Books: The Mill on the Floss

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That afternoon, about half-past three o'clock, Tom was standing on the
wharf, talking with Bob Jakin about the probability of the good ship
Adelaide coming in, in a day or two, with results highly important to
both of them.

"Eh," said Bob, parenthetically, as he looked over the fields on the
other side of the river, "there goes that crooked young Wakem. I know
him or his shadder as far off as I can see 'em; I'm allays lighting on
him o' that side the river."

A sudden thought seemed to have darted through Tom's mind. "I must go,
Bob," he said; "I've something to attend to," hurrying off to the
warehouse, where he left notice for some one to take his place; he was
called away home on peremptory business.

The swiftest pace and the shortest road took him to the gate, and he
was pausing to open it deliberately, that he might walk into the house
with an appearance of perfect composure, when Maggie came out at the
front door in bonnet and shawl. His conjecture was fulfilled, and he
waited for her at the gate. She started violently when she saw him.

"Tom, how is it you are come home? Is there anything the matter?"
Maggie spoke in a low, tremulous voice.

"I'm come to walk with you to the Red Deeps, and meet Philip Wakem,"
said Tom, the central fold in his brow, which had become habitual with
him, deepening as he spoke.

Maggie stood helpless, pale and cold. By some means, then, Tom knew
everything. At last she said, "I'm, not going," and turned round.

"Yes, you are; but I want to speak to you first. Where is my father?"

"Out on horseback."

"And my mother?"

"In the yard, I think, with the poultry."

"I can go in, then, without her seeing me?"

They walked in together, and Tom, entering the parlor, said to Maggie,
"Come in here."

She obeyed, and he closed the door behind her.

"Now, Maggie, tell me this instant everything that has passed between
you and Philip Wakem."

"Does my father know anything?" said Maggie, still trembling.

"No," said Tom indignantly. "But he _shall_ know, if you attempt to
use deceit toward me any further."

"I don't wish to use deceit," said Maggie, flushing into resentment at
hearing this word applied to her conduct.

"Tell me the whole truth, then."

"Perhaps you know it."

"Never mind whether I know it or not. Tell me exactly what has
happened, or my father shall know everything."

"I tell it for my father's sake, then."

"Yes, it becomes you to profess affection for your father, when you
have despised his strongest feelings."

"You never do wrong, Tom," said Maggie, tauntingly.

"Not if I know it," answered Tom, with proud sincerity.

"But I have nothing to say to you beyond this: tell me what has passed
between you and Philip Wakem. When did you first meet him in the Red
Deeps?"

"A year ago," said Maggie, quietly. Tom's severity gave her a certain
fund of defiance, and kept her sense of error in abeyance. "You need
ask me no more questions. We have been friendly a year. We have met
and walked together often. He has lent me books."

"Is that all?" said Tom, looking straight at her with his frown.

Maggie paused a moment; then, determined to make an end of Tom's right
to accuse her of deceit, she said haughtily:

"No, not quite all. On Saturday he told me that he loved me. I didn't
think of it before then; I had only thought of him as an old friend."

"And you _encouraged_ him?" said Tom, with an expression of disgust.

"I told him that I loved him too."

Tom was silent a few moments, looking on the ground and frowning, with
his hands in his pockets. At last he looked up and said coldly,--

"Now, then, Maggie, there are but two courses for you to take,--either
you vow solemnly to me, with your hand on my father's Bible, that you
will never have another meeting or speak another word in private with
Philip Wakem, or you refuse, and I tell my father everything; and this
month, when by my exertions he might be made happy once more, you will
cause him the blow of knowing that you are a disobedient, deceitful
daughter, who throws away her own respectability by clandestine
meetings with the son of a man that has helped to ruin her father.
Choose!" Tom ended with cold decision, going up to the large Bible,
drawing it forward, and opening it at the fly-leaf, where the writing
was.

It was a crushing alternative to Maggie.

"Tom," she said, urged out of pride into pleading, "don't ask me that.
I will promise you to give up all intercourse with Philip, if you will
let me see him once, or even only write to him and explain
everything,--to give it up as long as it would ever cause any pain to
my father. I feel something for Philip too. _He_ is not happy."

"I don't wish to hear anything of your feelings; I have said exactly
what I mean. Choose, and quickly, lest my mother should come in."

"If I give you my word, that will be as strong a bond to me as if I
laid my hand on the Bible. I don't require that to bind me."

