Books: The Letters of Horace Walpole Volume 3

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You will smile when I tell you that t'other day a party went to
Westminster Abbey, and among the rest saw the ragged regiment.
They inquired the names of the figures. "I don't know them," said
the man, "but if Mr. Walpole was here he could tell you every
one." Adieu! I expect Mr. John and you with impatience.

(163) This piece, founded on Fontaine's "Trois Souhaits," was
written in imitation of the Italian comedy; Harlequin, Pantaloon,
Columbine, etc. being introduced into it as speaking characters.
"Many parts of it," says the Biographia Dramatica, "exhibit very
just satire and solid sense, and give evident testimony of the
author's learning, knowledge, understanding, and critical
judgment; yet the deficiency of incident which appears in it, as
well as of that lively kind of wit which is one of the essentials
of perfect comedy, seem, in great measure, to justify that
coldness with which the piece was received by the town."-E.

Letter 79 To George Montagu, Esq.
Strawberry Hill, July 5, 1761. (page 130)

You are a pretty sort of a person to come to one's house and get
sick, only to have an excuse for not returning to it. Your
departure is so abrupt, that I don't know but I may expect to
find that Mrs. Jane Truebridge, whom you commend so much, and
call Mrs. Mary, will prove Mrs. Hannah. Mrs. Clive is still more
disappointed: she had proposed to play at quadrille with you from
dinner till supper, and to sing old Purcell to you from supper to
breakfast next morning.(164) If you cannot trust yourself from
Greatworth for a whole fortnight, how will you do in Ireland for
six months? Remember all my preachments, and never be in spirits
at supper. Seriously I am sorry you are out of order, but am
alarmed for you at Dublin, and though all the bench of bishops
should quaver Purcell's hymns, don't let them warble you into a
pint of wine. I wish you were going among catholic prelates, who
would deny you the cup. Think of me and resist temptation.
Adieu!

(164) Dr. Burney tells us, that Mrs. Clive's singing, "which was
intolerable when she meant to be fine, in ballad-farces and songs
of humour, was, like her comic acting, every thing it should
be."-E.

Letter 80 To The Earl Of Strafford.
Strawberry Hill, July 5, 1761. (page 130)

My dear lord,
I cannot live at Twickenham and not think of you: I have long
wanted to write, and had nothing to tell you. My Lady D. seems
to have lost her sting; she has neither blown up a house nor a
quarrel since you departed. Her wall, contiguous to you, is
built, but so precipitate and slanting that it seems hurrying to
take water. I hear she grows sick of her undertakings. We have
been ruined by deluges; all the country was under water. Lord
Holderness's new foss`e(165) was beaten in for several yards -
this tempest was a little beyond the dew of Hermon, that fell on
the Hill of Sion. I have been in still more danger by water: my
parroquet was on my shoulder as I was feeding my gold-fish, and
flew into the middle of the pond: I was very near being the
Nouvelle Eloise, and tumbling in after him; but with much ado I
ferried him out with my hat.

Lord Edgecumbe has had a fit of apoplexy; your brother
Charles(166) a bad return of his old complaint; and Lord Melcombe
has tumbled down the kitchen stairs, and--waked himself.

London is a desert; no soul in it but the king. Bussy has taken
a temporary house. The world talks of peace-would I could
believe it! every newspaper frightens me: Mr. Conway would be
very angry if he knew how I dread the very name of the Prince de
Soubise.

We begin to perceive the tower of Kew(167) from Montpellier in a
fortnight you will see it in Yorkshire.

The Apostle Whitfield is come to some shame: he went to Lady
Huntingdon lately, and asked for forty pounds for some distressed
saint or other. She said she had not so much money in the house,
but would give it him the first time she had. He was very
pressing, but in vain. At last he said, "There's your watch and
trinkets, you don't want such vanities; I will have that." She
would have put him off- but he persisting, she said, "Well, if
you must have it, you must." About a fortnight afterwards, going
to his house, and being carried into his wife's chamber, among
the paraphernalia of the latter the Countess found her own
offering. This has made a terrible schism: she tells the story
herself--I had not it from Saint Frances,(168) but I hope it is
true. Adieu, my dear lord!

P. S. My gallery sends its humble duty to your new front, and all
my creatures beg their respects to my lady.

(165) At Sion-hill, near Brentford.

(166) Charles Townshend, married to Lady Greenwich, eldest sister
to Lady Strafford.

(167) The pagoda in the royal garden at Kew.

(168) Lady Frances Shirley.

