Emile Zola - "The Three Cities Trilogy: Lourdes, Complete"

Gabrielle E. Jackson - "Peggy Stewart: Navy Girl at Home"

Samuel W. Baker - "Ismailia"

Randall Parrish - "My Lady of the North"

New Philadelphia Book Publisher Highlights Local Talent
Book and Publishing News from Publishers Newswire(tm)

Looking for Child to be on Cover of a New Book, 'The Model Child'
PHILADELPHIA, Pa. -- The Philadelphia literary world will celebrate the launch of two new players today, April 10th: Kay Square Press, a new publishing company focused on Philadelphia-area artists, their stories, and their art; and Kay Square's first release, 'With the Rich and Mighty: Emlen Etting of Philadelphia' (ISBN: 978-0-9815129-0-7), a critical biography by Kenneth C. Kaleta.

FlatSigned Press Alleges Don Imus Remarks Damage Legacy of President Gerald R. Ford
NEW YORK, N.Y. -- Nathan Yungerberg, an accomplished model scout and professional child photographer is launching a nation-wide casting call to find the cover model for his highly anticipated book release, 'The Model Child: A Parents Guide to the Child Modeling Industry' (ISBN: 978-0-9817018-0-6).

Books: Title

J >> J. Fenimore Cooper >> Title




Here the judge closed his address, which was oral, apparently well
satisfied with himself and with his raw-hand in diplomacy. He then
said--

"That he would now go to court to present his substitute, and to
take leave himself; after which he would return as fast as possible,
and detain us no longer than was necessary to put his cauda in
pepper, to protect it against the moths; for heaven knew what prize
he might draw in the next turn of the little wheel!"

We promised to meet him at the port, where a messenger just then
informed us Captain Poke had landed, and was anxiously waiting our
appearance. With this understanding we separated; the judge
undertaking to redeem all our promises paid in at the tavern, by
giving his own in their stead.

The brigadier and myself found Noah and the cook bargaining for some
private adventures with a Leaphigh broker or two, who, finding that
the ship was about to sail in ballast, were recommending their wares
to the notice of these two worthies.

"It would be a ra'al sin, Sir John," commenced the captain, "to
neglect an occasion like this to turn a penny. The ship could carry
ten thousand immigrants, and they say there are millions of them
going over to Leaplow; or it might stow half the goods in
Aggregation. I'm resolved, at any rate, to use my cabin privilege;
and I would advise you, as owner, to look out for suthin' to pay
port-charges with, to say the least."

"The idea is not a bad one, friend Poke; but, as we are ignorant of
the state of the market on the other side, it might be well to
consult some inhabitant of the country about the choice of articles.
Here is the Brigadier Downright, whom I have found to be a monikin
of experience and judgment, and if you please, we will first hear
what he has to say about it."

"I dabble very little in merchandise," returned the brigadier; "but,
as a general principle, I should say that no article of Leaphigh
manufacture would command so certain a market in Leaplow as
opinions."

"Have you any of these opinions for sale?" I inquired of the broker.

"Plenty of them, sir, and of all qualities--from the very lowest to
the very 'ighest prices--those that may be had for next to nothing,
to those that we think a great deal of ourselves. We always keeps
them ready packed for exportation, and send wast invoices of them,
hannually, to Leaplow in particular. Opinions are harticles that
help to sell each other; and a ship of the tonnage of yours might
stow enough, provided they were properly assorted, to carry all
before them for the season."

Expressing a wish to see the packages, we were immediately led into
an adjoining warehouse, where, sure enough, there were goodly lots
of the manufactures in question. I passed along the shelves, reading
the inscriptions of the different packages. Pointing to several
bundles that had "Opinions on Free Trade" written on their labels, I
asked the brigadier what he thought of that article.

"Why, they would have done better, a year or two since, when we were
settling a new tariff; but I should think there would be less demand
for them now."

"You are quite right, sir," added the broker; "we did send large
invoices of them to Leaplow formerly, and they were all eagerly
bought up, the moment they arrived. A great many were dyed over
again, and sold as of 'ome manufacture. Most of these harticles are
now shipped for Leapup, with whom we have negotiations that give
them a certain value."

"'Opinions on Democracy, and on the Policy of Governments in
General': I should think these would be of no use in Leaplow?"

"Why, sir, they goes pretty much hover the whole world. We sell
powers on 'em on hour own continent, near by, and a great many do go
even to Leaplow; though what they does with 'em there, I never could
say, seeing they are all government monikins in that queer country."

