Charles de Bernard - "Gerfaut, v1"

Canniff Haight - "Life in Canada Fifty Years Ago"

Constant - "The Private Life of Napoleon Bonaparte, v4"

Thornton W. Burgess - "Old Granny Fox"

New Philadelphia Book Publisher Highlights Local Talent
Book and Publishing News from Publishers Newswire(tm)

Looking for Child to be on Cover of a New Book, 'The Model Child'
PHILADELPHIA, Pa. -- The Philadelphia literary world will celebrate the launch of two new players today, April 10th: Kay Square Press, a new publishing company focused on Philadelphia-area artists, their stories, and their art; and Kay Square's first release, 'With the Rich and Mighty: Emlen Etting of Philadelphia' (ISBN: 978-0-9815129-0-7), a critical biography by Kenneth C. Kaleta.

FlatSigned Press Alleges Don Imus Remarks Damage Legacy of President Gerald R. Ford
NEW YORK, N.Y. -- Nathan Yungerberg, an accomplished model scout and professional child photographer is launching a nation-wide casting call to find the cover model for his highly anticipated book release, 'The Model Child: A Parents Guide to the Child Modeling Industry' (ISBN: 978-0-9817018-0-6).

Books: Nature and Human Nature

T >> Thomas Chandler Haliburton >> Nature and Human Nature




"Oh, my old 'Come-outer,'" said I, as I took my last look at him for
the night, "you have 'come-out' in your true colours at last, but this
comes of 'fiddling and dancing, and serving the devil.'"



CHAPTER VIII.

STITCHING A BUTTON-HOLE.


After the family had retired to rest, the doctor and I lighted our
cigars, and discoursed of the events of the evening.

"Such men as Jehu Judd," he said, "do a monstrous deal of mischief in
the country. By making the profession of piety a cloak for their
knavery, they injure the cause of morality, and predispose men to
ridicule the very appearance of that which is so justly entitled to
their respect, a sober, righteous, and godly life. Men lose their
abhorrence of fraud in their distrust of the efficacy of religion. It
is a duty we owe to society to expose and punish such fellows."

"Well then, I will do my duty," said I, laughing, "he has fired into
the wrong flock this time, I'll teach him not to do it again, or my
name is not Sam Slick. I will make that goney a caution to sinners, I
know. He has often deceived others so that they didn't know him, I
will now alter him so he shan't know himself when he wakes up."

Proceeding to my bed-room, which, as I said before, adjoined the
parlour, I brought out the box containin' my sketchin' fixins, and
opening of a secret drawer, showed him a small paper of
bronze-coloured powder.

"That," said I," is what the Indians at the Nor-west use to disguise a
white man, when he is in their train, not to deceive their enemies,
for you couldn't take in a savage for any length of time, no how you
could fix it, but that his pale face might not alarm the scouts of
their foes. I was stained that way for a month when I was among them,
for there was war going on at the time."

Mixing a little of it with brandy I went to the sofa, where Mr Jehu
Judd was laid out, and with a camel's hair brush ornamented his upper
lip with two enormous and ferocious moustachios, curling well upwards,
across his cheeks to his ears, and laid on the paint in a manner to
resist the utmost efforts of soap and water. Each eye was adorned with
an enormous circle to represent the effect of blows, and on his
forehead was written in this indelible ink in large print letters,
like those on the starn-board of a vessel, the words "Jehu of Quaco."

In the morning we made preparations for visiting the Bachelor Beaver.
The evangelical trader awoke amid the general bustle of the house, and
sought me out to talk over the sale of his mackarel.

"Fa is tat," said Peter, who first stared wildly at him, and then put
himself in a posture of defence. "Is she a deserter from the garishon
of Halifax?"

"I am a man of peace," said Jehu (who appeared to have forgotten the
aberrations of the last evening, and had resumed his usual
sanctimoniouslyfied manner). "Swear not, friend, it is an abomination,
and becometh not a Christian man."

