Anthony Trollope - "John Bull on the Guadalquivir from Tales from all Countries"

Horace Walpole - "Letters of Horace Walpole, V4"

by Robert Louis Stevenson - "The Pocket R.L.S."

Algernon Charles Swinburne - "Locrine A Tragedy"

New Philadelphia Book Publisher Highlights Local Talent
Book and Publishing News from Publishers Newswire(tm)

Looking for Child to be on Cover of a New Book, 'The Model Child'
PHILADELPHIA, Pa. -- The Philadelphia literary world will celebrate the launch of two new players today, April 10th: Kay Square Press, a new publishing company focused on Philadelphia-area artists, their stories, and their art; and Kay Square's first release, 'With the Rich and Mighty: Emlen Etting of Philadelphia' (ISBN: 978-0-9815129-0-7), a critical biography by Kenneth C. Kaleta.

FlatSigned Press Alleges Don Imus Remarks Damage Legacy of President Gerald R. Ford
NEW YORK, N.Y. -- Nathan Yungerberg, an accomplished model scout and professional child photographer is launching a nation-wide casting call to find the cover model for his highly anticipated book release, 'The Model Child: A Parents Guide to the Child Modeling Industry' (ISBN: 978-0-9817018-0-6).

Books: Nature and Human Nature

T >> Thomas Chandler Haliburton >> Nature and Human Nature




"Every nation," said the doctor, "has its peculiarity, but the French
Acadians excel all others in their adherence to their own ways; and in
this particular, the Chesencookers surpass even their own countrymen.
The men all dress alike, and the women all dress alike, as you will
presently see, and always have done so within the memory of man. A
round, short jacket which scarcely covers the waistcoat, trowsers that
seldom reach below the ankle-joint, and yarn stockings, all four being
blue, and manufactured at home, and apparently dyed in the same tub,
with moccasins for the feet, and a round fur or cloth cap to cover the
head, constitute the uniform and unvaried dress of the men. The attire
of the women is equally simple. The short gown which reaches to the
hip, and the petticoat which serves for a skirt, both made of coarse
domestic cloth, having perpendicular blue and white stripes,
constitute the difference of dress that marks the distinction of the
sexes, if we except a handkerchief thrown over the head, and tied
under the chin, for the blue stockings and the moccasins are common to
both, males and females.

"There has been no innovation for a century in these particulars,
unless it be that a hat has found its way into Chesencook, not that
such a stove-pipe looking thing as that has any beauty in it; but the
boys of Halifax are not to be despised, if a hat is, and even an
ourang-outang, if he ventured to walk about the streets, would have to
submit to wear one. But the case is different with women, especially
modest, discreet, unobtrusive ones, like those of the 'long-shore
French.' They are stared at because they dress like those in the world
before the Flood, but it's an even chance if the antediluvian damsels
were half so handsome; and what pretty girl can find it in her heart
to be very angry at attracting attention? Yes, their simple manners,
their innocence, and their sex are their protection. But no cap,
bonnet, or ribbon, velvet, muslin, or lace, was ever seen at
Chesencook. Whether this neglect of finery (the love of which is so
natural to their countrywomen in Europe) arises from a deep-rooted
veneration for the ways of their predecessors, or from the sage
counsel of their spiritual instructors, who desire to keep them from
the contamination of the heretical world around them, or from the
conviction that


'The adorning thee with so much art
Is but a barbarous skill,
'Tis like the barbing of a dart,
Too apt before to kill,'


I know not. Such however is the fact nevertheless, and you ought to
record it, as an instance in which they have shown their superiority
to this universal weakness. Still, both men and women are decently and
comfortably clad. There is no such thing as a ragged Acadian, and I
never yet saw one begging his bread. Some people are distinguished for
their industry, others for their idleness; some for their ingenuity,
and others for their patience; but the great characteristic of an
Acadian is talk, and his talk is, from its novelty, amusing and
instructive, even in its nonsense.