An inquiring look extorted a clearer answer from the brigadier:--

"To admit the fact, we have a class among us who buy up these
articles with some eagerness. I can only account for it, by
supposing they think differing in their tastes from the mass, makes
them more enlightened and peculiar."

"I'll take them all. An article that catches these propensities is
sure of sale. 'Opinions on Events': what can possibly be done with
these?"

"That depends a little on their classification," returned the
brigadier. "If they relate to Leaplow events, while they have a
certain value, they cannot be termed of current value; but if they
refer to the events of all the rest of the earth, take them for
heaven's sake! for we trust altogether to this market for our
supplies."

On this hint I ordered the whole lot, trusting to dispose of the
least fashionable by aid of those that were more in vogue.

"'Opinions on Domestic Literature.'"

"You may buy all he has; we use no other."

"'Opinions on Continental Literature.'"

"Why, we know little about the goods themselves--but I think a
selection might answer."

I ordered the bale cut in two, and took one half, at a venture.

"'Opinions of Leaplow Literature, From No. 1 up to No. 100.'"

"Ah! it is proper I should explain," put in the broker, "that we has
two varieties of them 'ere harticles. One is the true harticle, as
is got up by our great wits and philosophers, they says, on the most
approved models; but the other is nothing but a sham harticle that
is really manufactured in Leaplow, and is sent out here to get hour
stamp. That's all--I never deceives a customer--both sell well, I
hear, on the other side, 'owever."

I looked again at the brigadier, who quietly nodding assent, I took
the whole hundred bales.

"'Opinions of the Institutions of Leaphigh.'"

"Why, them 'ere is assorted, being of all sizes, forms, and colors.
They came coastwise, and are chiefly for domestic consumption;
though I have known 'em sent to Leaplow, with success."

"The consumers of this article among us," observed the brigadier,
"are very select, and rarely take any but of the very best quality.
But then they are usually so well stocked, that I question if a new
importation would pay freight. Indeed, our consumers cling very
generally to the old fashions in this article, not even admitting
the changes produced by time. There was an old manufacturer called
Whiterock, who has a sort of Barlow-knife reputation among us, and
it is not easy to get another article to compete with his. Unless
they are very antiquated, I would have nothing to do with them."

"Yes. this is all true. sir. We still sends to Leaplow quantities of
that 'ere manufacture; and the more hantiquated the harticle, the
better it sells; but then the new fashions has a most wonderful run
at 'ome."

"I'll stick to the real Barlow, through thick or thin. Hunt me up a
bale of his notions; let them be as old as the flood. What have we
here?--'opinions on the Institutions of Leaplow.'"

"Take them," said the brigadier, promptly.

"This 'ere gentleman has an hidear of the state of his own market,"
added the broker, giggling. "Wast lots of these things go across
yearly--and I don't find that any on 'em ever comes back."

"'Opinions on the State of Manners and Society in Leaplow.'"

"I believe I'll take an interest in that article myself, Sir John,
if you can give me a ton or two between decks. Have you many of this
manufacture?"

"Lots on 'em, sir--and they DO sell so! That 'ere are a good
harticle both at 'ome and abroad. My eye! how they does go off in
Leaplow!"

"This appears to be also your expectation, brigadier, by your
readiness to take an interest!"

"To speak the truth, nothing sells better in our beloved country."

"Permit me to remark that I find your readiness to purchase this and
the last article, a little singular. If I have rightly comprehended
our previous conversations, you Leaplowers profess to have improved
not only on the ancient principles of polity, but on the social
condition generally."

"We will talk of this during the passage homewards, Sir John
Goldencalf; but, by your leave, I will take a share in the
investment in 'Opinions on the State of Society and Manners in
Leaplow,' especially if they treat at large on the deformities of
the government, while they allow us to be genteel. This is the true
notch--some of these goods have been condemned because the
manufacturers hadn't sufficient skill in dyeing."

"You shall have a share, brigadier. Harkee, Mr. Broker; I take it
these said opinions come from some very well-known and approved
manufactory?"

"All sorts, sir. Some good, and some good for nothing--everything
sells, 'owever. I never was in Leaplow, but we says over 'ere, that
the Leaplowers eat, and drink, and sleep on our opinions. Lord, sir,
it would really do your heart good to see the stuff, in these
harticles, that they does take from us without higgling!"

"I presume, brigadier, that you use them as an amusement--as a means
to pass a pleasant hour, of an evening--a sort of moral segar?"

