Books: Quo Vadis A Narrative of the Time of Nero

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"Thou art a real Caesar!" said Chilo. "Permit i-ne, lord, to dedicate
my work to thee; but permit also that this evening I come only for
the money, since Euricius told me that all the boats had been
unloaded, and that new ones would come from Ostia only after
some days. Peace be with you! Thus do Christians take farewell of
one another. I will buy myself a slave woman, -- that is, I wanted
to say a slave man. Fish are caught with a bait, and Christians with
fish. Fax vobiscum! pax! pax! pax!"

1 (Greek Phrase) Iesous Christos, Theou Uios, Soter.
2 (Greek) Ichthus, the Greek word for "fish."

Chapter XV

PETRONIUS to VINICIUS:

"I send to thee from Antium, by a trusty slave, this letter, to which,
though thy hand is more accustomed to the sword and the javelin
than the pen, I think that thou wilt answer through the same
messenger without needless delay. I left thee on a good trail, and
full of hope; hence I trust that thou hast either satisfied thy
pleasant desires in the embraces of Lygia, or wilt satisfy them
before the real wintry wind from the summits of Soracte shall
blow on the Campania. Oh, my Vinicius! may thy preceptress be
the golden goddess of Cyprus; be thou, on thy part, the preceptor
of that Lygian Aurora, who is fleeing before the sun of love. And
remember always that marble, though most precious, is nothing of
itself, and acquires real value only when the sculptor's hand turns it
into a masterpiece. Be thou such a sculptor, carissime! To love is
not sufficient; one must know how to love; one must know how to
teach love. Though the plebs, too, and even animals, experience
pleasure, a genuine man differs from them in this especially, that
he makes love in some way a noble art, and, admiring it, knows all
its divine value, makes it present in his mind, thus satisfying not
his body~ merely, but his soul. More than once, when I think here
of the emptiness, the uncertainty, the dreariness of life, it occurs to
me that perhaps thou hast chosen better, and that not Caesar's
court, but war and love, are the only objects for which it is worth
while to be born and to live.

"Thou wert fortunate in war, be fortunate also in love; and if thou
art curious as to what men are doing at the court of Caesar, I will
inform thee from time to time. We are living here at Antium, and
nursing our heavenly voice; we continue to cherish the same
hatred of Rome, and think of betaking ourselves to Bai~ for the
winter, to appear in public at Naples, whose inhabitants, being
Greeks, will appreciate us better than that wolf brood on the banks
of the Tiber. People will hasten thither from Bait, from Pompeii,
Puteoli, Cumae, and Stabia; neither applause nor crowns will be
lacking, and that will be an encouragement for the proposed
expedition to Achaea.

"But the memory of the infant Augusta? Yes! we are bewailing her
yet. We are singing hymns of our own composition, so wonderful
that the sirens have been hiding from envy in Amphitrite's deepest
caves. But the dolphins would listen to us, were they not prevented
by the sound of the sea. Our suffering is not allayed yet; hence we
will exhibit it to the world in every form which sculpture can
employ, and observe carefully if we are beautiful in our suffering
and if people recognize this beauty. Oh, my dear! we shall die
buffoons and comedians!

"All the Augustians are here, male and female, not counting ten
thousand servants, and five hundred she asses, in whose milk
Poppae bathes. At times even it is cheerful here. Calvia Crispinilla
is growing old. It is said that she has begged Poppza to let her take
the bath immediately after herself. Lucan slapped Nigidia on the
face, because he suspected her of relations with a gladiator. Sporus
lost his wife at dice to Senecio. Torquatus Silanus has offered me
for Eunice four chestnut horses, which this year will win the prize
beyond doubt. I would not accept! Thanks to thee, also, that thou
d~dst not take her. As to Torquarus Silanus, the poor man does not
even suspect that he is already more a shade than a man. His death
is decided. And knowest what his crime is? He is the
great-grandson of the deified Augustus. There is no rescue for him.
Such is our world.

"As is known to thee, we have been expecting Tiridates here;
meanwhile Vologeses has written an offensive letter. Because he
has conquered Armenia, he asks that it be left to him for Tiridates;
if not, he will not yield it in any case. Pure comedy! So we have
decided on war. Corbulo will receive power such as Pompeius
Magnus received in the war with pirates. There was a moment,
however, when Nero hesitated. He seems afraid of the glory which
Corbulo will win in case of victory. It was even thought to offer
the chief command to our Aulus. This was opposed by Poppae, for
whom evidently Pomponia's virtue is as salt in the eye.

