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Books: Mr. Midshipman Easy

F >> Frederick Marryat >> Mr. Midshipman Easy

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"He would call his master." The master of the inn knew very well the
difference of rank between officers, and those whom he could trust and
those whom he could not. He sent up the bill by the waiter, and
stated that, for a deposit, the gentleman might have a pair of
trousers. The boatswain felt in his pockets and remembered that all
his money was in his trousers' pocket. He could not only not leave a
deposit, but could not pay his bill. The landlord was inexorable. It
was bad enough to lose his money, but he could not lose more.

"I shall be tried by a court-martial, by heavens!" exclaimed the
boatswain--"it's not far from the sally-port: I'll make a run for it,
and I can slip into one of the boats and get another pair of trousers
before I report myself as having come on board." So making up his
mind, the boatswain took to his heels, and with his check shirt tails
streaming in the wind, ran as hard as he could to where the boat was
waiting to receive him. He was encountered by many, but he only ran
the faster the more they jeered, and, at last, arrived breathless at
his goal, flew down the steps, jumped into the boat, and squatted on
the stern sheets, much to the surprise of the officers and men, who
thought him mad. He stated in a few words that somebody had stolen
his trousers during the night; and as it was already late, the boat
shoved off the men as well as officers convulsed with laughter.

"Have any of you a pea-jacket?" inquired the boatswain of the men--but
the weather was so warm that none of them had brought a pea-jacket.
The boatswain looked round; he perceived that the officers were
sitting on a boat-cloak.

"Whose boat-cloak is that?" inquired the boatswain.

"Mine," replied Gascoigne.

"I trust, Mr Gascoigne, you will have the kindness to lend it to me to
go up the side with."

"Indeed I will not," replied Gascoigne, who would sooner have thrown
it overboard and have lost it, than not beheld the anticipated fun:
"recollect I asked you for a fishing-line, when we were becalmed off
Cape St Vincent, and you sent word that you'd see me dead first. Now
I'll just see you the same before you have my boat-cloak."

"Oh, Mr Gascoigne, I'll give you three lines, directly I get on
board."

"I dare say you will, but that won't do now. 'Tit for tat,' Mr
Boatswain, and hang all favours," replied Gascoigne, who was steering
the boat, having been sent on shore for the others. "In borrowed of
all." The boat was laid alongside--the relentless Gascoigne caught up
his boat-cloak as the other officers rose to go on board, and rolling
it up, in spite of the earnest entreaties of Mr Biggs, tossed it into
the main chains, to the man who had thrown the stem fast; and to make
the situation of Mr Biggs still more deplorable, the first lieutenant
was standing looking into the boat, and Captain Wilson walking the
quarter-deck.

"Come, Mr Biggs, I expected you off in the first boat," cried Mr
Sawbridge; "be as smart as you please, for the yards are not yet
squared."

"Shall I go ahead in this boat, and square them, sir?"

"That boat! no; let her drop astern, jump up here and lower down the
dinghy. What the devil do you sit there for, Mr Biggs?--you'll oblige
me by showing a little more activity, or, by Jove, you may save
yourself the trouble of asking to go on shore again. Are you sober,
sir?"

The last observation decided Mr Biggs. He sprung up from the boat
just as he was, and touched his hat as he passed the first lieutenant.
"Perfectly sober, sir, but I've lost my trousers."

"So it appears, sir," replied Mr Sawbridge, as Mr Biggs stood on the
plane shear of the sloop where the hammock netting divides for an
entrance, with his shirt tails fluttering in the sea breeze; but Mr
Sawbridge could not contain himself any longer; he ran down the ship
ladder which led on the quarter-deck, choked with laughter. Mr Biggs
could not descend until after Mr Sawbridge, and the conversation had
attracted the notice of all, and every eye in the ship was on him.

"What's all this?" said Captain Wilson, coming to the gangway. "Duty
before decency," replied Jack, who stood by enjoying the joke.

Mr Biggs recollected the day before--he cast a furious look at Jack,
as he touched his hat to the captain, and then dived down to the lower
deck.

If anything could add to the indignation of the boatswain, it was to
find that his trousers had come on board before him. He now felt that
a trick had been played him, and also that our hero must have been the
party, but he could prove nothing; he could not say who slept in the
same room, for he was fast asleep when Jack went to bed, and fast
asleep when Jack quitted the room.

