Books: The Lights and Shadows of Real Life

T >> T.S. Arthur >> The Lights and Shadows of Real Life

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Three months from the day on which John Barclay had mentioned to his
sister that he entertained a regard for Helen Weston, he made
proposals of marriage to that young lady, which were accepted.

"But how in regard to his pledge?" I hear some one ask.

O, as to that, it was kept, rigidly. Nothing that could intoxicate
was allowed to touch his lips. Of course, he was at first frequently
asked to drink by his associates, but his reply to all importunities
was--

"No--I have sworn off for six months."

"So you have said for the last six months," remarked young man,
named Watson, one day, on his refusing for the twentieth time to
drink with him.

"Not for six months, Watson. It is only three months this very day
since I swore off."

"Well, it seems to me like six months, anyhow. But do you think that
you feel any better for all this total-abstinence?"

"O as to that, I don't know that I feel such a wonderful difference
in body; but in mind I certainly do feel a great deal better."

"How so?"

"While I drank, I was conscious that I was beginning to be too fond
of drinking, and was too often painfully conscious that I had taken
too much. Now, I am, of course, relieved from all such unpleasant
feelings."

"Well, that's something, at least. But I never saw you out of the
way."

"Do you know the reason; Watson?"

"No."

"I'll tell you. You were always too far gone yourself, when we drank
freely together, to perceive my condition."

"So you say."

"It's true."

"Well, have it as you like. But, see here, John, what are you going
to do when your six months are out?"

"I'm going to be a sober man, as I am now."

"You never were a drunkard."

"I was precious near being one, then."

"Nonsense! That's all some old woman's notion of yours."

"Well, be that as it may, I certainly intend continuing to be as
sober a man as I have been for the last three months."

"Won't you drink a drop after your time is up?"

"That'll be just as I choose. I will drink or let it alone, as I
like. I shall then be free to drink moderately, or not at all, as
seems agreeable to me."

"That is a little more sensible than your perpetual
total-abstinence, teetotal, cold-water system. Who would be such a
miserable slave? I would rather die drunk in the gutter, than throw
away my liberty."

"I believe I have said as much myself."

"Don't you feel a desire to have a good glass of wine, or a julep,
now and then?"

"No, not the slightest. I've sworn off for six months, and that ends
the matter. Of course, I have no more desire for a glass of liquor
than I have to fly to the moon,--one is a moral, and the other a
physical impossibility; and, therefore, are dismissed from my
thoughts."

"What do you mean by a moral impossibility?"

"I have taken an oath not to drink for six months, and the violation
of that oath is, for one of my views and feelings, a moral
impossibility."

"Exactly. There are three months yet to run, you say. After that, I
hope to have the pleasure of taking a glass of wine with you in
honour of your restoration to a state of freedom."

"You shall have that pleasure, Watson, if it will really be one--"
was Barclay's reply, as the two young men parted.

Time wore on, and John Barclay, besides continuing perfectly sober,
gave constant attention to business. So complete a change in him
gave confidence to the parents and friends of Helen Weston, who made
no opposition to his wish for an early marriage. It was fixed to
take place on the evening of the very day upon which his temporary
pledge was to expire.

To the expiration of this pledge, Barclay had never ceased, from the
moment it was taken, to look forward with a lively interest. Not
that he felt a desire to drink. But he suffered himself to be
worried with the idea that he was no longer a free man. The nearer
the day came that was to terminate the period for which he had bound
himself to abstinence, the more did his mind dwell upon it, and the
more did he desire its approach. It was, likewise, to be his
wedding-day, and for that reason, also, did he look eagerly forward.
But it is doubtful whether the consummation of his marriage, or the
expiration of his pledge, occupied most of his thoughts. The day so
long looked for came at last.

The day that was to make Barclay a free man, and happy in the
possession of one of the sweetest girls for a wife he had ever seen.

"I shall not see you again, until to-night, John," his sister said
to him, as he was about leaving the house, after dinner, laying her
hand as she spoke upon his arm, and looking into his face with a
quiet smile resting upon her own lovely features.--"I have promised
Helen to go over and spend the afternoon with her."

"Very well, sis'."

"Of course we shall see you pretty early,"--an arch smile playing
about her lips as she made the remark.

"O, yes, I shall be there in time," was the brother's smiling reply,
as he kissed the cheek of Alice, and then turned away and left the
house. He first proceeded to his store, where he went through,
hurriedly, some business that required his attention, occupying
something like an hour. Then he went out, and walked rapidly up one
of the principal streets of the city, and down another, as if on
some urgent errand. Without stopping anywhere, he had nearly
returned to his own store, when he was stopped by a friend, who
accosted him with--

"Hallo, John! Where are you going in such a hurry?"

