Books: Lectures Of Col. R. G. Ingersoll, Vol. I

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There is no hope for you. It is just as bad to deny Hell as it is to
deny Heaven. It is just as much blasphemy to deny the devil as to deny
God, according to the orthodox creed. He admits that the Jews were
polygamists, but, he says, how was it they finally quit it? I can tell
you--the soil was so poor they couldn't afford it. Prof. Swing says the
Bible is a poem, Dr. Ryder says it is a picture. The Garden of Eden is
pictorial; a pictorial snake and a pictorial woman, I suppose, and a
pictorial man, and maybe it was a pictorial sin. And only a pictorial
atonement.

INGERSOLL'S REPLY TO RABBI BIEN

Then there is another gentleman, and he a rabbi, a Rabbi Bien, or Bean,
or whatever his name is, and he comes to the defense of the Great Law-
giver. There was another rabbi who attacked me in Cincinnati, and I
couldn't help but think of the old saying that a man got off when he
said the tallest man he ever knew, his name was Short. And the fattest
man he ever saw, his name was Lean. And it is only necessary for me to
add that this rabbi in Cincinnati was Wise.

The rabbi here, I will not answer him, and I will tell you why. Because
he has taken himself outside of all the limits of a gentleman; because
he has taken it upon himself to traduce American women in language the
beastliest I ever read; and any man who says that the American women
are not just as good women as any God can make and pick his mud today,
is an unappreciative barbarian.

I will let him alone because he denounced all the men in this country,
all the members of Congress, all the members of the Senate, and all the
judges upon the Bench; in his lecture he denounced them as thieves and
robbers. That won't do. I want to remind him that in this country the
Jews were first admitted to the privileges of citizens; that in this
country they were first given all their rights, and I am as much in
favor of their having their rights as I am in favor of having my own.
But when a rabbi so far forgets himself as to traduce the women and men
of this country, I pronounce him a vulgar falsifier, and let him alone.

Strange, that nearly every man that has answered me has answered me
mostly on the same side. Strange, that nearly every man that thought
himself called upon to defend the Bible was one who did not believe in
it himself. Isn't it strange? They are like some suspected people,
always anxious to show their marriage certificate. They want at least
to convince the world that they are not as bad as I am.

Now, I want to read you just one or two things, and then I am going to
let you go. I want to see if I have said such awful things, and whether
I have got any scripture to stand by me. I will read only two or three
verses. Does the Bible teach man to enslave his brother? If it does, it
is not the word of God, unless God is a slaveholder.

"Moreover, all the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you,
of them shall ye buy of their families which are with you, which they
beget in your land, and they shall be your possession. Ye shall take
them as an inheritance for your children after you to inherit them. They
shall be your bondsmen forever."--(Old Testament.)

Upon the limbs of unborn babes this fiendish God put the chains of
slavery. I hate him.

"Both thy bondmen and bondwomen shall be of the heathen round about thee
and them shall ye buy, bondmen and bondwomen."

Now let us read what the New Testament has. I could read a great deal
more, but that is enough.

"Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters, according to the
flesh in fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto
Christ."

This is putting the dirty thief that steals your labor on an equality
with God.

"Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the
good and gentle but also to the froward."

"For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure
grief, suffering wrongfully."

The idea of a man on account of conscience toward God stealing another
man, or allowing him nothing but lashes on his back as legal-tender for
labor performed.

"Let as many servants as are under the yoke count their own masters
worthy of all honor, that the name of God and His doctrine be not
blasphemed."

How can you blaspheme the name of God by asserting your independence?
How can you blaspheme the name of a God by striking fetters from the limbs
of men? I wish some of your ministers would tell you that. "And they
that have believing masters let them not despise them." That is to say,
a good Christian could own another believer in Jesus Christ; could own
a woman and her children, and could sell the child away from its mother.
That is a sweet belief. O, hypocrisy!

"Let them not despise them because they are brethren, but rather do them
service because they are faithful and beloved, partakers of the
benefit."

Oh, what slush! Here is what they will tell the poor slave, so that he
will serve the man that stole his wife and children from him:

"For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry
nothing out. Having food and raiment let us be therewith content."

