Books: Letters of Horace Walpole, V4

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P. S. Mr. Essex has shown me a charming drawing, from a
charming round window at Lincoln. It has revived all my
eagerness to have him continue his plan.

(93) Richard Gough, Esq., author of the British Topography, and
the Sepulchral Monuments of Great Britain; and editor of
Camden's Britannia. This learned antiquary was born in 1735,
and died in the year 1809-E.

(94) A second edition had just appeared of "Letters by several
eminent Persons deceased; including the Correspondence of John
Hughes, Esq, and several of His Friends."-E.

(95) The author of the New Bath Guide. See vol. iii., letter
307 to George Montagu, Esq., June 20 1766.-E.

(96) See ante, letter 54, P. 80.-E.

Letter 57 To The Rev. Mr. Cole.
Arlington Street, May 4, 1773. (page 82)

I should not have hurried to answer your letter, dear Sir, the
moment I receive it, but to send you another ticket(97) for
your sister, in case she should not have recovered the other;
and I think you said she was to stay but a fortnight in town.
I would have sent it to her, had I known whither: and I have
made it for five persons, in case she should have a mind to
carry so many.

I am sorry for the young engraver; but I can by no means meddle
with his going abroad, without the father's consent. it would
be very wrong, and would hurt the young man essentially, if the
father has any thing to leave. , In any case, I certainly would
not be accessory to sending away the son against the father's
will. The father is an impertinent fool--but that you
and I cannot help.

Pray be not uneasy about Gertrude More: I shall get the
original or, at least, a copy. Tell me how I shall Send you
martagons by the safest conveyance, or any thing else you want.
I am always in your debt; and the apostle-spoon will make the
debtor side in my book of gratitude run over.

Your public orator has done me too much honour by far--
especially as he named me with my father,(98) to whom I am so
infinitely inferior, both in parts and virtues. Though I have
been abused undeservedly, I feel I have more title to censure
than praise, and -will subscribe to the former sooner than to
the latter. Would not it be prudent to look upon the encomium
as a funeral oration, and consider Myself as dead? I have
always dreaded outliving myself, and writing after what small
talents I have should be decayed. Except the last volume of
the Anecdotes of Painting, which has been finished and printed
so long, and which, appear when they may, will still come too
late for many reasons. I am disposed never to publish any more
of my own self; but I do not say so positively, lest my
breaking my intention should be but another folly. The gout
has, however, made me so indolent and inactive, that if my head
does not inform me how old I grow, at least my mind and my feet
will--and can one have too many monitors of one's weakness!

I am sorry you think yourself so much inconvenienced by
stirring from home. ' This is an incommodity by which your
friends will suffer more than yourself, and nobody more,
sensibly than yours, etc.

(97) Of admission to Strawberry.

(98) On presenting a relation of Mr. Walpole's to the
Vice-chancellor for his honorary degree.

Letter 58 To The Rev. Mr. Cole.
Arlington Street, May 29, 1773. (page 83)

Dear Sir,
I have been so much taken up of late with poor Lord Orford's
affairs, I have not had, and scarce have now, time to write you
a line, and thank you for all your kindnesses, information, and
apostle -spoon. I have not Newcomb's Repertorium, and shall be
obliged to you for the transcript; not as doubting, but to
confirm what Heaven, King Edward I., and the Bishop of the
Tartars have deposed in favour of Malibrunus, the Jew painter's
abilities. I should sooner have suspected that Mr. Masters
would have produced such witnesses to condemn Richard III. The
note relating to Lady Boteler does not relate to her marriage.

I send you two martagon roots, and some jonquils; and have
added some prints, two enamelled Pictures, and three medals.
One of Oliver, by Simon; a fine one of Pope Clement X., and a
scarce one of Archbishop Sancroft and the Seven Bishops. I
hope the two latter will atone for the first. As I shall never
be out of your debt, pray draw on me for any more other roots,
or any thing that will be agreeable to you, and excuse me at
present.

Letter 59 To Dr. Berkenhout.(99)
July 6, 1773, (page 84)

Sir,
I am so much engaged in private business at present, that I
have not had time to thank you for the favour of your letter:
nor can I now answer it to your satisfaction. My life has been
too insignificant to afford materials interesting to the
public. In general, the lives of mere authors are dry and
unentertaining; nor, though I -have been one occasionally, are
my writings of a class or merit to entitle me to any
distinction. I can as little furnish you, Sir, with a list of
them or their dates, which would give me more trouble to make
out than is worth while. If I have any merit with the public,
it is for printing and preserving some valuable works of
others; and if ever you write the lives of printers, I may be
enrolled in the number. My own works, I suppose, are dead and
buried; but, as I am not impatient to be interred with them, I
hope you will leave that office to the parson of the parish,
and I shall be, as long as I live, yours, etc.

