Books: Hudibras

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CROWDERO only kept the field;
Not stirring from the place he held;
Though beaten down and wounded sore,
I' th' fiddle, and a leg that bore 915
One side of him; not that of bone,
But much it's better, th' wooden one.
He spying HUDIBRAS lie strow'd
Upon the ground, like log of wood,
With fright of fall, supposed wound, 920
And loss of urine, in a swound,
In haste he snatch'd the wooden limb,
That hurt i' the ankle lay by him,
And fitting it for sudden fight,
Straight drew it up t' attack the Knight; 925
For getting up on stump and huckle,
He with the foe began to buckle;
Vowing to be reveng'd for breach
Of crowd and skin upon the wretch,
Sole author of all detriment 930
He and his fiddle underwent.

But RALPHO (who had now begun
T' adventure resurrection
From heavy squelch, and had got up
Upon his legs, with sprained crup) 935
Looking about, beheld pernicion
Approaching Knight from fell musician.
He snatch'd his whinyard up, that fled
When he was falling off his steed,
(As rats do from a falling house,) 940
To hide itself from rage of blows;
And, wing'd with speed and fury, flew
To rescue Knight from black and blew;
Which, e'er he cou'd atchieve, his sconce
The leg encounter'd twice and once; 945
And now 'twas rais'd to smite agen,
When RALPHO thrust himself between.
He took the blow upon his arm,
To shield the Knight from further harm;
And, joining wrath with force, bestow'd 950
On th' wooden member such a load,
That down it fell, and with it bore
CROWDERO, whom it propp'd before.
To him the Squire right nimbly run,
And setting conquering foot upon 955
His trunk, thus spoke: What desp'rate frenzy
Made thee (thou whelp of Sin!) to fancy
Thyself, and all that coward rabble,
T' encounter us in battle able?
How durst th', I say, oppose thy curship 960
'Gainst arms, authority, and worship?
And HUDIBRAS or me provoke,
Though all thy limbs, were heart of oke,
And th' other half of thee as good
To bear out blows, as that of wood? 965
Cou'd not the whipping-post prevail
With all its rhet'ric, nor the jail,
To keep from flaying scourge thy skin,
And ankle free from iron gin?
Which now thou shalt -- But first our care 970
Must see how HUDIBRAS doth fare.
This said, he gently rais'd the Knight,
And set him on his bum upright.
To rouse him from lethargic dump,
He tweak'd his nose; with gentle thump 975
Knock'd on his breast, as if 't had been
To raise the spirits lodg'd within.
They, waken'd with the noise, did fly
From inward room to window eye,
And gently op'ning lid, the casement, 980
Look'd out, but yet with some amazement.
This gladded RALPHO much to see,
Who thus bespoke the Knight: quoth he,
Tweaking his nose, You are, great Sir,
A self-denying conqueror; 985
As high, victorious, and great,
As e'er fought for the Churches yet,
If you will give yourself but leave
To make out what y' already have;
That's victory. The foe, for dread 990
Of your nine-worthiness, is fled:
All, save CROWDERO, for whose sake
You did th' espous'd Cause undertake;
And he lies pris'ner at your feet,
To be dispos'd as you think meet; 995
Either for life, or death, or sale,
The gallows, or perpetual jail;
For one wink of your powerful eye
Must sentence him to live or die.
His fiddle is your proper purchase, 1000
Won in the service of the Churches;
And by your doom must be allow'd
To be, or be no more, a crowd.
For though success did not confer
Just title on the conqueror; 1005
Though dispensations were not strong