"I am on my way to the store."

"Any life and death in the case?"

"No.--Only I'm to be married to-night, as you are aware; and,
consequently, am hardly able to tell whether I am on my head or my
heels."

"True enough! And besides, you are a free man today, are you not?"

"Yes, Watson, thank Heaven! that trammel will be off in half an
hour."

"You must be fond of trammels, John, seeing that you are going to
put another on so soon after getting rid of this--" the friend said,
laughing heartily at his jest.

"That will be a lighter, and far pleasanter bondage I trust, Watson,
than the one from which I am about escaping. It will be an easy yoke
compared to the galling one under which I have toiled for the last
six months. Still, I do not regret having bound myself as I did. It
was necessary to give me that self-control which I had well-nigh
lost. Now I shall be able to act like a rational man, and be
temperate from principle, and not from a mere external restraint
that made me little better than a machine."

"Your time will be up, you say, in half an hour?"

"Yes--" looking at his watch--"in ten minutes. It is later than I
thought."

"Come, then, let us go over to R--'s--it is full ten minutes' walk
from here--and take a drink to freedom and principle."

"I am ready to join you, of course," was Barclay's prompt reply, as
he drew his arm within that of his friend, and the two turned their
steps towards the drinking establishment that had been named by the
latter.

"A room, a bottle of sherry, and some cigars," said Watson, as they
entered the drinking-house, and went up to the bar.

In a few minutes after, they were alone, with wine and glasses
before them.

"Here's to freedom and principle!" said Watson, lifting his glass,
after having filled his own and Barclay's.

"And here's to the same high moral (sic) atributes which should ever
be man's distinguishing characteristics," responded Barclay, lifting
his own glass, and touching with it the brim of that held in the
hand of his friend. Both then emptied their glasses at a draught.

"Really, that is delicious!" Barclay said, smacking his lips, as the
rich flavour of the wine lingered on his palate with a sensation of
exquisite delight.

"It's a pretty fair article," was the indifferent reply of
Watson--"though I have tasted better in my time. Long abstinence has
made its flavour peculiarly pleasant. Here, let me fill your glass
again."

Without hesitating, Barclay presented his glass, which was again
filled to the brim. In the next moment it was empty. So eager was he
to get it to his lips, that he even spilled a portion of the wine in
lifting it hurriedly. Suddenly his old, and as he had thought,
extinguished desires, came back upon him, roused into vigorous
activity, like a giant awakening refreshed by a long repose. So keen
was his appetite for wine, and stimulating drinks, thus suddenly
restored, that he could no more have withstood its influence than he
could have borne up against the current of a mighty river.

"Help yourself," said his friend, ere another minute had elapsed, as
Barclay took up the bottle to fill his glass for the third time.
"Long-abstinence has no doubt made you keen."

"It certainly has, or else this is the finest article of wine that
has ever passed my lips."

'It's not the best quality by a good deal; still it is pretty fair.
But won't you try a mint-julep, or a punch, by way of variety?"

"No objection," was the brief response.

"Which will you choose?"

"I'll take a julep."

"Two juleps," said Watson to the waiter who entered immediately
afterwards.

The juleps were soon ready, each furnished with a long straw.

"Delicious!" was Barclay's low, and delighted ejaculation, as he
bent to the table, and "imbibed" through the straw a portion of the
liquid.

"Our friend R--understands his business," was Watson's brief
reply.

A silence of some moments ensued, during which a painful
consciousness of danger rushed through the mind of Barclay. But with
an effort he dismissed it. He did not intend to drink beyond the
bounds of moderation, and why should he permit his mind to be
disturbed by idle fears?

* * * * *

"It is time that brother was here," Alice said to Helen Weston, as
the two maidens sat alone, near a window in Helen's chamber, the
evening twilight falling gently and with a soothing influence.

"Yes. I expected him earlier," was the reply, in a low tone, while
Helen's bosom heaved with a new, and exquisitely pleasurable
emotion. "What can keep him?"

"He is lingering at his toilet, perhaps," Alice said, with a smile.

All was silent again for many minutes, each gentle and innocent
heart; busy with images of delight.

"It's strange that he does not come, Alice, or sister, as I must
call you," Helen remarked, in a graver tone, as the shadowy twilight
deepened until everything wore a veil of indistinctness.