"These people live close to the banks where cod are found, and but
little time is required in proceeding to the scene of their labour,
therefore there is no necessity for being in a hurry, and there is
lots of time for palaver. Every boat has an oracle in it, who speaks
with an air of authority. He is a great talker, and a great smoker,
and he chats so skilfully, that he enjoys his pipe at the same time,
and manages it so as not to interrupt his jabbering. He can smoke,
talk, and row at once. He don't smoke fast, for that puts his pipe out
by consuming his tobacco; nor row fast, for it fatigues him."

"Exactly," sais I, "but the tongue, I suppose, having, like a clock, a
locomotive power of its own, goes like one of my wooden ones for
twenty-four hours without ceasing, and like one of them also when it's
e'en amost worn-out and up in years, goes at the rate of one hundred
minutes to the hour, strikes without counting the number, and gives
good measure, banging away often twenty tunes at one o'clock."

Every boat now steered for the "Black Hawk," and the oracle stopped
talking French to practise English. "How you do, Sare? how you do your
wife?" said Lewis Le Blanc, addressing me.

"I have no wife."

"No wife, ton pee? Who turn your fish for you, den?"

"Whereat they all laugh, and all talk French again. And oracle says,
'He takes his own eggs to market, den.' He don't laugh at that, for
wits never laugh at their own jokes; but the rest snicker till they
actilly scream.

"What wind are we going to have, Lewis?"

Oracle stands up, carefully surveys the sky, and notices all the
signs, and then looks wise, and answers in a way that there can be no
mistake. "Now you see, Sare, if de wind blow off de shore, den it will
be west wind; if it blow from de sea, den it will be east wind; and if
it blow down coast," pointing to each quarter with his hand like a
weather-cock, "den it will sartain be sout; and up de coast, den you
will be sartain it will come from de nort. I never knew dat sign
fail." And he takes his pipe from his mouth, knocks some ashes out of
it, and spits in the water, as much as to say, Now I am ready to swear
to that. And well he may, for it amounts to this, that the wind will
blow from any quarter it comes from. The other three all regard him
with as much respect as if he was clerk of the weather.

"Interesting people these, Doctor," said I, "ain't they? It's the
world before the Flood. I wonder if they know how to trade? Barter was
the primitive traffick. Corn was given for oil, and fish for honey,
and sheep and goats for oxen and horses, and so on. There is a good
deal of trickery in barter, too, for necessity has no laws. The value
of money we know, and a thing is worth what it will fetch in cash; but
swapping is a different matter. It's a horse of a different colour."

"You will find," said the doctor, "the men (I except the other sex
always) are as acute as you are at a bargain. You are more like to be
bitten than to bite if you try that game with them."

"Bet you a dollar," sais I, "I sell that old coon as easy as a clock.
What, a Chesencooker a match for a Yankee! Come, I like that; that is
good. Here goes for a trial, at any rate.

"Mounsheer," sais I, "have you any wood to sell?"

We didn't need no wood, but it don't do to begin to ask for what you
want, or you can't do nothin'.

"Yes," said he.

"What's the price," said I, "cash down on the nail?" for I knew the
critter would see "the point" of coming down with the blunt.

"It's ten dollars and a half," said he, "a cord at Halifax, and it
don't cost me nothin' to carry it there, for I have my own
shallop--but I will sell it for ten dollars to oblige you." That was
just seven dollars more than it was worth.

"Well," sais I, "that's not high, only cash is scarce. If you will
take mackarel in pay, at six dollars a barrel (which was two dollars
more than its value), p'raps we might trade. Could you sell me twenty
cord?"

"Yes, may be twenty-five."

"And the mackarel?" said I.

"Oh," said he, "mackarel is only worth three dollars and a half at
Halifax. I can't sell mine even at that. I have sixty barrels, number
one, for sale."

"If you will promise me to let me have all the wood I want, more or
less," sais I, "even if it is ever so little; or as much as thirty
cords, at ten dollars a cord, real rock maple, and yellow birch, then
I will take all your mackarel at three and a half dollars, money
down."

"Say four," said he.