"No, sir," put in the broker, "they doesn't smoke 'em, my word on't,
or they wouldn't buy 'em in such lots!"

I now thought enough had been laid in on my own account, and I
turned to see what the captain was about. He was higgling for a bale
marked "Opinions on the Lost Condition of the Monikin Soul." A
little curious to know why he had made this selection, I led him
aside, and frankly put the question.

"Why, to own the truth, Sir John," he said, "religion is an article
that sells in every market, in some shape or other. Now, we are all
in the dark about the Leaplow tastes and usages, for I always
suspect a native of the country to which I am bound, on such a
p'int; and if the things shouldn't sell there, they'll at least do
at Stunnin'tun. Miss Poke alone would use up what there is in that
there bale, in a twelvemonth. To give the woman her due, she's a
desperate consumer of snuff and religion."

We had now pretty effectually cleared the shelves, and the cook, who
had come ashore to dispose of his slush, had not yet been able to
get anything.

"Here is a small bale as come FROM Leaplow, and a pinched little
thing it is," said the broker, laughing; "it don't take at all,
here, and it might do to go 'ome again--at any rate, you will get
the drawback. It is filled with 'Distinctive Opinions of the
Republic of Leaplow.'" The cook looked at the brigadier, who
appeared to think the speculation doubtful. Still it was Hobson's
choice; and, after a good deal of grumbling, the doctor, as Noah
always called his cook, consented to take the "harticle," at half
the prime cost.

Judge People's Friend now came trotting down to the port, thoroughly
en republican, when we immediately embarked, and in half an hour,
Bob was kicked to Noah's heart's content, and the Walrus was fairly
under way for Leaplow.




CHAPTER XXIII.

POLITICAL BOUNDARIES--POLITICAL RIGHTS--POLITICAL SELECTIONS, AND
POLITICAL DISQUISITIONS; WITH POLITICAL RESULTS.


The aquatic mile-stones of the monikin seas have been already
mentioned; but I believe I omitted to say, that there was a line of
demarcation drawn in the water, by means of a similar invention, to
point out the limits of the jurisdiction of each state. Thus, all
within these water-marks was under the laws of Leaphigh; all between
them and those of some other country, was the high seas; and all
within those of the other country, Leaplow for instance, was under
the exclusive jurisdiction of that other country.

With a favorable wind, the Walrus could run to the watermarks in
about half a day; from thence to the water-marks of Leaplow was two
days' sail, and another half day was necessary to reach our haven.
As we drew near the legal frontiers of Leaphigh, several small fast-
sailing schooners were seen hovering just without the jurisdiction
of the king, quite evidently waiting our approach. One boarded us,
just as the outer edge of the spanker-boom got clear of the Leaphigh
sovereignty. Judge People's Friend rushed to the side of the ship,
and before the crew of the boat could get on deck, he had
ascertained that the usual number of prizes had been put into the
little wheel.

A monikin in a bob of a most pronounced character, or which appeared
to have been subjected to the second amputation, being what is
called in Leaplow a bob-upon-bob, now approached, and inquired if
there were any emigrants on board. He was made acquainted with our
characters and objects. When he understood that our stay would most
likely be short, he was evidently a little disappointed.

"Perhaps, gentlemen," he added, "you may still remain long enough to
make naturalization desirable?"

"It is always agreeable to be at home in foreign countries--but are
there no legal objections?"

"I see none, sir--you have no tails, I believe?"

"None but what are in our trunks. I did not know, however, but the
circumstance of our being of a different species might throw some
obstacles in the way."

"None in the world, sir. We act on principles much too liberal for
so narrow an objection. You are but little acquainted with the
institutions and policy of our beloved and most happy country, I
see, sir. This is not Leaphigh, nor Leapup, nor Leapdown, nor
Leapover, nor Leapthrough, nor Leapunder; but good old, hearty,
liberal, free and independent, most beloved, happy, and prosperous
beyond example, Leaplow. Species is of no account under our system.
We would as soon naturalize one animal as another, provided it be a
republican animal. I see no deficiency about any of you. All we ask
is certain general principles. You go on two legs--"

"So do turkeys, sir."

"Very true--but you have no feathers."

"Neither has a donkey."

"All very right, gentlemen--you do not bray, however."

"I will not answer for that," put in the captain, sending his leg
forwards in a straight line, in a way to raise an outcry in Bob,
that almost upset the Leaplower's proposition.

"At all events, gentlemen," he observed, "there is a test that will
put the matter at rest, at once."