Don't you think that it would do just as well to preach that to the
thieving man as to the suffering slave? I think so. Then this same
Bible teaches witchcraft, that spirits go into the bodies of the man,
and pigs, and that God himself made a trade with the devil, and the
devil traded him off--a man for a certain number of swine, and the devil
lost money because the hogs ran right down into the sea. He got a
corner on that deal.

Now let us see how they believed in the rights of children:

"If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son which will not obey the
voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they
have chastened him, will not harken unto them, then shall his father and
his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his
city, and unto the gate of his place. And they shall say unto the
elders of his city, 'This, our son, is stubborn and rebellious, he will
not obey our voice, he is a glutton and a drunkard.' And all the men of
this city shall stone him with stones, that he die, so shalt thou put
evil away."

That is a very good way to raise children. Here is the story of
Jephthah. He went off and he asked the Lord to let him whip some
people, and he told the Lord if He would let him whip them, he would
sacrifice to the Lord the first thing that met him on his return; and
the first thing that met him was his own beautiful daughter, and he
sacrificed her. Is there a sadder story in all history than that? What
do you think of a man that would sacrifice his own daughter? What do you
think of a God that would receive that sacrifice? Now, then, they come
to women in this blessed gospel, and let us see what the gospel says
about women. Then you ought all to go to church, girls, next Sunday and
hear it. "Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection; but I
suffer not a woman to teach nor to usurp authority over the man, but to
be in silence for Adam was formed first, not Eve."

Don't you see?

"And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the
transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in child-bearing if
they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety." (That is
Mr. Timothy.) "But I would have you know that the head of every man is
Christ, and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is
God."

I suppose that every old maid is acephalous.

"For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, for as much as he is the
image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of the man. For the
man is not of the woman, but woman of the man. Neither was the man
created for the woman, but the woman for the man." "Wives, submit
yourselves unto your own husband as unto the Lord, for the husband is
the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the Church."

Do you hear that? You didn't know how much we were above you. When you
go back to the old testament, to the great law-giver, you find that the
woman has to ask forgiveness for having borne a child. If it was a boy,
thirty-three days she was unclean; if it was a girl, sixty-six. Nice
laws! Good laws! If there is a pure thing in this world, if there is a
picture of perfect purity, it is a mother with her child in her arms.
Yes, I think more of a good woman and a child than I do of all the gods
I have ever heard these people tell about. Just think of this:

"When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the Lord thy
God hath delivered them into thine hands, and thou hast taken them
captive, and seest among the captives a beautiful woman and hast a
desire unto her that thou wouldst have her to thy wife, then thou shalt
bring her home to thine house, and she shall shave her head, and pare
her nails."

Wherefore, ye must needs be subject not only for wrath but for
conscience sake. "For this cause pay you tribute also, for they are
God's ministers."

I despise this wretched doctrine. Wherever the sword of rebellion is
drawn in favor of the right, I am a rebel. I suppose Alexander, czar of
Russia, was put there by the order of God, was he? I am sorry he was
not removed by the nihilist that shot at him the other day.

I tell you, in a country like that, where there are hundreds of girls
not 16 years of age prisoners in Siberia, simply for giving their ideas
about liberty, and we telegraphed to that country, congratulating that
wretch that he was not killed, my heart goes into the prison, my heart
goes with the poor girl working as a miner in the mines, crawling on her
hands and knees getting the precious ore out of the mines, and my
sympathies go with her, and my sympathies cluster around the point of
the dagger.

Does the bible describe a god of mercy? Let me read you a verse or two:

"I will make mine arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour
flesh." "Thy foot may be dipped in the blood of thine enemies, and the
tongue of thy dogs in the same."

"And the Lord thy God will put out those nations before thee by little
and little; thou mayest not consume them at once, lest the beasts of
the field increase upon thee.

"But the Lord thy God shall deliver them unto thee, and shall destroy
them with a mighty destruction, until they be destroyed."

"And he shall deliver their kings into thine hand, and thou shalt
destroy their name from under heaven; there shall no man be able to
stand before thee, until thou have destroyed them."

