Books: The Letters of Horace Walpole Volume 3

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I send your ladyship Lady Albemarle's box, which Madame Geoffrin
brought to me herself yesterday. I think it very neat and
charming, and it exceeds the commission but by a guinea and a
half. It is lined with wood between the two golds, as the price
and necessary size would not admit metal enough without, to leave
it of any solidity.

The other point I am indeed ashamed to mention so late. I am
more guilty than even about the scissors. Lord Hertford sent me
word a fortnight ago, that an ensigncy was vacant, to which he
should recommend Mr. Fitzgerald. I forgot both to thank him and
to acquaint your ladyship, who probably know it without my
communication. I have certainly lost my memory! This is so idle
and young, that I begin to fear I have acquired something of the
Fashionable man, which I so much dreaded. It is to England then
that I must return to recover friendship and attention? I
literally wrote to Lord Hertford, and forgot to thank him. Sure
I did not use to be so abominable! I cannot account for it; I am
as black as ink, and must turn Methodist, to fancy that
repentance can wash me white again. No, I will not; for then I
may sin again, and trust to the same nostrum.

I had the honour of sending your ladyship the funeral sermon on
the Dauphin, and a tract to laugh at sermons: "Your bane and
antidote are both before you." The first is by the Archbishop of
Toulouse,(946) who is thought the first man of the clergy. It
has some sense, no pathetic, no eloquence, and, I think, clearly
no belief in his own doctrine. The latter is by the Abb`e
Coyer,(947) written livelily, upon a single idea; and, though I
agree upon the inutility of the remedy he rejects, I have no
better opinion of that he would substitute. Preaching has not
failed from the beginning of the world till to-day, not because
inadequate to the disease, but because the disease is incurable.
If one preached to lions and tigers, would it cure them of
thirsting for blood, and sucking it when they have an opportunity
No; but when they are whelped in the Tower, and both caressed and
beaten, do they turn out a jot more tame when they are grown up?
So far from it, all the kindness in the world, all the attention,
cannot make even a monkey (that is no beast of prey) remember a
pair of scissors or an ensigncy.

Adieu, Madam! and pray don't forgive me, till I have forgiven
myself. I dare not close my letter with any professions; for
could you believe them in one that had so much reason to think
himself Your most obedient humble servant?

(946) Brionne de Lomenie, Archbishop of Toulouse, and afterwards
Cardinal de Lomenie or as he was nicknamed by the populace of
Paris, "Cardinal de l'Ignominie," was great-nephew to Madame du
Deffand. The spirit of political intrigue raised him to the
administration of affairs during the last struggles of the old
r`egime, and exposed him to the contempt he deserved for aspiring
to such a situation at such a moment. He was arrested at the
commencement of the Revolution, and escaped the guillotine by
dying in one of the prisons at Paris in 1794.-E.

(947) This pamphlet of the Abb`e Coyer, which was entitled "On
Preaching," produced a great sensation in Paris at the time of
its publication. Its object is to prove, that those who have
occupied themselves in preaching to others, ever since the world
began, whether poets, priests, or philosophers, have been but a
parcel of prattlers, listened to if eloquent, laughed at if dull;
but who have never corrected any body: the true preacher being
the government, which joins to the moral maxims which it
inculcates the force of example and the power of execution.
Baron de Grimm characterizes the Abb`e as being "l'homme du monde
le plus lourd, l'ennui personnifi`e," and relates the following
anecdote of him during his visit to Voltaire at the Chateau de
Ferney:-" "The first day, the philosopher bore his company with
tolerable politeness; but the next morning he interrupted him in
a long prosing narrative of his travels, by this question:
'Savez-vous bien, M. l'Abb`e, la difference qu'il y a entre Don
Quichotte et vous? c'est que Don Quichotte prenait toutes les
auberges pour des chateaux; et vous, vous prenez tous les
ch`ateaux pour des auberges.'" The Abb`e died in 1782.-E.

Letter 299 To George Montagu, Esq.
Paris, March 12, 1766. (page 474)

I can write but two lines, for I have been confined these four or
five days with a violent inflammation in my eyes, and which has
prevented my returning to Madame Roland. I did not find her at
home, but left your letter. My right eye is well again, and I
have been to take air.

How can you ask leave to carry any body to Strawberry? May not
you do what you please with me and mine? Does not
Arlington-street comprehend Strawberry? why don't you go and lie
there if you like it'? It will be, I think, the middle of April,
before I return; I have lost a week by this confinement, and
would fain satisfy my curiosity entirely, now I am here. I have
seen enough, and too much, of the people. I am glad you are upon
civil terms with Habiculeo. The less I esteem folks, the less I
would quarrel with them.