"There! That must be him!" Alice said. "Hark! That is certainly his
voice! Yes--And he is coming right up to your room, as I live, as
boldly as if the house belonged to him."

While Alice was yet speaking, the door of the chamber in which they
sat was swung open with a rude hand, and her brother entered. His
face was flushed, and his whole person in disorder.

"Why, brother! what has kept--," but the sister could utter no more.
Her tongue was paralyzed, and she stood, statue-like, gazing upon
him with a look of horror. He was intoxicated! It was his
wedding-night, a portion of the company below, and the gentle,
affectionate maiden who was to become his bride, all attired and
waiting, and he had come intoxicated!

Poor Helen's bewildered senses could not at first fully comprehend
the scene. When she did realize the terrible truth, the shock was
more than she could bear.

Over the whole scene of pain, disorder, and confusion, that
transpired on that evening, we must draw a veil. Any reader of even
ordinary imagination can realize enough of the exquisite distress
which it must have brought to many hearts, without the aid of
distinct pictures. And those who cannot realize it, will be spared
the pain of its contemplation.

One week from that night, at about nine o'clock in the evening, as
old Mr. Gray was passing along one of the principal streets of the
city where the occurrences we are relating took place, a young man
staggered against him, and then fell at full length upon the
pavement, from whence he rolled into the gutter, swollen by a smart
shower that had just fallen. Too drunk to help himself, he must have
been drowned even in that insignificant stream, had there not been
help at hand.

Mr. Gray came at once to his relief, and assisted him to rise and
get upon the pavement. But now he was unable to stand. Either hurt
by the fall, or unnerved by the liquor he had taken, he was no
longer able to keep his feet. While Mr. Gray stood holding him up,
undetermined how to act, another young man, not quite so drunk as
the one he had in charge, came whooping along like an Indian.

"Hallo! Is this you, John, holding up old Mr. Gray? or is it old Mr.
Gray holding you up! [hiccup.] Blast me! If I can tell which of you
is drunk, or which sober. Let me see? hic-hic-cup. Was it the Whale
that swallowed Jonah, or Jonah the Whale? Is it old Mr.
Gray--hic-cup--that is drunk, or John Barclay?"

"John Barclay!" ejaculated the old man, in a tone of surprise and
grief. "Surely this wretched young man is not John Barclay!"

"If he is not John Barclay, then I am not--hic-cup--not Tom Watson.
He's a bird, though! aint he, old gentleman?--hic-cup--Look here,
I'll give you five dollars,--hic-cup--if you'll stop
these,--hic--these confounded hic-hic-hic-cups--There now--There's a
chance for you!--hic--blast 'em! He swore off for six months, ha!
ha! ha! And it's just,--hic--just a week to-night since the six
months were up. Hurrah for freedom and principle! Hur--hic--hurrah!"

"Thomas Watson!--"

"Don't come your preaching touch over me, mister, if you please. I'm
free Tom Watson,--hic-hic-hic-cup--I'm--hic--I'm a regular
team--whoop! John, there, you see, would drink to freedom and
principle,--hic-cup--on the--hic--day his pledge was up. But the old
fellow was--hic--too strong--hic-cup--for him. He's been drunk as a
fool ever since--hic-cup!--"

Just at that moment a cab came by which was stopped by the old man.
Young Barclay was gotten into it and driven to Mr. Gray's dwelling.

When brought to the light, he presented a sad spectacle, indeed. His
face was swollen, and every feature distorted. His coat was torn,
and all of his clothing wet and covered with mud. Too far gone to be
able to help himself, Mr. Gray had him removed to a chamber, his wet
garments taken off, and replaced by dry under-clothing. Then he was
put into a bed and left for the night. When the morning broke,
Barclay was perfectly sober, but with a mind altogether bewildered.
The room in which he found himself, and the furniture, were all
strange. He got up; and looked from the window; the houses opposite
were unfamiliar.

"Where am I? What is the meaning of all this?" he said, half-aloud,
as he turned to look for his clothes. But no garments of any kind,
not even his hat and boots, were visible.

"Strange!" he murmured, getting into bed again, and clasping his
hands tightly upon his aching and bewildered head. He had lain,
thus, for some minutes, trying to collect his scattered senses, when
the door of his chamber was opened by a servant, who brought him in
a full suit of his own clothes; not, however, those he remembered to
have worn the day previous.

As soon as the servant had withdrawn, the young man, who had felt
altogether disinclined to speak to him, hurriedly arose, and dressed
himself. On attempting to go out, he was surprised, and somewhat
angered, to find that the door of the room had been locked.