(99) Dr. John Berkenhout had been a captain both in the English
and Prussian service, and in 1765 took his degree of MD. at
Leyden. his application to Walpole was for the purpose of
procuring materials for a life of him In his forthcoming work,
"Biographia Literaria, or a Biographical History of Literature;
containing the Lives of English, Irish, and Scottish Authors,
from the dawn of Letters in these Kingdoms to the present
Time." The first volume, which treats of those writers who
lived from the beginning of the fifth to the end of the sixth
century, and which is the only one ever published, appeared in
1777. He died in 1791-E.

Letter 60 To The Hon. H. S. Conway.
Arlington Street, Aug. 30, 1773. (page 84)

I returned last night from Houghton,(100) where multiplicity of
business detained me four days longer than I intended, and
where I found a scene infinitely more mortifying than I
expected; though I certainly did not go with a prospect of
finding a land flowing with milk and honey. Except the
pictures, which are in the finest preservation, and the woods,
which are become forests, all the rest is ruin, desolation,
confusion, disorder, debts, mortgages, sales, pillage, villany,
waste, folly, and madness. I do not believe that five thousand
pounds would put the house and buildings into good repair. The
nettles and brambles in the park are up to your shoulders;
horses have been turned into the garden, and banditti lodged in
every cottage. The perpetuity of livings that come up to the
park-pales have been sold--and every farm let for half its
value. In short, you know how much family pride I have, and
consequently may judge how much I have been mortified! Nor do I
tell you half, or near the worst circumstances. I have just
stopped the torrent-and that is all. I am very uncertain
whether I must not fling up the trust; and some of the
difficulties in my way seem unsurmountable, and too dangerous
not to alarm even my zeal; since I must not ruin myself, and
hurt those for whom I must feel, too, only to restore a family
that will end with myself, and to retrieve an estate' from
which I am not likely ever to receive the least advantage.

if you will settle with the Churchills your journey to
Chalfont, and will let me know the day, I will endeavour to
meet you there; I hope it Will not be till next week. I am
overwhelmed with business--but, indeed, I know not when I shall
be otherwise! I wish you joy of this endless summer.

(100) Whither he had gone during the mental alienation of his
nephew, George Earl of Orford, to endeavour to settle and
arrange his affairs.

Letter 61 To The Earl Of Strafford.
Strawberry Hill, Sept. 24, 1773. (page 85)

The multiplicity of business which I found chalked out to me by
my journey to Houghton, has engaged me so much, my dear lord,
and the unpleasant scene opened to me there struck me so
deeply, that I have neither had time nor cheerfulness enough to
flatter myself I could amuse my friends by my letters. Except
the pictures, I found every thing worse than I expected, and
the prospect almost too bad to give me courage to pursue what I
am doing. I am totally ignorant of most of the branches of
business that are fallen to my lot, and not young enough to
learn any new business well. All I can hope is to clear the
worst part of the way; for, in undertaking to retrieve an
estate, the beginning is certainly the most difficult of the
work--it is fathoming a chaos. But I will not unfold a
confusion to your lordship which your good sense will always
keep You from experiencing --very unfashionably; for the first
geniuses of the age hold, that the best method of governing the
world is to throw it into disorder. The experiment is not yet
complete, as the rearrangement is still to come.

I am very seriously glad of the birth of your nephew,(101)
my lord; I am going this evening with my gratulations'; but
have been so much absent and so hurried, that I have not yet
had the pleasure of seeing

Lady Anne,(102) though I have called twice. To Gunnersbury I
have no summons this summer: I receive such honours, or the
want of them, with proper respect. Lady Mary Coke, I fear, is
in chace of a Dulcineus that she will never meet. When the
ardour of peregrination is a little abated, will not she
probably give in to a more comfortable pursuit; and, like a
print I have seen of -the blessed martyr Charles the First,
abandon the hunt of a corruptible for that of an incorruptible
crown? There is another beatific print just published in that
style: it is of Lady Huntingdon. With much pompous humility,
she looks like an old basket-woman trampling on her coronet at
the mouth of a cavern.-Poor Whitfield! if he was forced to do
the honours of the spelunca!--Saint Fanny Shirley is nearer
consecration. I was told two days ago that she had written a
letter to Lady Selina that was not intelligible. Her grace of
Kingston's glory approaches to consummation in a more worldly
style. The Duke(103) is dying, and has given her the whole
estate, seventeen thousand a-year. I am told she has already
notified the contents of the will, and made offers of the sale
of Thoresby. Pious matrons have various ways of expressing
decency.

