Books: Hudibras

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66 e Profoundly skill'd, &c.] Analytick is a part of logic, that
teaches to decline and construe reason, as grammar does words.

93 f A Babylonish, &c.] A confusion of languages, such as
some of our modern Virtuosi used to express themselves in.

103 g Or CERBERUS himself, &c.] Cerberus; a name which
poets give a dog with three heads, which they feigned door-
keeper of Hell, that caressed the unfortunate souls sent thither,
and devoured them that would get out again; yet Hercules tied
him up, and made him follow. This dog with three heads
denotes the past, the present, and the time to come; which
receive, and, as it were, devour all things. Hercules got the
better of him, which shews that heroic actions are always
victorious over time, because they are present in the memory of
posterity.

115 h That had the, &c.] Demosthenes, who is said to have had
a defect in his pronunciation, which he cured by using to speak
with little stones in his mouth.

120 i Than TYCHO BRAHE, &c.] Tycho Brahe was an
eminent Danish mathematician. Quer. in Collier's Dictionary, or
elsewhere.

131 k Whatever Sceptick, &c.] Sceptick. Pyrrho was the chief
of the Sceptick Philosophers, and was at first, as Apollodorus
saith, a painter, then became the hearer of Driso, and at last the
disciple of Anaxagoras, whom he followed into India, to see the
Gymnosophists. He pretended that men did nothing but by
custom; there was neither honesty nor dishonesty, justice nor
injustice, good nor evil. He was very solitary, lived to be ninety
years old, was highly esteemed in his country, and created chief
priest. He lived in the time of Epicurus and Theophrastus, about
the 120th Olympiad. His followers were called Phyrrhonians;
besides which they were named the Ephecticks and
Aphoreticks, but more generally Scepticks. This sect made their
chiefest good to consist in a sedateness of mind, exempt from
all passions; in regulating their opinions, and moderating their
passions, which they called Ataxia and Metriopathia; and in
suspending their judgment in regard of good and evil, truth or
falsehood, which they called Epechi. Sextus Empiricus, who
lived in the second century, under the Emperor Antoninus Pius,
writ ten books against the mathematicians or astrologers, and
three of the Phyrrhonian opinion. The word is derived from the
Greek SKEPTESZAI, quod est, considerare, speculare. [To
consider or speculate]

143 l He cou'd reduce, &c.] The old philosophers thought to
extract notions out of natural things, as chymists do spirits and
essences; and, when they had refined them into the nicest
subtilties, gave them as insignificant names as those operators
do their extractions: But (as Seneca says) the subtiler things are
they are but the nearer to nothing. So are all their definitions of
things by acts the nearer to nonsense.

147 m Where Truth, &c.] Some authors have mistaken truth for
a real thing, when it is nothing but a right method of putting
those notions or images of things (in the understanding of man)
into the same and order that their originals hold in nature, and
therefore Aristotle says Unumquodque sicut habet secundum
esse, ita se habet secundum veritatem. Met. L. ii. [As every
thing has a secondary essence, therefore it has a secondary
truth]

148 n Like words congeal'd, &c.] Some report in Nova Zembla,
and Greenland, mens' words are wont to be frozen in the air,
and at the thaw may heard.

151 In School-Divinity as able,
As o he that Hight, Irrefragable, &c.]
Here again is another alteration of three or lines, as I think, for
the worse.
Some specific epithets were added to the title of some famous
doctors, as Angelicus, Irrefragabilis, Subtilis, [Angelic,
Unopposable, Discriminating] &c. Vide Vossi Etymolog.
Baillet Jugemens de Scavans, & Possevin's Apparatus

153 p A Second THOMAS or at once,
To name them all, another DUNCE.
Thomas Aquinas, a Dominican friar, was born in 1224, and
studied at Cologne and Paris. He new modelled the school-
divinity, and was therefore called the Angelic Doctor, and Eagle
of Divines. The most illustrious persons of his time were
ambitious of his friendship, and put a high value on his merits,
so that they offered him bishopricks, which he refused with as
much ardor as others seek after them. He died in the fiftieth year
of his age, and was canonized by Pope John XII. We have his
works in eighteen volumes, several times printed.