I can see what he had her nails pared for. Does the bible teach
polygamy? The Rev. Dr. Newman, consul general to all the world--had a
discussion with Elder Heber of Kimball, or some such wretch in Utah--
whether the bible sustains polygamy, and the Mormons have printed that
discussion as a campaign document. Read the order of Moses in the 31st
chapter of Numbers. A great many chapters I dare not read to you. They
are too filthy. I leave all that to the clergy. Read the 31st chapter
of Exodus, the 31st chapter of Deuteronomy, the life of Abraham, and the
life of David, and the life of Solomon, and then tell me that the bible
does not uphold polygamy and concubinage!

Let them answer. Then I said that the bible upheld tyranny. Let me
read you a little: "Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers.
For there is no power but of God. The powers that be are ordained of
God."

George III was king by the grace of God, and when our fathers rose in
rebellion, according to this doctrine, they rose against the power of
God; and if they did they were successful.

And so it goes on, telling of all the cities that were destroyed, and of
the great-hearted men, that they dashed their brains out, and all the
little babes, and all the sweet women that they killed and plundered--
all in the name of a most merciful God. Well, think of it! The Old
Testament is filled with anathemas, and with curses, and with words of
revenge, and jealousy, and hatred, and meanness, and brutality. Have I
read enough to show that what I said is so? I think I have. I wish I
had time to read to you further of what the dear old fathers of the
church said about woman--wait a minute, and I will read you a little.
We have got them running. St. Augustine in his 22d book says: "A woman
ought to serve her husband as unto God, affirming that woman ought to be
braced and bridled betimes, if she aspire to any dominion, alleging that
dangerous and perilous it is to suffer her to precede, although it be in
temporal and corporeal things. How can woman be in the image of God,
seeing she is subject to man, and hath no authority to teach, neither to
be a witness, neither to judge, much less to rule or bear the rod of
empire."

Oh, he is a good one. These are the very words of Augustine. Let me
read some more. "Woman shall be subject unto man as unto Christ." That
is St. Augustine, and this sentence of Augustine ought to be noted of
all women, for in it he plainly affirms that women are all the more
subject to man. And now, St. Ambrose, he is a good boy. "Adam was
deceived by Eve--called Heva--and not Heva by Adam, and therefore just
it is that woman receive and acknowledge him for governor whom she
called sin, lest that again she slip and fall with womanly facility.
Don't you see that woman has sinned once, and man never? If you give
woman an opportunity, she will sin again, whereas if you give it to man,
who never, never betrayed his trust in the world, nothing bad can
happen. Let women be subject to their own husbands as unto the Lord,
for man is the head of woman, and Christ is the head of the
congregation." They are all real good men, all of them. "It is not
permitted to woman to speak; let her be in silence; as the law said:
unto thy husband shalt thou ever be, and he shall bear dominion over
thee."

So St. Chrysostom. He is another good man. "Woman," he says, "was put
under the power of man, and man was pronounced lord over her; that she
should obey man, that the head should not follow the feet. False
priests do commonly deceive women, because they are easily persuaded to
any opinion,--especially if it be again given, and because they lack
prudence and right reason to judge the things that be spoken; which
should not be the nature of those that are appointed to govern others.
For they should be constant, stable, prudent, and doing everything with
discretion and reason, which virtues woman can not have in equality with
man."

I tell you women are more prudent than men. I tell you, as a rule,
women are more truthful than men. I tell you that women are more
faithful than men--ten times as faithful as man. I never saw a man
pursue his wife into the very ditch and dust of degradation and take her
in his arms. I never saw a man stand at the shore where she had been
morally wrecked, waiting for the waves to bring back even her corpse to
his arms but I have seen woman do it. I have seen woman with her white
arms lift man from the mire of degradation, and hold him to her bosom as
though he were an angel.

And these men thought woman not fit to be held as pure in the sight of
God as man. I never saw a man that pretended that he didn't love a
woman; that pretended that he loved God better than he did a woman,
that he didn't look hateful to me, hateful and unclean. I could read
you twenty others, but I haven't time to do it. They are all to the
same effect exactly. They hate woman, and say man is as much above her
as God is above man. I am a believer in absolute equality. I am a
believer in absolute liberty between man and wife. I believe in liberty,
and I say, "Oh, liberty, float not forever in the far horizon--remain
not forever in the dream of the enthusiast, the philanthropist and poet;
but come and make thy home among the children of men."