Conclusions, whether right or wrong,
Although out-goings did confirm,
And owning were but a mere term;
Yet as the wicked have no right 1010
To th' creature, though usurp'd by might,
The property is in the Saint,
From whom th' injuriously detain 't;
Of him they hold their luxuries,
Their dogs, their horses, whores, and dice, 1015
Their riots, revels, masks, delights,
Pimps, buffoons, fiddlers, parasites;
All which the Saints have title to,
And ought t' enjoy, if th' had their due.
What we take from them is no more 1020
Than what was our's by right before;
For we are their true landlords still,
And they our tenants but at will.
At this the Knight began to rouze,
And by degrees grow valorous. 1025
He star'd about, and seeing none
Of all his foes remain, but one,
He snatch'd his weapon, that lay near him,
And from the ground began to rear him;
Vowing to make CROWDERO pay 1030
For all the rest that ran away.
But RALPHO now, in colder blood,
His fury mildly thus withstood:
Great Sir, quoth he, your mighty spirit
Is rais'd too high: this slave does merit 1035
To be the hangman's bus'ness, sooner
Than from your hand to have the honour
Of his destruction. I, that am
A nothingness in deed and name
Did scorn to hurt his forfeit carcase, 1040
Or ill intreat his fiddle or case:
Will you, great Sir, that glory blot
In cold blood which you gain'd in hot?
Will you employ your conqu'ring sword
To break a fiddle and your word? 1045
For though I fought, and overcame,
And quarter gave, 'twas in your name.
For great commanders only own
What's prosperous by the soldier done.
To save, where you have pow'r to kill, 1050
Argues your pow'r above your will;
And that your will and pow'r have less
Than both might have of selfishness.
This pow'r which, now alive, with dread
He trembles at, if he were dead, 1055
Wou'd no more keep the slave in awe,
Than if you were a Knight of straw:
For death would then be his conqueror;
Not you, and free him from that terror.
If danger from his life accrue; 1060
Or honour from his death, to you,
'Twere policy, and honour too,
To do as you resolv'd to do:
But, Sir, 'twou'd wrong your valour much,
To say it needs or fears a crutch. 1065
Great conquerors greater glory gain
By foes in triumph led, than slain:
The laurels that adorn their brows
Are pull'd from living not dead boughs,
And living foes: the greatest fame 1070
Of cripple slain can be but lame.
One half of him's already slain,
The other is not worth your pain;
Th' honour can but on one side light,
As worship did, when y' were dubb'd Knight. 1075
Wherefore I think it better far
To keep him prisoner of war;
And let him fast in bonds abide,
At court of Justice to be try'd;
Where, if he appear so bold and crafty, 1080
There may be danger in his safety.
If any member there dislike
His face, or to his beard have pique;
Or if his death will save or yield,
Revenge or fright, it is reveal'd. 1085
Though he has quarter, ne'er the less
Y' have power to hang him when you please.
This has been often done by some
Of our great conqu'rors, you know whom;
And has by most of us been held 1090
Wise Justice, and to some reveal'd.
For words and promises, that yoke
The conqueror, are quickly broke;
Like SAMPSON's cuffs, though by his own
Direction and advice put on. 1095
For if we should fight for the CAUSE
By rules of military laws,
And only do what they call just,
The Cause would quickly fall to dust.
This we among ourselves may speak; 1100
But to the wicked, or the weak,
We must be cautious to declare
Perfection-truths, such as these are.