He then desired us, in turn, to pronounce the word "our"--"OUR
liberties"--"OUR country"--"OUR firesides"--"OUR altars," Whoever
expressed a wish to be naturalized, and could use this word in the
proper manner, and in the proper place, was entitled to be a
citizen. We all did very well but the second mate, who, being a
Herefordshire man, could not, for the life of him, get any nearer to
the Doric, in the latter shibboleth, than "our halters." Now, it
would seem that, in carrying out a great philanthropic principle in
Leaplow, halters had been proscribed; for, whenever a rogue did
anything amiss, it had been discovered that, instead of punishing
him for the offence, the true way to remedy the evil was to punish
the society against which he had offended. By this ingenious turn,
society was naturally made to look out sharp how it permitted any
one to offend it. This excellent idea is like that of certain
Dutchmen, who, when they cut themselves with an ax, always apply
salve and lint to the cruel steel, and leave the wound to heal as
fast as possible.

To return to our examination: we all passed but the second mate, who
hung in his halter, and was pronounced to be incorrigible.
Certificates of naturalization were delivered on the spot, the fees
were paid, and the schooner left us.

That night it blew a gale, and we had no more visitors until the
following morning. As the sun rose, however, we fell in with three
schooners, under the Leaplow flag, all of which seemed bound on
errands of life or death. The first that reached us sent a boat on
board, and a committee of six bob-upon-bobs hurried up our sides,
and lost no time in introducing themselves. I shall give their own
account of their business and characters.

It would seem that they were what is called a "nominating committee"
of the Horizontals, for the City of Bivouac, the port to which we
were bound, where an election was about to take place for members of
the great National Council. Bivouac was entitled to send seven
members; and having nominated themselves, the committee were now in
quest of a seventh candidate to fill the vacancy. In order to secure
the naturalized interests, it had been determined to select as new a
comer as possible. This would also be maintaining the principle of
liberality, in the abstract. For this reason they had been cruising
for a week, as near as the law would allow to the Leaphigh
boundaries, and they were now ready to take any one who would serve.

To this proposition I again objected the difference of species. Here
they all fairly laughed in my face, Brigadier Downright included,
giving me very distinctly to understand that they thought I had very
contracted notions on matters and things, to suppose so trifling an
obstacle could disturb the harmony and unity of a Horizontal vote.
They went for a principle, and the devil himself could not make them
swerve from the pursuit of so sacred an object.

I then candidly admitted that nature had not fitted me, as admirably
as it had fitted my friend the judge, for the throwing of
summersets; and I feared that when the order was given "to go to the
right about," I might be found no better than a bungler. This
staggered them a little; and I perceived that they looked at each
other in doubt.

"But you can, at least, turn round suddenly, at need?" one of them
asked, after a pause.

"Certainly, sir," I answered, giving ocular evidence that I was no
idle boaster, making a complete gyration on my heels, in very good
time.

"Very well!--admirably well!" they all cried in a breath. "The great
political essential is to be able to perform the evolutions in their
essence--the facility with which they are performed being no more
than a personal merit."

"But, gentlemen, I know little more of your constitution and laws,
than I have learned in a few broken discussions with my fellow-
travellers."

"This is a matter of no moment, sir. Our constitution, unlike that
of Leaphigh, is written down, and he who runs can read; and then we
have a political fugleman in the house, who saves an immense deal of
unnecessary study and reflection to the members. All you will have
to do, will be to watch his movements; and, my life on it, you will
go as well through the manual exercise as the oldest member there."

"How, sir, do all the members take the manoeuvres from this
fugleman?"

"All the Horizontals, sir--the Perpendiculars having a fugleman of
their own."

"Well, gentlemen, I conceive this to be an affair in which I am no
judge, and I put myself entirely in the hands of my friends."

This answer met with much commendation, and manifested, as they all
protested, great political capabilities; the statesman who submitted
all to his friends never failing to rise to eminence in Leaplow. The
committee took my name in writing and hastened back to their
schooner, in order to get into port to promulgate the nomination.
These persons were hardly off the deck, before another party came up
the opposite side of the ship. They announced themselves to be a
nominating committee of the Perpendiculars, on exactly the same
errand as their opponents. They, too, wished to propitiate the
foreign interests, and were in search of a proper candidate. Captain
Poke had been an attentive listener to all that occurred during the
circumstances that preceded my nomination; and he now stepped
promptly forward, and declared his readiness to serve. As there was
quite as little squeamishness on one side as on the other, and the
Perpendicular committee, as it owned itself, was greatly pressed for
time, the Horizontals having the start of them, the affair was
arranged in five minutes, and the strangers departed with the name
of NOAH POKE, THE TRIED PATRIOT, THE PROFOUND JURIST, AND THE HONEST
MONIKIN, handsomely placarded on a large board--all but the name
having been carefully prepared in advance.