Johannes Dunscotus was a very learned man, who lived about
the end of the thirteenth and beginning of the fourteenth
century. The English and Scotch strive which of them shall have
the honour of his birth. The English say, he was born in
Northumberland: the Scots alledge he was born at Duns, in the
Mers, the neighbouring county to Northumberland, and hence
was called Dunscotus. Moreri, Buchanan, and other Scotch
historians, are of this opinion, and for proof cite his epitaph:

Scotia me genuit, Anglia suscepit,
Gallia edocuit, Germania tenet.
[Scotland bore me, England reared me,
France instructed me, Germany kept me.]

He died at Cologne, Novem. 8. 1308. In the Supplement to Dr.
Cave's Historia Literaria, he is said to be extraordinary learned
in physicks, metaphysicks, mathematicks, and astronomy; that
his fame was so great when at Oxford, that 30,000 scholars
came thither to hear his lectures: that when at Paris, his
arguments and authority carried it for the immaculate
conception of the Blessed Virgin; so that they appointed a
festival on that account, and would admit us scholars to degrees
but such as were of this mind. He was a great opposer of
Thomas Aquinas's doctrine; and, for being a very acute
logician, was called Doctor Subtilis; [Discriminating (or,
literally, Slender) Teacher] which was the reason also, that an
old punster always called him the Lathy Doctor.

158 q As tough as, &c.] Sorbon was the first and most
considerable college of the university of Paris, founded in time
reign of St. Lewis, by Robert Sorbon, which name is sometimes
given to the whole University of Paris, which was founded,
about the year 741, by Charlemagne, at the persuasion of the
learned Alcuinus, who was one of the first professors there;
since which time it has been very famous. This college has been
rebuilt with an extraordinary magnificence, at the charge of
Cardinal Richlieu, and contains lodgings for thirty-six doctors,
who are called the Society of Sorbon. Those which are received
among them before they have received their doctor's degree are
only said to be of the Hospitality of Sorbon. Claud. Hemeraus
de Acad. Paris. Spondan in Annal.

173 r he knew, &c.] There is nothing more ridiculous than the
various opinions of authors about the seat of Paradise. Sir.
Walter Raleigh has taken a great deal of pains to collect them,
in the beginning of his History of the World; where those, who
are unsatisfied, may be fully informed.

180 s By a High-Dutch, &c.] Goropius Becanus endeavours to
prove that High-Dutch was the language that Adam and Eve
spoke in Paradise.

181 t If either of &c.] Adam and Eve being made, and not
conceived and formed in the womb had no navels as some
learned men have supposed, because they had no need of them.

182 u Who first made, &c.] Musick is said to be invented by
Pythagoras, who first found out the proportion of notes from
the sounds of hammers upon an anvil

232 w Like MAHOMET's &c.) Mahomet had a tame dove, that
used to pick seeds out of his ear that it might be thought to
whisper and inspire him. His ass was so intimate with him, that
the Mahometans believed it carried him to heaven, and stays
there with him to bring him back again.

257 x It was Monastick, and did grow
In holy Orders by strict Vow.
He made a vow never to cut his beard until the Parliament had
subdued the King; of which order of phanatick votaries there
were many in those times.

281 y So learned TALIACOTIUS &c.] Taliacotius was an
Italian surgeon, that found out a way to repair lost and decayed
noses. This Taliacotius was chief surgeon to the Great Duke of
Tuscany, and wrote a treatise, De Curtis Membris, [Of Cut-off
Parts] which he dedicates to his great master wherein he not
only declares the models of his wonderful operations in
restoring of lost members, but gives you cuts of the very
instruments and ligatures he made use of therein; from hence
our Author (cum poetica licentia [with poetic licence]) has
taken his simile.

289 z For as AENEAS, &c.] AEneas was the son of Anchises
and Venus; a Trojan, who, after long travels, came to Italy, and
after the death of his father-in-law, Latinus, was made king of
Latium, and reigned three years. His story is too long to insert
here, and therefore I refer you to Virgil's AEneids. Troy being
laid in ashes, he took his aged father Anchises upon his back,
and rescued him from his enemies. But being too solicitous for
his son and household gods, he lost his wife Creusa; which Mr.
Dryden, in his excellent translation, thus expresseth.

