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Lord Dunsany >> If
MIRALDA CLEMENT
Thank you so much.
MAN IN THE CORNER
Not at all. [He does not mean to contradict
her. Stoical silence again.]
MIRALDA CLEMENT
Would you mind having it shut now? I
think it is rather cold.
MAN IN THE CORNER
Certainly.
[He shuts it. Silence again.]
MIRALDA CLEMENT
I think I'd like the window open again now
for a bit. It is rather stuffy, isn't it?
MAN IN THE CORNER
Well, I think it's very cold.
MIRALDA CLEMENT
O, do you? But would you mind opening
it for me?
MAN IN THE CORNER
I'd much rather it was shut, if you don't
mind.
[She sighs, moves her hands slightly, and
her pretty face expresses the resignation of
the Christian martyr in the presence of
lions. This for the benefit of John.]
JOHN
Allow me, madam.
[He leans across the window's rightful
owner, a bigger man than he, and opens his
window.
MAN IN THE CORNER shrugs his shoulders
and, quite sensibly, turns to his paper.]
MIRALDA
O, thank you so much.
JOHN
Don't mention it.
[Silence again.]
VOICES OF PORTERS [Off]
Fan Kar, Fan Kar.
[MAN IN THE CORNER gets out.]
MIRALDA
Could you tell me where this is?
JOHN
Yes. Elephant and Castle.
MIRALDA
Thank you so much. It was kind of you to
protect me from that horrid man. He wanted
to suffocate me.
JOHN
O, very glad to assist you, I'm sure. Very
glad.
MIRALDA
I should have been afraid to have done it in
spite of him. It was splendid of you.
JOHN
O, that was nothing.
MIRALDA
O, it was, really.
JOHN
Only too glad to help you in any little way.
MIRALDA
It was so kind of you.
JOHN
O, not at all.
[Silence for a bit.]
MIRALDA
I've nobody to help me.
JOHN
Er, er, haven't you really?
MIRALDA
No, nobody.
JOHN
I'd be very glad to help you in any little
way.
MIRALDA
I wonder if you could advise me.
JOHN
I--I'd do my best.
MIRALDA
You see, I have nobody to advise me.
JOHN
No, of course not.
MIRALDA
I live with my aunt, and she doesn't
understand. I've no father or mother.
JOHN
O, er, er, really?
MIRALDA
No. And an uncle died and he left me a
hundred thousand pounds.
JOHN
Really?
MIRALDA
Yes. He didn't like me. I think he did it
out of contrariness as much as anything.
He was always like that to me.
JOHN
Was he? Was he really?
MIRALDA
Yes. It was invested at twenty-five per
cent. He never liked me. Thought I was
too--I don't know what.
JOHN
No.
MIRALDA
That was five years ago, and I've never got
a penny of it.
JOHN
Really. But, but that's not right.
MIRALDA [sadly]
No.
JOHN
Where's it invested?
MIRALDA
In Al Shaldomir.
JOHN
Where's that?
MIRALDA
I don't quite know. I never was good at
geography. I never quite knew where Persia
ends.
JOHN
And what kind of an investment was it?
MIRALDA
There's a pass in some mountains that they
can get camels over, and a huge toll is levied
on everything that goes by; that is the custom
of the tribe that lives there, and I believe
the toll is regularly collected.
JOHN
And who gets it?
MIRALDA
The chief of the tribe. He is called Ben
Hussein. But my uncle lent him all this
money, and the toll on the camels was what
they call the security. They always carry
gold and turquoise, you know.
JOHN
Do they?
MIRALDA
Yes, they get it from the rivers.
JOHN
I see.
MIRALDA
It does seem a shame his not paying,
doesn't it?
JOHN
A shame? I should think it is. An awful
shame. Why, it's a crying shame. He ought
to go to prison.
MIRALDA
Yes, he ought. But you see it's so hard
to find him. It isn't as if it was this side of
Persia. It's being on the other side that is
such a pity. If only it was in a country like,
like . . .