"No," sais I, "you say you can't git but three and a half at Halifax,
and I won't beat you down, nor advance one cent myself. But mind, if I
oblige you by buying all your mackarel, you must oblige me by letting
me have all the wood I want."

"Done," said he; so we warped into the wharf, took the fish on board,
and I paid him the money, and cleared fifteen pounds by the operation.

"Now," says I, "where is the wood?"

"All this is mine," said he, pointing to a pile, containing about
fifty cords.

"Can I have it all," said I, "if I want it?"

He took off his cap and scratched his head; scratching helps a man to
think amazingly. He thought he had better ask a little more than ten
dollars, as I appeared to be so ready to buy at any price. So he said,

"Yes, you may have it all at ten and a half dollars."

"I thought you said I might have what I wanted at ten."

"Well, I have changed my mind," said he, "it is too low."

"And so have I," sais I, "I won't trade with a man that acts that
way," and I went on board, and the men cast off and began to warp the
vessel again up to her anchor.

Lewis took off his cap and began scratching his head again, he had
over-reached himself. Expecting an immense profit on his wood, he had
sold his fish very low; he saw I was in earnest, and jumped on board.

"Capitaine, you will have him at ten, so much as you want of him."

"Well, measure me off half a cord."

"What!" said he, opening both eyes to their full extent.

"Measure me off half a cord."

"Didn't you say you wanted twenty or thirty cord?"

"No," sais I, "I said I must have that much if I wanted it, but I
don't want it, it is only worth three dollars, and you have had the
modesty to ask ten, and then ten and a half, but I will take half a
cord to please you, so measure it off."

He stormed, and raved, and swore, and threw his cap down on the deck
and jumped on it, and stretched out his arm as if he was going to
fight, and stretched out his wizzened face, as if it made halloing
easier, and foamed at the mouth like a hoss that has eat lobelia in
his hay.

"Be gar," he said, "I shall sue you before the common scoundrels
(council) at Halifax, I shall take it before the sperm (supreme)
court, and try it out."

"How much ile will you get," sais I, "by tryin' me out, do you think?

"Never mind," said I, in a loud voice, and looking over him at the
mate, and pretending to answer him. "Never mind if he won't go on
shore, he is welcome to stay, and we will land him on the Isle of
Sable, and catch a wild hoss for him to swim home on."

The hint was electrical; he picked up his cap and ran aft, and with
one desperate leap reached the wharf in safety, when he turned and
danced as before with rage, and his last audible words were, "Be gar,
I shall go to the sperm court and try it out."

"In the world before the Flood, you see, Doctor," said I, "they knew
how to cheat as well as the present race do; the only improvement this
fellow has made on the antediluvian race is, he can take himself in,
as well as others."

"I have often thought," said the doctor, "that in our dealings in
life, and particularly in trading, a difficult question must often
arise whether a thing, notwithstanding the world sanctions it, is
lawful and right. Now what is your idea of smuggling?"

"I never smuggled," said I: "I have sometimes imported goods and
didn't pay the duties; not that I wanted to smuggle, but because I
hadn't time to go to the office. It's a good deal of trouble to go to
a custom-house. When you get there you are sure to be delayed, and
half the time to git sarce. It costs a good deal; no one thanks you,
and nobody defrays cab-hire, and makes up for lost time, temper, and
patience to you--it don't pay in a general way; sometimes it will; for
instance, when I left the embassy, I made thirty thousand pounds of
your money by one operation. Lead was scarce in our market, and very
high, and the duty was one-third of the prime cost, as a protection to
the native article. So what does I do, but go to old Galena, one of
the greatest dealers in the lead trade in Great Britain, and
ascertained the wholesale price.

"Sais I, 'I want five hundred thousand dollars worth of lead.'

"'That is an immense order,' said he, 'Mr Slick. There is no market in
the world that can absorb so much at once.'

"'The loss will be mine,' said I. 'What deductions will you make if I
take it all from your house?'

"Well, he came down handsome, and did the thing genteel.