"Do what _I_ require," said Tom. "I can't trust you, Maggie. There is
no consistency in you. Put your hand on this Bible, and say, 'I
renounce all private speech and intercourse with Philip Wakem from
this time forth.' Else you will bring shame on us all, and grief on my
father; and what is the use of my exerting myself and giving up
everything else for the sake of paying my father's debts, if you are
to bring madness and vexation on him, just when he might be easy and
hold up his head once more?"

"Oh, Tom, _will_ the debts be paid soon?" said Maggie, clasping her
hands, with a sudden flash of joy across her wretchedness.

"If things turn out as I expect," said Tom. "But," he added, his voice
trembling with indignation, "while I have been contriving and working
that my father may have some peace of mind before he dies,--working
for the respectability of our family,--you have done all you can to
destroy both."

Maggie felt a deep movement of compunction; for the moment, her mind
ceased to contend against what she felt to be cruel and unreasonable,
and in her self-blame she justified her brother.

"Tom," she said in a low voice, "it was wrong of me; but I was so
lonely, and I was sorry for Philip. And I think enmity and hatred are
wicked."

"Nonsense!" said Tom. "Your duty was clear enough. Say no more; but
promise, in the words I told you."

"I _must_ speak to Philip once more."

"You will go with me now and speak to him."

"I give you my word not to meet him or write to him again without your
knowledge. That is the only thing I will say. I will put my hand on
the Bible if you like."

"Say it, then."

Maggie laid her hand on the page of manuscript and repeated the
promise. Tom closed the book, and said, "Now let us go."

Not a word was spoken as they walked along. Maggie was suffering in
anticipation of what Philip was about to suffer, and dreading the
galling words that would fall on him from Tom's lips; but she felt it
was in vain to attempt anything but submission. Tom had his terrible
clutch on her conscience and her deepest dread; she writhed under the
demonstrable truth of the character he had given to her conduct, and
yet her whole soul rebelled against it as unfair from its
incompleteness. He, meanwhile, felt the impetus of his indignation
diverted toward Philip. He did not know how much of an old boyish
repulsion and of mere personal pride and animosity was concerned in
the bitter severity of the words by which he meant to do the duty of a
son and a brother. Tom was not given to inquire subtly into his own
motives any more than into other matters of an intangible kind; he was
quite sure that his own motives as well as actions were good, else he
would have had nothing to do with them.

Maggie's only hope was that something might, for the first time, have
prevented Philip from coming. Then there would be delay,--then she
might get Tom's permission to write to him. Her heart beat with double
violence when they got under the Scotch firs. It was the last moment
of suspense, she thought; Philip always met her soon after she got
beyond them. But they passed across the more open green space, and
entered the narrow bushy path by the mound. Another turning, and they
came so close upon him that both Tom and Philip stopped suddenly
within a yard of each other. There was a moment's silence, in which
Philip darted a look of inquiry at Maggie's face. He saw an answer
there, in the pale, parted lips, and the terrified tension of the
large eyes. Her imagination, always rushing extravagantly beyond an
immediate impression, saw her tall, strong brother grasping the feeble
Philip bodily, crushing him and trampling on him.

"Do you call this acting the part of a man and a gentleman, sir?" Tom
said, in a voice of harsh scorn, as soon as Philip's eyes were turned
on him again.

"What do you mean?" answered Philip, haughtily.

"Mean? Stand farther from me, lest I should lay hands on you, and I'll
tell you what I mean. I mean, taking advantage of a young girl's
foolishness and ignorance to get her to have secret meetings with you.
I mean, daring to trifle with the respectability of a family that has
a good and honest name to support."

"I deny that," interrupted Philip, impetuously. "I could never trifle
with anything that affected your sister's happiness. She is dearer to
me than she is to you; I honor her more than you can ever honor her; I
would give up my life to her."

"Don't talk high-flown nonsense to me, sir! Do you mean to pretend
that you didn't know it would be injurious to her to meet you here
week after week? Do you pretend you had any right to make professions
of love to her, even if you had been a fit husband for her, when
neither her father nor your father would ever consent to a marriage
between you? And _you_,--_you_ to try and worm yourself into the
affections of a handsome girl who is not eighteen, and has been shut
out from the world by her father's misfortunes! That's your crooked
notion of honor, is it? I call it base treachery; I call it taking
advantage of circumstances to win what's too good for you,--what you'd
never get by fair means."

