G. A. Henty - "On the Pampas"

Emerson Hough - "The Passing of the Frontier"

Louisa May Alcott - "Jo's Boys"

Lillian B. Lansdown - "Prepare and Serve a Meal and Interior Decoration"

New Philadelphia Book Publisher Highlights Local Talent
Book and Publishing News from Publishers Newswire(tm)

Looking for Child to be on Cover of a New Book, 'The Model Child'
PHILADELPHIA, Pa. -- The Philadelphia literary world will celebrate the launch of two new players today, April 10th: Kay Square Press, a new publishing company focused on Philadelphia-area artists, their stories, and their art; and Kay Square's first release, 'With the Rich and Mighty: Emlen Etting of Philadelphia' (ISBN: 978-0-9815129-0-7), a critical biography by Kenneth C. Kaleta.

FlatSigned Press Alleges Don Imus Remarks Damage Legacy of President Gerald R. Ford
NEW YORK, N.Y. -- Nathan Yungerberg, an accomplished model scout and professional child photographer is launching a nation-wide casting call to find the cover model for his highly anticipated book release, 'The Model Child: A Parents Guide to the Child Modeling Industry' (ISBN: 978-0-9817018-0-6).

Books: Nature and Human Nature

T >> Thomas Chandler Haliburton >> Nature and Human Nature




"What are you stopping for?" said the doctor to me, for the whole
party was waiting for us.

"I was admirin' of them bars," said I.

"Why, they are the commonest things in the country," he replied. "Did
you never see them before?" Of course I had, a thousand times, but I
didn't choose to answer.

"What a most beautiful contrivance," said I, "they are. First, you
can't find them, if you don't know beforehand where they are, they
look so like the rest of the fence. It tante one stranger in a
thousand could take them down, for if he begins at the top they get
awfully tangled, and if he pulls the wrong way, the harder he hauls
the tighter they get. Then he has to drag them all out of the way, so
as to lead the horse through, and leave him standin' there till he
puts them up agin, and as like as not, the critter gets tired of
waitin', races off to the stable, and breaks the waggon all to
flinders. After all these advantages, they don't cost but a shilling
or so more than a gate. Oh, it's grand."

"Well, well," said the doctor, "I never thought of that afore, but you
are right after all," and he laughed as good humouredly as possible.
"Jackson," said he.

"Yes, your Honour."

"We must have a gate there."

"Certainly," said the servant, touching his hat. But he honoured me
with a look, as much as to say, "Thank you for nothing, Sir. It's a
pity you hadn't served under Colonel Jones, for he would have taught
you to mind your own business double quick."

We then proceeded to the door, and the doctor welcomed the party to
the "Bachelor Beaver's-dam," as he called it. In the mean time, the
bustling little old woman returned, and expressed great delight at
seeing us. The place was so lonesome, she said, and it was so pleasant
to see ladies there, for they were the first who had ever visited the
doctor, and it was so kind of them to come so far, and she hoped they
would often honour the place with their presence, if they could put up
with their accommodation, for she had only heard from the doctor the
night before; and she was so sorry she couldn't receive them as she
could wish, and a whole volume more, and an appendix longer than that,
and an index to it, where the paging was so jumbled you couldn't find
nothin'.

Jackson joined in, and said he regretted his commissariat was so badly
supplied. That it was a poor country to forage in, and that there was
nothing but the common rations and stores for the detachment stationed
there. But that nothing should be wanting on his part, and so on. The
housekeeper led the way to the apartments destined for the girls.
Peter assisted the boy to unharness the horses, and the doctor showed
Cutler and myself into the hall, where the breakfast table was set for
us. Seeing Jackson marching to the well, as if he was on parade, I
left the two together in conversation, and went out to talk to him.
"Sergeant," sais I.

"Yes, your Honour," said he, and he put down the pail, and raised his
hand to his forehead.

"I understand you have seen a great deal of service in your time."

"Yes, Sir," said he, looking well pleased, and as if his talking tacks
were all ready. I had hit the right subject. "I ave gone through a
deal of soldiering in my day, and been in many a ard fight, Sir."