I know not what discoveries, what inventions, what thoughts may leap
from the brain of the world. I know not what garments of glory may be
woven by the years to come. I can not dream of the victories to be won.
I do know that, coming upon the field of thought; but down the infinite
sea of the future, there will never touch this "bank and shoal of time"
a richer gift, a rarer blessing than liberty for man, woman and child.

I never addressed a more magnificent audience in my life, and I thank
you, I thank you a thousand times over.

INGERSOLL'S CATECHISM AND BIBLE-CLASS

Nothing is more gratifying than to see ideas that were received with
scorn, flourishing in the sunshine of approval. Only a few weeks ago I
stated that the Bible was not inspired; that Moses was mistaken, that
the "flood" was a foolish myth; that the Tower of Babel existed only in
credulity; that God did not create the universe from nothing, that He
did not start the first woman with a rib; that He never upheld slavery;
that He was not a polygamist; that He did not kill people for making
hair-oil, that He did not order His Generals to kill the dimpled babes;
that He did not allow the roses of love and the violets of modesty to be
trodden under the brutal feet of lust; that the Hebrew language was
written without vowels; that the Bible was composed of many books
written by unknown men; that all translations differed from each other,
and that this book had filled the world with agony and crime.

At that time I had not the remotest idea that the most learned clergymen
in Chicago would substantially agree with me--in public. I have read the
replies of the Rev. Robert Collyer, Dr. Thomas, Rabbi Kohler, Rev.
Brooke Herford, Prof. Swing, and Dr. Ryder, and will now ask them a few
questions, answering them in their own words.

First, REV. ROBERT COLLYER:

Question. What is your opinion of the Bible? Answer. "It is a
splendid book. It makes the noblest type of Catholics and the meanest
bigots. Through this book men give their hearts for good to God, or for
evil to the Devil. The best argument for the intrinsic greatness of the
book is that it can touch such wide extremes, and seem to maintain us in
the most unparalleled cruelty, as well as the most tender mercy; that
it can inspire purity like that of the great saints and afford arguments
in favor of polygamy. The Bible is the text book of ironclad Calvinism
and sunny Universalism. It makes the Quaker quiet and the Millerite
crazy. It inspired the Union soldier to live and grandly die for the
right, and Stonewall Jackson to live nobly and die grandly for the
wrong."

Q. But, Mr. Collyer, do you really think that a book with as many
passages in favor of wrong as right, is inspired? A. I look upon the
Old Testament as a rotting tree. When it falls it will fertilize a bank
of violets.

Q. Do you believe that God upheld slavery and polygamy? Do you
believe that He ordered the killing of babes and the violation of
maidens? A. "There is three-fold inspiration in the Bible, the first
peerless and perfect, the Word of God to man;--the second simply and
purely human, and then below this again, there is an inspiration born of
an evil heart, ruthless and savage there and then as anything well can
be. A three-fold inspiration, of Heaven first, then of the Earth, and
then of Hell, all in the same book, all sometimes in the same chapter,
and then, besides, a great many things that need no inspiration."

Q. Then, after all, you do not pretend that the Scriptures are really
inspired? A. "The Scriptures make no such claim for themselves as the
Church make's for them. They leave me free to say this is false, or
this is true. The truth even within the Bible dies and lives, makes on
this side and loses on that."

Q. What do you say to the last verse in the Bible, where a curse is
threatened to any man who takes from or adds to the book? A. "I have
but one answer to this question, and it is: Let who will have written
this, I can not for an instant believe that it was written by a divine
inspiration. Such dogmas and threats as these are not of God, but of
man, and not of any man of a free spirit and heart eager for the truth,
but a narrow man who would cripple and confine the human soul in its
quest after the whole truth of God, and back those who have done the
shameful things in the name of the Most High."

Q. Do you not regard such talk as slang?

(Supposed) Answer. If an infidel had said that the writer of
Revelations was narrow and bigoted, I might have denounced his discourse
as "slang," but I think that Unitarian ministers can do so with the
greatest propriety.