This said, the high outrageous mettle
Of Knight began to cool and settle. 1105
He lik'd the Squire's advice, and soon
Resolv'd to see the business done
And therefore charg'd him first to bind
CROWDERO'S hands on rump behind,
And to its former place and use, 1110
The wooden member to reduce
But force it take an oath before,
Ne'er to bear arms against him more.

RALPHO dispatch'd with speedy haste,
And having ty'd CROWDERO fast, 1115
He gave Sir Knight the end of cord,
To lead the captive of his sword
In triumph, whilst the steeds he caught,
And them to further service brought.
The Squire in state rode on before, 1120
And on his nut-brown whinyard bore
The trophee-fiddle and the case,
Leaning on shoulder like a mace.
The Knight himself did after ride,
Leading CROWDERO by his side; 1125
And tow'd him, if he lagg'd behind,
Like boat against the tide and wind.
Thus grave and solemn they march'd on,
Until quite thro' the town th' had gone;
At further end of which there stands 1130
An ancient castle, that commands
Th' adjacent parts: in all the fabrick
You shall not see one stone nor a brick;
But all of wood; by pow'rful spell
Of magic made impregnable. 1135
There's neither iron-bar nor gate,
Portcullis, chain, nor bolt, nor grate,
And yet men durance there abide,
In dungeon scarce three inches wide;
With roof so low, that under it 1140
They never stand, but lie or sit;
And yet so foul, that whoso is in,
Is to the middle-leg in prison;
In circle magical conflu'd,
With walls of subtile air and wind, 1145
Which none are able to break thorough,
Until they're freed by head of borough.
Thither arriv'd, th' advent'rous Knight
And bold Squire from their steeds alight
At th' outward wall, near which there stands 1150
A bastile, built to imprison hands;
By strange enchantment made to fetter
The lesser parts and free the greater;
For though the body may creep through,
The hands in grate are fast enough: 1155
And when a circle 'bout the wrist
Is made by beadle exorcist,
The body feels the spur and switch,
As if 'twere ridden post by witch
At twenty miles an hour pace, 1160
And yet ne'er stirs out of the place.
On top of this there is a spire,
On which Sir Knight first bids the Squire
The fiddle and its spoils, the case,
In manner of a trophee place. 1165
That done, they ope the trap-door gate,
And let CROWDERO down thereat;
CROWDERO making doleful face,
Like hermit poor in pensive place.
To dungeon they the wretch commit, 1170
And the survivor of his feet
But th' other, that had broke the peace
And head of Knighthood, they release;
Though a delinquent false and forged,
Yet be'ing a stranger, he's enlarged; 1175
While his comrade, that did no hurt,
Is clapp'd up fast in prison for't.
So Justice, while she winks at crimes,
Stumbles on innocence sometimes.

NOTES TO PART I. CANTO II.

47 x That is to say, whether Tollulation,
As they do term't, or Succussation.
Tollulation and succussation are only Latin words for ambling
and trotting; though I believe both were natural amongst the old
Romans; since I never read they made use of the trammel, or
any other art, to pace their horses.

60 y As Indian Britons, &c.] The American Indians call a great
bird they have, with a white head, a penguin, which signifies the
same thing in the British tongue: from whence (with other
words of the same kind) some authors have endeavoured to
prove, that the Americans are originally derived from the
Britons.

65 z The dire, &c.] Pharsalia is a city of Thessaly, famous for
the battle won by Julius Caesar against Pompey the Great, in
the neighbouring plains, in the 607th year of Rome, of which
read Lucan's Pharsalia.

129 a Chiron, the &c.] Chiron, a Centaur, son to Saturn and
Phillyris, living in the mountains, where, being much given to
hunting, he became very knowing in the virtues of plants and
one of the most famous physicians of his time. He imparted his
skill to AEsculapius and was afterwards Apollo's governor,
until being wounded by Hercules, and desiring to die, Jupiter
placed him in heaven, where he forms the sign of Sagittarius or
the Archer.

133 b In Staffordshire, where virtuous Worth
Does raise the Minstrelsy, not Birth, &c.
The whole history of this ancient ceremony you may read at
large in Dr. Plot's History of Staffordshire, under the town
Tutbury.

155 c Grave as, &c.] For the history of Pegu, read Mandelsa
and Olearius's Travels.

172 In military, &c.] Paris Garden, in Southwark, took its name
from the possessor.

231 Though by, &c.] Promethean fire. Prometheus was the son
of Iapetus, and brother of Atlas, concerning whom the poets
have feigned, that having first formed men of the earth and
water, he stole fire from heaven to put life into them; and that
having thereby displeased Jupiter, he commanded Vulcan to tie
him to mount Caucasus with iron chains, and that a vulture
should prey upon his liver continually: but the truth of the story
is, that Prometheus was an astrologer, and constant in observing
the stars upon that mountain; and, that, among other things, he
found the art of making fire, either by the means of a flint, or by
contracting the sun-beams in a glass. Bochart will have Magog,
in the Scripture, to be the Prometheus of the Pagans.