Your lordship's new bow-window thrives. I do not want it to
remind me of its master and mistress, to whom I am ever the
most devoted humble servant.

(101) A son of John Earl of Buckingham, who died young.

(102) Lady Anne Conolly.

(103) The Duke of Kingston died on the 22d of September, when
all his honours became extinct.-E.

Letter 62 To The Earl Of Strafford.
Arlington Street, Nov. 15, 1773. (page 86)

I am very sorry, my dear lord, that you are coming towards us
so slowly and unwillingly. I cannot quite wonder at the
latter. The world is an old acquaintance that does not improve
upon one's hands: however, one must not give way to the
disgusts it creates. My maxim, and practice, too, is to laugh,
because I do not like to cry. I could shed a pailfull of tears
over all I have seen and learnt Since my poor nephew's
misfortune-the more one has to do with men the worse one finds
them But can one mend them? No. Shall we shut ourselves up
from them? No. We should grow humourists-and of all animals an
Englishman is least made to live alone. For my part, I am
conscious of so many faults, that I think I grow better the
more bad I see in my neighbours; and there are so many I would
not resemble, that it makes me watchful over myself You, my
lord, who have forty more good qualities than I have, should
not seclude yourself. I do not wonder you despise knaves and
fools: but remember, they want better examples; they will never
grow ashamed by conversing with one another.

I came to settle here on Friday, being drowned out of
Twickenham. I find the town desolate, and no news in it, but
that the ministry give up the Irish -tax-some say, because it
will not pass in Ireland; others, because the city of London
would have petitioned against it; and some, because there were
factions in the council-- which is not the most incredible of
all. I am glad, for the sake of some of my friends who would
have suffered by it, that it is over.(104) In other respects, I
have too much private business of my own to think about the
public, which is big enough to take care of itself.

I have heard some of Lady Mary Coke's mortifications. I have
regard and esteem for her good qualities, which are many; but I
doubt her genius will never suffer her to be quite happy. As
she will not take the psalmist's advice of not putting trust, I
am sure she would not follow mine; for, with all her piety,
King David is the only royal person she will not listen to, and
therefore I forbear my sweet counsel. When she and Lord
Huntingdon meet, will not they put you in mind of Count-Gage
and Lady Mary Herbert, who met in the mines of Asturias, after
they had failed of the crown of Poland?(105) Adieu, my dear
lord! Come you and my lady among us. You have some friends
that are not odious, and who will be rejoiced to see you both-
-witness, for one, yours most faithfully.

(104) A tax upon absentees. Mr. Hardy, in his Memoirs of Lord
Charlemont, says, that the influence of the Whig leaders
predominated so far as to oblige the ministers to relinquish
the measure.-E.

(105) "The crown of Poland, venal twice an age,
To just three millions stint;ed modest Gage."

Pope in a note to the above couplet, states that Mr. Gage and
Lady Mary Herbert, " each of them, in the Mississippi scheme,
despised to realize above three hundred thousand pounds: the
gentleman with a view to the purchase of the crown of Poland,
the lady on a vision of the like royal nature: they have since
retired into Spain, where they are still in search of gold, in
the mines of the Asturias."-E.

Letter 63 To Lady Mary Coke.(106)
((page 87)

Your ladyship's illustrious exploits are the constant theme of
my meditations. Your expeditions are so rapid, and to such
distant regions, that I cannot help thinking you are possessed
of the giant's boots that stepped seven leagues at a stride, as
we are assured by that accurate historian Mother Goose. You
are, I know, Madam', an excellent walker, yet methinks seven
leagues at once are a prodigious straddle for a fair lady. But
whatever is your manner of travelling, few heroines ancient or
modern can be compared to you for length of journeys.
Thalestris, Queen of the Amazons, and M. M. or N. N. Queen of
Sheba, went each of them the Lord knows how far to meet
Alexander the Great and Solomon the Wise; the one to beg the
favour of having a daughter (I suppose) and heiress by him; and
the other, says scandal, to grant a like favour to the Hebrew
monarch. Your ladyship, who has more real Amazonian
principles, never makes visits but to empresses, queens, and
princesses; and your country is enriched with the maxims of
wisdom and virtue which you collect in your travels. For such
great ends did Herodotus, Pythagoras, and other sages, make
voyages to Egypt, and every distant kingdom; and it is amazing
how much their own countries were benefited by what those
philosophers learned in their peregrinations. Were it not that
your ladyship is actuated by such public spirit, I could Put
YOU in mind, Madam, of an old story that might save you a great
deal of fatigue and danger-and now I think of it, as I have
nothing better to fill my letter with, I will relate it to you.