I don't wonder that Colman and Garrick write ill In concert,(948)
when they write ill separately; however, I am heartily glad the
Clive shines. Adieu! Commend me to Charles-street. Kiss Fanny,
and Mufti, and Ponto for me, when you go to Strawberry: dear
souls, I long to kiss them myself.

(948) The popular comedy of The Clandestine Marriage, the joint
production of Garrick and Colman, had just been brought out at
Drury-lane theatre.-E.

Letter 300 To George Montagu, Esq.
Paris, March 21, 1766. (page 474)

You make me very happy, in telling me you have been so
comfortable in my house. If you would set up a bed there, you
need never go out of it. I want to invite you, not to expel you.
April the tenth my pilgrimage will end, and the fifteenth, or
sixteenth, you may expect to see me, not much fattened with the
flesh-pots of Egypt, but almost as glad to come amongst you again
as I was to leave you.

Your Madame Roland is not half so fond of me as she tells me; I
have been twice at her door, left your letter and my own
direction, but have not received so much as a message to tell me
she is sorry she was not at home. Perhaps this is her first
vision of Paris, and it is natural for a Frenchwoman to have her
head turned with it; though what she takes for rivers of emerald,
and hotels of ruby and topaz, are to my eyes, that have been
purged with euphrasy and rue, a filthy stream, in which every
thing is washed without being cleaned, and dirty houses, ugly
streets, worse shops, and churches loaded with bad pictures.(949)
Such is the material part of this paradise; for the corporeal,,if
Madame Roland admires it, I have nothing to say; however, I shall
not be sorry to make one at Lady Frances Elliot's. Thank you for
admiring my deaf old woman; if I could bring my old blind one
with me, I should resign this paradise as willingly as if it was
built of opal, and designed by a fisherman, who thought that what
makes a fine necklace would make a finer habitation.

We did not want your sun; it has shone here for a fortnight with
all its lustre but yesterday a north wind, blown by the Czarina
herself I believe, arrived, and declared a month of March of full
age. This morning it snowed; and now, clouds of dust are
whisking about the streets and quays, edged with an east wind,
that gets under one's very shirt. I should not be quite sorry if
a little of it tapped my lilacs on their green noses, and bade
them wait for their master.

The Princess of Talmond sent me this morning a picture of two
pup-dogs, and a black and white greyhound, wretchedly painted. I
could not conceive what I was to do with this daub, but in her
note she warned me not to hope to keep it. It was only to
imprint on my memory the size, and features, and spots of Diana,
her departed greyhound, in order that I might get her exactly
such another. Don't you think my memory will return well stored,
if it is littered with defunct lapdogs. She is so devout, that I
did not dare send her word, that I am not possessed of a twig of
Jacob's broom, with which he streaked cattle as he pleased

T'other day, in the street, I saw a child in a leading-string,
whose nurse gave it a farthing for a beggar; the babe delivered
its mite with a grace, and a twirl of the hand. I don't think
your cousin's first grandson will be so well bred. Adieu! Yours
ever.

(949) Walpole's picture of Paris, in 1766, is not much more
favourable than that of Peter Heylin, who visited that city in
the preceding century:--"This I am confident of," says Peter,
"that the nastiest lane in London is frankincense and juniper to
the sweetest street in this city. The ancient by-word was (and
there is good reason for it) 'il destaient comme la fange de
Paris:' had I the power of making proverbs, I would only change
destaient' into 'il put,' and make the by-word ten times more
orthodox. That which most amazed me is, that in such a
perpetuated constancy of stinks, there should yet be variety--a
variety so special and distinct, that my chemical nose (I dare
lay my life on it), after two or three perambulations, would hunt
out blindfold each several street by the smell, as perfectly as
another by the eye."-E.