He here and before sarcastically derides those who were great
admirers of the sympathetic powder and weapon salve, which
were in great repute in those days, and much promoted by the
great Sir Kenelm Digby, who wrote a treatise ex professo [of his
own knowledge] on that subject, and, I believe, thought what he
wrote to be true, which since has been almost exploded out of
the world.

267 And 'mong, &c.] Cossacks are a people that live near
Poland. This name was given them for their extraordinary
nimbleness; for cosa, or kosa, in the Polish tongue, signifies a
goat. He that would know more of them, may read Le Laboreur
and Thuldenus.

275 And tho', &c.] This custom of the Huns is described by
Ammianus Marcellinus, Hunni semicruda cujusvis Pecoris
carne vescuntur, quasi inter femora sua & equorum terga
subsertam, calefacient brevi. P. 686. [The Huns stoutheartedly
eat half-raw meat, which is warned briefly by being hedl
between their thighs and their hoeses' backs.]

283 - -- He spous'd in India,
Of noble House, a Lady gay.
The Story in Le Blanc, of a bear that married a king's daughter,
is no more strange than many others, in most travellers, that
pass with allowance; for if they should write nothing but what is
possible, or probable, they might appear to have lost their
labour, and observed nothing but what they might have done as
well at home.

343 In MAGIC he was deeply read,
As he that made the Brazen-Head;
Profoundly skill'd in the Black Art;
As ENGLISH MERLIN for his Heart.
Roger Bacon and Merlin. See Collier's Dictionary.

368 d As JOAN, &c.] Two notorious women; the last was
known here by the name of Moll Cutpurse.

378 e Than the Amazonian, &c.] Penthesile, Queen of the
Amazons, succeeded Orythia. She carried succours to the
Trojans, and after having given noble proofs of her bravery, was
killed by Achilles. Pliny saith, it was she that invented the
battle-ax. If any one desire to know more of the Amazons, let
him read Mr. Sanson.

385 f They wou'd not suffer the stout'st Dame
To swear by HERCULES's Name.
The old Romans had particular oaths for men and women to
swear by, and therefore Macrobius says, Viri per Castorum non
jurabant antiquitus, nec Mulieres per Herculem; AEdepol
autem juramentum erat tum mulieribus, quam viris commune,
&c. [Men did not swear by Castor in ancient times, nor women
by Hercules; however women swore by AEdepol as much as
men did.]

393 g As stout, &c.] Two formidable women at arms, in
romances, that were cudgelled into love by their gallants.

395 h Of GUNDIBERT &c.] Gundibert is a feigned name,
made use of by Sir William d' Avenant in his famous epic poem,
so called; wherein you may find also that of his mistress. This
poem was designed by the author to be an imitation of the
English Drama: it being divided into five books, as the other is
into five acts; the Cantos to be parallel of the scenes, with this
difference, that this is delivered narratively, the other
dialoguewise. It was ushered into the world by a large preface,
written by Mr. Hobbes, and by the pens of two of our best
poets, viz. Mr. Waller and Mr. Cowley, which one would have
thought might have proved a sufficient defence and protection
against snarling critics. Notwithstanding which, four eminent
wits of that age (two of which were Sir John Denham and Mr.
Donne) published several copies of verses to Sir William's
discredit, under this title, Certain Verses written by several of
the Author's Friends, to be reprinted with the second Edition of
Gundibert in 8vo. Lond. 1653. These verses were as wittily
answered by the author, under this title, The incomparable
Poem of Gundibert vindicated from the Wit Combat of four
Esquires, Clinias, Damoetas, Sancho, and Jack-Pudding;
printed in 8vo. Lond. 1665, Vide Langbain's Account of
Dramatic Poets.

496 i What OEstrum, &c.] OEstrum is not only a Greek word
for madness, but signifies also a gad-bee or horse-fly, that
torments cattle in the summer, and makes them run about as if
they were mad.

525 k Wore in their Hats, &c.] Some few days after the King
had accus'd the five Members of Treason in the House of
Commons, great Crowds of the rabble came down to
Westminster-Hall, with printed copies of the Protestation tied in
their hats like favours.