Peter was amazed, he could not trust his eyes, his ears, or his
memory.

"Toctor," said he, "come here for heaven's sake, is she hern ainsel or
ta tevil."

The moment the doctor saw him, his hands as usual involuntarily
protected his sides, and he burst out a laughing in his face, and then
describing a circle on the grass, fell down, and rolled over, saying,
"Oh, oh, that man will be the death of me." The girls nearly went into
hysterics, and Cutler, though evidently not approving of the practical
joke, as only fit for military life, unable to contain himself, walked
away. The French boy, Etienne, frightened at his horrible expression
of face, retreated backwards, crossed himself most devoutly, and
muttered an Ave Maria.

"Friend Judd," said I, for I was the only one who retained my gravity,
"thee ought not to wear a mask, it is a bad sign."

"I wear no mask, Mr Slick," he said, "I use no disguises, and it does
not become a professing man like you to jeer and scoff because I
reprove the man Peter for his profaneness."

Peter stamped and raved like a madman, and had to resort to Gaelic to
disburden his mind of his effervescence. He threatened to shoot him;
he knew him very well, he said, for he had seen him before on the
prairies. He was a Kentucky villain, a forger, a tief, a Yankee spy
sent to excite the Indians against the English. He knew his false
moustachios, he would swear to them in any court of justice in the
world. "Deil a bit is ta loon Jehu Judd," he said, "her name is
prayin' Joe, the horse-stealer."

For the truth of this charge he appealed to his daughters, who stood
aghast at the fearful resemblance his moustachios had given him to
that noted borderer.

"That man of Satan," said Jehu, looking very uncomfortable, as he saw
Peter flourishing a short dirk, and the doctor holding him back and
remonstrating with him. "That man of Satan I never saw before
yesterday, when I entered his house, where there was fiddling and
dancing, and serving the devil. Truly my head became dizzy at the
sight, my heart sunk within me at beholding such wickedness, and I
fell into a swoon, and was troubled with dreams of the evil one all
night."

"Then he visited thee, friend," I said, "in thy sleep, and placed his
mark upon thee--the mark of the beast, come and look at it in the
glass."

When he saw himself, he started back in great terror, and gave vent to
a long, low, guttural groan, like a man who is suffering intense
agony. "What in the world is all this?" he said. He again approached
the glass and again retreated with a look of unspeakable despair,
groaning like a thousand sinners, and swelled out about the head and
throat like a startled blauzer-snake. After which he put his hand to
his lip and discovered there was no hair. He then took courage and
advanced once more, and examined it carefully, and rubbed it, but it
did not remove it.

"He has burned it into the skin," I said, "he hath made thee the image
of the horse-stealer, and who knoweth whom else thou resemblest. Thee
art a marked man verily. Thee said thee never used disguises."

"Never," he said, "never, Mr Slick."

"Hush," I said, "thee hast worn three disguises. First, thee wore the
disguise of religion; secondly, thee were disguised in liquor; and
thirdly, thee art now disguised with what fighting men call the
moustachio."

"Oh, Mr Slick," said he, leaving off his cant, and really looking like
a different man, "dod drot it, it is a just punishment. I knock under,
I holler, I give in, have mercy on me. Can you rid me of this horrid
mark, for I can't flunk out in the street in this rig."

"I can," sais I, "but I will do it on one condition only, and that is,
that you give over canting that way, and coverin' tricks with long
faces and things too serious to mention now, for that is doubly
wicked. Cheatin' ain't pretty at no time, though I wouldn't be too
hard on a man for only gettin' hold of the right eend of the rope in a
bargain. I have done it myself. Or puttin' the leak into a consaited
critter sometimes for fun. But to cheat, and cant to help you a doin'
of it, is horrid, that's a fact. It's the very devil. Will you
promise, if I take down that ornamental sign-board, that you will give
up that kind o' business and set up a new shop?"

"I will," said he, "upon my soul--I'll be d--d if I don't. That ain't
cant now, is it?"