Letter 81 To The Hon. H. S. Conway.
Arlington Street, July 14, 1761. (page 131)

My dearest Harry,
How could you write me such a cold letter as I have just received
from you, and beginning Dear sir! Can you be angry with me, for
can I be in fault to you? Blamable in ten thousand other
respects, may not I almost say I am perfect with regard to you'?
Since I was fifteen have I not loved you unalterably? Since I
was capable of knowing your merit, has not my admiration been
veneration? For what could so much affection and esteem change?
Have not your honour, your interest, your safety been ever my
first objects? Oh, Harry! if you knew what I have felt and am
feeling about you, would you charge me with neglect? If I have
seen a person since you went, to whom my first question has not
been, "What do you hear of the peace?" you would have reason to
blame me. You say I write very seldom: I will tell you what, I
should almost be sorry to have you see the anxiety I have
expressed about you in letters to every body else. No; I must
except Lady Ailesbury, and there is not another on earth who
loves you so well, and is so attentive to whatever relates to
you.

With regard to writing, this is exactly the case.- I had nothing
to tell you; nothing has happened; and where you are I was
cautious of writing. Having neither hopes nor fears, I always
write the thoughts of the moment, and even laugh to divert the
person I am writing to, without any ill will on the subjects I
mention. But in your situation that frankness might be
prejudicial to you: and to write grave unmeaning letters, I
trusted you was too secure of' me either to like them or desire
them. I knew no news, nor could: I have lived quite alone at
Strawberry; am connected with no court, ministers, or party;
consequently heard nothing, and events there have been none. I
have not even for this month heard my Lady Townshend's extempore
gazette. All the morning I play with my workmen or animals, go
regularly every evening to the meadows with Mrs. Clive, or sit
with my Lady Suffolk, and at night scribble my Painters-What a
journal to send you! I write more trifling letters than any man
living; am ashamed of them, and yet they are expected of me.
You, my Lady Ailesbury, your brother, Sir Horace Mann, George
Montagu, Lord Strafford-all expect I should write--Of what? I
live less and less in the world, care for it less and less, and
yet am thus obliged to inquire what it is doing. Do make these
allowances for me, and remember half your letters go to my Lady
Ailesbury. I writ to her of the King's marriage, concluding she
would send it to you: tiresome as it would be, I will copy my own
letters, if you it; for I will do any thing rather than disoblige
you. I will send you a diary of the Duke of York's balls and
Ranelaghs, inform you of how many children my Lady Berkeley is
with child, and how many races my nephew goes to. No; I will
not, you do not want such proofs of my friendship.

The papers tell us you are retiring, and I was glad? You seem to
expect an action--Can this give me spirits? Can I write to you
joyfully, and fear? Or is it fit Prince Ferdinand should know
you have a friend that is as great a coward about you as your
wife? The only reason for my silence that can not be true, is,
that I forget you. When I am prudent or cautious, it is no
symptom of my being indifferent. Indifference does not happen in
friendships, as it does in passions; and if I was young enough,
or feeble enough to cease to love you, I would not for my own
sake let it be known. Your virtues are my greatest pride; I have
done myself so much honour by them, that I will not let it be
known you have been peevish with me unreasonably. Pray God we
may have peace, that I may scold you for it!

The King's marriage was kept the profoundest secret till last
Wednesday, when the privy council was extraordinarily summoned,
and it was notified to them. Since that, the new Queen's mother
is dead, and will delay it a few days; but Lord Harcourt is to
sail on the 27th, and the coronation will certainly be on the 22d
of September. All that I know fixed is, Lord Harcourt master of
the horse, the Duke of Manchester chamberlain, and Mr. Stone
treasurer. Lists there are in abundance; I don't know the
authentic: those most talked of, are Lady Bute groom of the
stole, the Duchesses of Hamilton and Ancaster, Lady
Northumberland, Bolingbroke, Weymouth, Scarborough, Abergavenny,
Effingham, for ladies; you may choose any six of them you please;
the four first are most probable. Misses Henry Beauclerc, M.
Howe, Meadows, Wrottesley, Bishop, etc. etc. Choose your maids
too. Bedchainber women, Mrs. Bloodworth, Robert Brudenel,
Charlotte Dives, Lady Erskine; in short, I repeat a mere
newspaper.

We expect the final answer of France this week. Bussy(169) was
in great pain on the fireworks for quebec, lest he should be
obliged to illuminate his house: you see I ransack my memory for
something to tell you.

Adieu! I have more reason to be angry than you had; but I am not
so hasty: you are of a violent, impetuous, jealous temper--I,
cool, sedate, reasonable. I believe I must subscribe my name, or
you will not know me by this description.

(169) The Abb`e de Bussy, sent here with overtures of peace. Mr.
Stanley was at the same time sent to Paris.