JOHN
I'd soon find him. I'd . . . Why, a man
like that deserves anything.
MIRALDA
It is good of you to say that.
JOHN
Why, I'd . . . And you say you never
got a penny?
MIRALDA
No.
JOHN
Well, that is a shame. I call that a
downright shame.
MIRALDA
Now, what ought I to do?
JOHN
Do? Well, now, you know in business
there's nothing like being on the spot. When
you're on the spot you can--but then, of
course, it's so far.
MIRALDA
It is, isn't it?
JOHN
Still, I think you should go if you could.
If only I could offer to help you in any way,
I would gladly, but of course . . .
MIRALDA
What would you do?
JOHN
I'd go and find that Hussein fellow; and
then . . .
MIRALDA
Yes?
JOHN
Why, I'd tell him a bit about the law, and
make him see that you didn't keep all that
money that belonged to someone else.
MIRALDA
Would you really?
JOHN
Nothing would please me better.
MIRALDA
Would you really? Would you go all that
way?
JOHN
It's just the sort of thing that I should like,
apart from the crying shame. The man
ought to be . . .
MIRALDA
We're getting into Holborn. Would you
come and lunch somewhere with me and talk
it over?
JOHN
Gladly. I'd be glad to help. I've got to
see a man on business first. I've come up to
see him. And then after that, after that
there was something I wanted to do after that.
I can't think what it was. But something I
wanted to do after that. O, heavens, what
was it?
[Pause.]
MIRALDA
Can't you think?
JOHN
No. O, well, it can't have been so very
important. And yet . . . Well, where shall
we lunch?
MIRALDA
Gratzenheim's.
JOHN
Right. What time?
MIRALDA
One-thirty. Would that suit?
JOHN
Perfectly. I'd like to get a man like
Hussein in prison. I'd like . . . O, I beg your
pardon.
[He hurries to open the door. Exit
MIRALDA.]
Now what was it I wanted to do
afterwards?
[Throws hand to forehead.]
O, never mind.
Curtain
ACT II
SCENE
JOHN's tent in Al Shaldomir. There
are two heaps of idols, left and right, lying
upon the ground inside the tent. DAOUD
carries another idol in his arms. JOHN
looks at its face.
Six months have elapsed since the scene
in the second-class railway carriage.
JOHN BEAL
This god is holy.
[He points to the left heap. DAOUD
carries it there and lays it on the heap.]
DAOUD
Yes, great master.
JOHN BEAL
You are in no wise to call me great master.
Have not I said so? I am not your master.
I am helping you people. I know better than
you what you ought to do, because I am
English. But that's all. I'm not your master,
See?
DAOUD
Yes, great master.
JOHN BEAL
O, go and get some more idols. Hurry.
DAOUD
Great master, I go.
[Exit.]
JOHN BEAL
I can't make these people out.
DAOUD [returning]
I have three gods.
JOHN BEAL [looking at their faces, pointing to
the two smaller idols first]
These two are holy. This one is unholy.
DAOUD
Yes, great master.
JOHN BEAL
Put them on the heap.
[DAOUD does so, two left, one right.]
Get some more.
[DAOUD salaams. Exit.]
[Looking at right heap.] What a--what a
filthy people
[Enter DAOUD with two idols.]
JOHN BEAL [after scrutiny]
This god is holy, this is unholy.
[Enter ARCHIE BEAL, wearing a "Bowler"
hat.]
Why, ARCHIE, this is splendid of you!
You've come! Why, that's splendid! All
that way!
ARCHIE BEAL
Yes, I've come. Whatever are you doing?
JOHN BEAL
ARCHIE, it's grand of you to come! I never
ought to have asked it of you, only . . .
ARCHIE BEAL
O, that's all right. But what in the world
are you doing?
JOHN BEAL
ARCHIE, it's splendid of you.
ARCHIE BEAL
O, cut it. That's all right. But what's all
this?