The truth of the story soon became known to all the ship, and "duty
before decency" became a bye-word. All that the boatswain could do he
did, which was to revenge himself upon the poor boy--and Gascoigne and
Jack never got any fishing-tackle. The boatswain was as obnoxious to
the men as Vigors, and in consequence of Jack's known opinions upon
the rights of man, and his having floored their two greatest enemies,
he became a great favourite with the seamen, and as all favourites are
honoured by them with a soubriquet, our hero obtained that of Equality
Jack.


CHAPTER XII

In which our hero prefers going down to going up; a choice, it is to
be hoped, he will reverse upon a more important occasion.

The next day being Sunday, the hands were turned up to divisions, and
the weather not being favourable, instead of the service the articles
of war were read with all due respect shown to the same, the captain,
officers, and crew, with their hats off in a mizzling rain. Jack, who
had been told by the captain that these articles of war were the rules
and regulations of the service, by which the captain, officers, and
men, were equally bound, listened to them as they were read by the
clerk with the greatest attention. He little thought that there were
about five hundred orders from the Admiralty tacked on to them, which,
like the numerous codicils of some wills, contained the most important
matter, and to a certain degree make the will nugatory.

Jack listened very attentively, and, as each article was propounded,
felt that he was not likely to commit himself in that point, and,
although he was rather astonished to find such a positive injunction
against swearing considered quite a dead letter in the ship, he
thought that, altogether, he saw his way very clear. But to make
certain of it, as soon as the hands had been piped down he begged the
clerk to let him have a copy of the articles.

Now the clerk had three, being the allowance of the ship, or at least
all that he had in his possession, and made some demur at parting with
one; but at last he proposed--"some rascal," as he said, having stolen
his tooth-brush--that if Jack would give him one he would give him one
of the copies of the articles of war. Jack replied that the one he
had in use was very much worn, and that unfortunately he had but one
new one, which he could not spare. Thereupon the clerk, who was a very
clean personage, and could not bear that his teeth should be dirty,
agreed to accept the one in use, as Jack could not part with the
other. The exchange was made, and Jack read the articles of war over
and over again, till he thought he was fully master of them.

"Now," says Jack, "I know what I am to do, and what I am to expect,
and these articles of war I will carry in my pocket as long as I'm in
the service; that is to say, if they last so long: and provided they
do not, I am able to replace them with another old tooth-brush, which
appears to be the value attached to them."

The Harpy remained a fortnight in Gibraltar Bay, and Jack had
occasionally a run on shore, and Mr Asper invariably went with him to
keep him out of mischief; that is to say, he allowed him to throw his
money away on no one more worthless than himself.

One morning Jack went down in the berth, and found young Gossett
blubbering.

"What's the matter, my dear Mr Gossett?" inquired Jack, who was just
as polite to the youngster as he was to anybody else.

"Vigors has been thrashing me with a rope's end," replied Gossett,
rubbing his arm and shoulders.

"What for?" inquired Jack. "Because he says the service is going to
hell--(I'm sure it's no fault of mine)--and that now all subordination
is destroyed, and that upstarts join the ship who, because they have a
five-pound note in their pocket, are allowed to do just as they
please. He said he was determined to uphold the service, and then he
knocked me down--and when I got up again he told me that I could stand
a little more--and then he took out his colt, and said he was
determined to ride the high horse--and that there should be no
Equality Jack in future."

"Well," replied Jack. "And then he colted me for half an hour, and
that's all."

"By de soul of my fader, but it all for true, Massa Easy--he larrup
um, sure enough--all for noting, bad luck to him--I tink," continued
Mesty, "he hab debelish bad memory--and he want a little more of
Equality Jack."

"And he shall have it too," replied our hero; "why it's against the
articles of war, 'all quarrelling, fighting, &c.' I say, Mr Gossett,
have you got the spirit of a louse?"

"Yes," replied Gossett.

"Well, then, will you do what I tell you next time, and trust to me
for protection?"

"I don't care what I do," replied the boy, "if you will back me
against the cowardly tyrant?"

"Do you refer to me?" cried Vigors, who had stopped at the door of the
berth.

"Say yes," said Jack. "Yes, I do," cried Gossett.

"You do, do you?--well, then, my chick, I must trouble you with a
little more of this," said Vigors, drawing out his colt.

"I think that you had better not, Mr Vigors," observed Jack. "Mind
your own business, if you please," returned Vigors, not much liking
the interference. "I am not addressing my conversation to you, and I
will thank you never to interfere with me. I presume I have a right
to choose my own acquaintance, and, depend upon it, it will not be
that of a leveller."