Letter 301 To George Montagu, Esq.
Paris, April 3, 1766. (page 475)

One must be just to all the world; Madame Roland, I find, has
been in the country, and at Versailles, and was so obliging as to
call on me this morning, but I was so disobliging as not to be
awake. I was dreaming dreams; in short, I had dined at Livry;
yes, yes, at Livry, with a Langlade and De la Rochefoucaulds.
The abbey is now possessed by an Abb`e de Malherbe, with whom I
am acquainted, and who had given me a general invitation. I put
it off to the last moment, that the bois and all`ees might set
off the scene a little, and contribute to the vision; but it did
not want it. Livry is situated in the For`et de Bondi, very
agreeably on a flat, but with hills near it, and in prospect.
There is a great air of simplicity and rural about it, more
regular than our taste, but with an old-fashioned tranquillity,
and nothing of coligichet. Not a tree exists that remembers the
charming woman, because in this country an old tree is a traitor,
and forfeits its head to the crown; but the plantations are not
young, and might very well be as they were in her time. The
Abb`e's house is decent and snug; a few paces from it is the
sacred pavilion built for Madame de S`evign`e by her uncle, and
much as it was in her day; a small saloon below for dinner, then
an arcade, but the niches now closed, and painted in fresco with
medallions of her, the Grignan, the Fayette, and the
Rochefoucauld. Above, a handsome large room, with a
chimney-piece in the best taste of Louis the Fourteenth's time; a
holy family in good relief over it, and the cipher of her uncle
Coulanges; a neat little bedchamber within, and two or three
clean little chambers over them. On one side of the garden,
leading to the great road, is a little bridge of wood, on which
the dear woman used to wait for the courier that brought her
daughter's letters. Judge with what veneration and satisfaction
I set my foot upon it! If you will come to France with Me next
year, we will go and sacrifice on that sacred spot together.

On the road to Livry I passed a new house on the pilasters of the
gate to which were two sphinxes in stone, with their heads
coquetly reclined, straw hats, and French cloaks slightly pinned,
and not hiding their bosoms. I don't know whether I or Memphis
would have been more diverted. I shall set out this day
se'nnight, the tenth, and be in London about the fifteenth or
sixteenth, if the wind is fair. Adieu! Yours ever.

P. S. I need not say, I suppose, that this letter is to Mr.
Chute, too.

Letter 302 To The Hon. H. S. Conway.
Paris, April 6, 1766. (page 476)

In a certain city of Europe(950) it is the custom to wear
slouched hats, long cloaks, and high capes. Scandal and the
government called this dress going in mask, and pretended that it
contributed to assassination. An ordonnance was published,
commanding free-born hats to be cocked, cloaks to be shortened,
and capes laid aside. All the world obeyed for the first day:
but the next, every thing returned into its old channel. In the
evening a tumult arose, and cries of,, "God bless the King! God
bless the kingdom! but confusion to Squillaci, the prime
minister."(951) The word was no sooner given, but his house was
beset, the windows broken, and the gates attempted. The guards
came and fired on the weavers(952) of cloaks. The weavers
returned the fire, and many fell on each side. As the hour of
supper approached and the mob grew hungry, they recollected a tax
upon bread, and demanded the repeal. the King yielded to both
requests, and hats and loaves were set at liberty. The people
were not contented, and still insisted on the permission of
murdering the first minister; though his Majesty assured his
faithful commons that the minister was never consulted on acts of
government, and was only his private friend, who sometimes called
upon him in an evening to drink a glass of wine and talk botany.
The people were incredulous, and continued in mutiny when the
last letters came away. If you should happen to suppose, as I
did, that this history arrived in London, do not be alarmed; for
it was at Madrid; and a nation who has borne the Inquisition
cannot support a cocked hat. So necessary it is for governors to
know when lead or a feather will turn the balance of human
understandings, or will not!

I should not have entrenched on Lord George's(953) province of
sending you news of revolutions, but he is at Aubign`e; and I
thought it right to advertise you in time, in case you should
have a mind to send a bale of slouched hats to the support of the
mutineers. As I have worn a flapped hat all my life, when I have
worn any at all, I think myself qualified, and would offer my
service to command them; but, being persuaded that you are a
faithful observer of treaties, though a friend to repeals, I
shall come and receive your commands in person. In the mean time
I cannot help figuring what a pompous protest my Lord Lyttelton
might draw up in the character of an old grandee against the
revocation of the act for cocked hats.

Lady Ailesbury forgot to send me word of your recovery, as she
promised; but I was so lucky as to hear it from other hands.
Pray take care of yourself, and do not imagine that you are as
weak as I am, and can escape the scythe, as I do, by being low:
your life is of more consequence. If you don't believe me, step
into the street and ask the first man you meet.

This is Sunday, and Thursday is fixed for my departure, unless
the Clairon should return to the stage on Tuesday se'nnight, as
it is said; and I do not know whether I should not be tempted to
borrow two or three days more, having never seen her; yet my
lilacs pull hard, and I have not a farthing left in the world.
Be sure you do not leave a cranny open for George Grenville to
wriggle it), till I have got all my things out of the
customhouse. Adieu! Yours ever.

