Books: The Letters of Horace Walpole Volume 3

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(880) Afterwards the unfortunate Louis XVI.-E.

(881) Afterwards Louis XVIII.-E.

(882) Afterwards Charles X.-E

Letter 273 To The Hon. H. S. Conway.
Paris, Oct, 6, 1765. (page 431)

I am glad to find that you grow just, and that you do conceive at
last, that I could do better than stay in England for politics.
"Tenez, mon enfant," as the Duchesse de la Fert`e said to Madame
Staal;(883) "comme il n'y a que moi au monde qui aie toujours
raison," I will be very reasonable; as you have made this
concession to me, who knew I was in the right I will not expect
you to answer all my reasonable letters. If you send a bullying
letter to the King of Spain,(884) or to Chose, my neighbour
here,(885) I will consider them as written to myself, and
subtract so much from your bill. Nay, I will accept a line from
Lady Ailesbury now and then in part of payment. I shall continue
to write as the wind sets in my pen; and do own my babble does
not demand much reply.

For so reasonable a person as I am, I have changed my mind very
often about this country. The first five days I was in violent
spirits; then came a dismal cloud of whisk and literature, and I
could not bear it. At present I begin, very englishly indeed, to
establish a right to my own way. I laugh, and talk nonsense, and
make them hear me. There are two or three houses where I go
quite at my ease, am never asked to touch a card, nor hold
dissertations. Nay, I don't pay homage to their authors. Every
woman has one or two planted in her house, and God knows how they
water them. The old President HainaUlt(886) is the pagod at
Madame du Deffand's, an old blind debauch`ee of wit, where I
supped last night. The President is very near deaf, and much
nearer superannuated. He sits by the table: the mistress of the
house, who formerly was his, inquires after every dish on the
table, is told who has eaten of which, and then bawls the bill of
fare of every individual into the President's ears. In short,
every mouthful is proclaimed, and so is every blunder I make
against grammar. Some that I make on purpose, succeed: and one
of them is to be reported to the Queen to-day by Hainault, who is
her great favourite. I had been at Versailles and having been
much taken notice of by her Majesty, I said, alluding to madame
S`evign`e, La Reine est le plus grand roi du monde. You may
judge if I am in possession by a scene that passed after supper.
Sir James macdonald(887) had been mimicking Hume: I told the
women, who, besides the mistress, were the Duchess de la
Vali`ere,(888) Madame de Forcalquier,(889) a demoiselle, that to
be sure they would be glad to have a specimen of Mr. Pitt's
manner of speaking; and that nobody mimicked him so well as
Elliot.(890) They firmly believed it, teased him for an hour,
and at last said he was the rudest man in the world not to oblige
them. It appeared the more strange, because here every body
sings, reads their own works in public, or attempts any one thing
without hesitation or capacity. Elliot speaks miserable French;
which added to the diversion.

I had had my share of distress in the morning, by going through
the operation of being presented to the royal family, down to the
little Madame's pap-dinner, and had behaved as sillily as you
will easily believe; hiding myself behind every mortal. The
Queen called me up to her dressing-table, and seemed mightily
disposed to gossip with me; but instead of enjoying my glory like
Madame de S`evign`e, I slunk back into the crowd after a few
questions. She told Monsieur de Guerchy of it afterwards, and
that I had run away from her, but said she would have her revenge
at Fontainbleau. So I must go thither, which I do not intend.
The King, Dauphin, Dauphiness, Mesdames, and the wild beasts did
not say a word to me. Yes, the wild beast, he of the Gevaudan.
He is killed, and actually in the Queen's antechamber, where he
was exhibited to us with as much parade as if it was Mr. Pitt.
It is an exceedingly large wolf, and, the connoisseurs say, has
twelve teeth more than any wolf ever had since the days of
Romulus's wet nurse. The critics deny it to be the true beast;
and I find most people think the beast's name is legion,--for
there are many. He was covered with a sheet, which two chasseurs
lifted up for the foreign ministers and strangers. I dined at
the Duke of Praslin's with five-and-twenty tomes of the corps
diplomatique; and after dinner was presented, by Monsieur de
Guerchy, to the Duc de Choiseul. The Duc de Praslin is as like
his own letters in D'Eon's book as he can stare; that is, I
believe a very silly fellow. His wisdom is of the grave kind.
His cousin, the first minister, is a little volatile being, whose
countenance and manner had nothing to frighten me for my country.
I saw him but for three seconds, which is as much as he allows to
any one body or thing. Monsieur de Guerchy, whose goodness to me
is inexpressible, took the trouble of walking every where with
me, and carried me particularly to see the new office for state
papers. I wish I could send it you. It is a large building,
disposed like an hospital, with the most admirable order and
method. Lodgings for every officer; his name and business
written over his door. In the body is a perspective of seven or
eight large chambers: each is painted with emblems, and
wainscoted with presses with wired doors and crimson curtains.
Over each press, in golden letters, the country to which the
pieces relate, as Angleterre, Allemagne, etc. Each room has a
large funnel of bronze with or moulu, like a column to air the
papers and preserve them. In short, it is as magnificent as
useful.

