Baroness Orczy - "The League of the Scarlet Pimpernel"

Howard Pyle - "Otto of the Silver Hand"

George MacDonald - "Malcolm"

Henry Mackenzie - "The Man of Feeling"

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PHILADELPHIA, Pa. -- The Philadelphia literary world will celebrate the launch of two new players today, April 10th: Kay Square Press, a new publishing company focused on Philadelphia-area artists, their stories, and their art; and Kay Square's first release, 'With the Rich and Mighty: Emlen Etting of Philadelphia' (ISBN: 978-0-9815129-0-7), a critical biography by Kenneth C. Kaleta.

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NEW YORK, N.Y. -- Nathan Yungerberg, an accomplished model scout and professional child photographer is launching a nation-wide casting call to find the cover model for his highly anticipated book release, 'The Model Child: A Parents Guide to the Child Modeling Industry' (ISBN: 978-0-9817018-0-6).

Books: Title

J >> J. Fenimore Cooper >> Title




The monikins were by far too polished to crowd about us when we
landed, with an impertinent and troublesome curiosity. So far from
this, we were permitted to approach the capital itself without let
or hindrance. As it is less my intention to describe physical things
than to dwell upon the philosophy and the other moral aspects of the
Leaphigh world, little more will be said of their houses, domestic
economy, and other improvements in the arts, than may be gathered
incidentally, as the narrative shall proceed. Let it suffice to say
on these heads, that the Leaphigh monikins, like men, consult, or
think they consult--which, so long as they know no better, amounts
to pretty much the same thing--their own convenience in all things,
the pocket alone excepted; and that they continue very laudably to
do as their fathers did before them, seldom making changes, unless
they may happen to possess the recommendation of being exotics;
when, indeed, they are sometimes adopted, probably on account of
their possessing the merit of having been proved suitable to another
state of things.

Among the first persons we met, on entering the great square of
Aggregation, as the capital of Leaphigh is called when rendered into
English, was my Lord Chatterino. He was gayly promenading with a
company of young nobles, who all seemed to be enjoying their youth,
health, rank, and privileges with infinite gusto. We met this party
in a way to render an escape from mutual recognition impossible. At
first I thought, from his averted eye, that it was the intention of
our late shipmate to consider our knowledge of each other as one of
those accidental acquaintances which, it is known, we all form at
watering-places, on journeys, or in the country, and which it is
ill-mannered to press upon others in town; or, as Captain Poke
afterwards expressed it, like the intimacy between an Englishman and
a Yankee, that has been formed in the house of the latter, on better
wine than is met with anywhere else, and which was never yet known
to withstand the influence of a British fog. "Why, Sir John," the
sealer added, "I once tuck (he meant to say TOOK, not TUCKED) a
countryman of yours under my wing, at Stunin'tun, during the last
war. He was a prisoner, as we make prisoners; that is, he went and
did pretty much as he pleased; and the fellow had the best of
everything--molasses that a spoon would stand up in, pork that would
do to slush down a topmast, and New England rum, that a king might
set down to, but could not get up from--well, what was the end on't?
Why, as sure as we are among these monkeys, the fellow BOOKED me.
Had I BOOKED but the half of what he guzzled, the amount, I do
believe, would have taken the transaction out of any justice's court
in the state. He said my molasses was meagre, the pork lean, and the
liquor infernal. There were truth and gratitude for you! He gave the
whul account, too, as a specimen of what he called American living!"

Hereupon I reminded my companion, that an Englishman did not like to
receive even favors on compulsion; that when he meets a stranger in
his own country, and is master of his own actions, no man
understands better what true hospitality is, as I hoped one day to
show him, at Householder Hall; as to his first remark, he ought to
remember that an Englishman considered America as no more than the
country, and that it would be ill-mannered to press an acquaintance
made there.

Noah, like most other men, was very reasonable on all subjects that
did not interfere with his prejudices or his opinions; and he very
readily admitted the general justice of my reply.

"It's pretty much as you say, Sir John," he continued; "in England
you may press men, but it won't do to press hospitality. Get a
volunteer in this way, and he is as good a fellow as heart can wish.
I shouldn't have cared so much about the chap's book, if he had said
nothin' ag'in the rum. Why, Sir John, when the English bombarded
Stunin'tun with eighteen pounders, I proposed to load our old twelve
with a gallon out of the very same cask, for I do think it would
have huv' the shot the best part of a mile!"