"'Now,' sais I, 'will you let one of your people go to my cab, and
bring a mould I have there.'

"Well, it was done.

"'There,' said I, 'is a large bust of Washington. Every citizen of the
United States ought to have one, if he has a dust of patriotism in
him. I must have the lead cast into rough busts like that.'

"'Hollow,' said he, 'of course.'

"'No, no,' sais I, 'by no manner of means, the heavier and solider the
better.'

"'But,' said Galena, 'Mr Slick, excuse me, though it is against my own
interest, I cannot but suggest you might find a cheaper material, and
one more suitable to your very laudable object.'

"'Not at all,' said I, 'lead is the very identical thing. If a man
don't like the statue and its price, and it's like as not he wont, he
will like the lead. There is no duty on statuary, but there is more
than thirty per cent. on lead. The duty alone is a fortune of not less
than thirty thousand pounds, after all expenses are paid.'

"'Well now,' said he, throwing back his head and laughing, 'that is
the most ingenious device to evade duties I ever heard of.'

"I immediately gave orders to my agents at Liverpool to send so many
tons to Washington and every port and place on the seaboard of the
United States except New York, but not too many to any one town; and
then I took passage in a steamer, and ordered all my agents to close
the consignment immediately, and let the lead hero change hands. It
was generally allowed to be the handsomest operation ever performed in
our country. Connecticut offered to send me to Congress for it, the
folks felt so proud of me.

"But I don't call that smugglin'. It is a skilful reading of a revenue
law. My idea of smugglin' is, there is the duty, and there is the
penalty; pay one and escape the other if you like, if not, run your
chance of the penalty. If the state wants revenue, let it collect its
dues. If I want my debts got in, I attend to drummin' them up together
myself; let government do the same. There isn't a bit of harm in
smugglin'. I don't like a law restraining liberty. Let them that
impose shackles look to the bolts; that's my idea."

"That argument won't hold water, Slick," said the doctor.

"Why?"

"Because it is as full of holes as a cullender.'

"How?"

"The obligation between a government and a people is reciprocal. To
protect on the one hand, and to support on the other. Taxes are
imposed, first, for the maintenance of the government, and secondly,
for such other objects as are deemed necessary or expedient. The
moment goods are imported, which are subject to such exactions, the
amount of the tax is a debt due to the state, the evasion or denial of
which is a fraud. The penalty is not an alternative at your option; it
is a punishment, and that always presupposes an offence. There is no
difference between defrauding the state or an individual.
Corporeality, or incorporeality, has nothing to do with the matter."

"Well," sais I, "Domine Doctor, that doctrine of implicit obedience to
the government won't hold water neither, otherwise, if you had lived
in Cromwell's time, you would have to have assisted in cutting the
king's head off, or fight in an unjust war, or a thousand other wicked
but legal things. I believe every tub must stand on its own bottom;
general rules won't do. Take each separate, and judge of it by
itself."

"Exactly," sais the doctor; "try that in law and see how it would
work. No two cases would be decided alike; you'd be adrift at once,
and a drifting ship soon touches bottom. No, that won't hold water.
Stick to general principles, and if a thing is an exception to the
rule, put it in Schedule A or B, and you know where to look for it.
General rules are fixed principles. But you are only talking for talk
sake; I know you are. Do you think now that merchant did right to aid
you in evading the duty on your leaden Washingtons?"

"What the plague had he to do with our revenue laws? They don't bind
him," sais I.

"No," said the doctor, "but there is a higher law than the statutes of
the States or of England either, and that is the moral law. In aiding
you, he made the greatest sale of lead ever effected at once in
England; the profit on that was his share of the smuggling. But you
are only drawing me out to see what I am made of. You are an awful man
for a bam. There goes old Lewis in his fishing boat," sais he. "Look
at him shaking his fist at you. Do you hear him jabbering away about
trying it out in the 'sperm court?'"