Prom thence I went to see the reservoir of pictures at M. de
Marigny's. They are what are not disposed of in the palaces,
though sometimes changed with others. This refuse, which fills
many rooms from top to bottom, is composed of the most glorious
works of Raphael, L. da Vinci, Giorgione, Titian, Guido,
Correggio, etc. Many pictures, which I knew by their prints,
without an idea where they existed, I found there.

The Duc de Nivernois is extremely obliging to me. I have supped
at Madame de Bentheim's, who has a very fine house and a woful
husband. She is much livelier than any Frenchwoman. The
liveliest I have seen is the Duc de Duras:(891) he is shorter and
plumper Lord Halifax, but very like him in the face. I am to sup
with the Dussons(892) on Sunday. In short, all that have been in
England are exceedingly disposed to repay any civilities they
received there. Monsieur de Caraman wrote from the country to
excuse his not coming to see me, as his Wife is On the point of
being brought to bed, but begged I would come to them. So I
would, if I was a man-midwife: but though they are easy On Such
heads, I am not used to it, and cannot make a party of pleasure
of a labour.

Wilkes arrived here two days ago, and announced that he was going
minister to Constantinople.(893) To-day I hear he has lowered
his credentials, and talks of going to England, if he can make
his peace.(894) I thought by the manner in which this was
mentioned to me, that the person meant to Sound me: but I made no
answer: for, having given up politics in England, I certainly did
not come to transact them here. He has not been to make me the
first visit, which, as the last arrived, depends on him: so,
never having spoken to him in my life, I have no call to seek
him. I avoid all politics so much, that I had not heard one word
here about Spain. I suppose my silence passes for very artful
mystery, and puzzles the ministers who keep spies on the most
insignificant foreigner. It would have been lucky if I had been
as watchful. At Chantilly I lost my portmanteau with half my
linen; and the night before last I was robbed of a new frock,
waistcoat, and breeches, laced with gold, a white and silver
waistcoat, black velvet breeches, a knife, and a book. These are
expenses I did not expect, and by no means entering into my
system of extravagance.

I am very sorry for the death of Lord Ophaly, and for his family.
I knew the poor young man himself but little, but he seemed
extremely good-natured. What the Duke of Richmond will do for a
hotel, I cannot conceive. Adieu!

(883) See M`emoires de Madame de Staal (the first authoress of
that name) published with the rest of her works, in three small
volumes.-E.

(884) Mr. Conway was now secretary of state for the foreign
department.-E.

(885) Louis XV.-E.

(886) Le Pr`esident Hainault, surintendant de la maison de
Mademoiselle la Dauphine, membre de l'Acad`emie Fran`caise et de
l'Acad`emie des Inscriptions, known by his celebrated work, the
Abr`eg`e Chronologique de l'Histoire, de France, and from the
excellent table which he kept, and which was the resort of all
the wits and savans of the day. His cook was considered the best
in Paris, and the master was worthy of his cook; a fact which
Voltaire celebrates in the opening lines of the epitaph which he
wrote for him--

"Hainault, fameux par vos soupers,
Et votre Chronologic," etc.-E.

(887) Sir James Macdonald of Macdonald, the eighth baronet, who
died at Rome on the 26th of July 1766, in the twenty-fifth year
of his age, regretted by all who knew him. In the inscription on
his monument, executed at Rome and erected in the church of
Slate, his character is thus drawn by his friend Lord
Lyttelton:--"He had attained to so eminent a degree of knowledge
in mathematics, philosophy, languages, and in every branch of
useful and polite learning, as few have acquired in a long life
wholly devoted to study; yet to this erudition he joined, what
can rarely be found with it, great talents for business, great
propriety of behaviour, great politeness of manners: his
eloquence was sweet, correct and flowing; his memory vast and
exact; his judgment strong and acute." On visiting Slate, in
1773, Dr. Johnson observed to Boswell, that this inscription
"should have been in Latin, as every thing intended to be
universal and permanent should be." Upon this mr. Croker
remarks,--"What a strange Perversion of language!--universal!
Why, if it had been in Latin, so far from being universally
understood, it would have been an utter blank to one (the better)
half of the creation, and even of the men who might visit it,
ninety-nine will understand it in English for one who could in
Latin. Something may be said for epitaphs and inscriptions
addressed, as it were, to the world at large--a triumphal arch --
the pillar at Blenheim--the monument on the field of Waterloo:
but a Latin epitaph in an English church, appears, in principle,
as absurd as the dinner, which the doctor gives in Peregrine
Pickle, 'after the manner of the ancients.' A mortal may surely
be well satisfied if his fame lasts as long as the language in
which he spoke or wrote."-E.

