a passage till we
meet one of our large coal ships coming from Pictou?"

"Certainly," said he.

"Jerry," sais I, when he returned, "what in the world do you keep such
a fly-away devil as that for? why don't you sell him and buy cattle?
Can't you sell him at Halifax?"

"Oh", said he, "I can't go there now no more, Mr Slick. The boys call
after me and say: Jerry, when did you see land last? My name is Jerry
Boudrot, where am I? Jerry, I thought you was lost at sea! Jerry, has
your colt got any slippares on yet (shoes)? Jerry, what does 44--40
mean? Oh! I can't stand it!"

"Why don't you send him by a neighbour?"

"Oh! none o' my neighbours can ride him. We can't break him. We are
fishermen, not horsemen."

"Where did he come from?"

"The priest brought a mare from Canada with him, and this is her colt.
He gave it to me when I returned from being lost at sea, he was so
glad to see me. I wish you would buy him, Mr Slick; you will have him
cheap; I can't do noting with him, and no fence shall stop him."

"What the plague," sais I, "do you suppose I want of a horse on board
of a ship? do you want me to be lost at sea too? and besides, if I did
try to oblige you," said I, "and offered you five pounds for that
devil nobody can ride, and no fence stop, you'd ask seven pound ten
right off. Now, that turkey was not worth a dollar here, and you asked
at once seven and sixpence. Nobody can trade with you, you are so
everlasting sharp. If you was lost at sea, you know your way by land,
at all events."

"Well," sais he, "say seven pounds ten, and you will have him."

"Oh! of course," said I, "there is capital pasture on board of a
vessel, ain't there? Where am I to get hay till I send him home?"

"I will give you tree hundredweight into the bargain."

"Well," sais I, "let's look at him; can you catch him?"

He went into the house, and bringing out a pan of oats, and calling
him, the horse followed him into the stable, where he was secured. I
soon ascertained he was perfectly sound, and that he was an uncommonly
fine animal. I sent Sorrow on board for my saddle and bridle, whip and
spurs, and desired that the vessel might be warped into the wharf.
When the negro returned, I repeated the terms of the bargain to Jerry,
which being assented to, the animal was brought out into the centre of
the field, and while his owner was talking to him, I vaulted into the
saddle. At first he seemed very much alarmed, snorting, and blowing
violently; he then bounded forward and lashed out with his hind feet
most furiously, which was succeeded by alternate rearing, kicking, and
backing. I don't think I ever see a critter splurge so badly; at last
he ran the whole length of the field, occasionally throwing up his
heels very high in the air, and returned unwillingly, stopping every
few minutes and plunging outrageously. On the second trial he again
ran, and for the first time I gave him both whip and spur, and made
him take the fence, and in returning I pushed him in the same manner,
making him take the leap as before. Though awkward and ignorant of the
meaning of the rein, the animal knew he was in the hands of a power
superior to his own, and submitted far more easily than I expected.

When we arrived at the wharf, I removed the saddle, and placing a
strong rope round his neck, had it attached to the windlass, not to
drag him on board, but to make him feel if he refused to advance that
he was powerless to resist, an indispensable precaution in breaking
horses. Once and once only he attempted escape; he reared and threw
himself, but finding the strain irresistible, he yielded and went on
board quietly. Jerry was as delighted to get rid of him as I was to
purchase him, and though I knew that seven pounds ten was as much as
he could ever realize out of him, I felt I ought to pay him for the
hay, and also that I could well afford to give him a little
conciliation present; so I gave him two barrels of flour in addition,
to enable him to make his peace with his wife, whom he had so grossly
insulted by asserting that his vow to heaven was to hug the shore
hereafter, and had no reference to her. If I ain't mistaken, Jerry
Boudrot, for so I have named the animal after him, will astonish the
folks to Slickville; for of all the horses on this continent, to my
mind, the real genuine Canadian is the best by all odds.

"Ah! my friend," said Jerry, addressing the horse, "you shall soon be
out of sight of land, like your master; but unlike him, I hope you
shall never be lost at sea."



CHAPTER XVIII.

HOLDING UP THE MIRROR.


From Halifax to Cumberland, Squire, the eastern coast of Nova Scotia
presents more harbours fit for the entrance of men-of-war than the
whole Atlantic coast of our country from Maine to Mexico. No part of
the world I am acquainted with is so well supplied and so little
frequented. They are "thar," as we say, but where are the large ships?
growing in the forest I guess. And the large towns? all got to be
built I reckon. And the mines? why wanting to be worked. And the
fisheries? Well, I'll tell you, if you will promise not to let on
about it. We are going to have them by treaty, as we now have them by
trespass. Fact is, we treat with the British and the Indians in the
same way. Bully them if we can, and when that won't do, get the most
valuable things they have in exchange for trash, like glass beads and
wooden clocks. Still, Squire, there is a vast improvement here, though
I won't say there ain't room for more; but there is such a change come
over the people, as is quite astonishing. The Blue-nose of 1834 is no
longer the Blue-nose of 1854. He is more active, more industrious, and
more enterprising. Intelligent the critter always was, but
unfortunately he was lazy. He was asleep then, now he is wide awake,
and up and doing. He never had no occasion to be ashamed to show
himself, for he is a good-looking feller, but he needn't now be no
longer skeered to answer to his name, when the muster is come and
his'n is called out in the roll, and say, "Here am I, Sirree." A new
generation has sprung up, some of the drones are still about the hive,
but there is a young vigorous race coming on who will keep pace with
the age.