JOHN BEAL
O, this. Well, well they're the very oddest
people here. It's a long story. But I wanted
to tell you first how enormously grateful I
am to you for coming.
ARCHIE BEAL
O, that's all right. But I want to know
what you're doing with all these genuine
antiques.
JOHN BEAL
Well, ARCHIE, the fact of it is they're a real
odd lot of people here. I've learnt their
language, more or less, but I don't think I quite
understand them yet. A lot of them are
Mahommedans; they worship Mahommed,
you know. He's dead. But a lot of them
worship these things, and . . .
ARCHIE BEAL
Well, what have you got 'em all in here
for?
JOHN BEAL
Yes, that's just it. I hate interfering with
them, but, well, I simply had to. You see
there's two sorts of idols here; they offer
fruit and rats to some of them; they lay them
on their hands or their laps.
ARCHIE BEAL
Why do they offer them rats?
JOHN BEAL
O, I don't know. They don't know either.
It's the right thing to do out here, it's been
the right thing for hundreds of years; nobody
exactly knows why. It's like the bows we
have on evening shoes, or anything else.
But it's all right.
ARCHIE BEAL
Well, what are you putting them in heaps
for?
JOHN BEAL
Because there's the other kind, the ones
with wide mouths and rust round them.
ARCHIE BEAL
Rust? Yes, so there is. What do they
do?
JOHN BEAL
They offer blood to them, ARCHIE. They
pour it down their throats. Sometimes they
kill people, sometimes they only bleed them.
It depends how much blood the idol wants.
ARCHIE BEAL
How much blood it wants? Good Lord!
How do they know?
JOHN BEAL
The priests tell them. Sometimes they
fill them up to their necks--they're all hollow,
you know. In spring it's awful.
ARCHIE BEAL
Why are they worse in spring?
JOHN BEAL
I don't know. The priests ask for more
blood then. Much more. They say it always
was so.
ARCHIE BEAL
And you're stopping it?
JOHN BEAL
Yes, I'm stopping these. One must. I'm
letting them worship those. Of course, it's
idolatry and all that kind of thing, but I
don't like interfering short of actual murder.
ARCHIE BEAL
And they're obeying you?
JOHN BEAL
'M, y-yes. I think so.
ARCHIE BEAL
You must have got a great hold over them.
JOHN BEAL
Well, I don't know about that. It's the
pass that counts.
ARCHIE BEAL
The pass?
JOHN BEAL
Yes, that place you came over. It's the
only way anyone can get here.
ARCHIE BEAL
Yes, I suppose it is. But how does the pass
affect these idols?
JOHN BEAL
It affects everything here. If that pass
were closed no living man would ever enter
or leave, or even hear of, this country. It's
absolutely cut off except for that one pass.
Why, ARCHIE, it isn't even on the map.
ARCHIE BEAL
Yes, I know.
JOHN BEAL
Well, whoever owns that pass is everybody.
No one else counts.
ARCHIE BEAL
And who does own it?
JOHN BEAL
Well, it's actually owned by a fellow called
Hussein, but Miss Clement's uncle, a man
called Hinnard, a kind of lonely explorer,
seems to have come this way; and I think he
understood what this pass is worth.
Anyhow, he lent Hussein a big sum of money and
got an acknowledgment from Hussein. Old
Hinnard must have been a wonderfully
shrewd man. For that acknowledgment is
no more legal than an I.O.U., and Hussein
is simply a brigand.
ARCHIE BEAL
Not very good security.
JOHN BEAL
Well, you're wrong there. Hussein himself
respects that piece of parchment he signed.
There's the name of some god or other written
on it Hussein is frightened of. Now you
see how things are. That pass is as holy as
all the gods that there are in Al Shaldomir.
Hussein possesses it. But he owes an
enormous sum to Miss Miralda Clement, and I am
here as her agent; and you've come to help
me like a great sportsman.