"Vatinius described to us a remarkable fight of gladiators, which is
to take place in Beneventum. See to what cobblers rise in our time,
in spite of the saying, 'Ne sutor ultra crepidam!' Vitelius is the
descendant of a cobbler; but Vatinius is the son of one! Perhaps he
drew thread himself! The actor Aliturus represented Oedipus
yesterday wonderfully. I asked him, by the way, as a Jew, if
Christians and Jews were the same. He answered that the Jews
have an eternal religion, but that Christians are a new sect risen
recently in Judea; that in the time of Tiberius the Jews crucified a
certain man, whose adherents increase daily, and that the
Christians consider him as God. They refuse, it seems, to
recognize other gods, ours especially. I cannot understand what
harm it would do them to recognize these gods.

"Tigellinus shows me open enmity now. So far he is unequal to
me; but he is, superior in this, that he cares more for life, and is at
the same time a greater scoundrel, which brings him nearer
Ahenobarbus. These two will understand each other earlier or
later, and then my turn will come. I know not when it will come;
but I know this, that as things are it must come; hence let time
pass. Meanwhile we must amuse ourselves. Life of itself would not
be bad were it not for Bronzebeard. Thanks to him, a man at times
is disgusted with himself. It is not correct to consider the struggle
for his favor as a kind of rivalry in a circus, -- as a kind of game, as
a struggle, in which victory flatters vanity. True, I explain it to
myself in that way frequently; but still it seems to me sometimes
that I am like Chio, and better in nothing than he. When he ceases
to be needful to thee, send him to me. I have taken a fancy to his
edifying conversation. A greeting from me to thy divine Christian,
or rather beg her in my name not to be a fish to thee. Inform me
of thy health, inform me of thy love, know how to love, teach how
to love, and farewell."

Vinscius to Pemonsus:

"Lygia is not found yet! Were it not for the hope that I shall find
her soon, thou wouldst not receive an answer; for when a man is
disgusted with life, he has no wish to write letters. I wanted to
learn whether Chilo was not deceiving me; and at night when he
came to get the money for Euricius, I threw on a military mantle,
and unobserved followed him and the slave whom I sent with him.
When they reached the place, I watched from a distance, hidden
behind a portico pillar, and convinced myself that Euricius was not
invented. Below, a number of tens of people were unloading
stones from a spacious barge, and piling them up on the bank. I
saw Chilo approach them, and begin to talk with some old man,
who after a while fell at his feet. Others surrounded them with
shouts of admiration. Before my eyes the boy gave a purse to
Euricius, who on seizing it began to pray with upraised hands,
while at his side some second person was kneeling, evidently his
son. Chilo said something which I could not hear, and blessed the
two who were kneeling, as well as others, making in the air signs
in the form of a cross, which they honor apparently, f or all bent
their knees. The desire seized me to go among them, and promise
three such purses to him who would deliver to me Lygia; but I
feared to spoil Chio's work, and after hesitating a moment went
home.

"This happened at least twelve days after thy departure. Since then
Chilo has been a number of times with me. He says that he has
gained great significance among the Christians; that if he has not
found Lygia so far, it is because the Christians in Rome are
innumerable, hence all are not acquainted with each person in their
community, and cannot know everything that is done in it. They
are cautious, too, and in general reticent. He gives assurance,
however, that when he reaches the elders, who are called
presbyters, he will learn every secret. He has made the
acquaintance of a number of these already, and has begun to
inquire of them, though carefully, so as not to rouse suspicion by
haste, and not to make the work still more difficult. Though it is
hard to wait, though patience fails, I feel that he is right, and I
wait.

"He learned, too, that they have places of meeting for prayer,
frequently outside the city, in empty houses and even in sandpits.
There they worship Christ, sing hymns, and have feasts. There are
many such places. Chilo supposes that Lygia goes purposely to
different ones from Pomponia, so that the latter, in case of legal
proceedings or an examination, might swear boldly that she knew
nothing of Lygia's hiding-place. It may be that the presbyters have
advised caution. When Chilo discovers those places, I will go with
him; and if the gods let me see Lygia, I swear to thee by Jupiter
that she will not escape my hands this time.