Haste my dear father (tis no time to wait,)
And load my shoulders with a willing freight.
Whate'er befals, your life shall be my care;
One death, or one deliv'rance, we will share.
My hand shall lead our little son; and you,
My faithful consort, shall our steps pursue.

337 a -- For ARTHUR, &c.] Who this Arthur was and whether
any ever reigned in Britain, has been doubted heretofore, and is
by some to this very day. However, the history of him, which
makes him one of the nine worthies of the world, is a subject,
sufficient for the Poet to be pleasant upon.

359 b -- Toledo trusty, &c.] The capital city of New Castile,
Spain, with an archbishopric and primacy. It was very famous,
amongst other things, for tempering the best metal for swords,
as Damascus was and perhaps may be still.

389 c But left the trade, as many more
Have lately done, &c.
Oliver Cromwell and Colonel Pride had been both brewers.

433 d That CAESAR's Horse, who, as Fame goes,
Had corns upon his Feet and Toes.
Julius Caesar had a horse with feet like a man's. Utebatur equo
insigni; pedibus prope humanis, modum digitorum ungulis
fissis. [He rode a horse with this distinction; it had feet like a
man's, having the hooves split like toes] Suet. in Jul. Cap. 61.

467 c The mighty Tyrian Queen, that gain'd
With subtle Shreds a Tract of Land.
Dido, Queen of Carthage, who bought as much land as she
could compass with an ox's hide, which she cut into small
thongs, and cheated the owner of so much ground as served her
to build Carthage upon.

476 f As the bold, &c.] AEneas, whom Virgil reports to use a
golden bough for a pass to hell; and taylors call that place Hell
where they put all they steal.

526 g As three, &c.] Read the great Geographical Dictionary,
under that word.

520 h In Magick, &c.] Talisman is a device to destroy any sort
of vermin, by casting their images in metal, in a precise minute,
when the stars are perfectly inclined to do them all the mischief
they can. This has been experienced by some modern Virtuosi
upon rats, mice, and fleas, and found (as they affirm) to produce
the effect with admirable success.

Raymund Lully interprets cabal, out of the Arabic, to signify
Scientia superabundans; which his commentator, Cornelius
Agrippa, by over-magnifying, has rendered a very superfluous
foppery.

532 i As far as, &c.] The author of Magia Adamica endeavours
to prove the learning of the ancient Magi to be derived from that
knowledge which God himself taught Adam in Paradise before
the fall.

535 And much of Terra Incognita,
The intelligible World cou'd say.
The intelligible world is a kind of Terra Del Fuego, or
Psittacorum Regio[Land of Parrots], &c. discovered only by the
philosophers; of which they talk, like parrots, what they do not
understand.

538 k learned &c.] No nation in the world is more addicted to
this occult philosophy than the Wild-Irish are, as appears by the
whole practice of their lives; of which see Camden in his
description of Ireland.

539 l Or Sir AGRIPPA, &c.] They who would know more of
Sir Cornelius Agrippa, here meant, may consult the Great
Dictionary.

541 m He ANTHROPOSOPHUS and FLOUD,
And JACOB BEHMEN understood.
Anthroposophus is only a compound Greek word, which
signifies a man that is wise in the knowledge of men, as is used
by some anonymous author to conceal his true name.
Dr. Floud was a sort of an English Rosy-crucian, whose works
are extant, and as intelligible as those of Jacob Behmen.

545 n In ROSY-CRUCIAN Lore as learned
As he that Vere Adeptus earned.
The fraternity of the Rosy-crucians is very like the sect of the
ancient Gnostici, who called them selves so from the excellent
learning they pretended to, although they were really the most
ridiculous sots of mankind.
Vere Adeptus is one that has commenced in their phanatick
extravagance.