Ringing the bell with a quick jerk, he awaited, impatiently, an
answer to his summons, for the space of about a minute, when he
pulled the cord again with a stronger hand. Only a few moments more
elapsed, when the key was turned in the door, and Mr. Gray entered.

"Mr. Gray! Is it possible!" Barclay ejaculated, as the old man
stepped into the room, and closed the door after him.

"I can hardly believe it possible, John," his father's friend said,
as he turned towards him a sad, yet unreproving countenance.

"But what is the meaning of all this, Mr. Gray? Where am I? And how
came I here?"

"Sit down, John, and be calm. You are in my house. Last night I took
you from the gutter, too much intoxicated to help yourself. You
would have drowned there, in three inches of water, had not a
friendly hand been near to save you."

"Dreadful!" ejaculated the young man, striking his hand hard against
his forehead, while an expression of shame and agonizing remorse
passed over his face.

"It is, indeed, dreadful to think of, my young friend!" Mr. Gray
remarked, in a sympathizing tone. "How wretched you must be!"

"Wretched? Alas! sit, you cannot imagine the horror of this dreadful
moment. Surely I have been mad for the past few days! And enough has
occurred to drive me mad."

"So I should think, John. But that is past now, and the future is
still yours, and its bright page still unsullied by a single act of
folly."

"But the past! The dreadful past! That can never be recalled--never
be atoned for," Barclay replied, his countenance bearing the
strongest expression of anguish and remorse. "To think of all I have
lost To think how cruelly I have mocked the fondest hopes, and
crushed the purest affections--perhaps broken a loving heart by my
folly. O, sir! It will drive me mad!"

As the young man said this, he arose to his feet, and commenced
pacing the room to and fro with agitated steps. Now striking his
hands against his forehead, and now wringing them violently.

"Since that accursed hour," he resumed, after a few minutes thus
spent, "when I madly tempted myself, under the belief that I had
gained the mastery over a depraved appetite by an abstinence from
all kinds of liquor for six months, I have but a dim recollection of
events. I do, indeed, remember, with tolerable distinctness, that I
went to claim the hand of Helen Weston, according to appointment.
But from the moment I entered the house, all is to me confusion, or
a dead blank. Tell me, then, Mr. Gray,"--and the young man's voice
grew calmer,--"the effect of my miserable conduct upon her whom I
loved purely and tenderly. Let me know all. I ask no disguise."

"The effect, John, has been painful, indeed. Since that dreadful
night, she has remained in a state of partial delirium. But her
physician told me, yesterday, that all of her symptoms had become
more favourable."

"And how is her father, and friends?"

"Deeply incensed, of course, at your conduct."

"And my sister? How is Alice?"

"She keeps up with an effort. But oh, how wretched and
broken-hearted she looks! Is it not dreadful, John, to think, how,
by a single act of folly, you have lacerated the hearts that loved
you most, and imposed upon them burdens of anguish, almost too heavy
to be borne?"

"It is dreadful! dreadful! O, that I had died, before I became an
accursed instrument of evil to those I love. But what can I do, Mr.
Gray, to atone, in some degree, for the misery I have wrought?"

"You can do much, John, if you will."

"If I will, Mr. Gray?"

"Yes, John, if you will."

"There is nothing that I am not ready to do, Mr. Gray--even the
cutting off of my right hand, could it be of any avail."

"You swore off, as I believe you called it, for six months, did you
not?"

"Yes."

"Had you any desire to drink, during that time?"

"None."

"Sign a pledge of perpetual total-abstinence, and you are safe from
all future temptations. Time will doubtless heal the present painful
wounds."

"And make a slave of myself, Mr. Gray. Surely I ought to have power
enough over myself to abstain from all intoxicating drinks, without
binding myself down by a written contract."

"That is true; but, unfortunately, you have not that control over
yourself. Your only safety, then, lies in the pledge. Take that, and
you throw between yourself and danger an insurmountable barrier. You
talk about freedom; and yet are a slave to the most debasing
appetite. Get free from the influence of that eager, insatiable
desire, and you are free, indeed. The perpetual total-abstinence
pledge will be your declaration of independence. When that is taken,
you. will be free, indeed. And until it is taken, rest assured, that
none of your friends will again have confidence in you. For their
sakes,--for your sister's sake, that peace may once more be restored
to her troubled heart--for the sake of her, from whose lip you
dashed the cup of joy, sign the pledge."