"I see you have the marks on you," I said. "That is a bad scar on your
face."

"Well, Sir," said he, "saving your presence, I wish the devil had the
Frenchman that gave me that wound. I have some I am proud of having
received in the service of my king and country. I have three balls in
me now, which the doctors couldn't extract, and nothin' but death will
bring to the light of day again, if they can be said to be seen in the
grave. But that scar is the only disgraceful mark I ever received
since I first joined in 1808.

"When we were laying siege to Badajoz, Sir, I was in the cavalry, and
I was sent with a message to a brigade that was posted some distance
from us. Well, Sir, as I was trotting along, I saw a French dragoon,
well mounted, leading a splendid spare orse, belonging to some French
hofficer of rank, as far as I could judge from his happearance and
mountings. Instead of pursuing my course, as I ought to have done,
Sir, I thought I'de make a dash at the rascal, and make prize of that
are hanimal. So I drew my sword, raised myself in my saddle (for I was
considered a first-rate swordsman, as most Hinglishmen hare who have
been used to the single-stick), and made sure I ad him. Instead of
turning, he kept steadily on, and never as much as drew his sabre, so
in place of making a cut hat him, for I'de scorn to strike han
hunarmed man, my play was to cut is reins, and then if he wanted a
scrimmage, to give him one, and if not, to carry off that hare orse.

"Well, Sir, he came on gallantly, I must say that, and kept his eye
fixed steadily on me, when just as I was going to make a cut at his
reins, he suddenly seized his eavy-mounted elmet, and threw it slap at
my face, and I'll be anged if it didn't stun me, and knock me right
off the orse flat on the ground, and then he galloped off as ard as he
could go. When I got up, I took his elmet under my harm, and proceeded
on my route. I was ashamed to tell the story straight, and I made the
best tale I could of the scrimmage, and showed the elmet in token that
it was a pretty rough fight. But the doctor, when he dressed the
wound, swore it never was made with a sword, nor a bullet, nor any
instrument he knew hon, and that he didn't think it was occasioned by
a fall, for it was neither insised, outsised, nor contused--but a
confusion of all three. He questioned me as close as a witness.

"'But,' sais I, 'doctor, there is no telling what himplements
Frenchmen ave. They don't fight like us, they don't. It was a runnin'
scrimmage, or handicap fight.' Yes, Sir, if it was hanywhere helse,
where it wouldn't show, it wouldn't be so bad, but there it is on the
face, and there is no denyin' of it."

Here the little woman made her appearance again, with the hat in her
hand, and said imploringly:

"Tom, doee put your hat on, that's a good soul. He don't take no care
of himself, Sir," she said, addressing herself to me. "He has seen a
deal of service in his day, and has three bullets in him now, and he
is as careless of hisself as if he didn't mind whether I was left
alone in the oulin' wilderness or not. Oh, Sir, if you heard the wild
beastesis here at night, it's dreadful. It's worse than the wolves in
the Pyreen, in Spain. And then, Sir, all I can do, I can't get him to
wear is at, when he knows in is eart he had a stroke of the sun near
Badajoz, which knocked him off his orse, and see how it cut his face.
He was so andsome before, Sir."

"Betty," said the sergeant, "the doctor is calling you. Do go into the
ouse, and don't bother the gentleman. Oh, Sir," said he, "I have had
to tell a cap of lies about that are scar on my face, and that's ard,
Sir, for a man who has a medal with five clasps; ain't it?"

Here the doctor came to tell me breakfast was ready.

"I was admiring, Doctor," said I, "this simple contrivance of yours
for raising water from the well. It is very ingenious."

"Very," he said, "but I assure you it is no invention of mine. I have
no turn that way. It is very common in the country."

I must describe this extraordinary looking affair, for though not
unusual in America, I have never seen it in England, although the
happy thought doubtless owes its origin to the inventive genius of its
farmers.