"It is manly of you to talk in this way to _me_," said Philip,
bitterly, his whole frame shaken by violent emotions. "Giants have an
immemorial right to stupidity and insolent abuse. You are incapable
even of understanding what I feel for your sister. I feel so much for
her that I could even desire to be at friendship with _you_."

"I should be very sorry to understand your feelings," said Tom, with
scorching contempt. "What I wish is that you should understand
_me_,--that I shall take care of _my_ sister, and that if you dare to
make the least attempt to come near her, or to write to her, or to
keep the slightest hold on her mind, your puny, miserable body, that
ought to have put some modesty into your mind, shall not protect you.
I'll thrash you; I'll hold you up to public scorn. Who wouldn't laugh
at the idea of _your_ turning lover to a fine girl?"

Tom and Maggie walked on in silence for some yards. He burst out, in a
convulsed voice.

"Stay, Maggie!" said Philip, making a strong effort to speak. Then
looking at Tom, "You have dragged your sister here, I suppose, that
she may stand by while you threaten and insult me. These naturally
seemed to you the right means to influence me. But you are mistaken.
Let your sister speak. If she says she is bound to give me up, I shall
abide by her wishes to the slightest word."

"It was for my father's sake, Philip," said Maggie, imploringly. "Tom
threatens to tell my father, and he couldn't bear it; I have promised,
I have vowed solemnly, that we will not have any intercourse without
my brother's knowledge."

"It is enough, Maggie. _I_ shall not change; but I wish you to hold
yourself entirely free. But trust me; remember that I can never seek
for anything but good to what belongs to you."

"Yes," said Tom, exasperated by this attitude of Philip's, "you can
talk of seeking good for her and what belongs to her now; did you seek
her good before?"

"I did,--at some risk, perhaps. But I wished her to have a friend for
life,--who would cherish her, who would do her more justice than a
coarse and narrow-minded brother, that she has always lavished her
affections on."

"Yes, my way of befriending her is different from yours; and I'll tell
you what is my way. I'll save her from disobeying and disgracing her
father; I'll save her from throwing herself away on you,--from making
herself a laughing-stock,--from being flouted by a man like _your_
father, because she's not good enough for his son. You know well
enough what sort of justice and cherishing you were preparing for her.
I'm not to be imposed upon by fine words; I can see what actions mean.
Come away, Maggie."

He seized Maggie's right wrist as he spoke, and she put out her left
hand. Philip clasped it an instant, with one eager look, and then
hurried away.

Tom and Maggie walked on in silence for some yards. He was still
holding her wrist tightly, as if he were compelling a culprit from the
scene of action. At last Maggie, with a violent snatch, drew her hand
away, and her pent-up, long-gathered irritation burst into utterance.

"Don't suppose that I think you are right, Tom, or that I bow to your
will. I despise the feelings you have shown in speaking to Philip; I
detest your insulting, unmanly allusions to his deformity. You have
been reproaching other people all your life; you have been always sure
you yourself are right. It is because you have not a mind large enough
to see that there is anything better than your own conduct and your
own petty aims."

"Certainly," said Tom, coolly. "I don't see that your conduct is
better, or your aims either. If your conduct, and Philip Wakem's
conduct, has been right, why are you ashamed of its being known?
Answer me that. I know what I have aimed at in my conduct, and I've
succeeded; pray, what good has your conduct brought to you or any one
else?"

"I don't want to defend myself," said Maggie, still with vehemence: "I
know I've been wrong,--often, continually. But yet, sometimes when I
have done wrong, it has been because I have feelings that you would be
the better for, if you had them. If _you_ were in fault ever, if you
had done anything very wrong, I should be sorry for the pain it
brought you; I should not want punishment to be heaped on you. But you
have always enjoyed punishing me; you have always been hard and cruel
to me; even when I was a little girl, and always loved you better than
any one else in the world, you would let me go crying to bed without
forgiving me. You have no pity; you have no sense of your own
imperfection and your own sins. It is a sin to be hard; it is not
fitting for a mortal, for a Christian. You are nothing but a Pharisee.
You thank God for nothing but your own virtues; you think they are
great enough to win you everything else. You have not even a vision of
feelings by the side of which your shining virtues are mere darkness!"

"Well," said Tom, with cold scorn, "if your feelings are so much
better than mine, let me see you show them in some other way than by
conduct that's likely to disgrace us all,--than by ridiculous flights
first into one extreme and then into another. Pray, how have you shown
your love, that you talk of, either to me or my father? By disobeying
and deceiving us. I have a different way of showing my affection."