(888) La Duchesse de la Vali`ere, daughter of the Duc d'Usez.
She was one of the handsomest women in France, and preserved her
beauty even to old age. She died about the year 1792, at the age
of eighty.-E.

(889) The Comtesse de Forcalquier, n`ee Canizy. She had ben
first married to the Comte d'Antin, son to the Comtesse de
Toulouse, by a marriage previous to that with the Comte de
Toulouse, one of the natural children of Louis Quatorze, whom he
legitimated.-E.

(890) Sir Gilbert Elliot Of Minto. He was appointed a lord of
the admiralty in 1756, treasurer of the chamber in 1762, keeper
of the signets for Scotland in 1767, and treasurer of the navy in
1770. He died in 1777.-E.

(891) Le Duc de Duras, one of the gentlemen of the bedchamber at
the court of France.-E.

(892) M. D'Usson, who had formerly been in England in a
diplomatic capacity; see ant`e p. 219, letter 157. He was
brother to the Marquis de Bonnac, the French ambassador at the
Hague.-E.

(893) Wilkes's application for the embassy to Constantinople was
an unsuccessful one. It will be seen in the Chatham
Correspondence, that in February 1761, he had solicited of Mr.
Pitt a seat at the board of trade. "I wish," he says, "the board
of trade might be thought a place in which I could be of any
service: whatever the scene is, I shall endeavour to have the
reputation of acting in a manner worthy of the connexion I have
the honour to be in; and, among all the chances and changes of a
political world, I will never have an obligation in a
parliamentary way but to Mr. Pitt and his friends." Vol. ii. p.
94.-E.

(894) After his outlawry.

Letter 274 To The Right Hon. Lady Hervey.
Paris, Oct. 13, 1765. (page 434)

How are the mighty fallen! Yes, yes, Madam, I am as like the Duc
de Richelieu as two peas; but then they are two old withered gray
peas. Do you remember the fable of Cupid and Death, and what a
piece of work they made with hustling their arrows together?
This is just my case: Love might shoot at me, but it was with a
gouty arrow. I have had a relapse in both feet, and kept my bed
six days but the fit seems to be going off; my heart can already
go alone, and my feet promise themselves the mighty luxury of a
cloth shoe in two or three days. Mr. and Mrs. Ramsay,(895) who
are here, and are, alas! to carry this, have been of great
comfort to me, and have brought their delightful little daughter,
who is as quick as Ariel. Mr. Ramsay could want no assistance
from me: what do we both exist upon here, Madam, but your bounty
and charity? When did you ever leave one of your friends in want
of another? Madame Geotrrin came and sat two hours last night by
my bedside: I could have sworn it had been my Lady Hervey,(896)
she was so good to me. It was with so much sense, information,
instruction, and correction! The manner of the latter charms me.
I never saw any body in my days that catches one's faults and
vanities and impositions so quick, that explains them to one so
clearly, and convinces one so easily. I never liked to be set
right before! You cannot imagine how I taste it! I make her both
my confessor and director, and beam to think I shall be a
reasonable creature at last, which I had never intended to be.
The next time I see her, I believe I shall say, "Oh! Common
Sense, sit down: I have been thinking so and so; is not it
absurd?" for t'other sense and wisdom, I never liked them; I
shall now hate them for her sake. If it was worth her while, I
assure your ladyship she might govern me like a child.(897)

The Duc de Nivernois too is astonishingly good to me. In short,
Madam, I am going down hill, but the sun sets pleasingly. Your
two other friends have been in Paris; but I was confined, and
could not wait on them. I passed a whole evening with Lady Mary
Chabot most agreeably: she charged me over and over with a
thousand compliments to your ladyship. For sights, alas! and
pilgrimages, they have been cut short! I had destined the fine
days of October to excursions; but you know, Madam, what it is to
reckon without one's host, the gout. It makes such a coward of
me, that I shall be afraid almost of entering a church. I have
lost, too, the Dumenil in Ph`edre and Merope, two of her
principal parts, but I hope not irrecoverably.