"I will sign it, Mr. Gray. But name not her whom I have so deeply
wronged. I can never see Helen Weston again."

"Time heals many a wound, and closes many a breach my young friend."

"It can never heal that wound, nor close that breach," was the sad
response. "But give me a pen and ink, and some paper; and let me
write a pledge. I believe it is necessary for me to sign one."

The materials for writing were brought as desired, and Barclay wrote
and subscribed a pledge of perpetual abstinence from all that could
intoxicate.

"That danger is past," he said, with a lighter tone, as he arose
from the table at which he had been writing. "I can never pass
another such a week as that which has just elapsed."

"Now come down and take a good warm breakfast with me," Mr. Gray
said, in a cheerful voice.

"Excuse me if you please," Barclay replied. "I cannot meet your
family this morning, after what has occurred. Besides, I must see my
sister as quickly as possible, and relieve, as far as lies in my
power, her suffering heart."

"Go then, John Barclay," the old man said. "I will not, for Alice's
sake, urge you to linger a moment."

It was still early when Mr. Barclay entered his own home. He found
Alice sitting in the parlour so pale, haggard, and wretched, that
her features hardly seemed like those of his own sister. She looked
up into his face as he came in with a sad, doubting expression,
while her lips trembled. One glance, however, told her heart that a
change had taken place, and she sprang quickly towards him.

"Alice, my own dear sister!" he said, as her head sank upon his
breast. "The struggle is over. I am free once more, and free for
ever. I have just signed a pledge of total-abstinence from all that
can intoxicate--a pledge that will remain perpetually in force."

"And may our Father in Heaven help you to keep it, John," the maiden
murmured, in a low, fervent tone.

"I will die before it shall be violated," was the stern response.

One year from that time, another bridal party assembled at the
residence of Mr. Weston. Helen long since recovered from the shock
she had received, had again consented to be led to the altar, by
John Barclay, whose life had been, since he signed the pledge, of
the most unexceptionable character. Indeed, almost his only fault in
former times had been a fondness for drinking, and gay company. Not
much of boisterous mirth characterized the bridal party, for none
felt like giving way to an exuberance of feeling,--but there was,
notwithstanding few could draw a veil entirely over the past, a
rational conviction that true and permanent happiness must, and
would crown that marriage union. And thus far, it has followed it,
and must continue to follow it, for John Barclay is a man of
high-toned principle, and would as soon think of committing a
highway robbery, as violating his pledge.

THE FAILING HOPE.

"SHALL I read to you, ma?" said Emma Martin, a little girl, eleven
years of age, coming up to the side of her mother, who sat in a
musing attitude by the centre-table, upon which the servant had just
placed a light.

Mrs. Martin did not seem to hear the voice of her child; for she
moved not, nor was there any change in the fixed, dreamy expression
of her face.

"Ma," repeated the child, after waiting for a few moments, laying,
at the same time, her head gently upon her mother's shoulder.

"What, dear?" Mrs. Martin asked, in a tender voice, rousing herself
up.

"Shall I read to you, ma?" repeated the child.

"No--yes, dear, you may read for me"--the mother said, and her tones
were low, with something mournful in their expression.

"What shall I read, ma?"

"Get the Bible, dear, and read to me from that good book," replied
Mrs. Martin.

"I love to read in the Bible," Emma said, as she brought to the
centre-table that sacred volume, and commenced turning over its
pages. She then read chapter after chapter, while the mother
listened in deep attention, often lifting her heart upwards, and
breathing a silent prayer. At last Emma grew tired with reading, and
closed the book.

"It is time for you to go to bed, dear," Mrs. Martin observed, as
the little girl showed signs of weariness.

"Kiss me, ma," the child said, lifting her innocent face to that of
her mother, and receiving the token of love she asked. Then,
breathing her gentle,

"Good-night!" the affectionate girl glided off, and retired to her
chamber.

"Dear child!" Mrs. Martin murmured, as Emma left the room. "My heart
trembles when I think of you, and look into the dark and doubtful
future!"

She then leaned her head upon her hand, and sat in deep, and
evidently painful abstraction of mind. Thus she remained for a long
time, until aroused by the clock which struck the hour of ten.

With a deep sigh she arose, and commenced pacing the room backwards
and forwards, pausing every now and then to listen to the sound of
approaching footsteps, and moving on again as the sound went by.
Thus she continued to walk until nigh eleven o'clock, when some one
drew near, paused at the street door, and then opening it, came
along the passage with a firm and steady step.

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