526 l When 'twas resolv'd by either House
Six Members Quarrel to espouse.
The six Members were the Lord Kimbolton, Mr. Pym, Mr.
Hollis, Mr. Hampden, Sir Arthur Haslerig, and Mr. Stroud,
whom the King ordered to be apprehended, and their papers
seized; charging them of plotting with the Scots, and favouring
the late tumults; but the House voted against the arrest of their
persons or papers; whereupon the King having preferred articles
against those Members, he went with his guard to the House to
demand them; but they, having notice, withdrew.

578 m Make that, &c.] Abusive or insulting had been better; but
our Knight believed the learned language more convenient to
understand in than his own Mother-tongue.

650 n And is indeed the self same Case
With theirs that swore t' Et caeteras.
The Convocation, in one of the short Parliaments, that ushered
in the long one, (as dwarfs are wont to do knights-errant,) made
an oath to be taken by the clergy for observing canonical
obedience; in which they enjoined their brethren, out of the
abundance of their consciences, to swear to articles with, &c.

652 o Or the French League, in which men vow'd
To fight to the last Drop of Blood.
The Holy League in France, designed and made for the
extirpation of the Protestant Religion, was the original out of
which the Solemn League and Covenant here was (with the
difference only of circumstances) most faithfully transcribed.
Nor did the success of both differ more than the intent and
purpose; for after the destruction of vast numbers of people of
all sorts, both ended with the murder of two Kings, whom they
had both sworn to defend: And as our Covenanters swore every
man to run one before another in the way of Reformation, so did
the French, in the Holy League, to fight to the last drop of
blood.

PART I.

CANTO III.

THE ARGUMENT.

-------------------------------------------------
The scatter'd rout return and rally,
Surround the place; the Knight does sally,
And is made pris'ner: Then they seize
Th' inchanted fort by storm; release
Crowdero, and put the Squire in's place;
I should have first said Hudibras.
-------------------------------------------------

Ah me! what perils do environ
The man that meddles with cold iron!
What plaguy mischiefs and mishaps
Do dog him still with after-claps!
For though dame Fortune seem to smile 5
And leer upon him for a while,
She'll after shew him, in the nick
Of all his glories, a dog-trick.
This any man may sing or say,
I' th' ditty call'd, What if a Day? 10
For HUDIBRAS, who thought h' had won
The field, as certain as a gun;
And having routed the whole troop,
With victory was cock a-hoop;
Thinking h' had done enough to purchase 15
Thanksgiving-day among the Churches,
Wherein his mettle, and brave worth,
Might be explain'd by Holder-forth,
And register'd, by fame eternal,
In deathless pages of diurnal; 20
Found in few minutes, to his cost,
He did but count without his host;
And that a turn-stile is more certain
Than, in events of war, dame Fortune.