"Well, now you never said a truer word," said I, "you will be d--d if
you don't, that's a fact. But there is no use to run to the other
extreme, neither."

"Are you a preacher?" said he, and I thought he gave me a sly look out
of the corner of his eye, as much as to say, "how good we are, ain't
we," as sin said when the devil was rebukin' of him. The fact is, the
fellow was a thunderin' knave, but he was no fool, further than being
silly enough to be a knave.

"No," sais I, "I ain't, I scorn a man dubbin' himself preacher,
without the broughtens up to it, and a lawful warrant for being one.
And I scorn cant, it ain't necessary to trade. If you want that proved
to you, wait till I return to-morrow, and if you get to winderd of me
in a bargain, I'll give you leave to put the moustachios on me, that's
a fact. My maxim is to buy as low and sell as high as I can, provided
the article will bear a large profit. If not, I take a moderate
advance, turn the penny quick, and at it again. I will compound
something that will take out your false hair, for I don't think it
will be easy to shave it off. It all came of pretence. What in the
world was the reason you couldn't walk quietly into the cantecoi,
where people were enjoying themselves, and either join them, or if you
had scruples, keep them to yourself and sit by. Nobody would have
molested you. Nothing but cant led you to join temperance societies. A
man ought to be able to use, not abuse liquor, but the moment you
obligate yourself not to touch it, it kinder sets you a hankering
after it, and if you taste it after that, it upsets you, as it did
last night. It ain't easy to wean a calf that takes to suckin' the
second time, that's a fact. Your pretence set folks agin you. They
didn't half like the interruption for one thing, and then the way you
acted made them disrespect you. So you got a most an all-fired trick
played on you. And I must say it sarves you right. Now, sais I, go on
board and--"

"Oh, Mr Slick," said he, "oh now, that's a good fellow, don't send me
on board such a figure as this, I'd rather die fust, I'd never hear
the last of it. The men would make me the laughing-stock of Quaco. Oh,
I can't go on board."

"Well," sais I, "go to bed then, and put a poultice on your face, to
soften the skin." That warn't necessary at all, but I said it to
punish him. "And when I come back, I will give you a wash, that will
make your face as white and as smooth as a baby's."

"Oh, Mr Slick," said he, "couldn't you--" but I turned away, and
didn't hear him out.

By the time I had done with him, we were all ready to start for the
Bachelor Beaver. Peter borrowed an extra horse and waggon, and drove
his youngest daughter. Cutler drove Jessie in another, and the doctor
and I walked.

"We can travel as fast as they can," he said, "for part of the road is
full of stumps, and very rough, and I like the arrangement, and want
to have a talk with you about all sorts of things."

After travelling about two miles, we struck off the main highway into
a wood-road, in which stones, hillocks, and roots of trees so impeded
the waggons, that we passed them, and took the lead.

"Are you charged?" said the Doctor, "if not, I think we may as well do
so now."

"Perhaps it would be advisable," said I. "But where is your gun?"

"I generally am so well loaded," he replied, "when I go to the woods,
I find it an encumbrance. In addition to my other traps, I find forty
weight of pemican as much as I can carry."

"Pemican,"1 sais I, "what in natur is that?" I knew as well as he did
what it was, for a man that don't understand how to make that, don't
know the very abeselfa of wood-craft. But I tell you what, Squire,
unless you want to be hated, don't let on you know all that a feller
can tell you. The more you do know, the more folks are afeared to be
able to tell you something new. It flatters their vanity, and it's a
harmless piece of politeness, as well as good policy to listen; for
who the plague will attend to you if you won't condescend to hear
them? Conversation is a barter, in which one thing is swapped for
another, and you must abide by the laws of trade. What you give costs
you nothing; and what you get may be worth nothing; so, if you don't
gain much, you don't lose, at all events. "So," sais I, "what in natur
is pemican?"