The well had a curb, as it is called, a square wooden box open at the
top, to prevent accident to the person drawing the water. A few paces
from this was an upright post about twelve feet high, having a crotch
at the top. A long beam lies across this, one end of which rests on
the ground at a distance from the post, and the other projects into
the air with its point over the well. This beam is secured in the
middle of the crotch of the upright post by an iron bolt, on which it
moves, as on an axle. To the aerial end is attached a few links of a
chain, that hold a long pole to which the bucket is fastened, and
hangs over the well. The beam and its pendent apparatus resembles a
fishing-rod and its line protruding over a stream. When a person
wishes to draw water, he takes hold of the pole, and as he pulls it
down, the bucket descends into the well, and the heavy end of the beam
rises into the air, and when the pail is filled the weight of the butt
end of the beam in its descent raises the bucket.

"Now," said I, "Doctor, just observe how beautiful this thing is in
operation. A woman (for they draw more nor half the water used in this
country) has to put out all her strength, dragging down the pole, with
her hands over her head (an attitude and exercise greatly recommended
by doctors to women), in order to get the bucket down into the well.
If she is in too big a hurry, the lever brings it up with a jerk that
upsets it, and wets her all over, which is very refreshing in hot
weather, and if a child or a dog happens to be under the heavy end of
the beam, it smashes it to death, which after all ain't no great
matter, for there are plenty left to them who have too many and don't
care for 'em. And then if it ain't well looked after and the post gets
rotten at the bottom, on a stormy day it's apt to fall and smash the
roof of the house in, which is rather lucky, for most likely it wanted
shingling, and it is time it was done. Well, when the bucket swings
about in the wind, if a gall misses catching it, it is apt to hit her
in the mouth, which is a great matter, if she has the tooth-ache, for
it will extract corn-crackers a plaguey sight quicker than a dentist
could to save his soul."

"Well," said he, "I never thought of that before. I have no turn for
these things, I'll have it removed, it is a most dangerous thing, and
I wouldn't have an accident happen to the sergeant and dear old Betty
for the world."

"God bless your Honour for that," said Jackson.

"But, Doctor," said I, "joking apart, they are very picturesque, ain't
they, how well they look in a sketch, eh! nice feature in the
foreground."

"Oh," said he, patting me on the back, "there you have me again,
Slick. Oh, indeed they are, I can't part with my old well-pole, oh,
no, not for the world: Jackson, have an eye to it, see that it is all
safe and strong and that no accident happens, but I don't think we
need take it away. Come, Slick, come to breakfast."

Thinks I to myself, as I proceeded to the hall, "there are two classes
only in this world. Those who have genius, and those who have common
sense. They are like tailors, one can cut a coat and do nothin' else,
for he is an artist. The other can put the parts together, for he is a
workman only. Now the doctor is a man of talent and learning, an
uncommon man, but he don't know common things at all. He can cut out a
garment, but he can't stitch a button-hole."



CHAPTER IX.

THE PLURAL OF MOOSE.


The room in which we breakfasted was about eighteen feet square,
having a large old-fashioned fire-place opposite to the front door,
which opened directly on the lawn. The walls were fancifully
ornamented with moose and deer horns, fowling-pieces, fishing-rods,
landing nets and baskets, bows and arrows of every description, and
Indian relics, such as stone hatchets, bowls, rude mortars, images,
war clubs, wampum, and implements not unlike broad swords made of
black birch, the edges of which were inlaid with the teeth of animals,
or the shells of fish, ground sharp. Besides these, were skulls of
great size and in good preservation, stone pipes, pouches, and so on;
also some enormous teeth and bones of an antediluvian animal, found in
the Bras Dor lake in Cape Breton. It was, take it altogether, the most
complete collection of relics of this interesting race, the Micmacs,
and of natur's products to be found in this province. Some of the
larger moose horns are ingeniously managed, so as to form supports for
polished slabs of hardwood for tables. The doctor informed me that
this department of his museum was under the sole direction of the
sergeant, who called it his armoury, and to whose experience in the
arrangement of arms he was indebted for the good effect they produced.
The only objection he said he had to it was, that classification had
been sacrificed to appearance, and things were very much intermixed;
but his collection was too small to make this a matter of any
importance.

Jackson, as soon as the doctor was similarly engaged in showing them
to the captain and the Miss McDonalds, for whom they seemed to have a
peculiar interest, mounted guard over me.