For now the late faint-hearted rout, 25
O'erthrown, and scatter'd round about,
Chas'd by the horror of their fear
From bloody fray of Knight and Bear,
(All but the dogs, who, in pursuit
Of the Knight's victory, stood to't, 30
And most ignobly fought to get
The honour of his blood and sweat,)
Seeing the coast was free and clear
O' th' conquer'd and the conqueror,
Took heart again, and fac'd about, 35
As if they meant to stand it out:
For by this time the routed Bear,
Attack'd by th' enemy i' th' rear,
Finding their number grew too great
For him to make a safe retreat, 40
Like a bold chieftain, fac'd about;
But wisely doubting to hold out,
Gave way to Fortune, and with haste
Fac'd the proud foe, and fled, and fac'd;
Retiring still, until he found 45
H' had got the advantage of the ground;
And then as valiantly made head
To check the foe, and forthwith fled;
Leaving no art untry'd, nor trick
Of warrior stout and politick, 50
Until, in spite of hot pursuit,
He gain'd a pass to hold dispute
On better terms, and stop the course
Of the proud foe. With all his force
He bravely charg'd, and for a while 55
Forc'd their whole body to recoil;
But still their numbers so increas'd,
He found himself at length oppress'd,
And all evasions, so uncertain,
To save himself for better fortune, 60
That he resolv'd, rather than yield,
To die with honour in the field,
And sell his hide and carcase at
A price as high and desperate
As e'er he could. This resolution 65
He forthwith put in execution,
And bravely threw himself among
The enemy i' th' greatest throng.
But what cou'd single valour do
Against so numerous a foe? 70
Yet much he did indeed, too much
To be believ'd, where th' odds were such.
But one against a multitude
Is more than mortal can make good.
For while one party he oppos'd, 75
His rear was suddenly inclos'd;
And no room left him for retreat,
Or fight against a foe so great.
For now the mastives, charging home,
To blows and handy gripes were come: 80
While manfully himself he bore,
And setting his right-foot before,
He rais'd himself, to shew how tall
His person was above them all.
This equal shame and envy stirr'd 85
In th' enemy, that one should beard
So many warriors, and so stout,
As he had done, and stav'd it out,
Disdaining to lay down his arms,
And yield on honourable terms. 90
Enraged thus, some in the rear
Attack'd him, and some ev'ry where,
Till down he fell; yet falling fought,
And, being down, still laid about;
As WIDDRINGTON, in doleful dumps, 95
Is said to light upon his stumps.

But all, alas! had been in vain,
And he inevitably slain,
If TRULLA and CERDON, in the nick,
To rescue him had not been quick; 100
For TRULLA, who was light of foot
As shafts which long-field Parthians shoot,
(But not so light as to be borne
Upon the ears of standing corn,
Or trip it o'er the water quicker 105
Than witches, when their staves they liquor,
As some report,) was got among
The foremost of the martial throng;
There pitying the vanquish'd Bear,
She call'd to CERDON, who stood near, 110
Viewing the bloody fight; to whom,
Shall we (quoth she) stand still hum-drum,
And see stout Bruin all alone,
By numbers basely overthrown?
Such feats already h' has atchiev'd, 115
In story not to be believ'd;
And 'twould to us be shame enough,
Not to attempt to fetch him off.
I would (quoth he) venture a limb
To second thee, and rescue him: 120
But then we must about it straight,
Or else our aid will come too late.
Quarter he scorns, he is so stout,
And therefore cannot long hold out.
This said, they wav'd their weapons round 125
About their heads, to clear the ground;
And joining forces, laid about
So fiercely, that th' amazed rout
Turn'd tale again, and straight begun,
As if the Devil drove, to run. 130
Meanwhile th' approach'd th' place where Bruin
Was now engag'd to mortal ruin.
The conqu'ring foe they soon assail'd;
First TRULLA

stav'd, and CERDON tail'd,
Until their mastives loos'd their hold: 135
And yet, alas! do what they could,
The worsted Bear came off with store
Of bloody wounds, but all before:
For as ACHILLES, dipt in pond,
Was ANABAPTIZ'D free from wound, 140
Made proof against dead-doing steel
All over, but the Pagan heel;
So did our champion's arms defend
All of him, but the other end,
His head and ears, which, in the martial 145
Encounter, lost a leathern parcel
For as an Austrian Archduke once
Had one ear (which in ducatoons
Is half the coin) in battle par'd
Close to his head, so Bruin far'd; 150
But tugg'd and pull'd on th' other side,
Like scriv'ner newly crucify'd;
Or like the late corrected leathern
Ears of the Circumcised Brethren.
But gentle TRULLA into th' ring 155
He wore in's nose convey'd a string,
With which she march'd before, and led
The warrior to a grassy bed,
As authors write, in a cool shade,
Which eglantine and roses made; 160
Close by a softly murm'ring stream,
Where lovers us'd to loll and dream.
There leaving him to his repose,
Secured from pursuit of foes,
And wanting nothing but a song, 165
And a well-tun'd theorbo hung
Upon a bough, to ease the pain
His tugg'd ears suffer'd, with a strain,
They both drew up, to march in quest
Of his great leader and the rest. 170

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