Books: The Professional Aunt
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Mary C.E. Wemyss >> The Professional Aunt
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In church I found myself allotted to what we call the overflow
pew, which is at right angles to the family pews and in full view
of them. It is the children's favorite pew only, I imagine,
because they don't always sit there. Hugh sat very close to me,
and kept on giving little wriggles and gazing up at me, then at
Mr. Dudley, and snuggling closer to me as if to emphasize the
superiority of his position over that of Mr. Dudley.
"Hugh," I whispered, "you must behave."
"He didn't sit next you, after all," he whispered.
I say whispered, but must explain that Hugh's whisper is a very
far-reaching thing. He loves a victory. I hope that when he
grows up he will be a generous victor. He says he is going to be
a dangerous man; I can believe it.
Betty, the vanquished one, stared solemnly in front of her, not
deigning to notice Hugh's triumph. What pleasure is there to
children in sitting next to some particular person in church? I
remember, as a child, it was a matter of earnest prayer during the
week that on Sunday I might sit next, some particular person in
church. "And, O Lord, if it be for my good, let me sit next the
door." A child's religion is a very real thing to him, and not
only a Saturday-to-Monday thing.
I looked at Betty's serious little face and wished that I could
for one moment read her thoughts. Her eyes, such lovely eyes,
were fixed on the preacher's face. What did his sermon convey to
her? It was a particularly uninteresting one, I remember, an
appeal on behalf of the curates' fund. Her eyes never left his
face -- such solemn, searching, truthful eyes. I think a child
like Betty should not be allowed to go to church on such
occasions, for what is the use of preaching against matrimony on
the one hand, and that, I suppose, is what the moral of such a
sermon should be, -- and on the other hand holding up an incentive
to matrimony in the very alluring shape of Betty? For,
personally, I think Betty would be a very wonderful possession for
any curate to have.
Hugh was growing restless and I was bearing the brunt of it.
Nannie, feeling for me, leaned over from the back pew and said,
"Don't rest your head on your Aunt Woggles."
"I came to church on purpose to rest my head on my Aunt Woggles's
chest," said Hugh, again in what he calls a whisper. A moment
later, he asked, "Is it done?"
It was, and he jumped up.
"May I sit next you next Sunday, Aunt Woggles?" he said, so soon
as we got outside the church door.
"No, Hugh," I said.
"I bet I do, all the same," he said.
"Aunt Woggles," said Betty, as we walked home, "I collect for the
prevention of children; do you suppose Mr. Dudley would give me a
penny?"
"I am sure he would, darling, but it is the prevention of cruelty
to children -- the prevention of cruelty."
"That's such a long thing to say, Aunt Woggles, don't you suppose
he would understand if I did say it a little wrong?"
"Perhaps, darling, but it is always best to say things right."
"Yes, I will, but I was only supposing, supposing I didn't."
At luncheon Diana cautioned Betty against swallowing a fish-bone.
"You might die, darling, if you did."
"Then I shall swallow every single bone I can," announced Betty.
"But, darling," said Diana, "why do you say that? You don't want
to die. You are quite happy, aren't you?"
"Yes, I'm very happy, but I want to die, all the same."
"Oh, darling, don't say that," said Diana; "there is a great deal
for you to do in this world before you die."
"Yes, but you see, darling," said Betty, "if I don't die soon, I
shall be too old to sit on Jesus' knee."
Diana is very particular about the children's manners, and Hugh
came face to face with a great difficulty a moment later, over his
ginger beer. "If I don't say I thank you, mother doesn't like it,
and if I do say I thank you, Bindon stops pouring."
Chapter VI
In answer to a really desperate telegram from Zerlina, I left
Hames hurriedly, and arrived at Zerlina's, to find her out and all
the children apparently well. I was shown upstairs into the
drawing-room. In Diana's house I am never "shown" anywhere;
however, in Zerlina's I am, so it is no use discussing that
question. The drawing-room into which I was shown was empty of
furniture except for the sofas and chairs which were arranged
round the room against the wall. As Zerlina's room does not err
as a rule on the side of emptiness, I realized that there was
going to be a party. I felt like the child who said, "There's
been a wedding, I smell rice!" One knows these things by
instinct.
The butler solemnly informed me that there was going to be a
party, and that Miss Hyacinth would be down in a moment.