ARCHIE BEAL
O, never mind that. Well, it all seems
pretty simple.
JOHN BEAL
Well, I don't know, ARCHIE. Hussein
admits the debt, but . . .
ARCHIE BEAL
But what?
JOHN BEAL
I don't know what he'll do.
ARCHIE BEAL
Wants watching, does he?
JOHN BEAL
Yes. And meanwhile I feel sort of
responsible for all these silly people.
Somebody's got to look after them. Daoud!
DAOUD [off]
Great master.
JOHN BEAL
Bring in some more gods.
DAOUD
Yes, great master.
JOHN BEAL
I can't get them to stop calling me absurd
titles. They're so infernally Oriental.
[Enter DAOUD.]
ARCHIE BEAL
He's got two big ones this time.
JOHN BEAL [to ARCHIE]
You see, there is rust about their mouths.
[To DAOUD]: They are both unholy.
[He points to R. heap, and DAOUD
puts them there. To DAOUD.]
Bring in some more.
DAOUD
Great master, there are no more gods in
Al Shaldomir.
JOHN BEAL
It is well.
DAOUD
What orders, great master.
JOHN BEAL
Listen. At night you shall come and take
these gods away. These shall be worshipped
again in their own place, these you shall cast
into the great river and tell no man where you
cast them.
DAOUD
Yes, great master.
JOHN BEAL
You will do this, Daoud?
DAOUD
Even so, great master.
JOHN BEAL
I am sorry to make you do it. You are
sad that you have to do it. Yet it must be
done.
DAOUD
Yes, I am sad, great master.
JOHN BEAL
But why are you sad, Daoud?
DAOUD
Great master, in times you do not know
these gods were holy. In times you have not
guessed. In old centuries, master, perhaps
before the pass. Men have prayed to them,
sorrowed before them, given offerings to
them. The light of old hearths has shone on
them, flames from old battles. The shadow
of the mountains has fallen on them, so
many times, master, so many times. Dawn
and sunset have shone on them, master, like
firelight flickering; dawn and sunset, dawn
and sunset, flicker, flicker, flicker for century
after century. They have sat there watching
the dawns like old men by the fire. They are
so old, master, so old. And some day dawn
and sunset will die away and shine on the
world no more, and they would have still
sat on in the cold. And now they go. . .
They are our history, master, they are our old
times. Though they be bad times they are
our times, master; and now they go. I am
sad, master, when the old gods go.
JOHN BEAL
But they are bad gods, Daoud.
DAOUD
I am sad when the bad gods go.
JOHN BEAL
They must go, Daoud. See, there is no
one watching. Take them now.
DAOUD
Even so, great master.
[He takes up the largest of the gods with
rust.]
Come, Aho-oomlah, thou shalt not drink
Nideesh.
JOHN BEAL
Was Nideesh to have been sacrificed?
DAOUD
He was to have been drunk by Aho-oomlah.
JOHN BEAL
Nideesh. Who is he?
DAOUD
He is my son.
[Exit with Aho-oomlah.
JOHN BEAL almost gasps.]
ARCHIE BEAL [who has been looking round
the tent]
What has he been saying?
JOHN BEAL
They're--they're a strange people. I
can't make them out.
ARCHIE BEAL
Is that the heap that oughtn't to be
worshipped?
JOHN BEAL
Yes.
ARCHIE BEAL
Well, do you know, I'm going to chuck this
hat there. It doesn't seem to me somehow to
be any more right here than those idols would
be at home. Odd isn't it? Here goes.
[He throws hat on right heap of idols. JOHN
BEAL does not smile.]
Why, what's the matter?
JOHN BEAL
I don't like to see a decent Christian hat
among these filthy idols. They've all got
rust on their mouths. I don't like to see
it, Archie; it's sort of like what they call
an omen. I don't like it.
ARCHIE BEAL
Do they keep malaria here?
JOHN BEAL
I don't think so. Why?
ARCHIE BEAL
Then what's the matter, Johnny? Your nerves
are bad.