"I am thinking continually of those places of prayer. Chilo is
unwilling that I should go with him; he is afraid. But I cannot stay
at home. I should know her at once, even in disguise or if veiled.
They assemble in the night, but I should recognize her in the night
even. I should know her voice and motions anywhere. I will go
myself in disguise, and look at every person who goes in or out. I
am thinking of her always, and shall recognize her. Chilo is to
come to-morrow, and we shall go. I will take arms. Some of my
slaves sent to the provinces have returned empty-handed. But I am
certain now that she is in the city, perhaps not far away even. I
myself have visited many houses under pretext of renting them.
She will fare better with me a hundred times; where she is, whole
legions of poor people dwell. Besides, I shall spare nothing for her
sake. Thou writest that I have chosen well. I have chosen suffering
and sorrow. We shall go first to those houses which are in the city,
then beyond the gates. Hope looks for something every morning,
otherwise life would be impossible. Thou sayest that one should
know how to love. I knew how to talk of love to Lygia. But now I
only yearn; I do nothing but wait for Chilo. Life to me is
unendurable in my own house. Farewell!"

Chapter XVI

BUT Chilo did not appear for some time, and Vinicius knew not at
last what to think of his absence. In vain he repeated to himself
that searching, if continued to a certain and successful issue, must
be gradual. His blood and impulsive nature rebelled against the
voice of judgment. To do nothing, to wait, to sit with folded arms,
was so repulsive to him that he could not be reconciled to it in any
way. To search the alleys of the city in the dark garb of a slave,
through this alone, that it was useless, seemed to him merely a
mask for his own inefficiency, and could give no satisfaction. His
freedmen, persons of experience, whom he commanded to search
independently, turned out a hundred times less expert than Chio.
Meanwhile there rose in him, besides his love for Lygla, the
stubbornness of a player resolved to win. Vinicius had been always
a person of this kind. From earliest youth he had accomplished
what he desired with the passionateness of one who does not
understand failure, or the need of yielding something. For a time
military discipline had put his self-will within bounds, but also it
had engrafted into him the conviction that every command of his
to subordinates must be fulfilled; his prolonged stay in the Orient,
among people pliant and inured to slavish obedience, confirmed in
him the faith that for his "I wish" there were no limits. At present
his vanity, too, was wounded painfully. There was, besides, in
Lygia's opposition and resistance, and in her flight itself, which
was to him incomprehensible, a kind of riddle. In trying to solve
this riddle he racked his head terribly. He felt that Acte had told
the truth, and that Lygia was not indifferent. But if this were true,
why had she preferred wandering and misery to his love, his
tenderness, and a residence in his splendid mansion? To this
question he found no answer, and arrived only at a kind of dim
understanding that between him and Lygia, between their ideas,
between the world which belonged to him and Petronius, and the
world of Lygia and Pomponia, there existed some sort of
difference, some kind of misunderstanding as deep as an abyss,
which nothing could fill up or make even. It seemed to him, then,
that he must lose Lygia; and at this thought he lost the remnant of
balance which Petronius wished to preserve in him. There were
moments in which he did not know whether he loved Lygia or
hated her; he understood only that he must find her, and he would
rather that the earth swallowed her than that he should not see and
possess her. By the power of imagination he saw her as clearly at
times as if she had been before his face. He recalled every word
which he had spoken to her; every word which he had heard from
her. He felt her near; felt her on his bosom, in his arms; and then
desire embraced him like a flame. He loved her and called to her.

And when he thought that he was loved, that she might do with
willingness all that he wished of her, sore and endless sorrow
seized him, and a kind of deep tenderness flooded his heart, like a
mighty wave. But there were moments, too, in which he grew pale
from rage, and delighted in thoughts of the humiliation and
tortures which he would inflict on Lygia when he found her. He
wanted not only to have her, but to have her as a trampled slave.
At the same time he felt that if the choice were left him, to be her
slave or not to see her in life again, he would rather be her slave.
There were days in which he thought of the marks which the lash
would leave on her rosy body, and at the same time he wanted to
kiss those marks. It came to his head also that he would be happy
if he could kill her.

In this torture, torment, uncertainty, and suffering, he lost health,
and even beauty. He became a cruel and incomprehensible master.
His slaves, and even his freedmen, approached him with
trembling; and when punishments fell on them causelessly, --
punishments as merciless as undeserved, -- they began to hate him
in secret; while he, feeling this, and feeling his own isolation, took
revenge all the more on them. He restrained himself with Chilo
alone, fearing lest he might cease his searches; the Greek, noting
this, began to gain control of him, and grew more and more
exacting. At first he assured Vinicius at each visit that the affair
would proceed easily and quickly; now he began to discover
difficulties, and without ceasing, it is true, to guarantee the
undoubted success of the searches, he did not hide the fact that
they must continue yet for a good while.