I thought it odd that Zerlina should have said nothing about a
party; but then she never says anything about measles, or
whooping-cough, or re-painting rooms, until I am within the doors
and unable to escape. I remembered she had urged me on this
occasion to come early. I sat down on a sofa and sadly fixed my
gaze on the parquet floor. How different had been my arrival at
Hames! My conscience smote me. I had no train, no cooking stove,,
no woolly rabbit in my box. But then neither was there a Hugh,
Betty, and Sara. At Hames should I have sat in the drawing-room?
Never! Of course I know what some people will say: that it is my
fault; if I had treated the children as I treated Betty, Hugh, and
Sara, it would have made all the difference; but it wouldn't,
really. It is, the mother of the children who makes the
difference; it is her attitude to the aunt which is adopted by the
children. If Diana had been out, the house would have resounded
with shrieks for Aunt Woggles. But in Zerlina's house children
never shriek, people never rush to the nursery. The children are
always tidied before they are brought down to see me.
Of course some people will again say, "Quite right"; and it is
quite right that for such people they should be tidied; but do
those people realize what a wall tidiness builds between child and
grown-up? Have they ever thought what a boy feels when his mother
comes down to see him at school and the first thing she does when
he comes into the room is to say that his collar is dirty, or that
his hands want washing? At that moment, perhaps, she lays the
first brick in the wall which builds between mother and son. He is
a happy boy and she a blessed mother who stand always with no wall
between them. All a boy demands of his mother when she comes to
see him at school is that she shall behave just like other people,
and that she shall dress properly. If she can be beautiful, so
much the better: it will redound enormously to his credit. Boys
are very sensitive about their belongings, but when praise can be
bestowed they bestow it, as in the case of Tommy, who wrote to his
father, who had been down to the school to play in a match,
"Fathers against Sons, "Dear father, you did look odd, but you
made the second biggest score."
While I was pondering over these things, the door opened and my
niece Hyacinth came in.
"Hullo!" she said; "mum's out."
"So I hear," I said; "won't you kiss me?"
"Oh! I forgot," she said, twirling round on one leg and holding
out a cheek to be kissed. "There's going to be a party to it."
"So I see, I said; "what sort of a party?"
"Oh! it's the end-up of the dancing class, four to seven; that's
why mum asked you to come early."
"She isn't in yet?" I asked innocently.
"Oh! she's not coming," said Hyacinth, raising her eyebrows and
laughing; "she always has something to do on dancing days. The
Frauleins get on her nerves. They sit all round the room."
And Hyacinth indicated the position of the Frauleins with a sweep
of her arm.
"What time is it now?" I asked.
"Half past three," she said; "I'm ready."
"I'm not," I said savagely.
I went upstairs, vowing vengeance on Zerlina. I could have shaken
Hyacinth, poor child, and why? Because her legs were too long, or
her skirts too short, or the bow in her hair too large? What a
disagreeable, cross-grained professional aunt I was! Or did I
miss the hug Hyacinth might have given me?
I was only just ready when the children began to arrive. I flew
downstairs and found not only children in every shape and form,
but mothers in big hats and trailing skirts, and Frauleins in
small hats and skirts curtailed, mademoiselles and nannies. The
nannies I handed over to the nursery department, and the mothers
and the Frauleins and the mademoiselles I arranged in a dado round
the room., making inappropriate remarks to each in turn. No
surprise was expressed at the absence of Zerlina.
The children began to dance. There was a particularly painstaking
little boy in a white silk shirt and black velvet knickerbockers,
very tight in places, who danced assiduously, looking neither to
the right nor to the left. "Right leg, To-mus, left leg, To-mus!"
came in stentorian tones from a Fraulein in the corner, who suited
her actions to her words by the uplifting of the leg corresponding
to that recommended to Tomus's consideration, and bringing it down
with emphasis on the parquet floor.
By the sudden quickening of leg-action on the part of my
painstaking friend, I knew him to be Tomus, and by that only, so
many of the boys looked as if they might be Tomus. The real Tomus
asserted himself manfully, however, by using the exactly opposite
leg to that ordered by Fraulein. I liked this spirit of
independence, and determined to make friends with him so soon as
that dance should be over. I took the liberty of introducing
myself; he made no remark but took me by the hand and led me out
on to the landing, and there he found two chairs in the orthodox
position. Into one of these he wriggled himself by a backward and
upward movement, and I sat in the other. How absurdly easy it is
for a grown-up to sit down! I waited for Thomas to make a remark;
I might be waiting still, if I had not made a beginning. He
looked at me under his eyelashes, and tried not to smile. It was
an effort, I could see, and I could tell just where the dimples
would come. When the effort became too great and the dimples
asserted themselves beyond recall, he looked away and put out a
minute portion of his tongue. Having done that, he subsided into
grave self-possession.