"I'll make him draw his fist in, I know," sais I. So I seized my
rifle, and stepped behind the mast, so that he could not see me; and
as a large grey gull was passing over his boat high up in the air, I
fired, and down it fell on the old coon's head so heavily and so
suddenly, he thought he was shot; and he and the others set up a yell
of fright and terror that made everybody on board of the little fleet
of coasters that were anchored round us, combine in three of the
heartiest, merriest, and loudest cheers I ever heard.

"Try that out in the sperm court, you old bull-frog," sais I. "I guess
there is more ile to be found in that fishy gentleman than in me.
Well," sais I, "Doctor, to get back to what we was a talking of. It's
a tight squeeze sometimes to scrouge between a lie and a truth in
business, ain't it? The passage is so narrow, if you don't take care
it will rip your trowser buttons off in spite of you. Fortunately I am
thin, and can do it like an eel, squirmey fashion; but a stout,
awkward fellow is most sure to be catched.

"I shall never forget a rise I once took out of a set of jockeys at
Albany. I had an everlastin' fast Naraganset pacer once to Slickville,
one that I purchased in Mandarin's place. I was considerable proud of
him, I do assure you, for he took the rag off the bush in great style.
Well, our stable-help, Pat Monaghan (him I used to call Mr Monaghan),
would stuff him with fresh clover without me knowing it, and as sure
as rates, I broke his wind in driving him too fast. It gave him the
heaves, that is, it made his flanks heave like a blacksmith's bellows.
We call it 'heaves,' Britishers call it 'broken wind.' Well, there is
no cure for it, though some folks tell you a hornet's nest cut up fine
and put in their meal will do it, and others say sift the oats clean
and give them juniper berries in it, and that will do it, or ground
ginger, or tar, or what not; but these are all quackeries. You can't
cure it, for it's a ruption of an air vessel, and you can't get at it
to sew it up. But you can fix it up by diet and care, and proper
usage, so that you can deceive even an old hand, providin' you don't
let him ride or drive the beast too fast.

"Well, I doctored and worked with him so, the most that could be
perceived was a slight cold, nothin' to mind, much less frighten you.
And when I got him up to the notch, I advertised him for sale, as
belonging to a person going down east, who only parted with him
because he thought him too heavey for a man who never travelled less
than a mile in two minutes and twenty seconds. Well, he was sold at
auction, and knocked down to Rip Van Dam, the Attorney-General, for
five hundred dollars; and the owner put a saddle and bridle on him,
and took a bet of two hundred dollars with me, he could do a mile in
two minutes, fifty seconds. He didn't know me from Adam parsonally, at
the time, but he had heard of me, and bought the horse because it was
said Sam Slick owned him.

"Well, he started off, and lost his bet; for when he got near the
winnin'-post the horse choked, fell, and pitched the rider off
half-way to Troy, and nearly died himself. The umpire handed me the
money, and I dug out for the steam-boat intendin' to pull foot for
home. Just as I reached the wharf, I heard my name called out, but I
didn't let on I noticed it, and walked a-head. Presently, Van Dam
seized me by the shoulder, quite out of breath, puffin' and blowin'
like a porpoise.

"'Mr Slick?' said he.

"'Yes,' sais I, 'what's left of me; but good gracious,' sais I, 'you
have got the 'heaves.' I hope it ain't catchin'.'

"'No I haven't,' said he, 'but your cussed hoss has, and nearly broke
my neck. You are like all the Connecticut men I ever see, a nasty,
mean, long-necked, long-legged, narrow-chested, slab-sided,
narrow-souled, lantern-jawed, Yankee cheat.'

"'Well,' sais I, 'that's a considerable of a long name to write on the
back of a letter, ain't it? It ain't good to use such a swad of words,
it's no wonder you have the heaves; but I'll cure you; I warn't
brought up to wranglin'; I hain't time to fight you, and besides,'
said I, 'you are broken-winded; but I'll chuck you over the wharf into
the river to cool you, boots and all, by gravy.'

"'Didn't you advertise,' said he, 'that the only reason you had to
part with that horse was, that he was too heavy for a man who never
travelled slower than a mile in two minutes and twenty seconds?'