"All that is at your pleasure, Mr Vigors," replied Jack; "you have a
right to choose your own acquaintance, and so have I a right to choose
my own friends, and, further, to support them. That lad is my friend,
Mr Vigors."

"Then," replied Vigors, who could not help bullying even at the risk
of another combat which he probably intended to stand, "I shall take
the liberty of giving your friend a thrashing"; and he suited the
action to the word.

"Then I shall take the liberty to defend my friend," replied Jack;
"and as you call me a leveller, I'll try if I may not deserve the
name" whereupon Jack placed a blow so well under the ear, that Mr
Vigors dropped on the deck, and was not in a condition to come to the
scratch, even if he had been inclined. "And now, youngster," said
Jack, wresting the colt out of Vigors' hand, "do as I bid you--give
him a good colting if you don't I'll thrash you."

Gossett required no second threat;--the pleasure of thrashing his
enemy, if only for once, was quite enough--and he laid well on. Jack
with his fists doubled ready to protect him if there was a show of
resistance, but Vigors was half stupefied with the blow under the ear,
and quite cowed; he took his thrashing in the most pensive manner.

"That will do," said Jack; "and now do not be afraid, Gossett; the
very first time he offers to strike you when I am not present, I will
pay him off for it as soon as you tell me. I won't be called Equality
Jack for nothing."

When Jolliffe, who heard of this, met our hero alone, he said to him,
"Take my advice, boy, and do not in future fight the battles of
others; you'll find very soon that you will have enough to do to fight
your own."

Whereupon Jack argued the point for half an hour, and then they
separated. But Mr Jolliffe was right. Jack began to find himself
constantly in hot water, and the captain and first lieutenant,
although they did not really withdraw their protection, thought it
high time that Jack should find out that, on board a man-of-war,
everybody and everything must find its level.

There was on board of his Majesty's sloop Harpy, a man of the name of
Easthupp, who did the duty of purser's steward; this was the second
ship that he had served in: in the former he had been sent with a
draft of men from the Tender lying off the Tower. How he had come
into the service was not known in the present ship; but the fact was,
that he had been one of the swell mob--and had been sent on board the
Tender with a letter of recommendation from the magistrates to Captain
Crouch. He was a cockney by birth, for he had been left at the
work-house of St Mary Axe, where he had been taught to read and write,
and had afterwards made his escape. He joined the juvenile thieves of
the metropolis, had been sent to Bridewell, obtained his liberty, and
by degrees had risen from petty thieving of goods exposed outside of
the shops and market-stalls, to the higher class of gentleman
pickpockets. His appearance was somewhat genteel, with a bullying sort
of an impudent air, which is mistaken for fashion by those who know no
better. A remarkable neat dresser, for that was part of his
profession; a very plausible manner and address; a great fluency of
language, although he clipped the king's English; and, as he had
suffered more than once by the law, it is not to be wondered at, that
he was, as he called himself, a hout-and-hout radical. During the
latter part of his service, in his last ship, he had been employed
under the purser's steward, and having offered himself in this
capacity to the purser of H.M. sloop Harpy, with one or two forged
certificates, he had been accepted.

Now, when Mr Easthupp heard of Jack's opinion, he wished to cultivate
his acquaintance, and with a bow and a flourish, introduced himself
before they arrived at Gibraltar; but our hero took an immediate
dislike to this fellow from his excessive and impertinent familiarity.

Jack knew a gentleman when he met one, and did not choose to be a
companion to a man beneath him in every way, but who, upon the
strength of Jack's liberal opinions, presumed to be his equal. Jack's
equality did not go so far as that; in theory it was all very well,
but in practice it was only when it suited his own purpose.

But the purser's steward was not to be checked--a man who has belonged
to the swell mob is not easily repulsed; and, although Jack would
plainly show him that his company was not agreeable, Easthupp would
constantly accost him familiarly on the forecastle and lower deck,
with his arms folded, and with an air almost amounting to familiarity.
At last, Jack told him to go about his business and not presume to
talk to him; whereupon Easthupp rejoined, and after an exchange of
hard words, it ended by Jack kicking Mr Easthupp, as he called
himself, down the after--lower-deck hatchway. This was but a sorry
specimen of Jack's equality--and Mr Easthupp, who considered that his
honour had been compromised, went up to the captain on the
quarter-deck and lodged his complaint--where-upon Captain Wilson
desired that Mr Easy might be summoned.