1 See Dunn's "Oregon."


"Why," sais he, "it is formed by pounding the choice parts of venison
or other meat very small, dried over a slack fire, or by the frost,
and put into bags, made of the skin of the slain animal, into which a
portion of melted fat is poured. The whole being then strongly
pressed, and sewed up in bags, constitutes the best and most portable
food known; and one which will keep a great length of time. If a
dainty man, like you, wishes to improve its flavour, you may spice
it."

"What a grand thing that would be for soldiers during forced marches,
wouldn't it. Well, Doctor," sais I, "that's a wrinkle, ain't it? But
who ever heard of a colonial minister knowing anything of colony
habits?"

"If we have a chance to kill a deer," he said, "I will show you how to
make it," and he looked as pleased to give me that information as if
he had invented it himself. "So I use this instead of a gun," he
continued, producing a long, thick-barreled pistol, of capital
workmanship, and well mounted. "I prefer this, it answers every
purpose: and is easy to carry. There are no wolves here, and bears
never attack you, unless molested, so that the gun-barrel is not
needed as a club; and if Bruin once gets a taste of this, he is in no
hurry to face it again. The great thing is to know how to shoot, and
where to hit. Now, it's no use to fire at the head of a bear, the
proper place to aim for is the side, just back of the fore leg. Are
you a good shot?"

"Well," said I, "I can't brag, for I have seen them that could beat me
at that game; but, in a general way, I don't calculate to throw away
my lead. It's scarce in the woods. Suppose though we have a trial. Do
you see that blaze in the hemlock tree, there? try it."

Well, he up, and as quick as wink fired, and hit it directly in the
centre.

"Well," sais I, "you scare me. To tell you the truth, I didn't expect
to be taken up that way. And so sure as I boast of a thing, I slip out
of the little eend of the horn." Well, I drew a bead fine on it, and
fired.

"That mark is too small," said he (thinking I had missed it), "and
hardly plain enough."

"I shouldn't wonder if I had gone a one side or the other," said I, as
we walked up to it, "I intended to send your ball further in; but I
guess I have only turned it round. See, I have cut a little grain of
the bark off the right side of the circle."

"Good," said he, "these balls are near enough to give a critter the
heart-ache, at any rate. You are a better shot than I am; and that's
what I have never seen in this province. Strange, too, for you don't
live in the woods as I do."

"That's the reason," said I, "I shoot for practice, you, when you
require it. Use keeps your hand in, but it wouldn't do it for me; so I
make up by practising whenever I can. When I go to the woods, which
ain't as often now as I could wish, for they ain't to be found
everywhere in our great country, I enjoy it with all my heart. I enter
into it as keen as a hound, and I don't care to have the Clockmaker
run rigs on. A man's life often depends on his shot, and he ought to
be afraid of nothin'. Some men, too, are as dangerous as wild beasts;
but if they know you can snuff a candle with a ball, hand runnin',
why, they are apt to try their luck with some one else, that ain't up
to snuff, that's all. It's a common feeling, that.

"The best shot I ever knew, was a tailor at Albany. He used to be very
fond of brousin' in the forest sometimes, and the young fellows was
apt to have a shy at Thimble. They talked of the skirts of the forest,
the capes of the Hudson, laughing in their sleeve, giving a fellow a
bastin, having a stitch in the side, cuffing a fellow's ears, taking a
tuck-in at lunch, or calling mint-julip an inside lining, and so on;
and every time any o' these words came out, they all laughed like
anything.

"Well, the critter, who was really a capital fellow, used to join in
the laugh himself, but still grinnin' is no proof a man enjoys it; for
a hyena will laugh, if you give him a poke. So what does he do, but
practise in secret every morning and evening at pistol-shooting for an
hour or two, until he was a shade more than perfection itself. Well,
one day he was out with a party of them same coons, and they began to
run the old rig on him as usual. And he jumps up on eend, and in a
joking kind o' way, said: 'Gentlemen, can any of you stitch a
button-hole, with the button in it?' Well, they all roared out at that
like mad.