Pyrrhus, the martial and magnanimous King of Epirus (as my Lord
Lyttelton would call him), being, as I have heard or seen
Goodman Plutarch say, intent on his preparations for invading
Italy, Cineas, one of the grooms of his bedchamber, took the
liberty of asking his majesty what benefit he expected to reap
if he should be successful in conquering the Romans?--Jesus!
said the King, peevishly; why the question answers itself.
When we have overcome the Romans, no province, no town, whether
Greek or barbarian, will be able to resist us: we shall at once
be masters of all Italy. Cineas after a short pause replied,
And having subdued Italy, what shall we do next?--Do next?
answered Pyrrhus; why, seize Sicily. Very likely, quoth
Cineas: but will that put an end to the war?-The gods forbid!
cried his Majesty: when Sicily is reduced, Libya and Carthage
will be within our reach. And then, without giving Cineas time
to put in a word, the heroic Prince ran over Africa, Greece,
Asia, Persia, and every other country he had ever heard of upon
the face of God's earth; not one of which he intended should
escape his victorious sword. At last, when he was at the end
of his geography, and a little out of breath, Cineas watched
his opportunity, and said quietly, Well, Sire, and when we have
conquered all the world, what are we to do then?--Why, then,
said his Majesty, extremely satisfied with his own prowess, we
will live at our ease; we: Will spend whole days in banqueting
and carousing, and will think of nothing but our pleasures.

Now, Madam, for the application. Had I had the honour a few
years ago of being your confidential abigail, when you
meditated a visit to Princess Esterhazi, I would have ventured
to ask your ladyship of what advantage her acquaintance would
be to you? Probably you would have told me, that she would
introduce you to several electresses and margravines, whose
courts you would visit. That having conquered all their
hearts, as I am persuaded you would, your next jaunt would be
to Hesse; from whence it would be but a trip to Aix, where
Madame de Rochouart lives. Soaring from thence you Would
repair to the Imperial court at Vienna, where resides the most
august, most virtuous, and most plump of empresses and queens-
-no, I mistake--I should only have said, of empresses; for her
Majesty of Denmark, God bless her! is reported to be full as
virtuous, and three stone heavier. Shall not you call at
Copenhagen, Madam? If you do, you are next door to the
Czarina, who is the quintessence of friendship, as the Princess
Daskioff says, whom, next to the late Czar, her Muscovite
Majesty loves above all the world. Asia, I suppose, would not
enter into your ladyship's system Of conquest; for, though it
contains a sight of queens and sultanas, the poor ladies are
locked up in abominable places, into which I am sure your
ladyship's amity would never carry you--I think they call them
seraglios. Africa has nothing but empresses stark-naked; and
of complexions directly the reverse of your alabaster They do
not reign in their own right; and what is worse, the emperors
of those barbarous regions wear no more robes than the
sovereigns of their hearts. And what are princes and
princesses without velvet and ermine? As I am not a jot a
better geographer than King Pyrrhus, I can at present recollect
but one lady more who reigns alone, and that is her Majesty of
Otaheite, lately discovered by Mr. Bankes and Dr. Solander; and
for whom, your ladyship's compassionate breast must feel the
tenderest emotions,' she having been cruelly deprived of her
faithful minister and lover Tobiu, since dead at Batavia.

Well,'Madam, after you should have given me the plan of your
intended expeditions, and not left a queen regent on the face
of the globe unvisited,-- I would ask what we were to do next?-
-Why then, dear Abigail, you would have said, we will retire to
Notting-hill, we will plant shrubs all the morning, read
Anderson's Royal Genealogies all the evening; and once or twice
a week I will go to Gunnersbury and drink a bottle with
Princess Amelia. Alas, dear lady! and cannot you do all that
without skuttling from one end of the world to the other?--This
was the, upshot of all Cineas's inquisitiveness: and this is
the pith of this tedious letter from, Madam, your ladyship's
most faithful Aulic Counsellor and humble admirer.