Thank you, Madam, for the Taliacotian extract: it diverted me
much. It is true, in general I neither see nor desire to see our
wretched political trash: I am sick of it up to the
fountain-head. It was my principal motive for coming hither; and
had long been my determination, the first moment I should be at
liberty, to abandon it all. I have acted from no views of
interest; I have shown I did not; I have not disgraced myself-
-and I must be free. My comfort is, that, if I am blamed, it
will be by all parties. A little peace of mind for the rest of
my days is all I ask, to balance the gout.

I have writ to Madame de Guerchy about Your orange-flower water;
and I sent your ladyship two little French pieces that I hope you
received. The uncomfortable posture in which I write will excuse
my saying any more; but it is no excuse against my trying to do
any thing to please one, who always forgets pain when her friends
are in question.

(895) Allan Ramsay, the painter.

(896) Baron de Grimm, in speaking of Madame Geoffrin, says:--
"This lady's religion seems to have always proceeded on two
principles: the one, to do the greatest quantity of good in her
power; the other, to respect scrupulously all established forms,
and even to lend herself, with great complaisance, to all the
different movements of public opinion."-E.

(897) Gibbon, in a letter to his father, of the 24th of February
1763, says:--"Lady Hervey's recommendation to Madame Geoffrin was
a most excellent one: her house is a very good one; regular
dinners there every Wednesday, and the best company in Paris, in
men of letters and people of fashion. It was at her house I
connected myself with M. Helvetius, who, from his heart, his
head, and his fortune, is a most valuable man."-E.

Letter 275 To George Montagu, Esq.
Paris, Oct. 16, 1765. (page 436)

I am here, in this supposed metropolis of pleasure, triste
enough; hearing from nobody in England, and again confined with
the gout in both feet: yes, I caught cold, and it has returned;
but as I begin to be a little acquainted with the nature of its
caresses, I think the violence of its passion this time will be
wasted within the fortnight. Indeed, a stick and a great shoe do
not commonly compose the dress which the English come hither to
learn; but I shall content myself if I can limp about enough to
amuse my eyes; my ears have already had their fill, and are not
at all edified. My confinement preserves me from the journey to
Fontainbleau, to which I had no great appetite; but then I lose
the opportunity of seeing Versailles and St. Cloud at my leisure.

I wrote to you soon after my arrival; did you receive it? All the
English books you named to me are to be had here at the following
prices. Shakspeare in eight volumes unbound for twenty-one
livres; in larger paper for twenty-seven. Congreve, in three
volumes for nine livres. Swift, in twelve volumes for twenty-four
livres, another edition for twenty-seven. So you see I do not
forget your commissions: if you have farther orders, let me know.

Wilkes is here, and has been twice to see me in my illness. He
was very civil, but I cannot say entertained me much. I saw no
wit; his conversation shows how little he has lived in good
company, and the chief turn of it is the grossest bawdy.(898) He
has certainly one merit, notwithstanding the bitterness of his
pen, that is, he has no rancour; not even against Sandwich, of
whom he talked with the utmost temper. He showed me some of his
notes on Churchill's works, but they contain little more than one
note on each poem to explain the subject of it.

The Dumenil is still the Dumenil, and nothing but curiosity could
make me want the Clairon. Grandval is grown so fat and old, that
I saw him through a whole play and did not guess him. Not one
other, that you remember on the stage, remains there.

It is not a season for novelty in any way, as both the court and
the world are out of town. The few that I know are almost all
dispersed. The old president Henault made me a visit yesterday:
he is extremely amiable, but has the appearance of a
superannuated bacchanal; superannuated, poor soul! indeed he is!
The Duc de Richelieu is a lean old resemblance of old General
Churchill, and like him affects still to have his Boothbies.
Alas! poor Boothbies!

I hope, by the time I am convalescent, to have the Richmonds
here. One of the miseries of chronical illnesses is, that you
are a prey to every fool, who, not knowing what to do with
himself, brings his ennui to you, and calls it charity. Tell me
a little the intended dates of your motions, that I may know
where to write at you. Commend me kindly to Mr. John, and wish
me a good night, of which I have had but one these ten days.

(898) "I scarcely ever," says Gibbon, who happened to dine in the
company of Wilkes in September 1762, "met with a better
companion; he has inexhaustible spirits, infinite wit and humour,
and a great deal of knowledge; but a thorough profligate in
principle as in practice; his life stained with every vice, and
his conversation full of blasphemy and indecency."-E.