I began to feel embarrassed, and asked him how old he was. He
smiled. "Do you like dancing, Thomas?" I said.
He looked away, and every time I addressed him he seemed to
retreat farther into his chair, until I had fears that he would
disappear altogether from my sight. His waist-line seemed to be
the vanishing-point. I made no further effort, and relapsed into
silence. Thomas continued to gaze at me and smile. At last he
extended a fat little hand, uncurled one by one four soft little
fingers, and revealed, lying in his palm, a short screw. It was
evidently his greatest treasure, for the moment.
"Is that for me, Thomas?" I asked. "Nope," he said, shaking his
head.
"Is it your very own?"
"Yeth," said Thomas, drawing in his breath. He shut his little
hand, put out his tongue just the smallest bit, and became serious
and silent.
"Is it a present?" I asked. Having got so far, it seemed a pity
not to go on. He had done me the greatest honor that a small boy
can do a woman, which, by the way, was what our Nannie said when
she told us that a strange man had proposed to her on a penny
steamboat.
Thomas shook his head and said, "Nope."
"Did you find it?" I asked.
He nodded. "I always find fings," he said.
Beyond that I could get nothing out of him. I have not often sat
out with a more embarrassing partner. To be continually stared at
and never spoken to would, I think, make the boldest woman shy.
There was a stolidity about Thomas that promised well for
England's future. There was a steady resistance from attack that
was really admirable; but I was not altogether sorry when Fraulein
pounced upon him. As she led him off I heard him say, "Parties do
last a long time, don't they, Leilein?"
Having lost Thomas, I sought a new partner. A tall, fair girl
with wide, gray eyes, a pink-and-white complexion, a beautiful
mouth, and a delicately refined nose, interested me, as I imagine
she has continued to do every one who has met her. She reminded
me of spring, with birds singing and flowers flowering and trees
bursting, just as Diana does. As it was quite the correct thing
for girls to dance with one another, I made so bold as to ask her
for a dance. With the timidity of a boy just out of Etons, or
perhaps I should say, of a shy boy just out of Etons, I approached
her. "Right-o," she said, "let's see."
She puckered her penciled eyebrows and studied her program. "The
third after the two next?"
She bowed gravely, and I said, "Thank you." I felt very young and
inexperienced as I returned the bow.
"That's all right," she said. "Where shall I find you? It
doesn't matter, I shall know you again"; and she had the audacity
to write on her program, for I saw her do it, "white dress, red
hair."
She was borne off by a triumphant boy, who looked at me as much as
to say, "You're jolly well sold if you think you are going to nab
this dance."
I asked a hungry-looking boy with many freckles who she was. "Oh!
that's Dolly," he said; "she is a flyer, isn't she?"
"Dolly who?" I asked.
"Oh! just Dolly; that does." He looked away, looked back,
hesitated, and swallowed. I, feeling that he perhaps needed the
assistance a man sometimes requires of a woman, encouragement,
smiled at him.
"You wouldn't dance this, I suppose?" he said.
"Certainly," I answered.
We danced. He was a nice boy, very much in earnest, very much
afraid of tiring me, very much afraid of letting me go, too shy to
stop, until I suggested it, for which act of consideration he
seemed grateful.
He told me he had five brothers, all older than himself; that he
never had new trousers, always the other boys' cut down; that he
liked school; wanted a bicycle more than anything in the world --
of his very own, of course; wanted a pony of his very own; wanted
a dog of his very own. He hadn't anything of his very own.
I said I supposed he thought his eldest brother very lucky.
"Because of the trousers?" he asked.
I said, "Well, yes, I suppose he has the new ones."
"Well," he said, "you see he doesn't. That's the chowse of the
whole thing. He is the eldest, but you see Dick's the biggest, so
he gets the new trousers. It is hard, isn't it?"
I said it was indeed.
"The best of it is," he said, "I am catching jackup. He is in an
awful wax. I shouldn't be surprised if I were bigger than him
next holidays. Do you like dancing? I simply loathe it -- not
with you, I don't mean I."
He told me many other confidences, and I was really sorry when he
remembered, with an evident pang, that he had to dance with that
"rum little kid over there."
I was quite certain that he would never break a promise. I could
picture him going through life always keeping promises, rashly
made, no doubt. I wondered what he would talk to girls about at
dances years hence -- trousers? Hardly. By that time he would
have trousers of his very own, and they would cease, in
consequence, to be things of interest.