646 o Thou that with Ale or viler Liquors,
Didst inspire WITHERS, PRYN, and VICARS.
This Vicars was a man of as great interest and authority in the
late Reformation as Pryn or Withers, and as able a poet. He
translated Virgil's AEneids into as horrible Travesty, in earnest,
as the French Scaroon did in burlesque, and was only outdone
in his way by the politic author of Oceana.

714 p We that are, &c.] This speech is set down as it was
delivered by the Knight, in his own words: But since it is below
the gravity of heroical poetry to admit of humour, but all men
are obliged to speak wisely alike, and too much of so
extravagant a folly would become tedious and impertinent, the
rest of his harangues have only his sense expressed in other
words, unless in some few places, where his own words could
not be so well avoided.

753 q In bloody, &c.] Cynarctomachy signifies no thing in the
world but a fight between dogs and bears; though both the
learned and ignorant agree that in such words very great
knowledge is contained: And our Knight, as one, or both, of
these, was of the same opinion.

758 r Or Force, &c.] Averruncate: Another of the same kind,
which, though it appear ever so learned and profound, means
nothing else but the weeding of corn.

777 s The Indians fought for the Truth
Of th' Elephant and Monkey's Tooth.
The History of the White Elephant and the Monkey's-Tooth,
which the Indians adored, is written by Mons. le Blanc. This
monkey's tooth was taken by the Portuguese from those that
worshipped it; and though they offered a vast ransom for it, yet
the Christians were persuaded by their priests rather to burn it.
But as soon as the fire was kindled, all the people present were
not able to endure the horrible stink that came from it, as if the
fire had been made of the same ingredients with which seamen
use to compose that kind of granados which they call stinkards.

786 t The Rage, &c.] Boute-feus is a French word, and therefore
it were uncivil to suppose any English person (especially of
quality) ignorant of it, or so ill-bred as to need an exposition.

903 u 'Tis sung, &c.] Mamaluke is the name of the militia of the
Sultans of Egypt. It signified a servant or soldier. They were
commonly captives taken from amongst the Christians, and
instructed in military discipline, and did not marry. Their power
was great; for besides that the Sultans were chosen out of their
body, they disposed of the most important offices of the
kingdom. They were formidable about 200 years; 'till at last
Selim, Sultan of the Turks, routed them, and killed their Sultan,
near Aleppo, 1516, and so put an end to the empire of
Mamalukes, which had lasted 267 years.
No question but the rhime to Mamaluke was meant Sir Samuel
Luke, of whom in the Preface.

913 w Honour is like, &c.] Our English proverbs are not
impertinent to this purpose:

He that woos a Maid, must seldom come in her sight:
But he that woos a Widow, must woo her Day and Night.
He that woos a Maid, must feign, lye, and flatter:
But he that woos a Widow, must down with his Breeches, and at her.

This proverb being somewhat immodest, Mr Ray says he would
not have inserted it in his collection, but that he met with it in a
little book, intitled, the Quakers' Spiritual Court Proclaimed;
written by Nathaniel Smith, Student in Physic; wherein the
author mentions it as counsel given him by Hilkiah Bedford, an
eminent Quaker in London, who would have had him to have
married a rich widow, in whose house he lodged. In case he
could get her, this Nathaniel Smith had promised Hilkiah a
chamber gratis. The whole narrative is worth the reading.

PART I.

CANTO II.

THE ARGUMENT.

-------------------------------------------------
The catalogue and character
Of th' enemies best men of war;
Whom, in bold harangue, the Knight
Defies, and challenges to fight.
H' encounters Talgol, routs the Bear,
And takes the Fiddler prisoner,
Conveys him to enchanted castle;
There shuts him fast in wooden bastile.
-------------------------------------------------