"'No, Sirree,' sais they, 'but come, show us Thimble, will you? that's
a good fellow. Tom, fetch the goose to press it when it's done. Dick,
cabbage a bit of cloth for him to try it upon. Why, Tom, you are as
sharp as a needle.'

"'Well,' sais he, 'I'll show you.'

"So he went to a tree, and took out of his pocket a fip-penny bit,
that had a hole in the centre, and putting in it a small nail, which
he had provided, he fastened it to the tree.

"'Now,' said he, taking out a pair of pistols, and lots of ammunition,
from the bottom of his prog-basket, where he had hid them. 'Now,' said
he, 'gentlemen, the way to stitch a buttonhole, is to put balls all
round that button, in a close ring, and never disturb them; that's
what we tailors call workmanlike:' and he fired away, shot after shot,
till he had done it.

"'Now,' said he,' gentlemen, that button has to be fastened;' and he
fired, and drove the nail that it hung on into the tree. 'And now,
gentlemen,' said he, 'I have stood your shots for many a long day,
turn about is fair play. The first man that cracks a joke at me, on
account of my calling, must stand my shot, and 'if I don't stitch his
button-hole for him, I am no tailor; that's all.'

"Well, they all cheered him when he sat down, and they drank his
health; and the boss of the day said: 'Well, Street (afore that he
used to call him Thimble), well, Street,' said he, 'you are a man.'

"'There you are again,' said Street, 'that is a covered joke at a
tailor being only the ninth part of one. I pass it over this time, but
let's have no more of it.'

"'No, Sirree, no,' said boss, 'on honour now, I didn't mean it. And I
say, too, let there be no more of it.'"

"Not a bad story!" said the doctor. "A man ought to be able to take
his own part in the world; but my idea is we think too much of guns.
Do you know anything of archery?"

"A little," sais I, "at least folks say so; but then they really give
me credit for what I don't deserve; they say I draw a thunderin' long
bow sometimes."

"Oh! oh!" he said laughing, "positively, as the fellow said to the
tailor, you'll give me a stitch in my side. Well, that's better than
being 'sewed up,' as Jehu was last night. But, seriously, do you ever
use the bow?"

"Well, I have tried the South American bow, and it's a powerful weapon
that; but it takes a man to draw it, I tell you."

"Yes," said he, "it requires a strong arm; but the exercise is good
for the chest. It's the one I generally use. The bow is a great
weapon, and the oldest in the world. I believe I have a tolerable
collection of them. The Indian bow was more or less excellent,
according to the wood they had; but they never could have been worth
much here, for the country produces no suitable material. The old
English long-bow perhaps is a good one; but it is not so powerful as
the Turkish. That has immense power. They say it will carry an arrow
from four hundred and fifty to five hundred yards. Mine perhaps is not
a first-rate one, nor am I what I call a skilful archer; but I can
reach beyond three hundred yards--though that is an immense distance.
The gun has superseded them; but though superior in many respects, the
other has some qualities that are invaluable. In skirmishing, or in
surprising outposts, what an advantage it is to avoid the alarm and
noise occasioned by firearms. All troops engaged in this service in
addition to the rifle ought to have the bow and the quiver. What an
advantage it would have been in the Caffre war, and how serviceable
now in the Crimea. They are light to carry and quickly discharged.
When we get to my house I will prove it to you. We will set up two
targets, at one hundred yards, say. You shall fire from one to the
other, and then stand aside, and before you can reload I will put
three arrows into yours. I should say four to a common soldier's
practice; but I give even you three to one. If a man misses his first
shot at me with a gun, he is victimized, for I have three chances in
return before he gets his second, and if I don't pink him with one or
the other--why, I deserve to be hit. For the same reason, what a
glorious cavalry weapon it is, as the Parthians knew. What a splendid
thing for an ambush, where you are neither seen nor heard. I don't
mean to say they are better than fire-arms; but, occasionally used
with them they would be irresistible. If I were a British officer in
command I would astonish the enemy."