JOHN BEAL
You don't know these people, and I've brought
you out here. I feel kind of responsible.
If Hussein's lot turn nasty you don't
know what he'd do, with all those idols and
all.
ARCHIE BEAL
He'll give 'em a drink, you mean.
JOHN BEAL
Don't, ARCHIE. There's no saying. And I
feel responsible for you.
ARCHIE BEAL
Well, they can have my hat. It looks
silly, somehow. I don't know why. What
are we going to do?
JOHN BEAL
Well, now that you've come we can go
ahead.
ARCHIE BEAL
Righto. What at?
JOHN BEAL
We've got to see Hussein's accounts, and
get everything clear in black and white, and
see just what he owes to Miss Miralda
Clement.
ARCHIE BEAL
But they don't keep accounts here.
JOHN BEAL
How do you know?
ARCHIE BEAL
Why, of course they don't. One can see
that.
JOHN BEAL
But they must.
ARCHIE BEAL
Well, you haven't changed a bit for your
six months here.
JOHN BEAL
Haven't changed?
ARCHIE BEAL
No. Just quietly thinking of business.
You'll be a great business man, Johnny.
JOHN BEAL
But we must do business; that's what I
came here for.
ARCHIE BEAL
You'll never make these people do it.
JOHN BEAL
Well, what do you suggest?
ARCHIE BEAL
Let's have a look at old Hussein.
JOHN BEAL
Yes, that's what I have been waiting for.
Daoud!
DAOUD [off]
Master. [Enters.]
JOHN BEAL
Go to the palace of the Lord of the pass
and beat on the outer door. Say that I
desire to see him. Pray him to come to my
tent.
[DAOUD bows and Exit.]
[To ARCHIE.] I've sent him to the palace
to ask Hussein to come.
ARCHIE BEAL
Lives in a palace, does he?
JOHN BEAL
Yes, it's a palace, it's a wonderful place.
It's bigger than the Mansion House, much.
ARCHIE BEAL
And you're going to teach him to keep
accounts.
JOHN BEAL
Well, I must. I hate doing it. It seems
almost like being rude to the Lord Mayor.
But there's two things I can't stand--cheating
in business is one and murder's another.
I've got to interfere. You see, if one happens
to know the right from wrong as we do, we've
simply got to tell people who don't. But
it isn't pleasant. I almost wish I'd never
come.
ARCHIE BEAL
Why, it's the greatest sport in the world.
It's splendid.
JOHN BEAL
I don't see it that way. To me those idols
are just horrid murder. And this man owes
money to this girl with no one to look after
her, and he's got to pay. But I hate being
rude to a man in a place like the Mansion
House, even if he is black. Why, good Lord,
who am I? It seems such cheek.
ARCHIE BEAL
I say, Johnny, tell me about the lady. Is
she pretty?
JOHN BEAL
What, Miss Miralda? Yes.
ARCHIE BEAL
But what I mean is--what's she like?
JOHN BEAL
Oh, I don't know. It's very hard to say.
She's, she's tall and she's fair and she's got
blue eyes.
ARCHIE BEAL
Yes, but I mean what kind of a person is
she? How does she strike you?
JOHN BEAL
Well, she's pretty hard up until she gets
this money, and she hasn't got any job that's
any good, and no real prospects bar this,
and nobody particular by birth, and doesn't
know anybody who is, and lives in the least
fashionable suburb and can only just afford
a second-class fare and . . .
ARCHIE BEAL
Yes, yes, go on.
JOHN BEAL
And yet somehow she sort of seems like
a--like a queen.
ARCHIE BEAL
Lord above us! And what kind of a queen?
JOHN BEAL
O, I don't know. Well, look here, ARCHIE,
it's only my impression. I don't know her
well yet. It's only my impression. I only
tell you in absolute confidence. You won't
pass it on to anybody, of course.
ARCHIE BEAL
O, no. Go on.