He would be a soldier -- of that I could have no doubt. He was
the kind of boy England wants and can still get, thank God! say
pessimists what they will.
While I was awaiting my Dolly dance, I came upon a small,
disconsolate boy.
"I'm looking for an empty partner," he said.
I captured a passing girl, very small, and they danced away
together. The boy I could see was very energetic, the girl was
very small and fat. As they passed me I heard her say, "I --
can't -- go -- so -- fast!"
"Very sorry," said the small boy, "but I must keep up with the
music."
Dolly found me. "I think I had better dance gentleman," she said;
"I think I am as tall as you." With a tremendous effort she drew
her slim figure to its full height, and, gazing up into my face
she had the audacity to say, "Yes, I do just look down upon you;
anyhow, men aren't always taller than girls. My cousin says so,
and she goes to dances - heaps -- and she is six foot."
We started off, I felt at once, on a perilous course. "You see,"
she said, "I had better -- steer -- because" (bump we went into
somebody), "because -- I dance once a week -- always" (crash),
"sometimes oftener -- so I get -- plenty of practice" (bang) "in
steering, and that helps. I love dancing -- don't you? Oh,
that's all right -- it's -- only -- the stupid -- old mantelpiece
-- I always go into that -- it sticks out so -- doesn't it? It is
hard -- rather!"
Dolly was a flyer and no mistake. I was brought to a standstill
at last by colliding with Thomas's Fraulein.
"It's all right," said Dolly generously, "you didn't hurt us!"
Fraulein was hurled on to a sofa and made no remark. She gave up
temporarily the management of Thomas's left leg.
"Shall we sit out?" said Dolly. "It is hot, isn't it?"
She fanned herself with a very small program and tossed her hair
back from her face. It was such lovely hair.
"Hair is beastly stuff, isn't it?" she said. "Wouldn't you love
to be a boy? Oh, I promised mother not to say I 'beastly'; that's
one of the things I would like to be a boy for, because boys may
do such an awful lot of things."
I soon found out that Dolly liked boys better than girls.
She loved horses and dogs.
She hated and detested bearing-reins.
She didn't want to come out.
She thought grown-ups silly, except some -
She loved the country and strawberry ice.
She hated dull lessons, and I very soon discovered that there were
none other than dull.
She collected stamps.
She longed to have a pet monkey or a brother, she didn't much mind
which.
At the mention of brothers I looked down at Dolly's slim legs,
clothed in fine black silk stockings, at the valenciennes lace on
her muslin frock, and I imagined that if she had any brothers, the
younger ones would be quite likely to have started life in
trousers of their own. Yes, Dolly looked like it. I learned a
great deal from her in the time it had taken me to get "yeth" and
"nope" out of Thomas.
The energetic boy who had been obliged to keep up with the music
at all costs, the little fat girl's in particular, came up to me,
and said in an aggrieved voice, "Miss Daly has spoilt my program;
she can't write, and she has written big D's all over it. Will
you write me out a fresh one?"
Which I, of course, did. Really it was very careless of Miss
Daly.
The children danced hard, with intervals for tea and refreshment;
and as seven o'clock struck, there was a transformation scene.
With conscientious punctuality the party-dressed children
turned, into little or big woolen bundles, as the case might be.
The last bundle I saw was a pink woolen one, weeping bitterly. My
heart was wrung. The noisy crying of a child is bad enough, but
when it is the soft weeping of a broken heart, it is unbearable.
Of course it was my friend Thomas. I stood on the staircase
unable to do anything, for he was quickly borne from the arms of
Fraulein by a big footman, and no doubt deposited in a brougham in
the outer darkness. Poor Thomas!
I hoped that the right sort of mother would be at home to unroll
that pink bundle, a mother who would pretend that it could not be
her darling who was crying, but a strange little boy with a face
quite unknown to her. Where could he have come from? And so on,
until Thomas would be ashamed to be seen with a strange face, and
would smile, and then his mother would say, "What is it, my
darling?" because, of course, it was her own darling who was
crying, and she would never rest till she knew why.
I went back to the drawing-room quite happy that Thomas should be
unrolled by the right sort of mother, and as I walked across the
room, my foot slipped on something. I looked to see what it was I
had trodden on. It was a short screw, Thomas's precious
possession. "That was why the poor pink bundle was crying!"
"Hyacinth," I said, "who was Thomas?"
"Which one? There was little Thomas and the Thomas who lives a
long way off, and then just plain Thomas."