As soon as Jack made his appearance, Captain Wilson called to
Easthupp. "Now, purser's steward, what is this you have to say?"

"If you please, Captain Vilson, I am wery sorry to be obliged to make
hany complaint of hany hofficer, but this Mr Heasy thought proper to
make use of language quite hunbecoming of a gentleman, and then to
kick me as I vent down the atchvay."

"Well, Mr Easy, is this true?" "Yes, sir," replied Jack; "I have
several times told the fellow not to address himself to me, and he
will. I did tell him he was a radical blackguard, and I did kick him
down the hatchway."

"You told him he was a radical blackguard, Mr Easy?" "Yes, sir, he
comes bothering me about his republic, and asserting that we have no
want of a king and aristocracy."

Captain Wilson looked significantly at Mr Sawbridge. "I certainly did
hoffer my political opinions, Captain Vilson; but you must be avare
that ve hall ave an hequal stake in the country--and it's a
Hinglishman's birthright."

"I'm not aware what your stake in the country may be, Mr Easthupp,"
observed Captain Wilson, "but I think that, if you used such
expressions, Mr Easy was fully warranted in telling you his opinion."

"I ham villing, Captain Vilson, to make hany hallowance for the eat of
political discussion--but that is not hall that I ave to complain hof.
Mr Heasy thought proper to say that I was a swindler and a liar."

"Did you make use of those expressions, Mr Easy?"

"Yes, sir, he did," continued the steward; "and, moreover, told me not
to cheat the men, and not to cheat my master, the purser. Now,
Captain Vilson, is it not true that I am in a wery hostensible
sitevation? but I flatter myself that I ave been vell edecated, and
vos wonce moving in a wery different society--misfortains vill appin
to us hall, and I feel my character has been severely injured by such
importations"; whereupon Mr Easthupp took out his handkerchief,
flourished, and blew his nose. "I told Mr Heasy, that I considered
myself quite as much of a gentleman as himself, and at hall hewents
did not keep company with a black feller (Mr Heasy will hunderstand
the insinevation); vereupon Mr Heasy, as I before said, your vorship,
I mean you, Captain Vilson, thought proper to kick me down the
atchvay."

"Very well, steward, I have heard your complaint, and now you may go."
Mr Easthupp took his hat off with an air, made his bow, and went down
the main ladder.

"Mr Easy," said Captain Wilson, "you must be aware that by the
regulations of the service by which we are all equally bound, it is
not permitted that any officer shall take the law into his own hands.
Now, although I do not consider it necessary to make any remark as to
your calling the man a radical blackguard, for I consider his
impertinent intrusion of his opinions deserved it, still you have no
right to attack any man's character without grounds--and as that man
is in an office of trust, you were not at all warranted in asserting
that he was a cheat. Will you explain to me why you made use of such
language?"

Now our hero had no proofs against the man; he had nothing to offer in
extenuation, until he recollected, all at once, the reason assigned by
the captain for the language used by Mr Sawbridge. Jack had the wit
to perceive that it would hit home, so he replied, very quietly and
respectfully:

"If you please, Captain Wilson, that was all zeal."

"Zeal, Mr Easy? I think it but a bad excuse. But pray, then, why did
you kick the man down the hatchway?--you must have known that that was
contrary to the rules of the service."

"Yes, sir," replied Jack, demurely; "but that was all zeal, too."

"Then allow me to say," replied Captain Wilson, biting his lips, "that
I think that your zeal has in this instance been very much misplaced,
and I trust you will not show so much again."

"And yet, sir," replied Jack, aware that he was giving the captain a
hard hit, and therefore looked proportionally humble, "we should do
nothing in the service without it--and I trust one day, as you told
me, to become a very zealous officer."

"I trust so, too, Mr Easy," replied the captain. "There, you may go
now, and let me hear no more of kicking people down the hatchway. That
sort of zeal is misplaced."

"More than my foot was, at all events," muttered Jack, as he walked
off.

Captain Wilson, as soon as our hero disappeared, laughed heartily, and
told Mr Sawbridge, "he had ascribed his language to our hero as all
zeal. He has very cleverly given me it all back again; and really,
Sawbridge, as it proves how weak was my defence of you, you may gain
from this lesson."

Sawbridge thought so, too--but both agreed that Jack's rights of man
were in considerable danger.