JOHN BEAL
Well, I don't know, only she seemed more
like well, a kind of autocrat, you know,
who'd stop at nothing. Well, no, I don't
mean that, only . . .
ARCHIE BEAL
So you're not going to marry her?
JOHN BEAL
Marry her! Good Lord, no. Why, you'd
never dare ask her. She's not that sort. I
tell you she's a sort of queen. And (Good
Lord!) she'd be a queen if it wasn't for
Hussein, or something very like one. We can't
go marrying queens. Anyhow, not one like
her.
ARCHIE BEAL
Why not one like her?
JOHN BEAL
I tell you--she's a--well, a kind of goddess.
You couldn't ask her if she loved you. It
would be such, such . . .
ARCHIE BEAL
Such what?
JOHN BEAL
Such infernal cheek.
ARCHIE BEAL
I see. Well, I see you aren't in love with
her. But it seems to me you'll be seeing a
good deal of her some day if we pull this off.
And then, my boy-o, you'll be going and
getting in love with her.
JOHN BEAL
I tell you I daren't. I'd as soon propose to
the Queen of Sheba.
ARCHIE BEAL
Well, Johnny, I'm going to protect you
from her all I can.
JOHN BEAL
Protect me from her? Why?
ARCHIE BEAL
Why, because there's lots of other girls
and it seems to me you might be happier with
some of them.
JOHN BEAL
But you haven't even seen her.
ARCHIE BEAL
Nor I have. Still, if I'm here to protect
you I somehow think I will. And if I'm not
. . .
JOHN BEAL
Well, and what then?
ARCHIE BEAL
What nonsense I'm talking. Fate does
everything. I can't protect you.
JOHN BEAL
Yes, it's nonsense all right, ARCHIE, but . . .
HUSSEIN [off]
I am here.
JOHN BEAL
Be seen.
[HUSSEIN enters. He is not unlike
Bluebeard.]
JOHN BEAL [pointing to ARCHIE]
My brother.
[ARCHIE shakes hands with HUSSEIN.
HUSSEIN looks at his hand when it is
over in a puzzled way. JOHN BEAL and
Hussein then bow to each other.]
HUSSEIN
You desired my presence.
JOHN BEAL
I am honoured.
HUSSEIN
And I.
JOHN BEAL
The white traveller, whom we call Hinnard,
lent you one thousand greater gold pieces,
which in our money is one hundred thousand
pounds, as you acknowledge. [Hussein
nods his head.] And every year you were to
pay him for this two hundred and fifty of your
greater gold pieces--as you acknowledge also.
HUSSEIN
Even so.
JOHN BEAL
And this you have not yet had chance to
pay, but owe it still.
HUSSEIN
I do.
JOHN BEAL
And now Hinnard is dead.
HUSSEIN
Peace be with him.
JOHN BEAL
His heiress is Miss Miralda Clement, who
instructs me to be her agent. What have you
to say?
HUSSEIN
Peace be with Hinnard.
JOHN BEAL
You acknowledge your debt to this lady,
Miss Miralda Clement?
HUSSEIN
I know her not.
JOHN BEAL
You will not pay your debt?
HUSSEIN
I will pay.
JOHN BEAL
If you bring the gold to my tent, my
brother will take it to Miss Clement.
HUSSEIN
I do not pay to Miss Clement.
JOHN BEAL
To whom do you pay?
HUSSEIN
I pay to Hinnard.
JOHN BEAL
Hinnard is dead.
HUSSEIN
I pay to Hinnard.
JOHN BEAL
How will you pay to Hinnard?
HUSSEIN
If he be buried in the sea . . .
JOHN BEAL
He is not buried at sea.
HUSSEIN
If he be buried by any river I go to the god
of rivers.
JOHN BEAL
He is buried on land near no river.