"You would astonish the Horse-Guards, too, I know," said I. "It would
ruin you for ever. They'd call you old 'bows and arrows,' as they did
the general that had no flints to his guns, when he attacked Buonus
Ayres; they'd have you up in 'Punch;' they'd draw you as Cupid going
to war; they'd nickname you a Bow-street officer. Oh! they'd soon
teach you what a quiver was. They'd play the devil with you. They'd
beat you at your own game; you'd be stuck full of poisoned arrows. You
could as easily introduce the queue again, as the bow."

"Well, Cressy, Poictiers, and Agincourt were won with the bow," he
said, "and, as an auxiliary weapon, it is still as effective as ever.
However that is not a mere speculation. When I go out after cariboo, I
always carry mine, and seldom use my gun. It don't alarm the herd;
they don't know where the shaft comes from, and are as likely to look
for it in the lake or in the wild grass as anywhere else. Let us try
them together. But let us load with shot now. We shall come to the
brook directly, and where it spreads out into still water, and the
flags grow, the wild fowl frequent; for they are amazin' fond of
poke-lokeins, as the Indians call those spots. We may get a brace or
two perhaps to take home with us. Come, let us push ahead, and go
warily."

After awhile a sudden turn of the road disclosed to us a flock of
blue-winged ducks, and he whispered, "Do you fire to the right, and I
will take the left." When the smoke from our simultaneous discharges
cleared away, we saw the flock rise, leaving five of their number as
victims of their careless watch.

"That is just what I said," he remarked, "the gun is superior in many
respects; but if we had our bows here, we would have had each two more
shots at them, while on the wing. As it is, we can't reload till they
are out of reach. I only spoke of the how as subordinate and
auxiliary; but never as a substitute. Although I am not certain that,
with our present manufacturing skill, metallic bows could not now be
made, equal in power, superior in lightness, and more effective than
any gun when the object to be aimed at is not too minute, for in that
particular the rifle will never be equalled--certainly not surpassed."

The retriever soon brought us our birds, and we proceeded leisurely on
our way, and in a short time were overtaken by the waggons, when we
advanced together towards the house, which we reached in about an hour
more. As soon as we came in sight of it, the dogs gave notice of our
approach, and a tall, straight, priggish-looking man marched, for he
did not hurry himself, bareheaded towards the bars in the pole fence.
He was soon afterwards followed by a little old woman at a foot amble,
or sort of broken trot, such as distinguishes a Naraganset pacer. She
had a hat in her hand, which she hastily put on the man's head. But,
as she had to jump up to do it, she effected it with a force that made
it cover his eyes, and nearly extinguish his nose. It caused the man
to stop and adjust it, when he turned round to his flapper, and, by
the motion of his hand, and her retrogade movement, it appeared he did
not receive this delicate attention very graciously. Duty however was
pressing him, and he resumed his stately step towards the bars.

She attacked him again in the rear, as a goose does an intruder, and
now and then picked something from his coat, which I supposed to be a
vagrant thread, or a piece of lint or straw, and then retreated a step
or two to avoid closer contact. He was compelled at last to turn again
on his pursuer, and expostulate with her in no gentle terms. I heard
the words "mind your own business," or something of the kind, and the
female voice more distinctly (women always have the best of it), "You
look as if you had slept in it. You ain't fit to appear before
gentlemen." Ladies she had been unaccustomed of late to see, and
therefore omitted altogether. "What would Colonel Jones say if he saw
you that way?"

To which the impatient man replied: "Colonel Jones be hanged. He is
not my commanding officer, or you either--take that will you, old
ooman." If the colonel was not there his master was, therefore
pressing forward he took down the bars, and removed them a one side,
when he drew himself bolt upright, near one of the posts, and placing
his hand across his forehead, remained in that position, without
uttering a word, till the waggons passed, and the doctor said, "Well,
Jackson, how are you?" "Hearty, Sir! I hope your Honour is well? Why,
Buscar, is that you, dog; how are you, my man?" and then he proceeded
very expeditiously to replace the poles.