The day before the ship sailed, the captain and Mr Asper dined with
the Governor; and as there was little more to do, Mr Sawbridge, who
had not quitted the ship since she had been in port, and had some few
purchases to make, left her in the afternoon in the charge of Mr
Smallsole, the master. Now, as we have observed, he was Jack's
inveterate enemy--indeed Jack had already made three, Mr Smallsole, Mr
Biggs, the boatswain, and Easthupp, the purser's steward. Mr Smallsole
was glad to be left in command, as he hoped to have an opportunity of
punishing our hero, who certainly laid himself not a little open to
it.

Like all those who are seldom in command, the master was
proportionally tyrannical and abusive--he swore at the men, made them
do the duty twice and thrice over, on the pretence that it was not
smartly done, and found fault with every officer remaining on board.

"Mr Biggs--by God, sir, you seem to be all asleep forward. I suppose
you think that you are to do nothing now the first lieutenant is out
of the ship? How long will it be, sir, before you are ready to sway
away?"

"By de holy poker, I tink he sway away finely, Massy Easy," observed
Mesty, who was in converse with our hero on the forecastle.

Mr Smallsole's violence made Mr Biggs violent, which made the
boatswain's mate violent--and the captain of the forecastle violent
also; all which is practically exemplified by philosophy in the laws
of motion, communicated from one body to another; and as Mr Smallsole
swore, so did the boatswain swear. Also the boatswain's mate, the
captain of the forecastle, and all the men--showing the force of
example.

Mr Smallsole came forward.

"Damnation, Mr Biggs, what the devil are you about? Can't you move
here?"

"As much as we can, sir," replied the boatswain, "lumbered as the
forecastle is with idlers." And here Mr Biggs looked at our hero and
Mesty, who were standing against the bulwark.

"What are you doing here, sir?" cried Mr Smallsole to our hero.

"Nothing at all, sir?" replied Jack.

"Then I'll give you something to do, sir. Go up to the mast-head, and
wait there till I call you down. Come, sir, I'll show you the way,"
continued the master, walking aft. Jack followed till they were on
the quarter-deck.

"Now, sir, up to the main-top gallant mast-head; perch yourself upon
the cross-trees--up with you."

"What am I to go up there for, sir?" inquired Jack.

"For punishment, sir," replied the master.

"What have I done, sir?"

"No reply, sir--up with you."

"If you please, sir," replied Jack, "I should wish to argue this point
a little."

"Argue the point!" roared Mr Smallsole--"By Jove, I'll teach you to
argue the point--away with you, sir."

"If you please, sir," continued Jack, "the captain told me that the
articles of war were the rules and regulations by which everyone in
the service was to be guided. Now, sir," said Jack, "I have read them
over till I know them by heart, and there is not one word of
mastheading in the whole of them." Here Jack took the articles out of
his pocket, and unfolded them.

"Will you go to the mast-head, sir, or will you not?" said Mr
Smallsole. "Will you show me the mast-head in the articles of war,
sir?" replied Jack; "here they are."

"I tell you, sir, to go to the mast-head: if not, I'll be d---d if I
don't hoist you up in a bread-bag."

"There's nothing about bread-bags in the articles of war, sir,"
replied Jack; "but I'll tell you what there is, sir"; and Jack
commenced reading,--

"All flag-officers, and all persons in or belonging to his Majesty's
ships or vessels of war, being guilty of profane oaths, execrations,
drunkenness, uncleanness, or other scandalous actions, in derogation
of God's honour and corruption of good manners, shall incur such
punishment as--"

"Damnation," cried the master, who was mad with rage, hearing that the
whole ship's company were laughing.

"No, sir, not damnation," replied Jack, "that's when he's tried above;
but according to the nature and degree of the offence."

"Will you go to the mast-head, sir, or will you not?"

"If you please," replied Jack, "I'd rather not."

"Then, sir, consider yourself under an arrest--I'll try you by a
court-martial, by God. Go down below, sir."

"With the greatest pleasure, sir," replied Jack, "that's all right and
according to the articles of war, which are to guide us all." Jack
folded up his articles of war, put them into his pocket, and went down
into the berth.

Soon after Jack had gone down, Jolliffe, who had heard the whole of
the altercation, followed him: "My lad," said Jolliffe, "I'm sorry for
all this; you should have gone to the mast-head."

"I should like to argue that point a little," replied Jack. "Yes, so
would everybody; but if that were permitted, the service would be at a
stand-still--that would not do;--you must obey an order first, and
then complain afterwards, if the order is unjust."

"It is not so in the articles of war."

"But it is so in the service."

"The captain told me that the articles of war were the guides of the
service, and we were all equally bound to obey them."

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