"You see, Sir," said he, "the moose horns are the only thing of any
size here, and that's because the moose is half English, you know.
Everything is small in this country, and degenerates, Sir. The fox
ain't near as big as an English one. Lord, Sir, the ounds would run
down one o' these fellows in ten minutes. They haven't got no
strength. The rabbit too is a mere nothink; he is more of a cat, and
looks like one too, when he is hanged in a snare. It's so cold,
nothin' comes to a right size here. The trees is mere shrubbery
compared to our hoaxes. The pine is tall, but then it has no sap. It's
all tar and turpentine, and that keeps the frost out of its heart. The
fish that live under the ice in the winter are all iley, in a general
way, like the whales, porpoises, dog-fish, and cod. The liver of the
cod is all ile, and women take to drinkin' it now in cold weather to
keep their blood warm. Depend upon it, Sir, in two or three
generations they will shine in the sun like niggers. Porter would be
better for 'em to drink than ile, and far more pleasanter too, Sir,
wouldn't it? It would fill 'em out. Saving your presence, Sir, you
never see a girl here with--"

"Hush! the ladies will hear you," I said.

"I ax your Honour's pardon; perhaps I am making too bold, but it's
nateral for a man that has seed so much of the world as I have to talk
a bit, especially as my tongue is absent on furlough more nor half the
year, and then the old 'ooman's goes on duty, and never fear, Sir,
her'n don't sleep at its post. She has seen too much sarvice for that.
It don't indeed. It hails every one that passes the sentry-box, and
makes 'em advance and give the countersign. A man that has seed so
much, Sir, in course has a good deal to talk about. Now, Sir, I don't
want to undervaly the orns at no rate, but Lord bless you, Sir, I have
seen the orns of a wild sheep, when I was in the Medeteranion, so
large, I could hardly lift them with one hand. They say young foxes
sleep in them sometimes. Oh, Sir, if they would only get a few of them
sheep, and let them loose here, there would be some fun in unting of
them. They are covered over with air in summer, and they are so wild
you can't take them no other way than by shooting of them. Then, Sir,
there is the orns of--"

"But how is the moose half English?" sais I.

"Why, Sir, I heard our colour-sergeant M'Clure say so when we was in
Halifax. He was a great reader and a great arguer, Sir, as most
Scotchmen are. I used to say to him, 'M'Clure, it's a wonder you can
fight as well as you do, for in England fellows who dispute all the
time commonly take it all out in words.'

"One day, Sir, a man passed the north barrack gate, tumping (as he
said, which means in English, Sir, hauling) an immense bull moose on a
sled, though why he didn't say so, I don't know, unless he wanted to
show he knew what M'Clure calls the botanical word for it. It was the
largest hanimal I ever saw here."

"Says Mac to him, 'What do you call that creature?'

"'Moose,' said he.

"'Do you pretend to tell me,' said Mac, 'that that henormous hanimal,
with orns like a deer, is a moose?'

"'I don't pretend at all,' said he; 'I think I hought to know one when
I see it, for I have killed the matter of a undred of them in my day.'

"'It's a daumed lee,' said the sergeant. 'It's no such thing; I
wouldn't believe it if you was to swear to it.'

"'Tell you what,' said the man, 'don't go for to tell me that again,
or I'll lay you as flat as he is in no time,' and he cracked his whip
and moved on.

"'What's the use,' said I, 'M'Clure, to call that man a liar? How do
you know whether it is a moose or not, and he is more like to get its
name right than you, who never saw one afore.'

"'Moose,' said he, 'do you take me for a fool? do you suppose he is a
goin' to cram me with such stuff as that? The idea of his pretending
to tell me that a creature six feet high with great spreading antlers
like a deer is a moose, when in fact they are no bigger than a
cock-roach, and can run into holes the size of a sixpence! Look at
me--do you see anything very green about me?'

"'Why, Mac,' sais I, 'as sure as the world you mean a mouse.'

"'Well, I said a moose,' he replied.

"'Yes, I know you said a moose, but that's not the way to pronounce a
mouse. It may be Scotch, but it ain't English. Do you go into that
hardware shop, and ask for a moose-trap, and see how the boys will
wink to each other, and laugh at you.'