"'Never!' sais I, 'I never said such a word. What will you bet I did?'

"'Fifty dollars,' said he.

"'Done,' said I. 'And, Vanderbelt--(he was just going on board the
steamer at the time)--Vanderbelt,' sais I, 'hold these stakes.
Friend,' sais I, 'I won't say you lie, but you talk uncommonly like
the way I do when I lie. Now prove it.'

"And he pulled out one of my printed advertisements, and said, 'Read
that.'

"Well, I read it. 'It ain't there,' said I.

"'Ain't it?' said he. 'I leave it to Vanderbelt.'

"'Mr Slick,' said he, 'you have lost--it is here.'

"'Will you bet fifty dollars,' said I, 'though you have seen it, that
it's there?'

"'Yes,' said he, 'I will.'

"'Done,' said I. 'Now how do you spell heavy?'

"'H-e-a-v-y,' said he.

"'Exactly,' sais I; 'so do I. But this is spelt heav-ey. I did it on
purpose. I scorn to take a man in about a horse, so I published his
defect to all the world. I said he was too heavey for harness, and so
he is. He ain't worth fifty dollars--I wouldn't take him as a gift--he
ain't worth von dam?'

"'Well, I did see that,' said he, 'but I thought it was an error of
the press, or that the owner couldn't spell.'

"'Oh!' sais I, 'don't take me for one of your Dutch boors, I beg of
you. I can spell, but you can't read, that's all. You remind me,' sais
I, 'of a feller in Slickville when the six-cent letter stamps came in
fashion. He licked the stamp so hard, he took all the gum off, and it
wouldn't stay on, no how he could fix it, so what does he do but put a
pin through it, and writes on the letter, "Paid, if the darned thing
will only stick." Now, if you go and lick the stamp etarnally that
way, folks will put a pin through it, and the story will stick to you
for ever and ever. But come on board, and let's liquor, and I will
stand treat.'

"I felt sorry for the poor critter, and I told him how to feed the
horse, and advised him to take him to Saratoga, advertise him, and
sell him the same way; and he did, and got rid of him. The rise raised
his character as a lawyer amazing. He was elected governor next year;
a sell like that is the making of a lawyer.

"Now I don't call the lead Washingtons nor the heavey horse either on
'em a case of cheat; but I do think a man ought to know how to read a
law and how to read an advertisement, don't you? But come, let us go
ashore, and see how the galls look, for you have raised my curiosity."

We accordingly had the boat lowered; and taking Sorrow with us to see
if he could do anything in the catering line, the doctor, Cutler, and
myself landed on the beach, and walked round the settlement.

The shore was covered with fish flakes, which sent up an aroma not the
most agreeable in the world except to those who lived there, and they,
I do suppose, snuff up the breeze as if it was loaded with wealth and
smelt of the Gold Coast. But this was nothing (although I don't think
I can ever eat dum fish again as long as I live) to the effluvia
arising from decomposed heaps of sea-wood, which had been gathered for
manure, and was in the act of removal to the fields. No words can
describe this, and I leave it to your imagination, Squire, to form an
idea of a new perfume in nastiness that has never yet been appreciated
but by an Irishman.

I heard a Paddy once, at Halifax, describe the wreck of a carriage
which had been dashed to pieces. He said there was not "a smell of it
left." Poor fellow, he must have landed at Chesencook, and removed one
of those oloriferous heaps, as Sorrow called them, and borrowed the
metaphor from it, that there was not "a smell of it left." On the
beach between the "flakes" and the water, were smaller heaps of the
garbage of the cod-fish and mackarel, on which the grey and white
gulls fought, screamed, and gorged themselves, while on the bar were
the remains of several enormous black fish, half the size of whales,
which had been driven on shore, and hauled up out of the reach of the
waves by strong ox teams. The heads and livers of these huge monsters
had been "tried out in the Sperm court" for ile, and the putrid
remains of the carcass were disputed for by pigs and crows. The
discordant noises of these hungry birds and beasts were perfectly
deafening.