(106) See the two preceding letters. It will be recollected
that Lady Mary Coke was sister-in-law to The Earl of Strafford,
and widow of Viscount Coke, heir apparent of Thomas Earl of
Leicester, who died without issue by her, in his father's
lifetime. Lady Mary died at a great age in 1811-E.

Letter 64 To The Hon. Mrs. GREY.(107)
Dec. 9, 1773. (page 89)

DEAR MADAM,
As I hear Lady Blandford has a return of the gout-, as I
foretold last night from the red spot being not gone, I beg you
will be so good as to tell her, that if she does not encourage
the swelling by keeping her foot wrapped up as hot as possible
in flannel, she will torment herself and bring more pain. I
will answer that if she will let it swell, and suffer the
swelling to go off of itself, she will have no more pain; and
she must remember, that the gout will bear contradiction no
more than she herself(108) Pray read this to her, and what I
say farther--that though I know she will not bear pain for
herself, I am sure she will for her friends. Her misfortune
has produced the greatest satisfaction that a good mind can
receive, the experience that that goodness has given her a
great many sincere friends, who have shown as much concern as
ever was known, and the most disinterested; as we know her
generosity has left her nothing to give. We wish to preserve
her for her own sake and ours, and the poor beseech her to bear
a little pain for them.

I am going out of town till Monday, or would bring my
prescription myself. She wants no virtue but patience; and
patience takes it very ill to be left out of such good company.
I am, dear Madam, Your obedient servant,
Dr. WALPOLE.

(107) NOW first printed.

(108) It has already been stated, that Lady Blandford was
somewhat impatient in her temper.-E.

Letter 65 To Sir David Dalrymple.(109)
Arlington Street, Dec. 14, 1773. (page 90)

Sir,
I have received from Mr. Dodsley, and read with pleasure, your
Remarks on the History of Scotland," though I am not
competently versed in some of the subjects. Indeed, such a
load of difficult and vexatious business is fallen upon me by
the unhappy situation of my nephew, Lord Orford, of whose
affairs I have been forced to undertake the management, though
greatly unfit for it, that I am obliged to bid adieu to all
literary amusement and pursuits; and must dedicate the rest of
a life almost worn out, and of late wasted and broken by a long
illness, to the duties I owe to my family. I hope you, Sir,
will have no such disagreeable avocation, and am your obliged
servant.

(109) Now first collected.

Letter 66 To The Rev. Mr. Cole.
Arlington Street, May 4, 1774. (page 90)

Dear Sir,
We have dropped one another, as if we were not antiquaries, but
people of this world-or do you disclaim me, because I have
quitted the Society? I could give You but too sad reasons for
my silence. The gout kept entire possession of me for six
months; and, before it released me, Lord Orford's illness and
affairs engrossed me totally. I have been twice in Norfolk
since you heard from me. I am now at liberty again. What is
your account of yourself? To. ask you to come above ground,
even so far as to see me, I know is in vain or I certainly
would ask it. You impose Carthusian shackles on Yourself, Will
not quit your cell, nor will speak above once a week. I am
glad to hear of you, and to see your hand, though you make that
as much like print as you can. If you were to be tempted
abroad, it would be a pilgrimage: and I can lure you even with
that. My chapel is finished, and the shrine will actually be
placed in less than a fortnight. My father is said to have
said, that every man had his price. You are a Beatus, indeed,
if you resist a shrine. Why should not you add to your
claustral virtues that of a peregrination to Strawberry? You
will find me quite alone in July. Consider, Strawberry is
almost the last monastery left, at least in England. Poor Mr.
Bateman's is despoiled. Lord Bateman has stripped and
plundered it: has sequestered the best things, has advertised
the site, and is dirtily selling by auction what he neither
would keep, nor can sell for a sum that is worth while. I was
hurt to see half the ornaments of the chapel, and the
reliquaries, and in short a thousand trifles, exposed to
sneers. I am buying a few to keep for the founder's sake.
Surely it is very indecent for a favourite relation, who is
rich, to show so little remembrance and affection. I suppose
Strawberry will have the same fate! It has already happened to
two of my friends. Lord Bristol got his mother's house from
his brother, by persuading her he was in love with it. He let
it in a month after she was dead band all her favourite
pictures and ornaments, which she had ordered not to be
removed, are mouldering in a garret! You are in the right to
care so little for a world where there is no measure but
avoirdupois. Adieu! Yours sincerely.