At last he came, after long days of waiting, with a face so gloomy
that the young man grew pale at sight of him, and springing up had
barely strength to ask,-- "Is she not among the Christians?" "She is,
lord," answered Chilo; "but I found Glaucus among them." "Of
what art thou speaking, and who is Glaucus?" "Thou hast
forgotten, lord, it seems, that old man with whom I journeyed from
Naples to Rome, and in whose defence I lost these two fingers, --
a loss which prevents me from writing. Robbers, who bore away
his wife and child, stabbed him with a knife. I left him dying at an
inn in Minturna, and bewailed him long. Alas! I have convinced
myself that he is alive yet, and belongs in Rome to the Christian
community."

Vinicius, who could not understand what the question was,
understood only that Glaucus was becoming a hindrance to the
discovery of Lygia; hence he suppressed his rising anger, and said,
-- "If thou didst defend him, he should be thankful and help thee."
"Ah! worthy tribune, even gods are not always grateful, and what
must the case be with men? True, he should be thankful. But,
unhappily, he is an old man, of a mind weak and darkened by age
and disappointment; for which reason, not only is he not grateful,
but, as I learned from his co-religionists, he accuses me of having
conspired with the robbers, and says that I am the cause of his
misfortunes. That is the recompense for my fingers!"

"Scoundrel! I am certain that it was as he says," replied Vinicius.

"Then thou knowest more than he does, lord, for he only surmises
that it was so; which, however, would not prevent him from
summoning the Christians, and from revenging himself on me
cruelly. He would have done that undoubtedly, and others, with
equal certainty, would have helped him; but fortunately he does
not know my name, and in the house of prayer where we met, he
did not notice me. I, however, knew him at once, and at the first
moment wished to throw myself on his neck. Wisdom, however,
and the habit of thinking before every step which I intend to take,
restrained me. Therefore, on issuing from the house of prayer, I
inquired concerning him, and those who knew him declared that
he was the man who had been betrayed by his comrade on the
journey from Naples. Otherwise I should not have known that he
gives out such a story."

"How does this concern me? Tell what thou sawest in the house of
prayer."

"It does not concern thee, lord, but it concerns me just as much as
my life. Since I wish that my wisdom should survive me, I would
rather renounce the reward which thou hast offered, than expose
my life for empty lucre; without which, I as a true philosopher
shall be able to live and seek divine wisdom."

But Vinicius approached him with an ominous countenance, and
began in a suppressed voice, -- "Who told thee that death would
meet thee sooner at the hands of Glaucus than at mine? Whence
knowest thou, dog, that I will not have thee buried right away in
my garden?"

Chio, who was a coward, looked at Vinicius, and in the twinkle of
an eye understood that one more unguarded word and he was lost
beyond redemption.

"I will search for her, lord, and I will find her!" cried he, hurriedly.

Silence followed, during which were heard the quick breathing of
Vinicius, and the distant song of slaves at work in the garden.

Only after a while did the Greek resume his speech, when he
noticed that the young patrician was somewhat pacified.

"Death passed me, but I looked on it with the calmness of
Socrates. No, lord, I have not said that I refuse to search for the
maiden; I desired merely to tell thee that search for her is
connected now with great peril to me. On a time thou didst doubt
that there was a certain Euricius in the world, and though thou
wert convinced by thine own eyes that the son of my father told the
truth to thee, thou hast suspicions now that I have invented
Glaucus. Ah! would that he were only a fiction, that I might go
among the Christians with perfect safety, as I went some time
since; I would give up for that the poor old slave woman whom I
bought, three days since, to care for my advanced age and maimed
condition. But Glaucus is living, lord; and if he had seen me once,
thou wouldst not have seen me again, and in that case who would
find the maiden?"

Here he was silent again, and began to dry his tears.

"But while Glaucus lives," continued he, "how can I search for
her? -- for I may meet him at any step; and if I meet him I shall
perish, and with me will cease all my searching."

"What art thou aiming at? What help is there? What dost thou wish
to undertake?" inquired Vinicius.

"Aristotle teaches us, lord, that less things should be sacrificed for
greater, and King Priam said frequently that old age was a grievous
burden. Indeed, the burden of old age and misfortune weighs upon
Glaucus this long time, and so heavily that death would be to him
a benefit. For what is death, according to Seneca, but liberation?"

"Play the fool with Petronius, not with me! Tell what thy desire is."

"If virtue is folly, may the gods permit me to be a fool all my life. I
desire, lord, to set aside Glaucus, for while he is living my life and
searches are in continual peril."