"'A man,' sais he, drawing himself up, 'who has learned humanity at
Glaskee, don't require to be taught how to pronounce moose.'

"'As for your humanity,' said I, 'I never see much of that. If you
ever had that weakness, you got bravely over it, and the glass key
must have been broke years agone in Spain.'

"'You are getting impertinent,' said he, and he walked off and left
me.

"It's very strange, your Honour, but I never saw an Irishman or
Scotchman yet that hadn't the vanity to think he spoke English better
than we do."

"But the Yankees?" said I.

"Well, Sir, they are foreigners, you know, and only speak broken
English; but they mix up a deal of words of their own with it, and
then wonder you don't understand them. They keep their mouths so busy
chawing, they have to talk through their noses.

"A few days after that, Sir, we walked down to the marketplace, and
there was another of these hanimals for sale. But perhaps I am making
too bold, Sir?"

"No, no, not at all; go on. I like to hear you."

"'Well,' said M'Clure to the countryman, 'What do you call that?'

"'A moose,' said he.

"Well, I gives him a nudge of my helbow, to remind him not to tell him
it was a 'daumed lee,' as he did the other man.

"'What does moose mean, my man?'

"Would you believe it, Sir, he didn't like that word 'my man,'
partikelarly coming from a soldier, for they are so hignorant here
they affect to look down upon soldiers, and call 'em 'thirteen
pences.'

"'Mean,' said he, 'it means that,' a-pointin' to the carcass. 'Do you
want to buy it?'

"'Hem!' said Mac. 'Well now, my good fellow--'

"Oh, Sir, if you had a seen the countryman when he heard them words,
it would a been as good as a play. He eyed him all over, very
scornful, as if he was taking his measure and weight for throwing him
over the sled by his cape and his trousers, and then he put his hand
in his waistcoat pocket, and took out a large black fig of coarse
tobacco, and bit a piece out of it, as if it was an apple, and fell
too a chewing of it, as if to vent his wrath on it, but said nothing.

"'Well, my good fellow,' said Mac, 'when there are more than one, or
they are in the plural number, what do you call them?'

"'Mice,' said the fellow.

"'Mice!' said M'Clure, 'I must look into that; it's very odd. Still,
it can't be mooses either.'

"He didn't know what to make of it; he had been puzzled with mouse
before, and found he was wrong, so he thought it was possible 'mice'
might be the right word after all.

"'Well,' said he, 'what do you call the female moose?'

"'Why,' sais the man, 'I guess,' a-talkin' through his nose instead of
his mouth--how I hate that Yankee way, don't you, Sir? 'Why,' sais he,
'I guess we call the he-moose M, and the other N, as the case may be.'

"'Who gave them that name?' said M'Clure.

"'Why, I reckon,' said the other, 'their godfathers and godmothers at
their baptism, but I can't say, for I warn't there.'

"'I say, my man,' said M'Clure, 'you had better keep a civil tongue in
your head.'

"'Ask me no questions, then,' said the countryman, 'and I'll tell you
no lies; but if you think to run a rig on me, you have made a mistake
in the child, and barked up the wrong tree, that's all. P'raps I ain't
so old as you be, but I warn't born yesterday. So slope, if you
please, for I want to sneeze, and if I do, it will blow your cap over
the market-house, and you'll be lucky if your head don't go along with
it."

"'Come away,' said I, 'Mac, that fellow has no more manners than a
heathen.'

"'He's an hignorant beast,' said he, 'he is beneath notice.'

"The man eard that, and called after him, 'Hofficer, hofficer,' said
he.

"That made M'Clure stop, for he was expectin' to be one every day, and
the word sounded good, and Scotchmen, Sir, ain't like other people,
pride is as natural as oatmeal to them. The man came up to us limpin'.