"Because you are a man, Tom, and have power, and can do something in
the world."

"Then, if you can do nothing, submit to those that can."

"So I _will_ submit to what I acknowledge and feel to be right. I will
submit even to what is unreasonable from my father, but I will not
submit to it from you. You boast of your virtues as if they purchased
you a right to be cruel and unmanly, as you've been to-day. Don't
suppose I would give up Philip Wakem in obedience to you. The
deformity you insult would make me cling to him and care for him the
more."

"Very well; that is your view of things." said Tom, more coldly than
ever; "you need say no more to show me what a wide distance there is
between us. Let us remember that in future, and be silent."

Tom went back to St. Ogg's, to fulfill an appointment with his uncle
Deane, and receive directions about a journey on which he was to set
out the next morning.

Maggie went up to her own room to pour out all that indignant
remonstrance, against which Tom's mind was close barred, in bitter
tears. Then, when the first burst of unsatisfied anger was gone by,
came the recollection of that quiet time before the pleasure which had
ended in to-day's misery had perturbed the clearness and simplicity of
her life. She used to think in that time that she had made great
conquests, and won a lasting stand on serene heights above worldly
temptations and conflict. And here she was down again in the thick of
a hot strife with her own and others' passions. Life was not so short,
then, and perfect rest was not so near as she had dreamed when she was
two years younger. There was more struggle for her, and perhaps more
falling. If she had felt that she was entirely wrong, and that Tom had
been entirely right, she could sooner have recovered more inward
harmony; but now her penitence and submission were constantly
obstructed by resentment that would present itself to her no otherwise
than as a just indignation. Her heart bled for Philip; she went on
recalling the insults that had been flung at him with so vivid a
conception of what he had felt under them, that it was almost like a
sharp bodily pain to her, making her beat the floor with her foot and
tighten her fingers on her palm.

And yet, how was it that she was now and then conscious of a certain
dim background of relief in the forced separation from Philip? Surely
it was only because the sense of a deliverance from concealment was
welcome at any cost.

Chapter VI

The Hard-Won Triumph

Three weeks later, when Dorlcote Mill was at its prettiest moment in
all the year,--the great chestnuts in blossom, and the grass all deep
and daisied,--Tom Tulliver came home to it earlier than usual in the
evening, and as he passed over the bridge, he looked with the old
deep-rooted affection at the respectable red brick house, which always
seemed cheerful and inviting outside, let the rooms be as bare and the
hearts as sad as they might inside. There is a very pleasant light in
Tom's blue-gray eyes as he glances at the house-windows; that fold in
his brow never disappears, but it is not unbecoming; it seems to imply
a strength of will that may possibly be without harshness, when the
eyes and mouth have their gentlest expression. His firm step becomes
quicker, and the corners of his mouth rebel against the compression
which is meant to forbid a smile.

The eyes in the parlor were not turned toward the bridge just then,
and the group there was sitting in unexpectant silence,--Mr. Tulliver
in his arm-chair, tired with a long ride, and ruminating with a worn
look, fixed chiefly on Maggie, who was bending over her sewing while
her mother was making the tea.

They all looked up with surprise when they heard the well-known foot.

"Why, what's up now, Tom?" said his father. "You're a bit earlier than
usual."

"Oh, there was nothing more for me to do, so I came away. Well,
mother!"

Tom went up to his mother and kissed her, a sign of unusual good-humor
with him. Hardly a word or look had passed between him and Maggie in
all the three weeks; but his usual incommunicativeness at home
prevented this from being noticeable to their parents.

"Father," said Tom, when they had finished tea, "do you know exactly
how much money there is in the tin box?"

"Only a hundred and ninety-three pound," said Mr. Tulliver. "You've
brought less o' late; but young fellows like to have their own way
with their money. Though I didn't do as I liked before _I_ was of
age." He spoke with rather timid discontent.

"Are you quite sure that's the sum, father?" said Tom. "I wish you
would take the trouble to fetch the tin box down. I think you have
perhaps made a mistake."

"How should I make a mistake?" said his father, sharply. "I've counted
it often enough; but I can fetch it, if you won't believe me."

It was always an incident Mr. Tulliver liked, in his gloomy life, to
fetch the tin box and count the money.

"Don't go out of the room, mother," said Tom, as he saw her moving
when his father was gone upstairs.

"And isn't Maggie to go?" said Mrs. Tulliver; "because somebody must
take away the things."