It's a great thing to have a good glass to look in now and then and
see yourself. They have had the mirror held up to them.

Lord, I shall never forget when I was up to Rawdon here once, a
countryman came to the inn where I was, to pay me for a clock I had
put off on him, and as I was a passin' through the entry I saw the
critter standin' before the glass, awfully horrified.

"My good gracious," said he, a talking to himself, "my good gracious,
is this you, John Smiler? I havn't seen you before now going on twenty
years. Oh, how shockingly you are altered, I shouldn't a known you, I
declare."

Now, I have held the mirror to these fellows to see themselves in, and
it has scared them so they have shaved slick up, and made themselves
look decent. I won't say I made all the changes myself, for Providence
scourged them into activity, by sending the weavel into their
wheat-fields, the rot into their potatoes, and the drought into their
hay crops. It made them scratch round, I tell you, so as to earn their
grub, and the exertion did them good. Well, the blisters I have put on
their vanity stung 'em so, they jumped high enough to see the right
road, and the way they travel ahead now is a caution to snails.

Now, if it was you who had done your country this sarvice, you would
have spoke as mealy-mouthed of it as if butter wouldn't melt in it. "I
flatter myself," you would have said, "I had some little small share
in it." "I have lent my feeble aid." "I have contributed my poor
mite," and so on, and looked as meek and felt as proud as a Pharisee.
Now, that's not my way. I hold up the mirror, whether when folks see
themselves in it they see me there or not. The value of a glass is its
truth. And where colonists have suffered is from false reports,
ignorance, and misrepresentation. There is not a word said of them
that can be depended on. Missionary returns of all kinds are coloured
and doctored to suit English subscribing palates, and it's a pity they
should stand at the head of the list. British travellers distort
things the same way. They land at Halifax, where they see the first
contrast between Europe and America, and that contrast ain't
favourable, for the town is dingy lookin' and wants paint, and the
land round it is poor and stony. But that is enough, so they set down
and abuse the whole country, stock and fluke, and write as wise about
it as if they had seen it all instead of overlooking one mile from the
deck of a steamer. The military enjoy it beyond anything, and are far
more comfortable than in soldiering in England; but it don't do to say
so, for it counts for foreign service, and like the witnesses at the
court-marshall at Windsor, every feller sais, Non mi ricordo.
Governors who now-a-days have nothing to do, have plenty of leisure to
write, and their sufferings are such, their pens are inadequate to the
task. They are very much to be pitied.

Well, colonists on the other hand seldom get their noses out of it.
But if provincials do now and then come up on the other side of the
big pond, like deep sea-fish rising to the surface, they spout and
blow like porpoises, and try to look as large as whales, and people
only laugh at them. Navy officers extol the harbour and the market,
and the kindness and hospitality of the Haligonians, but that is all
they know, and as far as that goes they speak the truth. It wants an
impartial friend like me to hold up the mirror, both for their sakes
and the Downing Street officials too. Is it any wonder then that the
English don't know what they are talking about? Did you ever hear of
the devil's advocate? a nickname I gave to one of the understrappers
of the Colonial office, an ear mark that will stick to the feller for
ever! Well, when they go to make a saint at Rome, and canonize some
one who has been dead so long he is in danger of being forgot, the
cardinals hold a sort of court-martial on him, and a man is appointed
to rake and scrape all he can agin him, and they listen very patiently
to all he has to say, so as not to do things in a hurry. He is called
"the devil's advocate," but he never gained a cause yet. The same form
used to be gone through at Downing Street, by an underling, but he
always gained his point. The nickname of the "devil's advocate" that I
gave him did his business for him, he is no longer there now.

The British cabinet wants the mirror held up to them, to show them how
they look to others. Now, when an order is transmitted by a minister
of the crown, as was done last war, to send all Yankee prisoners to
the fortress of Louisburg for safe keeping, when that fortress more
than sixty years before had been effectually razed from the face of
the earth by engineer officers sent from England for the purpose, why
it is natural a colonist should laugh, and say Capital! only it is a
little too good; and when another minister says, he can't find good
men to be governors, in order to defend appointments that his own
party say are too bad, what language is strong enough to express his
indignation? Had he said openly and manly, We are so situated, and so
bound by parliamentary obligations, we not only have to pass over the
whole body of provincials themselves, who have the most interest and
are best informed in colonial matters, but we have to appoint some
people like those to whom you object, who are forced upon us by
hollerin' their daylights out for us at elections, when we would
gladly select others, who are wholly unexceptionable, and their name
is legion; why, he would have pitied his condition, and admired his
manliness. If this sweeping charge be true, what an encomium it is
upon the Dalhousies, the Gosfords, the Durhams, Sydenhams, Metcalfs,
and Elgins, that they were chosen because suitable men could not be
found if not supported by party. All that can be said for a minister
who talks such stuff, is that a man who knows so little of London as
to be unable to find the shortest way home, may easily lose himself in
the wilds of Canada.

Now we licked the British when we had only three millions of people
including niggers, who are about as much use in a war as crows that
feed on the slain, but don't help to kill 'em. We have "run up" an
empire, as we say of a "wooden house," or as the gall who was asked
where she was raised, said "She warn't raised, she growed up." We have
shot up into manhood afore our beards grew, and have made a nation
that ain't afeard of all creation. Where will you find a nation like
ours? Answer me that question, but don't reply as an Irishman does by
repeating it,--"Is it where I will find one, your Honour?"