--But this digression is leading me from the narrative. My Lord
Chatterino turned his head a little on one side as we were passing,
and I was deliberating whether, under the circumstances, it would be
well-bred to remind him of our old acquaintance, when the question
was settled by the decision of Captain Poke, who placed himself in
such a position that it was no easy matter to get round him, through
him, or over him--or who laid himself what he called "athwart
hawse."

"Good morning, my lord," said the straightforward seaman, who
generally went at a subject as he went at a seal. "A fine warm day;
and the smell of the land, after so long a passage, is quite
agreeable to the nose, whatever its ups and downs may be to the
legs."

The companions of the young peer looked amazed; and some of them, I
thought, notwithstanding gravity and earnestness are rather
characteristic of the monikin physiognomy, betrayed a slight
disposition to laugh. Not so with my Lord Chatterino himself.

He examined us a moment through a glass, and then seemed suddenly,
and on the whole, agreeably struck at seeing us.

"How, Goldencalf!" he cried in surprise, "you in Leaphigh! This is
indeed an unexpected satisfaction; for it will now be in my power to
prove some of the facts that I am telling my friends, by actual
observation. Here are two of the humans, gents, of whom I was but
this moment giving you some account--"

Observing a disposition to merriment in his associates, he
continued, looking exceedingly grave:--

"Restrain yourselves, gentlemen, I pray you. These are very worthy
people, I do assure you, in their own way, and are not at all to be
ridiculed. I scarcely know, even in our own marine, a better or a
bolder navigator than this honest seaman; and as for the one in the
parti-colored skin, I will take upon myself to say, that he is
really a person of some consideration in his own little circle. He
is, I believe, a member of par--par--par--am I right, Sir John?--a
member of--"

"Parliament, my lord--an M.P."

"Ay--I thought I had it--an M.P., or a member of Parliament, in his
own country, which, I dare say now, is some such thing among his
people, as a public proclaimer of those laws which come from his
majesty's eldest first cousin of the masculine gender, may be among
us. Some such thing--eh--now--eh--is it not, Sir John?"

"I dare say it is, my lord."

"All very true, Chatterino," put in one of the young monikins, with
a very long, elaborated tail, which he carried nearly perpendicular-
-"but what would be even a lawmaker--to say nothing of law-BREAKERS
like ourselves--among men! You should remember, my dear fellow, that
a mere title, or a profession, is not the criterion of true
greatness; but that the prodigy of a village may be a very common
monikin in town."

"Poh-poh"--interrupted Lord Chatterino, "thou art ever for refining,
Hightail--Sir John Goldencalf is a very respectable person in the
island of--a--a--a--what do you call that said island of yours,
Goldencalf?--a--a--"

"Great Britain, my lord."

"Ay, Great Breeches sure enough; yet, he is a respectable person--I
can take it upon myself to say, with confidence, a very respectable
person in Great Breeches. I dare say he owns no small portion of the
island himself. How much, now, Sir John, if the truth were told?"

"Only the estate and village of Householder, my lord, with a few
scattered manors here and there."

"Well, that is a very pretty thing, there can be no doubt--then you
have money at use?"

"And who is the debtor?" sneeringly inquired the jack-a-napes
Hightail.

"No other, my Lord Hightail, than the realm of Great Britain."

"Exquisite, that, egad! A noble's fortune in the custody of the
realm of a--Greek--a--"

"Great Breeches," interrupted my Lord Chatterino, who,
notwithstanding he swore he was excessively angry with his friend
for his obstinate incredulity, very evidently had to exercise some
forbearance to keep from joining in the general laugh. "It is a very
respectable country, I do protest; and I scarcely remember to have
tasted better gooseberries than they grow in that very island."

"What! have they really gardens, Chatterino?"

"Certainly--after a fashion--and houses, and public conveyances--and
even universities."

"You do not mean to say, certainly, that they have a system!"

"Why, as to system, I believe they are a little at sixes and sevens.
I really can't take it upon myself to say that they have a system."

"Oh, yes, my lord--of a certainty we have one--the social stake
system."

"Ask the creature," whispered audibly the filthy coxcomb Hightail,
"if he himself, now, has any income."

"How is it, Sir John--have you an income?"

"Yes, my lord, of one hundred and twelve thousand sovereigns a
year."

"Of what?--of what?" demanded two or three voices, with well-bred,
subdued eagerness.

"Of sovereigns--why that means kings!"

It would appear that the Leaphighers, while they obey only the
king's eldest first cousin of the masculine gender, perform all
their official acts in the name of the sovereign himself, for whose
person and character they pretty uniformly express the profoundest
veneration; just as we men express admiration for a virtue that we
never practise. My declaration, therefore, produced a strong
sensation, and I was soon required to explain myself. This I did, by
simply stating the truth.