When the committee were fairly out of the ship, Noah look me aside,
and made his apologies for opposing me in this important election.
His reasons were numerous and ingenious, and, as usual, a little
discursive. They might be summed up as follows: He never had sat in
a parliament, and he was curious to know how it would feel; it would
increase the respect of the ship's company, to find their commander
of so much account in a strange port; he had had some experience at
Stunnin'tun by reading the newspapers, and he didn't doubt of his
abilities at all, a circumstance that rarely failed of making a good
legislator; the congressman in his part of the country was some such
man as himself, and what was good for the goose was good for the
gander; he knew Miss Poke would be pleased to hear he had been
chosen; he wondered if he should be called the Honorable Noah Poke,
and whether he should receive eight dollars a day, and mileage from
the spot where the ship then was; the Perpendiculars might count on
him, for his word was as good as his bond; as for the constitution,
he had got on under the constitution at home, and he believed a man
who could do that might get on under any constitution; he didn't
intend to say a great deal in parliament, but what he did say he
hoped might be recorded for the use of his children; together with a
great deal more of the same sort of argumentation and apology.

The third schooner now brought us to. This vessel sent another
committee, who announced themselves to be the representatives of a
party that was termed the Tangents. They were not numerous, but
sufficiently so to hold the balance whenever the Horizontals and the
Perpendiculars crossed each other directly at right angles, as was
the case at present; and they had now determined to run a single
candidate of their own. They, too, wished to fortify themselves by
the foreign interest, as was natural, and had come out in quest of a
proper person. I suggested the first mate; but against this Noah
protested, declaring that come what would, the ship must on no
account be deserted. Time pressed; and, while the captain and the
subordinate were hotly disputing the propriety of permitting the
latter to serve, Bob, who had already tasted the sweets of political
importance, in his assumed character of prince-royal, stepped slyly
up to the committee, and gave in his name. Noah was too much
occupied to discover this well-managed movement; and by the time he
had sworn to throw the mate overboard if he did not instantly
relinquish all ambitious projects of this nature, he found that the
Tangents were off. Supposing they had gone to some other vessel, the
captain allowed himself to be soothed, and all went on smoothly
again.

From this time until we anchored in the bay of Bivouac, the
tranquillity and discipline of the Walrus were undisturbed. I
improved the occasion to study the constitution of Leaplow, of which
the judge had a copy, and to glean such information from my
companions as I believed might be useful in my future career. I
thought how pleasant it would be for a foreigner to teach the
Leaplowers their own laws, and to explain to them the application of
their own principles! Little, however, was to be got from the judge,
who was just then too much occupied with some calculations
concerning the chances of the little wheel, with which he had been
furnished by a leading man of one of the nominating committees.

I now questioned the brigadier touching that peculiar usage of his
country which rendered Leaphigh opinions concerning the Leaplow
institutions, society, and manners of so much value in the market of
the latter. To this I got but an indifferent answer, except it was
to say, that his countrymen, having cleared the interests connected
with the subjects from the rubbish of time, and set everything at
work, on the philosophical basis of reason and common sense, were
exceedingly desirous of knowing what other people thought of the
success of the experiment.

"I expect to see a nation of sages, I can assure you, brigadier; one
in which even the very children are profoundly instructed in the
great truths of your system; and, as to the monikinas, I am not
without dread of bringing my theoretical ignorance in collision with
their great practical knowledge of the principles of your
government."

"They are early fed on political pap."

"No doubt, sir, no doubt. How different must they be from the
females of other countries! Deeply imbued with the great distinctive
principles of your system, devoted to the education of their
children in the same sublime truths, and indefatigable in their
discrimination, among the meanest of their households!"

"Hum!"

"Now, sir, even in England, a country which I trust is not the most
debased on earth, you will find women, beautiful, intellectual,
accomplished and patriotic, who limit their knowledge of these
fundamental points to a zeal for a clique, and the whole of whose
eloquence on great national questions is bounded by a few heartfelt
wishes for the downfall of their opponents;--"

"It is very much so at Stunnin'tun, too, if truth must be spoken,"
remarked Noah, who had been a listener.