"'Hofficer,' said he, 'I ax your pardon if I offended you, I thought
you was a pokin' fun at me, for I am nothing but a poor hignorant
farmer, from the country, and these townspeople are always making game
of us. I'll tell you all about that are moose and how I killed him. He
urt my feelins, Sir, or I never would have mislested him, for Zack
Wilcox is as good-natured a chap, it's generally allowed, as ever
lived. Yes, he trod on my toes, I don't feel right yet, and when any
fellow does that to me, why there ain't no mistake about it, his time
is out and the sentence is come to pass. He begged for his life, oh,
it was piteous to see him. I don't mean to say the dumb beast spoke,
but his looks were so beseeching just the way if you was tied up to
the halbert to be whipped, you'd look at the general.'

"'Me?' said M'Clure.

"'Yes, you or anybody else,' said the man. 'Well,' said he, 'I told
him I wouldn't shoot him, I'de give him one chance for his life, but
if he escaped he'd be deaf for ever afterwards. Poor feller, I didn't
intend to come it quite so strong, but he couldn't stand the shock I
gave him, and it killed him--frightened him to death.'

"'How?' said M'Clure.

"'Why,' sais he, 'I'll tell you,' and he looked cautiously all round,
as if he didn't want any one to know the secret. 'I gave him a most an
almighty hambler that fairly keeled him over.'

"'What?' said M'Clure.

"'Why,' sais he, 'I gave him,' and he bent forward towards his hear as
if to whisper the word, 'I gave him a most thunderin' everlastin'
loud--' and he gave a yell into his hear that was eard clean across
the harbour, and at the ospital beyond the dockyard, and t'other way
as far as Fresh-water Bridge. Nothin' was hever eard like it before.

"M'Clure sprang backwards the matter of four or five feet, and placed
his hand on his side arms, while the countryman brayed out a horse
laugh that nearly took away one's earing. The truck-men gate him a
cheer, for they are all Irishmen, and they don't like soldiers
commonly on account of their making them keep the peace at ome at
their meetin' of monsters, and there was a general commotion in the
market. We beat a retreat, and when we got out of the crowd, sais I,
'M'Clure, that comes of arguing with every one you meet. It's a bad
habit.'

"'I wasn't arguing,' sais he, quite short, 'I was only asking
questions, and how can you ever learn if you don't inquire?'

"Well, when he got to the barrack, he got a book wrote by a Frenchman,
called Buffoon."

"A capital name," sais I, "for a Frenchman," but he didn't take, for
there is no more fun in an Englishman than a dough pudding, and went
on without stopping.

"Sais he, 'this author is all wrong. He calls it han 'horiginal,' but
he ain't a native animal, it's half English and half Yankee. Some
British cattle at a remote period have been wrecked here, strayed into
the woods, and erded with the Carriboo. It has the ugly carcass and
ide of the ox, and has taken the orns, short tail, and its speed from
the deer. That accounts for its being larger than the native stags.' I
think he was right, Sir, what is your opinion?"

The doctor and the rest of the party coming up just put an end to
Jackson's dissertation on the origin of the moose. The former said,

"Come, Mr Slick, suppose we try the experiment of the bow," and
Jessie, seeing us preparing for shooting, asked the doctor for smaller
ones for her sister and herself. The targets were accordingly
prepared, and placing myself near one of them, I discharged the gun
and removed a few paces on one side, and commenced as rapidly as I
could to reload, but the doctor had sent three arrows through mine
before I had finished. It required almost as little time as a
revolver. He repeated the trial again with the same result.

"What do you think of the bow now?" said he in triumph. "Come,
Captain, do you and Mr Slick try your luck, and see what sort of shots
you can make." The captain, who was an experienced hand with the gun,
after a few attempts to ascertain the power and practice necessary,
made capital play with the bow, and his muscular arm rendered easy to
him that which required of me the utmost exertion of my strength.
Jessie and her sister now stept forward, and measuring off a shorter
distance, took their stations. Their shooting, in which they were
quite at home, was truly wonderful. Instead of using the bow as we
did, so as to bring the arrow in a line with the eye, they held it
lower down, in a way to return the elbow to the right side, much in
the same manner that a skilful sportsman shoots from the hip. It
seemed to be no sort of exertion whatever to them, and every arrow was
lodged in the inner circle. It seemed to awaken them to a new
existence, and in their excitement I observed they used their mother
tongue.