"Oh, gold, yclept sovereigns!" exclaimed three or four, laughing
heartily. "Why then, your famous Great Breeches people, after all,
Chatterino, are so little advanced in civilization as to use gold!
Harkee, Signior--a--a--Boldercraft, have you no currency in
'promises'?"

"I do not know, sir, that I rightly comprehend the question."

"Why, we poor barbarians, sir, who live as you see us, only in a
state of simplicity and nature,"--there was irony in every syllable
the impudent scoundrel uttered--"we poor wretches, or rather our
ancestors, made the discovery, that for the purposes of convenience,
having, as you perceive, no pockets, it might be well to convert all
our currency into 'promises.' Now, I would ask if you have any of
that coin?"

"Not as coin, sir, but as collateral to coin, we have plenty."

"He speaks of collaterals in currency, as if he were discussing a
pedigree! Are you really, Mynherr Shouldercalf, so little advanced
in your country, as not to know the immense advantages of a currency
of 'promises'?"

"As I do not understand exactly what the nature of this currency is,
sir, I cannot answer as readily as I could wish."

"Let us explain it to him; for, I vow, I am really curious to hear
his answer. Chatterino, do you, who have some knowledge of the
thing's habits, be our interpreter."

"The matter is thus, Sir John. About five hundred years ago, our
ancestors, having reached that pass in civilization when they came
to dispense with the use of pockets, began to find it necessary to
substitute a new currency for that of the metals, which it was
inconvenient to carry, of which they might be robbed, and which also
was liable to be counterfeited. The first expedient was to try a
lighter substitute. Laws were passed giving value to linen and
cotton, in the raw material; then compounded and manufactured; next,
written on, and reduced in bulk, until, having passed through the
several gradations of wrapping-paper, brown-paper, foolscap and
blotting-paper, and having set the plan fairly at work, and got
confidence thoroughly established, the system was perfected by a
coup de main,--'promises' in words were substituted for all other
coin. You see the advantage at a glance. A monikin can travel
without pockets or baggage, and still carry a million; the money
cannot be counterfeited, nor can it be stolen or burned."

"But, my lord, does it not depreciate the value of property?"

"Just the contrary;--an acre that formerly could be bought for one
promise, would now bring a thousand."

"This, certainly, is a great improvement, unless frequent failures--
"

"Not at all; there has not been a bankruptcy in Leaphigh since the
law was passed making promises a legal tender."

"I wonder no chancellor of the exchequer ever thought of this, at
home!"

"So much for your Great Breeches, Chatterino!" And then there was
another and a very general laugh. I never before felt so deep a
sense of national humility.

"As they have universities," cried another coxcomb, "perhaps this
person has attended one of them."

"Indeed, sir," I answered, "I am regularly graduated."

"It is not easy to see what he has done with his knowledge--for,
though my sight is none of the worst, I cannot trace the smallest
sign of a cauda about him."

"Ah!" Lord Chatterino good-naturedly exclaimed, "the inhabitants of
Great Breeches carry their brains in their heads."

"Their heads!"

"Heads!"

"That's excellent, by his majesty's prerogative! Here's
civilization, with a vengeance!"

I now thought that the general ridicule would overwhelm me. Two or
three came closer, as if in pity or curiosity; and, at last, one
cried out that I actually wore clothes.

"Clothes--the wretch! Chatterino, do all your human friends wear
clothes?"

The young peer was obliged to confess the truth; and then there
arose such a clamor as may be fancied took place among the peacocks,
when they discovered the daw among them in masquerade. Human nature
could endure no more; and bowing to the company, I wished Lord
Chatterino, very hurriedly, good-morning, and proceeded towards the
tavern.

"Don't forget to step into Chatterino House, Goldencalf, before you
sail," cried my late fellow-traveller, looking over his shoulder,
and nodding in quite a friendly way towards me.

"King!" exclaimed Captain Poke. "That blackguard ate a whole bread-
locker-full of nuts on our outward passage, and now he tells us to
step into his Chatterino House, before we sail!"

I endeavored to pacify the sealer, by an appeal to his philosophy.
It was true that men never forgot obligations, and were always
excessively anxious to repay them; but the monikins were an
exceedingly instructed species; they thought more of their minds
than of their bodies, as was plain by comparing the smallness of the
latter with the length and development of the seat of reason; and
one of his experience should know that good-breeding is decidedly an
arbitrary quality, and that we ought to respect its laws, however
opposed to our own previous practices.