Letter 82 To George Montagu, Esq.
Strawberry Hill, Friday night, July 16, 1761. (page 133)

I did not notify the King's marriage to you yesterday, because I
knew you would learn as much by the evening post as I could tell
you. The solemn manner of summoning the council was very
extraordinary: people little imagined, that the urgent and
important business in the rescript was to acquaint them that his
Majesty was going to * * * * * * * *. All I can tell you of
truth is, that Lord Harcourt goes to fetch the Princess, and
comes back her master of the horse. She is to be here in August,
and the coronation certainly on the 22d of September. Think of
the joy the women feel; there is not a Scotch peer in the fleet
that might not marry the greatest fortune in England between this
and the 22d of September. However, the ceremony will lose its
two brightest luminaries, my niece Waldegrave for beauty, and the
Duchess of Grafton for figure. The first will be lying-in, the
latter at Geneva; but I think she will come, if she walks to It
as well as at it. I cannot recollect but Lady Kildare and Lady
Pembroke of great beauties. Mrs. Bloodworth and Mrs. Robert
Brudenel, bedchamber women, Miss Wrottesley and Miss Meadows,
maids of honour, go to receive the Princess at Helvoet; what lady
I do not hear. Your cousin's Grace of Manchester, they say, is
to be chamberlain, and Mr. Stone, treasurer; the Duchess of
Ancaster and Lady Bolingbroke of her bedchamber: these I do not
know are certain, but hitherto all seems well chosen. Miss Molly
Howe, one of the pretty Bishops, and a daughter of Lady Harry
Beauclerc, are talked of for maids of honour. The great
apartment at St. James's is enlarging, and to be furnished with
the pictures from Kensington : this does not portend a new
palace.

In the midst of all this novelty and hurry, my mind is very
differently employed. They expect every minute the news of a
battle between Soubise and the hereditary Prince. Mr. Conway, I
believe, is in the latter army; judge if I can be thinking much
of espousals and coronations! It is terrible to be forced to sit
still, expecting such an event; in one's own room one is not
obliged to be a hero; consequently, I tremble for one that is
really a hero.

Mr. Hamilton, your secretary, has been to see me to-day; I am
quite ashamed not to have prevented him. I will go to-morrow
with all the speeches I can muster.

I am sorry neither you nor your brother are quite well, but shall
be content if my Pythagorean sermons have any weight with you.
You go to Ireland to make the rest of your life happy; don't go
to fling the rest of it away. Good night!

Mr. Chute is gone to his Chutehood.

Letter 83 To The Countess Of Ailesbury.
Strawberry Hill, July 20, 1761. (page 134)

I blush, dear Madam, on observing that half my letters to your
ladyship are prefaced with thanks for presents:-don't mistake; I
am not ashamed of thanking you, but of having so many occasions
for it. Monsieur Hop has sent me the piece of china: I admire it
as much as possible, and intend to like him as much as ever I can
but hitherto I have not seen him, not having been in town since
he arrived.

Could I have believed that the Hague would so easily compensate
for England? nay, for Park-place! Adieu, all our agreeable
suppers! Instead of Lady Cecilia's(170) French songs, we shall
have Madame Welderen(171) quavering a confusion of d's and t's,
b's and p's--Bourquoi s`cais du blaire?(172)--Worse than that, I
expect to meet all my relations at your house, and Sir Samson
Gideon instead of Charles Townshend. You will laugh like Mrs.
Tipkin(173) when a Dutch Jew tells you that he bought at two and
a half per cent. and sold at four. Come back, if you have any
taste left: you had better be here talking robes, ermine, and
tissue, Jewels and tresses, as all the world does, than own you
are corrupted. Did you receive my notification of the new Queen?
Her mother is dead, and she will not be here before the end of
August.

My mind is much more at peace about Mr. Conway than it was.
Nobody thinks there will be a battle, as the French did not
attack them when both armies shifted camps; and since that,
Soubise has entrenched himself up to the whiskers:--whiskers I
think he has, I have been so afraid of him! Yet our hopes of
meeting are still very distant: the peace does not advance; and
if Europe has a stiuer left in its pockets, the war will
continue; though happily all parties have been so scratched, that
they only sit and look anger at one another, like a dog and cat
that don't care to begin again.