THERE was an ancient sage philosopher,
That had read ALEXANDER Ross over,
And swore the world, as he cou'd prove,
Was made of fighting and of love:
Just so romances are; for what else 5
Is in them all, but love and battels?
O' th' first of these we've no great matter
To treat of, but a world o' th' latter;
In which to do the injur'd right
We mean, in what concerns just fight. 10
Certes our authors are to blame,
For to make some well-sounding name
A pattern fit for modern Knights
To copy out in frays and fights;
Like those that a whole street do raze 15
To build a palace in the place.
They never care how many others
They kill, without regard of mothers,
Or wives, or children, so they can
Make up some fierce, dead-doing man, 20
Compos'd of many ingredient valors,
Just like the manhood of nine taylors.
So a Wild Tartar, when he spies
A man that's handsome, valiant, wise,
If he can kill him, thinks t' inherit 25
His wit, his beauty, and his spirit
As if just so much he enjoy'd
As in another is destroy'd
For when a giant's slain in fight,
And mow'd o'erthwart, or cleft down right, 30
It is a heavy case, no doubt;
A man should have his brains beat out
Because he's tall, and has large bones;
As men kill beavers for their stones.
But as for our part, we shall tell 35
The naked truth of what befel;
And as an equal friend to both
The Knight and Bear, but more to troth,
With neither faction shall take part,
But give to each his due desert; 40
And never coin a formal lie on't,
To make the Knight o'ercome the giant.
This b'ing profest, we've hopes enough,
And now go on where we left off.

They rode; but authors having not 45
Determin'd whether pace or trot,
(That is to say, whether tollutation,
As they do term't, or succussation,)
We leave it, and go on, as now
Suppose they did, no matter how; 50
Yet some from subtle hints have got
Mysterious light, it was a trot:
But let that pass: they now begun
To spur their living-engines on.
For as whipp'd tops, and bandy'd balls, 55
The learned hold, are animals;
So horses they affirm to be
Mere engines made by geometry;
And were invented first from engines,
As Indian Britons were from Penguins. 60
So let them be; and, as I was saying,
They their live engines ply'd, not staying
Until they reach'd the fatal champain,
Which th' enemy did then encamp on;
The dire Pharsalian plain, where battle 65
Was to be wag'd 'twixt puissant cattle
And fierce auxiliary men,
That came to aid their brethren,
Who now began to take the field,
As Knight from ridge of steed beheld. 70
For as our modern wits behold,
Mounted a pick-back on the old,
Much further oft; much further he,
Rais'd on his aged beast cou'd see;
Yet not sufficient to descry 75
All postures of the enemy;
Wherefore he bids the Squire ride further,
T' observe their numbers, and their order;
That when their motions he had known
He might know how to fit his own. 80
Meanwhile he stopp'd his willing steed,
To fit himself for martial deed.
Both kinds of metal he prepar'd,
Either to give blows, or to ward:
Courage and steel, both of great force, 85
Prepar'd for better, or for worse.
His death-charg'd pistols he did fit well,
Drawn out from life-preserving vittle.
These being prim'd, with force he labour'd
To free's sword from retentive scabbard 90
And, after many a painful pluck,
From rusty durance he bail'd tuck.
Then shook himself, to see that prowess
In scabbard of his arms sat loose;
And, rais'd upon his desp'rate foot, 95
On stirrup-side he gaz'd about,
Portending blood, like blazing star,
The beacon of approaching war.
RALPHO rode on with no less speed
Than Hugo in the forest did; 100
But far more in returning made;
For now the foe he had survey'd,
Rang'd as to him they did appear,
With van, main battle, wings, and rear.
I' the head of all this warlike rabble, 105
CROWDERO march'd, expert and able.
Instead of trumpet and of drum,
That makes the warrior's stomach come,
Whose noise whets valour sharp, like beer
By thunder turn'd to vinegar, 110
(For if a trumpet sound, or drum beat,
Who has not a month's mind to combat?)
A squeaking engine he apply'd
Unto his neck, on north-east side,
Just where the hangman does dispose, 115
To special friends, the knot of noose:
For 'tis great grace, when statesmen straight
Dispatch a friend, let others wait.
His warped ear hung o'er the strings,
Which was but souse to chitterlings: 120
For guts, some write, e'er they are sodden,
Are fit for music, or for pudden;
From whence men borrow ev'ry kind
Of minstrelsy by string or wind.
His grisly beard was long and thick, 125
With which he strung his fiddle-stick;
For he to horse-tail scorn'd to owe,
For what on his own chin did grow.
Chiron, the four-legg'd bard, had both
A beard and tail of his own growth; 130
And yet by authors 'tis averr'd,
He made use only of his beard.
In Staffordshire, where virtuous worth
Does raise the minstrelsy, not birth;
Where bulls do chuse the boldest king, 135
And ruler, o'er the men of string;
(As once in Persia, 'tis said,
Kings were proclaim'd by a horse that neigh'd;)
He bravely venturing at a crown,
By chance of war was beaten down, 140
And wounded sore. His leg then broke,
Had got a deputy of oak:
For when a shin in fight is cropp'd,
The knee with one of timber's propp'd,
Esteem'd more honourable than the other, 145
And takes place, though the younger brother.