"Just as she likes," said Tom indifferently.

That was a cutting word to Maggie. Her heart had leaped with the
sudden conviction that Tom was going to tell their father the debts
could be paid; and Tom would have let her be absent when that news was
told! But she carried away the tray and came back immediately. The
feeling of injury on her own behalf could not predominate at that
moment.

Tom drew to the corner of the table near his father when the tin box
was set down and opened, and the red evening light falling on them
made conspicuous the worn, sour gloom of the dark-eyed father and the
suppressed joy in the face of the fair-complexioned son. The mother
and Maggie sat at the other end of the table, the one in blank
patience, the other in palpitating expectation.

Mr. Tulliver counted out the money, setting it in order on the table,
and then said, glancing sharply at Tom:

"There now! you see I was right enough."

He paused, looking at the money with bitter despondency.

"There's more nor three hundred wanting; it'll be a fine while before
_I_ can save that. Losing that forty-two pound wi' the corn was a sore
job. This world's been too many for me. It's took four year to lay
_this_ by; it's much if I'm above ground for another four year. I must
trusten to you to pay 'em," he went on, with a trembling voice, "if
you keep i' the same mind now you're coming o' age. But you're like
enough to bury me first."

He looked up in Tom's face with a querulous desire for some assurance.

"No, father," said Tom, speaking with energetic decision, though there
was tremor discernible in his voice too, "you will live to see the
debts all paid. You shall pay them with your own hand."

His tone implied something more than mere hopefulness or resolution. A
slight electric shock seemed to pass through Mr. Tulliver, and he kept
his eyes fixed on Tom with a look of eager inquiry, while Maggie,
unable to restrain herself, rushed to her father's side and knelt down
by him. Tom was silent a little while before he went on.

"A good while ago, my uncle Glegg lent me a little money to trade
with, and that has answered. I have three hundred and twenty pounds in
the bank."

His mother's arms were round his neck as soon as the last words were
uttered, and she said, half crying:

"Oh, my boy, I knew you'd make iverything right again, when you got a
man."

But his father was silent; the flood of emotion hemmed in all power of
speech. Both Tom and Maggie were struck with fear lest the shock of
joy might even be fatal. But the blessed relief of tears came. The
broad chest heaved, the muscles of the face gave way, and the
gray-haired man burst into loud sobs. The fit of weeping gradually
subsided, and he sat quiet, recovering the regularity of his
breathing. At last he looked up at his wife and said, in a gentle
tone:

"Bessy, you must come and kiss me now--the lad has made you amends.
You'll see a bit o' comfort again, belike."

When she had kissed him, and he had held her hand a minute, his
thoughts went back to the money.

"I wish you'd brought me the money to look at, Tom," he said,
fingering the sovereigns on the table; "I should ha' felt surer."

"You shall see it to-morrow, father," said Tom. "My uncle Deane has
appointed the creditors to meet to-morrow at the Golden Lion, and he
has ordered a dinner for them at two o'clock. My uncle Glegg and he
will both be there. It was advertised in the 'Messenger' on Saturday."

"Then Wakem knows on't!" said Mr. Tulliver, his eye kindling with
triumphant fire. "Ah!" he went on, with a long-drawn guttural
enunciation, taking out his snuff-box, the only luxury he had left
himself, and tapping it with something of his old air of defiance.
"I'll get from under _his_ thumb now, though I _must_ leave the old
mill. I thought I could ha' held out to die here--but I can't----we've
got a glass o' nothing in the house, have we, Bessy?"

"Yes," said Mrs. Tulliver, drawing out her much-reduced bunch of keys,
"there's some brandy sister Deane brought me when I was ill."

"Get it me, then; get it me. I feel a bit weak."

"Tom, my lad," he said, in a stronger voice, when he had taken some
brandy-and-water, "you shall make a speech to 'em. I'll tell 'em it's
you as got the best part o' the money. They'll see I'm honest at last,
and ha' got an honest son. Ah! Wakem 'ud be fine and glad to have a
son like mine,--a fine straight fellow,--i'stead o' that poor crooked
creatur! You'll prosper i' the world, my lad; you'll maybe see the day
when Wakem and his son 'ull be a round or two below you. You'll like
enough be ta'en into partnership, as your uncle Deane was before
you,--you're in the right way for't; and then there's nothing to
hinder your getting rich. And if ever you're rich enough--mind
this--try and get th' old mill again."