"I mean the fat little Thomas who danced so hard."
"Oh! that's the little Thomas," said Hyacinth.
"Where does he live?" I asked.
"Oh, quite close; when we go to tea there we walk. He hasn't got
a mother, so there's no drawing-room. She died," added Hyacinth,
as if it was an every-day occurrence that Thomas should be left
without a mother, instead of its being a heart-breaking tragedy.
A child with no mother, no mother to unwrap the pink bundle, no
mother to grieve for the screw, no mother to understand things.
Perhaps his mother had been a Diana sort of mother.
"Oh, Thomas," I thought, "I must send you back your screw." I
didn't care what any one said -- he should have it.
If he had had a mother, it wouldn't have mattered, because she
would have known it was a screw he had lost, and she would have
known just what comfort he would have needed; whereas a Fraulein
would know nothing about a screw, beyond the German for it, and
the gender, of course. And of what use is that to a child? It
may sound very unconventional, and I suppose it was so, to go to a
strange house and ask for Thomas, and my only excuse a small
screw. But still I went!
I pictured a lonely child in a large house with a Fraulein and a
nurse, perhaps two; those I could face. A tall, sad father I had
never thought of! I am afraid I am not suited for the profession,
I am too impulsive.
I rang the bell. The door was opened by a solemn man-servant, who
did not show the surprise he must have felt when I asked for
Master Thomas. Another, still more solemn, showed me into a
downstairs room. I refused to give my name, and a very large,
serious Thomas rose from a chair as I was ushered in, "A lady to
see Master Thomas." So my errand was in part explained, but the
part left to tell was by far the most difficult. If only Thomas
had lost anything but a screw! No father could be expected to
know how it had been treasured. Supposing Thomas had been crying
because he had a pain, which sometimes comes to children after
tea? Supposing he hadn't been crying for his screw at all?
Supposing he repudiated all knowledge of it?
But here I was, screw in hand, and my story to tell. I told if. I
was grateful to the tall, sad Thomas for being so solemn, and not
even smiling, when I mentioned the screw. He said he was very
grateful for my kindness, and he went so far as to say he was sure
Thomas had valued the screw.
While some one was coming, for whom he had rung, he told me that
when he had taken Thomas to the Zoo, the only thing which he was
really excited about was the mouse in the elephant's house!
Somehow or other that little story put me at my ease, for it
showed that the big Thomas at least understood in part the mind of
a child.
A nurse, not sad-looking I was glad to see, came in answer to the
bell, and the big Thomas asked if the little Thomas had lost a
screw? In that I was disappointed, the best nurse in the world
might not know of a screw. But the big Thomas did not wait to
hear; be was sure the little Thomas had, and he said we were
coming upstairs to restore it to him. Of course I had said by
this time that I was Zerlina's sister-in-law.
We went upstairs, I following the tall Thomas, past the drawing-
room, past that bedroom whose door I knew was closed. A mother's
bedroom is nearly always in the same place in a London house, a
child blindfolded could find it, and the handle of a mother's door
is always within the reach of the smallest child; and so easily
does it turn, that the door opens at the slightest pressure of the
smallest fingers.
Up we went to Thomas's own bedroom. There in his bed he sat, no
longer crying, but still sad and solemn, with evidences in his
face of a sorrow that rankled. He smiled when he saw me, too much
of a gentleman to show any surprise at seeing me in his bedroom.
"Thomas," I said, "I have brought you back your screw which you
lost." I put it in his outstretched hand, and a smile rippled all
over his face.
Suddenly from out the darkness came a stentorian voice, "Right
hand, Tomus!" It was Fraulein! Thomas put out his right hand,
and I, putting aside all convention, gave him a real "Sara hug"
for the sake of that mother whose door was closed. It then began
to dawn upon me how very unconventional it was of me to be hugging
a comparatively strange child, in a perfectly strange house, and I
hastily said good-night to the small Thomas and the big Thomas,
nurses and Fraulein, and literally ran downstairs, followed of
course by the big Thomas. At the foot of the stairs I ran into
the arms of Mr. Dudley.
His exclamation of "Aunt Woggles" was involuntary, I felt sure,
and he had every right to visit a sad, tall Mr. Thomas. But I
thought Diana ought to have told me that I was likely to meet him
at -- Well, a stranger's house; so how could she? The only thing
that consoled me was that in all probability Mr. Dudley would
explain my profession in life, and that I had a screw loose. Yes,
that would exactly explain the position. Otherwise I didn't
exactly know how he could describe me.
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