(950) This account alludes to the insurrection at Madrid, on the
attempt of the court to introduce the French dress in Spain.

(951) Squillace, an Italian, whom the King was obliged to banish.

(952) Alluding to the mobs of silk-weavers which had taken place
in London.

(953) Lord George Lenox, only brother to the Duke of Richmond.

Letter 303 To The Hon. H. S. Conway.
Paris, April 8, 1766. (page 478)

I sent you a few lines by the post yesterday with the first of
the insurrection at Madrid. I have since seen Stahremberg,(954)
the imperial minister, who has had a courier from thence; and if
Lord Rochford(955) has not sent one, you will not be sorry to
know more particulars. The mob disarmed the Invalids; stopped
all coaches, to prevent Squillaci's flight; and meeting the Duke
de Medina Celi, forced him and the Duke d'Arcos to carry their
demands to the King. His most frightened Majesty granted them
directly; on which his highness the people despatched a monk with
their demands in writing, couched in four articles; the
diminution of the gabel on bread and oil; the revocation of the
ordonnance on hats and cloaks; the banishment of Squillaci; and
the abolition of some other tax, I don't know what. The King
signed all; yet was still forced to appear at a balcony, and
promise to observe what he had granted. Squillaci was sent with
an escort to Carthagena, to embark for Naples, and the first
commissioner of the treasury appointed to succeed him; which does
not look much like observation of the conditions. Some say
Ensenada is recalled, and that Grimaldi is in no good odour with
the people. If the latter and Squillaci are dismissed, we get
rid of two enemies.

The tumult ceased on the grant of the demands; but the King
retiring that night to Aranjuez, the insurrection was renewed the
next morning on pretence that this flight was a breach of the
capitulation The people seized the gates of the capital, and
permitted nobody to go out. In this state were things when the
courier came away. the ordonnance against going in disguise
looks as if some suspicions had been conceived; and yet their
confidence was so great as not to have two thousand guards in the
town. The pitiful behaviour of the court makes one think that
the Italians were frightened, and that the Spanish part of the
ministry were not sorry it took that turn. As I suppose there is
no great city in Spain which has not at least a bigger bundle of
grievances than the capital, one shall not wonder if the
pusillanimous behaviour of the King encourages them to redress
themselves too.

There is what is called a change of the ministry here; but it is
only a crossing over and figuring in. The Duc de Praslin has
wished to retire for some time; and for this last fortnight there
has been talk of his being replaced by the Duc d'Aiguillon. the
Duc de Nivernois, etc.; but it is plain, though not believed till
now, that the Duc de Choiseul is all-powerful. To purchase the
stay of his cousin Praslin, on whom he can depend, and to leave
no cranny open, he has ceded the marine and colonies to the Due
de Praslin, and taken the foreign and military department
himself. His cousin is, besides, named chef du conseil des
finances; a very honourable, very dignified, and very idle place,
and never filled since the Duc de Bethune had it. Praslin's
hopeful cub, the Viscount, whom you saw in England last year,
goes to Naples; and the Marquis de Durfort to Vienna--a cold,
dry, proud man, with the figure and manner of Lord Cornbury.

Great matters are expected to-day from the Parliament, which
re-assembles. A mousquetaire, his piece loaded with a lettre de
cachet, went about a fortnight ago to the notary who keeps the
parliamentary registers, and demanded them. They were refused--
but given up, on the lettre de cachet being produced. The
Parliament intends to try the notary for breach of trust, which I
suppose will make his fortune; though he has not the merit of
perjury, like Carteret Webb.

There have been insurrections at Bordeaux and Tailless, on the
militia, and twenty-seven persons were killed at the latter: but
both are appeased. These things are so much in vogue, that I
wonder the French do not dress `a la r`evolte. The Queen is in a
very dangerous way. This will be my last letter; but I am not
sure I shall set out before the middle of next week. Yours ever.

(954) Prince Stahremberg: he had married a daughter of the Duc
d'Arembert, by his Duchess, nee la Marche.

(955) William Henry Zuleistein de Nassau, Earl of Rochford, who
was at this time the English ambassador extraordinary at the
court of Spain.