Letter 276 To The Countess Of Suffolk.(899)
Paris, Oct. 16, 1765. (page 437)

Though I begin my letter to-day, Madam, it may not be finished
and set out these four days; but serving a tyrant who does not
allow me many holiday-minutes, I am forced to seize the first
that offer. Even now when I am writing upon the table, he is
giving me malicious pinches under it. I was exceedingly obliged
to Miss Hotham for her letter, though it did not give me so good
an account of your ladyship as I wished. I will not advise you
to come to Paris, where, I assure you, one has not a nip less of
the gout than at London, and where it is rather more difficult to
keep one's chamber pure; water not being reckoned here one of the
elements of cleanliness. If ever my Lady Blandford and I make a
match, I shall insist on her coming hither for a month first, to
learn patience. I need have a great stock, who have only
travelled from one sick bed to another; who have seen nothing;
and who hear of nothing but the braveries of Fontainbleau, where
the Duc de Richelieu, whose year it is, has ordered seven new
operas besides other shows. However, if I cannot be diverted, my
ruin at least is protracted, as I cannot go to a single shop.

Lady Mary Chabot has been so good as to make me a visit. She is
again gone into the country till November, but charged me over
and over to say a great deal for her to your ladyship, for whom
she expresses the highest regard. Lady Brown is still in the
country too; but as she loves laughing more than is fashionable
here, I expect her return with great impatience. As I neither
desire to change their religion or government, I am tired of
their perpetual dissertations on those subjects. As when I was
here last, which, alas! is four-and-twenty ears ago, I was much
at Mrs. Hayes's, I thought it but civil to wait on her now that
her situation is a little less brilliant. She was not at home,
but invited me to supper next night. The moment she saw me I
thought I had done very right not to neglect her; for she
overwhelmed me with professions of her fondness for me and all my
family. When the first torrent was over, she asked me if I was
son of the Horace Walpole who had been ambassador here. I said
no, he was my uncle. Oh! then you are he I used to call my
Neddy! No, Madam, I believe that is my brother. Your brother!
What is my Lord Walpole? My cousin, Madam. Your cousin! why,
then, who are you? I found that if I had omitted my visit, her
memory of me would not have reproached me much.

Lord and Lady Fife are expected here every day from Spa; but we
hear nothing certain yet of their graces of Richmond, for whom I
am a little impatient; and for pam too, who I hope comes with
them. In French houses it is impossible to meet with any thing
but whist, which I am determined never to learn again. I sit by
and yawn; which, however, is better than sitting at it to yawn.
I hope to be able to take the air in a few days; for though I
have had sharp pain and terrible nights, this codicil to my gout
promises to be of much shorter duration than what I had in
England, and has kept entirely to my feet. My diet sounds like
an English farmer's, being nothing but beef and pudding; in truth
the beef' is bouilli, and the pudding bread. This last night has
been the first in which I have got a wink of sleep before six in
the morning: but skeletons can live very well without eating or
sleeping; nay, they can laugh too, when they meet with a jolly
mortal of this world.

Mr. Chetwynd, I conclude, is dancing at country balls and
horseraces. It is charming to be so young;(900) but I do not
envy one whose youth is so good-humoured and good-natured. When
he gallops post to town, or swims his horse through a MillpODd In
November, pray make my compliments to him, and to Lady Blandford
and Lady Denbigh. The joys of the gout do not put one's old
friends out of one's head, even at this distance. I am, etc.

(899) Now first collected.

(900) See ant`e, p. 412, letter 259.-E.

Letter 277 To Thomas Brand, Esq.(901)
Paris, Oct. 19, 1765. (page 438)

Don't think I have forgot your commissions: I mentioned them to
old Mariette this evening, who says he has got one of them, but
never could meet with the other, and that it will be impossible
for me to find either at Paris. You know, I suppose, that he
would as soon part with an eye as with any thing in his own
collection.

You may, if you please, suppose me extremely diverted here, Oh!
exceedingly. In the first place, I have seen nothing; in the
second, I have been confined this fortnight with a return of the
gout in both feet; and in the third, I have not laughed since my
Lady Hertford went away. I assure you, you may come hither very
safely, and be in no danger from mirth. Laughing is as much out
of fashion as pantins or bilboquets. Good folks, they have no
time to laugh. There is God and the King to be pulled down
first; and men and women, one and all, are devoutly employed in
the demolition. They think me quite profane, for having any
belief left. But this is not my only crime - I have told them,
and am undone by it, that they have taken from us to admire the
two dullest things we had, whisk and Richardson. It is very
true, and they -want nothing but George Grenville to make their
conversations, or rather dissertations, the most tiresome upon
earth. For Lord Lyttelton, if he would come hither, and turn
freethinker once more, he would be reckoned the most -,agreeable
man in France--next to Mr. Hume, who is the only thing in the
world that they believe implicitly; which they must do, for I
defy them to understand any language that he speaks.