Next march'd brave ORSIN, famous for
Wise conduct, and success in war:
A skilful leader, stout, severe,
Now marshal to the champion bear. 150
With truncheon, tipp'd with iron head,
The warrior to the lists he led;
With solemn march and stately pace,
But far more grave and solemn face;
Grave as the Emperor of Pegu 155
Or Spanish potentate Don Diego.
This leader was of knowledge great,
Either for charge or for retreat.
He knew when to fall on pell-mell;
To fall back and retreat as well. 160
So lawyers, lest the bear defendant,
And plaintiff dog, should make an end on't,
Do stave and tail with writs of error,
Reverse of judgment, and demurrer,
To let them breathe a while, and then 165
Cry whoop, and set them on agen.
As ROMULUS a wolf did rear,
So he was dry-nurs'd by a bear,
That fed him with the purchas'd prey
Of many a fierce and bloody fray; 170
Bred up, where discipline most rare is,
In military Garden Paris. <>
For soldiers heretofore did grow
In gardens, just as weeds do now,
Until some splay-foot politicians 175
T'APOLLO offer'd up petitions
For licensing a new invention
They'd found out of an antique engine,
To root out all the weeds that grow
In public gardens at a blow, 180
And leave th' herbs standing. Quoth Sir Sun,
My friends, that is not to be done.
Not done! quoth Statesmen; yes, an't please ye,
When it's once known, you'll say 'tis easy.
Why then let's know it, quoth Apollo. 185
We'll beat a drum, and they'll all follow.
A drum! (quoth PHOEBUS;) troth, that's true;
A pretty invention, quaint and new.
But though of voice and instrument
We are the undoubted president, 190
We such loud music don't profess:
The Devil's master of that office,
Where it must pass, if't be a drum;
He'll sign it with Cler. Parl. Dom. Com.
To him apply yourselves, and he 195
Will soon dispatch you for his fee.
They did so; but it prov'd so ill,
Th' had better let 'em grow there still.
But to resume what we discoursing
Were on before, that is, stout ORSIN: 200
That which so oft, by sundry writers,
Has been applied t' almost all fighters,
More justly may b' ascrib'd to this
Than any other warrior, (viz.)
None ever acted both parts bolder, 205
Both of a chieftain and a soldier.
He was of great descent and high
For splendour and antiquity;
And from celestial origine
Deriv'd himself in a right line. 210
Not as the ancient heroes did,
Who, that their base-births might be hid,
(Knowing they were of doubtful gender,
And that they came in at a windore)
Made Jupiter himself and others 215
O' th' gods, gallants to their own mothers,
To get on them a race of champions,
(Of which old Homer first made Lampoons.)
ARCTOPHYLAX, in northern spheres
Was his undoubted ancestor: 220
From him his great forefathers came,
And in all ages bore his name.
Learned he was in med'c'nal lore;
For by his side a pouch he wore,
Replete with strange Hermetic powder, 225
That wounds nine miles point-blank wou'd solder;
By skilful chemist, with great cost,
Extracted from a rotten post;
But of a heav'nlier influence
Than that which mountebanks dispense; 230
Tho' by Promethean fire made, <>
As they do quack that drive that trade.
For as when slovens do amiss
At others doors, by stool or piss,
The learned write, a red-hot spit 235
B'ing prudently apply'd to it,
Will convey mischief from the dung
Unto the part that did the wrong,
So this did healing; and as sure
As that did mischief this would cure. 240

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