"I dare say, friend Noah, you may have observed some material
difference in the usages of Paris, for instance, and those of
Stunin'tun."

"That I have, Sir John, that I have; and altogether to the advantage
of Stunin'tun be they."

"We are all addicted to the weakness of believing our own customs
best; and it requires that we should travel much, before we are able
to decide on points so nice."

"And do you not call me a traveller! Haven't I been sixteen times a-
sealing, twice a-whaling, without counting my cruise overland, and
this last run to Leaphigh!"

"Ay, you have gone over much land and much water, Mr. Poke; but your
stay in any given place has been just long enough to find fault.
Usages must be worn, like a shoe, before one can judge of the fit."

It is possible Noah would have retorted, had not Mrs. Vigilance
Lynx, at that moment, come wriggling by, in a way to show she was
much satisfied with her safe return home. To own the truth, while
striving to find apologies for it, I had been a little contraire, as
the French term it, by the indifference of my Lord Chatterino,
which, in my secret heart, I was not slow in attributing to the
manner in which a peer of the realm of Leaphigh regarded, de haut en
bas, a mere baronet of Great Britain--or Great Breeches, as the
young noble so pertinaciously insisted on terming our illustrious
island. Now as Mrs. Vigilance was of "russet-color," a caste of an
inferior standing, I had little doubt that she would be as glad to
own an intimacy with Sir John Goldencalf of Householder Hall, as the
other might be willing to shuffle it off.

"Good-morrow, good Mrs. Vigilance," I said familiarly, endeavoring
to wriggle in a way that WOULD have shaken a tail, had it been my
good fortune to be the owner of one--"Good-morrow, good Mrs.
Vigilance--I'm glad to meet you again on shore."

I do not remember that Mrs. Vigilance, during the whole period of
our acquaintance, was particularly squeamish, or topping in her
deportment. On the contrary, she had rather made herself remarkable
for a modest and commendable reserve. But on the present occasion,
she disappointed all reasonable expectation, by shrinking on one
side, uttering a slight scream, and hurrying past as if she thought
we might bite her. Indeed, I can only compare her deportment to that
of a female of our own, who is so full of vanity as to fancy all
eyes on her, and who gives herself airs about a dog or a spider,
because she thinks they make her look so much the more interesting.
Conversation was quite out of the question; for the duenna hurried
on, bending her head downwards, as if heartily ashamed of an
involuntary weakness.

"Well, good madam," said Noah, whose stern eye followed her
movements until she was quite lost in the crowd, "you would have had
a sleepless v'yage, if I had foreimagined this! Sir John, these
people stare at us as if we were wild beasts!"

"I cannot say I am of your way of thinking, Captain Poke. To me they
seem to take no more notice of us, than we should take of two curs
in the streets of London."

"I begin now to understand what the parsons mean when they talk of
the lost condition of man. It's ra'ally awful to witness to what a
state of unfeelingness a people can be abandoned! Bob, get out of
the way, you grinning blackguard."

Hereupon Bob received a salutation which would have demolished his
stern-frame, had it not been for the unionjack. Just then I was glad
to see Dr. Reasono advancing towards us, surrounded by a group of
attentive listeners, all of whom, by their years, gravity, and
deportment, I made no question were savants. As he drew near, I
found he was discoursing of the marvels of his late voyage. When
within six feet of us the whole party stopped, the Doctor continuing
to descant with a very proper gesticulation, and in a way to show
that his subject was of infinite interest to his listeners.
Accidentally turning his eye in our direction, he caught a glimpse
of our figures, and making a few hurried apologies to those around
him, the excellent philosopher came eagerly forward, with both hands
extended. Here was a difference, indeed, between his treatment and
that of Lord Chatterino and the duenna! The salutation was warmly
returned; and the Doctor and myself stepped a little apart, as he
lost no time in informing me he wished to say a word in private.

"My dear Sir John," the philosopher began, "our arrival has been the
most happily-timed thing imaginable! All Leaphigh, by this time, is
filled with the subject; and you can scarcely conceive the
importance that is attached to the event. New sources of trade,
scientific discoveries, phenomena both moral and physical, and
results that it is thought may serve to raise the monikin
civilization still higher than ever! Fortunately, the academy holds
its most solemn meeting of the year this very day, and I have been
formally requested to give the assembly an outline of those events
which have lately passed before my eyes. The king's eldest first
cousin of the masculine gender is to attend openly; and it is even
conjectured, in a way to be quite authentic, that the king himself
will be present in his own royal person."