HUSSEIN
Therefore I will go to a bronze god of
earth, very holy, having the soil in his care
and the things of earth. I will take unto him
the greater pieces of gold due up to the year
when the white traveller died, and will melt
them in fire at his feet by night on the
mountains, saying, " O, Lruru-onn (this is his
name) take this by the way of earth to the
grave of Hinnard." And so I shall be free
of my debt before all gods.
JOHN BEAL
But not before me. I am English. And
we are greater than gods.
ARCHIE BEAL
What's that, Johnny?
JOHN BEAL
He won't pay, but I told him we're English
and that they're greater than all his bronze
gods.
ARCHIE BEAL
That's right, Johnny.
[HUSSEIN looks fiercely at ARCHIE.
He sees ARCHIE's hat lying before a big
idol. He points at the hat and looks in
the face of the idol.]
HUSSEIN [to the idol]
Drink! Drink!
[He bows. Exit.]
ARCHIE BEAL
What's that he's saying?
JOHN BEAL [meditatively]
O, nothing--nothing.
ARCHIE BEAL
He won't pay, oh?
JOHN BEAL
No, not to Miss Miralda.
ARCHIE BEAL
Who to?
JOHN BEAL
To one of his gods.
ARCHIE BEAL
That won't do.
JOHN BEAL
No.
ARCHIE BEAL
What'll we do?
JOHN BEAL
I don't quite know. It isn't as if we were in
England.
ARCHIE BEAL
No, it isn't.
JOHN BEAL
If we were in England . . .
ARCHIE BEAL
I know; if we were in England you could
call a policeman. I tell you what it is,
Johnny.
JOHN BEAL
Yes?
ARCHIE BEAL
I tell you what; you want to see more of
Miss Clement.
JOHN BEAL
Why?
ARCHIE BEAL
Why, because at the present moment our
friend Hussein is a craftier fellow than you,
and looks like getting the best of it.
JOHN BEAL
How will seeing more of Miss Miralda help
us?
ARCHIE BEAL
Why, because you want to be a bit craftier
than Hussein, and I fancy she might make
you.
JOHN BEAL
She? How?
ARCHIE BEAL
We're mostly made what we are by some
woman or other. We think it's our own
cleverness, but we're wrong. As things are
you're no match for Hussein, but if you
altered . . .
JOHN BEAL
Why, ARCHIE; where did you get all those
ideas from?
ARCHIE BEAL
O, I don't know.
JOHN BEAL
You never used to talk like that.
ARCHIE BEAL
O, well.
JOHN BEAL
You haven't been getting in love, ARCHIE,
have you?
ARCHIE BEAL
What are we to do about Hussein?
JOHN BEAL
It's funny your mentioning Miss Miralda.
I got a letter from her the same day I got
yours.
ARCHIE BEAL
What does she say?
JOHN BEAL
I couldn't make it out.
ARCHIE BEAL
What were her words?
JOHN BEAL
She said she was going into it closer. She
underlined closer. What could she mean by
that? How could she get closer?
ARCHIE BEAL
Well, the same way as I did.
JOHN BEAL
How do you mean? I don't understand.
ARCHIE BEAL
By coming here.
JOHN BEAL
By coming here? But she can't come here.
ARCHIE BEAL
Why not?
JOHN BEAL
Because it's impossible. Absolutely
impossible. Why--good Lord--she couldn't
come here. Why, she'd want a chaperon and
a house and--and--everything. Good Lord,
she couldn't come here. It would be--well
it would be impossible--it couldn't be done.
ARCHIE BEAL
O, all right. Then I don't know what she
meant.
JOHN BEAL
ARCHIE! You don't really think she'd come
here? You don't really think it, do you?
ARCHIE BEAL
Well, it's the sort of thing that that sort of
girl might do, but of course I can't say . . .
JOHN BEAL
Good Lord, ARCHIE! That would be awful.
ARCHIE BEAL
But why?
JOHN BEAL
Why? But what would I do? Where
would she go? Where would her chaperon
go? The chaperon would be some elderly
lady. Why, it would kill her.
ARCHIE BEAL