Q. Do you believe in the stories of the Bible, about Jael, and the sun
standing still, and the walls falling at the blowing of horns? A. "They
may be legends, myths, poems, or what they will, but they are not the
Word of God. So I say again, it was not the God and Father of us all
who inspired the woman to drive that nail crashing through the king's
temple after she had given him that bowl of milk and bid him sleep in
safety, but a very mean Devil of hatred and revenge that I should hardly
expect to find in a squaw on the plains. It was not the ram's horns and
the shouting before which the walls fell flat. If they went down at
all, it was through good solid pounding. And not for an instant did the
steady sun stand still or let his planet stand still while barbarian
fought barbarian. He kept just the time then he keeps now. They might
believe it who made the record. I do not. And since the whole
Christian world might believe it, still we do not who gather in this
church. A free and reasonable mind stands right in our way. Newton
might believe it as a Christian and disbelieve it as a philosopher. We
stand then with the philosopher against the Christian, for we must
believe what is true to us in the last test, and these things are not
true."

SECOND, REV. DR. THOMAS.

Question. What is your opinion of the Old Testament? Answer. "My
opinion is that it is not one book, but many--thirty-nine books bound up
in one. The date and authorship of most of these books are wholly
unknown. The Hebrews wrote without vowels and without dividing the
letters into syllables, words or sentences. The books were gathered up
by Ezra. At that time only two of the Jewish tribes remained. All
progress had ceased. In gathering up the sacred book, copyists
exercised great liberty in making changes and additions."

Q. Yes, we know all that, but is the Old Testament inspired? A. "There
maybe the inspiration of art, of poetry, or oratory; of patriotism--and
there are such inspirations. There are moments when great truths and
principles come to men. They seek the man and not the man them."

Q. Yes, we will admit that, but is the Bible inspired? A. "But still
I know of no way to convince any one of spirit and inspiration and God
only as His reason may take hold of these things."

Q. Do you think the Old Testament true? A. "The story of Eden may be
an allegory; the history of the children of Israel may have mistakes."

Q. Must inspiration claim infallibility? A. "It is a mistake to say
that if you believe one part of the Bible you must believe all. Some of
the thirty-nine books may be inspired, others not; or there may be
degrees of inspiration."

Q. Do you believe that God commanded the soldiers to kill the children
and the married women and save for themselves the maidens, as recorded
in Numbers 31:2? Do you believe that God upheld slavery? Do you
believe that God upheld polygamy? A. "The Bible may be wrong in some
statements. God and right can not be wrong. We must not exalt the
Bible above God. It may be that we have claimed too much for the Bible,
and thereby given not a little occasion for such men as Mr. Ingersoll to
appear at the other extreme, denying too much."

Q. What then shall be done? A. "We must take a middle ground. It is
not necessary to believe that the bears devoured the forty-two children,
nor that Jonah was swallowed by the whale."

THIRD, REV. DR. KOHLER.

Question. What is your opinion about the Old Testament? Answer. "I
will not make futile attempts of artificially interpreting the letter of
the Bible so as to make it reflect the philosophical, moral and
scientific views of our time. The Bible is a sacred record of
humanity's childhood."

Q. Are you an orthodox Christian? A. "No. Orthodoxy, with its face
turned backward to a ruined temple or a dead Messiah, is fast becoming
like Lot's wife, a pillar of salt."

Q. Do you really believe the Old Testament was inspired? A. "I
greatly acknowledge our indebtedness to men like Voltaire and Thomas
Paine, whose bold denial and cutting wit were so instrumental in
bringing about this glorious era of freedom, so congenial and blissful,
particularly to the long-abused Jewish race."

Q. Do you believe in the inspiration of the Bible? A. "Of course
there is a destructive ax needed to strike down the old building in
order to make room for the grander new. The divine origin claimed by
the Hebrews for their national literature was claimed by all nations for
their old records and laws as preserved by the priesthood. As Moses--
the Hebrew law giver, is represented as having received the law from God
on the holy mountains, so is Zoroaster, the Persian, Manu, the Hindoo,
Minos, the Cretan, Lycurgus, the Spartan, and Numa, the Roman."

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