"How!" I exclaimed, "have you a mode, in Leaphigh, of rendering
conjectures certain?"

"Beyond a doubt, sir, or what would our civilization be worth? As to
the king's majesty, we always deal in the most direct ambiguities.
Now as respects many of our ceremonies, the sovereign is known
morally to be present, when he may be actually and physically eating
his dinner at the other extremity of the island; this important
illustration of the royal ubiquity is effected by means of a legal
fiction. On the other hand, the king often indulges his natural
propensities, such as curiosity, love of fun, or detestation of
ennui, by coming in person, when, by the court fiction, he is
thought to be seated on his throne, in his own royal palace. Oh! as
to all these little accomplishments and graces in the art of truths,
we are behind no people in the universe!"

"I beg pardon, Doctor--so his majesty is expected to be at the
academy this morning?"

"In a private box. Now this affair is of the last importance to me
as a savant, to you as a human being--for it will have a tendency to
raise your whole species in the monikin estimation--and, lastly, to
learning. It will be indispensably necessary that you should attend,
with as many of your companions as possible, more especially the
better specimens. I was coming down to the landing in the hope of
meeting you; and a messenger has gone off to the ship to require
that the people be sent ashore forthwith. You will have a tribune to
yourselves; and, really, I do not like to express beforehand what I
think concerning the degree of attention you will all receive; but
this much I think I can say--you will see."

"This proposition, Doctor, has taken me a little by surprise, and I
hardly know what answer to give."

"You cannot say no, Sir John; for should his majesty hear that you
have refused to come to a meeting at which he is to be present, it
would seriously, and, I might add, justly offend him, nor could I
answer for the consequences."

"Why, I was told that all the power was in the hands of his
majesty's eldest first cousin of the masculine gender; in which case
I thought I might snap my fingers at his majesty himself."

"Not in opinion, Sir John, which is one of the three estates of the
government. Ours is a government of three estates--viz., the law,
opinion, and practice. By law the king rules, by practice his cousin
rules, and by opinion the king again rules. Thus, is the strong
point of practice balanced by law and opinion. This it is that
constitutes the harmony and perfection of the system. No, it would
never do to offend his majesty."

Although I did not very well comprehend the Doctor's argument, yet,
as I had often found in human society, theories political, moral,
theological, and philosophical, that everybody had faith in, and
which nobody understood, I thought discussion useless, and gave up
the point by promising the Doctor to be at the academy in half an
hour, which was the time named for our appearance. Taking the
necessary directions to find the place, we separated; he to hasten
to make his preparations, and I to reach the tavern, in order to
deposit our baggage, that no decency might be overlooked on an
occasion so solemn.




CHAPTER XVI.

AN INN--DEBTS PAID IN ADVANCE, AND A SINGULAR TOUCH OF HUMAN NATURE
FOUND CLOSELY INCORPORATED WITH MONIKIN NATURE,


We soon secured rooms, ordered dinner, brushed our clothes, and made
the other little arrangements that it was necessary to observe for
the credit of the species. Everything being ready, we left the inn,
and hurried towards the "Palais des Arts et des Sciences." We had
not got out of sight of the inn, however, before one of its garcons
was at our heels with a message from his mistress. He told us, in
very respectful tones, that his master was out, and that he had
taken with him the key of the strong-box; that there was not
actually money enough in the drawer to furnish an entertainment for
such great persons as ourselves, and she had taken the liberty to
send us a bill receipted, with a request that we would make a small
advance, rather than reduce her to the mortification of treating
such distinguished guests in an unworthy manner. The bill read as
follows:--

No. 1 parti-color and friends,

To No. 82,763 grape-color. Dr.
To use of apartments, with meals and lights, as per
agreement, p.p. 300 per diem--one day, p.p. 300
By cash advanced, 50
----
Balance due, p.p. 250

"This seems all right," I observed to Noah; but I am, at this
moment, as penniless as the good woman herself. I really do not see
what we are to do, unless Bob sends her back his store of nuts--"

"Harkee, my nimble-go-hop," put in the seaman, "what is your
pleasure?"

The waiter referred to the bill, as expressing his mistress's wants.

"What are these p. p. that I find noted in the bill--play or pay,
hey?"

"Promises, of course, your honor."

"Oh! then you desire fifty promises, to provide our dinner."

"Nothing more, sir. With that sum you shall dine like noblemen--ay,
sir, like aldermen."

I was delighted to find that this worthy class of beings have the
same propensities in all countries.