We are in danger of losing our sociable box at the Opera. The
new Queen is very musical, and if Mr. Deputy Hodges and the city
don't exert their veto, will probably go to the Haymarket.
George Pitt, in imitation of the Adonises in Tanzai's retinue,
has asked to be her Majesty's grand harper. Dieu s`cait quelle
raclerie il y aura! All the guitars are untuned; and if Miss
Conway has a mind to be in fashion at her return, she must take
some David or other to teach her the new twing twang, twing twing
twang. As I am still desirous of being in fashion with your
ladyship, and am, over and above, very grateful, I keep no
company but my Lady Denbigh and Lady Blandford, and learn every
evening, for two hours, to mask my English. Already I am
tolerably fluent in saying she for he.(174)

Good night, Madam! I have no news to send you: one cannot
announce a royal wedding and a coronation every post.

P. S. Pray, Madam, do the gnats bite your legs? Mine are swelled
as big as one, which is saying a deal for me.

July 22.

I HAD writ this, and was not time enough for the mail, when I
receive your charming note, and this magnificent victory!(175)
Oh! my dear Madam, how I thank you, how I congratulate you, how I
feel for you, how I have felt for you and for myself! But I
bought it by two terrible hours to-day--I heard of the battle two
hours before I could learn a word of Mr. Conway--I sent all round
the world, and went half around it myself. I have cried and
laughed, trembled and danced, as you bid me. If you had sent me
as much old china as King Augustus gave two regiments for, I
should not be half so much obliged to you as for your note. How
could you think of me, when you had so much reason to think of
nothing but yourself?--And then they say virtue is not rewarded
in this world. I will preach at Paul's Cross, and quote you and
Mr. Conway; no two persons were ever so good and happy. In
short, I am serious in the height of all my joy. God is very
good to you, my dear Madam; I thank him for you; I thank him for
myself: it is very unalloyed pleasure we taste at this moment!-
-Good night! My heart is so expanded, I could write to the last
scrap of my paper; but I won't. Yours most entirely.

(170) Lady Cecilia West, daughter of John Earl of Delawar,
afterwards married to General James Johnston.

(171) Wife of the Count de Welderen, one of the lords of the
States of Holland.-E.

(172) The first words of a favourite French air, with Madame
Welderen's confusion of p's, t's' etc.

(173) A character in Steele's comedy of The Tender Husband, or
the Accomplished Fools brought out at Drury-lane in 1709.-E.

(174) A mistake which these ladies, who were both Dutch women,
constantly made.

(175) The battle of Kirckdenckirck, on the 15th and 16th of July,
in which the allied army, under Prince Ferdinand, gained a great
victory over the French, under the Prince of Soubise.-E.

Letter 84 To The Earl Of Strafford.
Strawberry Hill, July 22, 1761. (page 136)

My dear lord,
I love to be able to contribute to your satisfaction, and I think
few things would make you happier than to hear that we have
totally defeated the French combined armies, and that Mr. Conway
is safe. The account came this morning: I had a short note from
my poor Lady Ailesbury, who was waked with the good news before
she had heard there had been a battle. I don't pretend to send
you circumstances, no more than I do of the wedding and
coronation, because you have relations and friends in town nearer
and better informed. indeed, only the blossom of victory is come
yet. Fitzroy is expected, and another fuller courier after him.
Lord Granby, to the mob's heart's content, has the chief honour
of the day--rather, of the two days. The French behaved to the
mob's content too, that is, shamefully: and all this glory
cheaply bought on our side. Lieutenant-colonel Keith killed, and
Colonel Marlay and Harry Townshend wounded. If it produces a
peace, I shall be happy for mankind--if not, shall content myself
with the single but pure joy of Mr. Conway's being safe.

Well! my lord, when do you come? You don't like the question, but
kings will be married and must be crowned-and if people will be
earls, they must now and then give up castles and new fronts for
processions and ermine. By the way, the number of peeresses that
propose to excuse themselves makes great noise; especially as so
many are breeding, or trying to breed, by commoners, that they
cannot walk. I hear that my Lord Delawar, concluding all women
would not dislike the ceremony, is negotiating his peerage in the
city, and trying if any great fortune will give fifty thousand
pounds for one day, as they often do for one night. I saw Miss
this evening at my Lady Suffolk's, and fancy she does not think
my Lord quite so ugly as she did two months ago. Adieu, my lord!
This is a splendid year!