"Hire men to beat him to death with clubs; I will pay them."

"They will rob thee, lord, and afterward make profit of the secret.
There are as many ruffians in Rome as grains of sand in the arena,
but thou wilt not believe how dear they are when an honest man
needs to employ their villainy. No, worthy tribune! But if
watchmen catch the murderers in the act? They would tell, beyond
doubt, who hired them, and then thou wouldst have trouble. They
will not point to me, for I shall not give my name. Thou art doing
ill not to trust in me, for, setting aside my keenness, remember that
there is a question of two other things, -- of my life, and the reward
which thou has promised me."

"How much dost thou need?"

"A thousand sestertia, for turn attention to this, that I must find
honest ruffians, men who when they have received earnest money,
will not take it off without a trace. For good work there must be
good pay! Something might be added, too, for my sake, to wipe
away the tears which I shall shed out of pity for Glaucus. I take the
gods to witness how I love him. If I receive a thousand scstcrtia
to-day, two days hence his soul will be in Hades; and then, if souls
preserve memory and the gift of thought, he will know for the first
time how I loved him. I will find people this very day, and tell
them that for each day of the life of Glaucus I will withhold one
hundred sestertia. I have, besides, a certain idea, which seems to
me infallible."

Vinicius promised him once more the desired sum, forbidding him
to mention Glaucus again; but asked what other news he brought,
where he had been all the time, what he had seen, and what he had
discovered. But Chilo was not able to tell much. He had been in
two more houses of prayer,-- had observed each person carefully,
especially the women, -- but had seen no one who resembled
Lygia: the Christians, however, looked on him as one of their own
sect, and, since he redeemed the son of Euricius, they honored him
as a man following in the steps of "Christ." He had learned from
them, also, that a great lawgiver of theirs, a certain Paul of Tarsus,
was in Rome, imprisoned because of charges preferred by the
Jews, and with this man he had resolved to become acquainted.
But most of all was he pleased by this, -- that the supreme priest of
the whole sect, who had been Christ's disciple, and to whom Christ
had confided government over the whole world of Christians,
might arrive in Rome any moment. All the Christians desired
evidently to see him, and hear his teachings. Some great meetings
would follow, at which he, Chio, would be present; and what is
more, since it is easy to hide in the crowd, he would take Vinicius
to those meetings. Then they would find Lygia certainly. If
Glaucus were once set aside, it would not be connected even with
great danger. As to revenge, the Christians, too, would revenge but
in general they were peaceful people.

Here Chilo began to relate, with a certain surprise, that he had
never seen that they gave themselves up to debauchery, that they
poisoned wells or fountains, that they were enemies of the human
race, worshipped an ass, or ate the flesh of children. No; he had
seen nothing of that sort. Certainly he would find among them
even people who would hide away Glaucus for money; but their
religion, as far as he knew, did not incite to crime, -- on the
contrary, it enloined forgiveness of offences.

Vinicius remembered what Pomponia had said to him at Acte's,
and in general he listened to Chio's words with pleasure. Though
his feeling for Lygia assumed at times the seeming of hatred, he
felt a relief when he heard that the religion which she and
Pomponia confessed was neither criminal nor repulsive. But a
species of undefined feeling rose in him that it was just that
reverence for Christ, unknown and mysterious, which created the
difference between himself and Lygia; hence he began at once to
fear that religion and to hate it.

Chapter XVII

FOR Chio, it was really important to set aside Glaucus, who,
though advanced in years, was by no means decrepit. There was
considerable truth in what Chilo had narrated to Vinicius. He had
known Glaucus on a time, he had betrayed him, sold him to
robbers, deprived him of family, of property, and delivered him to
murder. But he bore the memory of these events easily, for he had
thrown the man aside dying, not at an inn, but in a field near
Minturna. This one thing he had not foreseen, that Glaucus would
be cured of his wounds and come to Rome. When he saw him,
therefore, in the house of prayer, he was in truth terrified, and at
the first moment wished to discontinue the search for Lygia. But
on the other hand, Vinicius terrified him still more. He understood
that he must choose between the fear of Glaucus, and the pursuit
and vengeance of a powerful patrician, to whose aid would come,
beyond doubt, another and still greater, Petronius. In view of this,
Chilo ceased to hesitate. He thought it better to have small
enemies than great ones, and, though his cowardly nature trembled
somewhat at bloody methods, he saw the need of killing Glaucus
through the aid of other hands.