Letter 304 To The Rev. Mr. COLE.
Arlington Street, May 10, 1766. (page 479)

At last I am come back, dear Sir, and in good health. I have
brought you four cups and saucers, one red and white, one blue
and white, and two coloured; and a little box of pastils. Tell
me whether and how I shall convey them to you; or whether you
will, as I hope, come to Strawberry this summer, and fetch them
yourself; but if you are in the least hurry, I will send them.

I flatter myself you have quite recovered your accident, and have
no remains of lameness. The spring is very wet and cold, but
Strawberry alone contains more verdure than all France.

I scrambled very well through the custom-house at Dover, and have
got all my china safe from that here in town. You will see the
fruits when you come to Strawberry Hill. Adieu!

Letter 305 To The Rev. Mr. Cole.
Arlington Street, May 13, 1766. (page 479)

Dear sir,
I am forced to do a very awkward thing, and send you back one of
your letters, and, what is still worse, opened. The case was
this: I received your two at dinner, opened one and laid the
other in my lap; but forgetting that I had taken one out of the
first, I took up the wrong 'Hand broke it open,. without
perceiving my mistake, till I saw the words, Dear Sister. I give
you my honour I read no farther, but had torn it too much to send
it away. Pray excuse me; and another time I beg you will put an
envelope, for you write just where the seal comes; and besides,
place the seals so together that though I did not quite open the
fourth letter, yet it stuck so to the outer seal, that I could
not help tearing it a little. Adieu!

Letter 306 To George Montagu, Esq.
Strawberry Hill, May 25, 1766. (page 480)

When the weather will please to be in a little better temper, I
will call upon you to perform your promise; but I cannot in
conscience invite you to a fireside. The Guerchys and French
dined here last Monday, and it rained so that we could no more
walk in the garden than Noah could. I came again, to-day, but
shall return to town to-morrow, as I hate to have no sun in May,
but what I can make with a peck of coals.

I know no news, but that the Duke of Richmond is secretary of
state,(956) and that your cousin North has refused the
vice-treasurer of Ireland. It cost him bitter pangs, not to
preserve his virtue, but his vicious connexions. He goggled his
eyes, and groped in his money-pocket; more than half consented;
nay, so much more, that when he got home he wrote an excuse to
Lord Rockingham, which made it plain that he thought he had
accepted. As nobody was dipped deeper in the warrants and
prosecution of Wilkes, there is no condoling with the ministers
on missing so foul a bargain. They are only to be pitied, that
they can purchase nothing but damaged goods.

So, my Lord Grandison(957) is dead! Does the General inherit
much? Have you heard the great loss the church of England has
had? It is not avowed; but hear the evidence and judge. On
Sunday last, George Selwyn was strolling home to dinner at half
an hour after four. He saw my Lady Townshend's coach stop at
Caraccioli's(958) chapel. He watched, saw her go in; her footman
laughed; he followed. She Went up to the altar, a woman brought
her a cushion; she knelt, crossed herself, and prayed. He stole
up, and knelt by her. Conceive her face, if you can, when she
turned and found his close to her. In his demure voice, he said,
"Pray, Madam, how long has your ladyship left the pale of our
church!" She looked furies, and made no answer. Next day he
went to her, and she turned it off upon curiosity; but is any
thing more natural? No, she certainly means to go armed with
every viaticum, the church of England in one hand, Methodism in
the other, and the Host in her mouth.

Have you ranged your forest, and seen your lodge yourself? I
could almost wish it may not answer, and that you may cast an eye
towards our neighbourhood. My Lady Shelburne(959) has taken a
house here, and it has produced a bon-mot from Mrs. Clive. You
know my Lady Suffolk is deaf, and I have talked much of a
charming old passion I have at Paris, who is blind; "Well," said
the Clive, "if the new Countess is but lame, I shall have no
chance of ever seeing you." Good night!

(956) When the Duke of Grafton quitted the seals, they were
offered first to Lord Egmont, then to Lord Hardwicke, who both
declined them; "but, after their going a-begging for some time,"
says Lord Chesterfield, " the Duke of Richmond begged them, and
has them, faute de mieux."-E.

(957) John Villiers, fifth Viscount Grandison. He had bee
n elevated to the earldom in 1721; which title became extinct,
and the viscounty devolved upon William third Earl of Jersey.-E.

(958) The Marquis de Carraccioli, ambassador from the court of
Naples.-E

(959) Mary Countess of Shelburne, widow of the Hon. John
Fitzmaurice, first Earl of Shelburne. She was likewise his first
cousin, being the daughter of the Hon. William Fitzmaurice, of
Gailane, in the county of Kerry.-E.