Letter 85 To George Montagu, Esq.
Strawberry Hill, July 22, 1761. (page 136)

For my part, I believe Mademoiselle Scuderi drew the plan of this
year. It is all royal marriages, coronations, and victories;
they come tumbling so over one another from distant parts of the
globe, that it looks just like the handywork of a lady romance
writer, whom it costs nothing but a little false geography to
make the Great Mogul in love with a Princess of Mecklenburg, and
defeat two marshals of France as he rides post on an elephant to
his nuptials. I don't know where I am. I had scarce found
Mecklenburg Strelitz(176) with a magnifying-glass before I am
whisked to Pondicherri(177)--well, I take it, and raze it. I
begin to grow acquainted with Colonel Coote, and to figure him
packing up chests and diamonds, and sending them to his wife
against the King's wedding--thunder go the Tower guns, and
behold, Broglio and Soubise are totally defeated; if the mob have
not much stronger heads and quicker conceptions than I have, they
-will conclude my Lord Granby is become nabob. How the deuce in
two days can one digest all this? Why is not Pondicherri in
Westphalia? I don't know how the Romans did, but I cannot
support two victories every week. Well, but you will want to
know the particulars. Broglio and Soubise united, attacked our
army on the 15th, but were repulsed; the next day, the Prince
Mahomet Alli d Cawn--no, no, I mean Prince Ferdinand, returned
the attack, and the French threw down their arms and fled, run
over my Lord Harcourt, who was going to fetch the new Queen; in
short, I don't know how it was, but Mr. Conway is safe, and I am
as happy as Mr. Pitt himself. We have only lost a
Lieutenant-colonel Keith; Colonel Marlay and Harry Townshend are
wounded.

I could beat myself for not having a flag ready to display on my
round tower, and guns mounted on all m@battlements. Instead of
that, I have been foolishly trying on My new pictures upon my
gallery. However, the oratory of our Lady of Strawberry shall be
dedicated next year on the anniversary of Mr. Conway's safety.
Think with his intrepidity, and delicacy of honour wounded, what
I had to apprehend; you shall absolutely be here on the sixteenth
of next July. Mr. Hamilton tells me your King does not set out
for his new dominions till the day after the coronation; if you
will come to it, I can give you a very good place for the
procession; which is a profound secret, because, if known, I
should be teased to death, and none but my first friends shall be
admitted. I dined with your secretary yesterday; there were
Garrick and a young Mr. Burke, who wrote a book in
the style of Lord Bolingbroke, that was much admired.(178) He is
a sensible man, but has not worn off his authorism yet, and
thinks there is nothing so charming as writers, and to be one.
He will know better one of these days. I like Hamilton's little
Marly; we walked in the great all`ee, and drank tea in the arbour
of treillage; they talked of Shakspeare and Booth, of Swift and
my Lord Bath, and I was thinking of Madame S`evign`e,-. Good
night! I have a dozen other letters to write; I must tell my
friends how happy I am--not as an Englishman, but as a cousin.

(176) The King had just announced his intention of demanding in
marriage the Princess Charlotte of Mecklenburg Strelitz.-E.

(177) the news of the capture of Pondicherry had only arrived on
the preceding day.-E.

(178) Mr. Burke's "Vindication of Natural Society," in imitation
of Lord Bolingbroke's style, which came out in the spring of
1756, was his first avowed production.-E.

Letter 86 To The Hon. H. S. Conway.
Strawberry Hill, July 23, 1761. (page 138)

Well, mon beau cousin! you may be as cross as you please now.
when you beat two Marshals of France and cut their armies to
pieces, I don't mind your pouting; but in good truth, it was a
little vexatious to have you quarrelling with me, when I was in
greater pain about you than I can express. I Will Say no more;
make a peace, under the walls of Paris if you please, and I will
forgive you all--but no more battles: consider, as Dr. Hay said,
it is cowardly to beat the French now.

Don't look upon yourselves as the only conquerors in the world.
Pondicherri is ours, as well as the field of KirkDenckirk. The
park guns never have time to cool; we ruin ourselves in gunpowder
and skyrockets. If you have a mind to do the gallantest thing in
the world after the greatest, you must escort the Princess of
Mecklenburgh through France. You see what a bully I am; the
moment the French run away, I am sending you on expeditions. I
forgot to tell you that the King has got the isle of Dominique
and the chickenpox, two trifles that don't count in the midst of
all these festivities. No more does your letter of the 8th,
which I received yesterday: it is the one that is to come after
the 16th, that I shall receive graciously.

Friday 24th.

Not satisfied with the rays of glory that reached Twickenham, I
came to town to bask in your success; but am most disagreeably
disappointed to find you must beat the French once more, who seem
to love to treat the English mob with subjects for bonfires. I
had got over such an alarm, that I foolishly ran into the other
extreme, and concluded there was not a French battalion left
entire upon the face of Germany. Do write to me; don't be out of
humour, but tell me every motion you make: I assure you I have
deserved you should. Would you were out of the question, if it
were only that I might feel a little humanity! There is not a
blacksmith or linkboy in London that exults more than I do, upon
any good news, since you went abroad. What have I to do to hate
people I never saw, and to rejoice in their calamities? Heaven
send us peace, and you home! Adieu!